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The road we live on ultimately ends up at the beach. On any given Summer weekend, if the weather is fine (and it was as fine as it gets this weekend), it means the traffic is blocked solid for miles. Hundreds of cars full of hot, bored touristas inching along the road desperate to reach the water. And you know what that means…!

Yup. Hundreds of people screaming “BAAA!” at the sheep. We’re surrounded by sheep on all sides, which is apparently an irresistible BAAA-screaming temptation. That’s the sound of Summer to me now; people screaming “BAAA!”

Sheep, by the way, do not go “BAAA.” I don’t care what you’ve heard; there’s isn’t a consonant of any kind involved. They go “AHHHHHHH!!!!” And they do it all day and all night. Particularly night. It’s like they play Marco Polo all night and try to find each other in the dark.

“AHHHHHH!” “AHHHHHH!” “AHHHHHH!” Like the sound of an amusement park ride full of teenage boys. “AHHHHHH!” Like living in a Budweiser commercial. “AHHHHHH!” Yeah, you do actually really notice the silence of the lambs when it happens.

Now, I can never pass a herd of cows without cranking down the window and going “moo!” but that’s a comPLETEly different intellectual proposition, I think.

16920502 takes the dick with poor old Phyllis Diller. Geez, her whole schtick was aging and facelifts way back in the Sixties. I thought she was soooo old then. She must have been all of…errr…my age now. See y’all back here next Friday for Round Ohmygodthey’redying so fast of the new Dead Pool.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 20, 2012, 11:02 pm

Someone with more statistics skills & time than I care to expend needs to analyze Stoaty’s Dead Pool hit rate vs no. of entries and vs. time. I suspect (with no evidence whatsoever) that we’re beating the odds.

C’mon..you know you want to. Us anal retentives are dying for the answers.

Comment from Oceania
Time: August 20, 2012, 11:37 pm

I might have retrospectively scored in one of the previous Dead Pools – but didn’t know it at the time. Here’s the Footage!


Comment from Gromulin
Time: August 20, 2012, 11:57 pm

My favorite Phyllis Diller line – can’t remember if it was said about her at a roast, or by her in her own self deprecating style – “One more facelift and she’ll have a goatee!” I use that line to this day. You’d be amazed how many people don’t get the joke.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 21, 2012, 12:24 am

Grom – Robin Williams did a more graphic version of that bit in one of his televised New York shows….

Comment from Mike James
Time: August 21, 2012, 12:39 am

“Now, I can never pass a herd of cows without cranking down the window and going “moo!” