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Everything is coming up Workforce Update 28


Oh. OH! Can I have a meme? I swear I’ll take care of it. I’ll feed it and take it for walks. Just this once, pleeeease?

It seems someone used the microwave to warm up people shit in Brighton (it’s hard to beat the headline Poo Found in Brighton Council Microwave).

The council being the council, they wrapped the appliance in crime scene tape and stuck a note to it. And left it there for a week.

An update sent round to all members of staff, titled Workforce Update 28, said: “The microwave in the canteen has unfortunately been used to heat excrement and cannot be made hygienic or safe to use.

“Please do not use. We will have it disconnected and removed.

“This kind of behaviour is totally unacceptable and we will not be replacing the microwave.”

Staff has taken to referring to the whole incident as Workforce Update 28. Which is the meme I want. It’s my meme, and I want it.

Unfortunately, I haven’t pinned down the situation where this phrase would be appropriate. Which of life’s many vicissitudes corresponds to “someone has heated a bowl of shit in the communal microwave”?

Comments


Comment from Clifford Skridlow
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:01 pm

The question that begs to be asked is, once you have your excrement all piping hot at the council office, what do you do with it?


Comment from Anonymous
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:09 pm

Which of life’s many vicissitudes corresponds to “someone has heated a bowl of shit in the communal microwave”?

November 4, 2008.


Comment from Allen
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:20 pm

“The cubicle monkeys are restless, quick, somebody heat some shit in the breakroom microwave, maybe that will distract them.”


Comment from AliceH
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:24 pm

I would think any news from OWS would warrant a “Workforce Update 28″ label.

Also, any comment from Oceania.


Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:27 pm

Any Australians like Telly present?

“This time, “the assaults were serious and the injuries were serious” and the hotel room was “smashed up”, including holes in the walls, Snr Const Blackford said.

The female had a cast on her arm and in this case the man was allegedly the victim, suffering injuries “consistent with being hit with a solid object and being bitten”. ”

http://www.odt.co.nz/news/queenstown-lakes/219592/drunken-aussies-queenstown-brawl


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:27 pm

Clearly, someone can’t tell his ass from a microwave.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:29 pm

Doing things the Brighton way.


Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:32 pm

I’m actually stumped on this one folks … an entire bowl? Bowel Bowl? I mean, we are talking about a substantial pile of human guano?
That whifting whafty aroma of turd with your morning coffee … almost like Starbucks in San Fran with the Homeless.


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:50 pm

If I were the manager, I would be looking for the person who got fed the biggest shit sandwich that day. Really does sound like a deliberate metaphor working here…


Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:57 pm

I think it does finally have something to do with Australians … although if there is a ‘cheeky darky’ in the office, its probably an HIV+ turd broil.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/30/man-shoots-fireworks-buttocks-bottom-australia_n_1718842.html


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:57 pm

The remarkable thing is, there wasn’t a surveillance camera in the break room.


Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:57 pm

I think it does finally have something to do with Australians … although if there is a ‘cheeky darky’ in the office, its probably an HIV+ turd broil.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/30/man-shoots-fireworks-buttocks-bottom-australia_n_1718842.html


Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:57 pm

How long did it take them to figure out what had been put into the microwave, and how many times had it been used to heat someone’s lunch before they figured it out?


Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:59 pm

We will have it disconnected and removed

How difficult is it to unplug a microwave, or is this a union thing; only members of the electrical workers union can unplug it, and only members of the labor’s union can remove it?


Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: July 31, 2012, 11:02 pm

Oh wait

it was bolted to the wall

and it took an engineer to remove it…(took a week to get someone qualified. . .)


Comment from BJM
Time: July 31, 2012, 11:13 pm

Which of life’s many vicissitudes corresponds to “someone has heated a bowl of shit in the communal microwave”?

Maybe I’m less patient than you…but I can think of many situations in married life that call for a Workforce Update 28.

I’ve created a template and the first notice is taped to the Spousal Unit’s loo.

On to the clueless asshat neighbor who lets his dog crap in front of my mailbox.

I am so running with this meme.


Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2012, 11:15 pm

Dogs? Oh they are easy to get rid of.
Bit of meat with 1080 in it. Or a drop of 1080 in a dogs water bowel … gone! FluroAcetate. Marvellous Stuff!
Under the Hydatids Act here – a unknown dog on your property may be shot dead …


Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: July 31, 2012, 11:28 pm

“Workforce Update 28″
Sweasl.com is number five on google, number one on yahoo, and bing has no clue.

and brighton-hove.gov.uk main page is down


Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: July 31, 2012, 11:56 pm

When life hands you a “workforce update 28,” might as well go out for lunch.


Comment from surly
Time: August 1, 2012, 12:03 am

What a shitty post ;)


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 1, 2012, 12:18 am

@Surly – HEY!! Enough of that CRAP! LOL….


Comment from Oceania
Time: August 1, 2012, 12:19 am

Talking of giant turds

http://rt.com/usa/news/romney-campaign-trip-week-507/


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: August 1, 2012, 12:31 am

Skandia Recluse – Ugh! I use Bing because I hate Google. Sadly, I admit, Bing never has a bloody clue. :(


Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: August 1, 2012, 12:59 am

Totally going with this, since work is so weird. Thanks for the segue!


Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: August 1, 2012, 1:05 am

Totally. No microwaved shit, just shit-faced managers.


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: August 1, 2012, 2:16 am

Well, I just checked your infernal bing-dot-com webernet site & it has the famous S.Weasel as the number one result for Workforce Update 28.

Poo!


Comment from mojo
Time: August 1, 2012, 2:20 am

“But was it good shit?”
– George Carlin


Comment from Sonny Seidup
Time: August 1, 2012, 3:43 am

Coming soon: DNC holds Workforce Update 28 in Charlotte, NC. Bowl overflows.


Comment from David Gillies
Time: August 1, 2012, 4:08 am

Are they sure it wasn’t just a bowl of refried beans? The frijoles molidos and the mierda, they are easy to confuse, no? No? Pinches gringos.


Comment from p2
Time: August 1, 2012, 4:29 am

Dunno if the councils use the same crowd, but the USAF bases had PSA, Can’t remember what it stood for, but we called it People Standing Around. It took, and I’m not kidding, 7 working days to get a light bulb changed in our squadron building….. Seems as tho the microwave guys were former PSA weenies…..


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: August 1, 2012, 5:47 am

And it still smelled better than burnt popcorn in the microwave.


Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: August 1, 2012, 11:28 am

Well, someone obviously thought they were hot shit.


Comment from Brother Cavil, straight outta New Caprica City
Time: August 1, 2012, 2:22 pm

Poop-nukers. Lovely. Looks like the gene pool needs cleaning again…


Comment from Brother Cavil, straight outta New Caprica City
Time: August 1, 2012, 2:27 pm

Oh, and someone check the Dead Pool? Gore Vidal passed…


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 1, 2012, 2:43 pm

Nope, nobody had him. He’s been picked before, but not in this round.

Hey, you know who’s still alive? Shirley Temple. I don’t think anyone’s ever picked her.


Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: August 1, 2012, 3:40 pm

When I worked for the Medical College of Virginia, lights were burnt out all over our clinic, and nobody knew how to get them replaced. As Chief Technologist, it fell to me to find out.

Turns out, there was one central number to call for all government offices in Richmond. I circulated a memo titled “How many state employees does it take to change a light bulb?”

It became a minor hit.


Comment from Redd
Time: August 1, 2012, 4:09 pm

Gore certainly lived a long life. I was surprised to read a few years ago that he had sold his place in Italy and moved to, gasp, LA. Then I read that he had cancer and was receiving treatment.

I hate to admit it but I saw the infamous Vidal/Buckley exchange live. I was a little kid and had no idea if they were really angry or not or what a fag was.


Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: August 1, 2012, 6:39 pm

Brother Cavil, straight outta New Caprica City:Oh, and someone check the Dead Pool? Gore Vidal passed…

S. Weasel: Nope, nobody had him. He’s been picked before, but not in this round.

I had him last round, damn it. Missed it by that much. And I could have had the dick hand-delivered. (I have a British friend who pops over every July. We had dueling bottle-rocket barrages on the 21st.)

S. Weasel: Hey, you know who’s still alive? Shirley Temple. I don’t think anyone’s ever picked her.

I believe you’re right. I’ll check my list for DPs 1-28 when I get home Monday.


Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: August 1, 2012, 7:45 pm

Personally, I’m still a bit non-plussed, puzzling over:

a) Just when – and how – was it detected/definitively determined that the heated mierda involved was human-origin? – and -

b) Regardless of actual (or merely alleged) origin of the warmed-over waste – is this or is it not merely a commentary aimed about equally at the evilly-toxic-odorous grunge that some folk are wont to bubble-up in a communal microwave and perhaps the Brighton Council itself?

As always, an inquiring mind merely asks.

Meanwhile, “Workforce Update 28″ will doubtless (in certain quarters) attain a similar status to “Kilroy was here”, and “Yanqui go home”…


Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: August 1, 2012, 8:00 pm

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 31, 2012, 10:57 pm

The remarkable thing is, there wasn’t a surveillance camera in the break room.

What do you want to bet that a) there is one now, and b) that the paperwork and budget for same was emergency-priority fast-tracked while the removal was not?

Subotai Bahadur


Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: August 1, 2012, 8:20 pm

Um. In a unionized workforce, which I’m guessing that one is, there can be problems with installing cameras (surveillance equipment, see) in the employee lounge.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: August 1, 2012, 8:36 pm

Which of life’s vicissitutes?

Paraphrasing a bit to bring the meme into the 21st Century:

Give ‘em shoes, send em to school, and what to they do? Shit in the microwave.


Comment from Oldcat
Time: August 1, 2012, 9:21 pm

Gore certainly lived a long life. I was surprised to read a few years ago that he had sold his place in Italy and moved to, gasp, LA. Then I read that he had cancer and was receiving treatment.

I knew Gore moved to LA. It has been unnaturally cold and wet every summer and winter since.

Oh Gore Vidal, not Al Gore.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: August 2, 2012, 5:55 am

Gore Vidal was a pretty horrible, corrupt person but he was talented as a writer. Can’t say I’m particularly upset to see him go, particularly after some of the true greats we’ve lost this year.


Comment from AmericanGypsea
Time: August 3, 2012, 2:47 pm

I should think the whole of Obama’s preezy would provide you with the material you need for this meme.

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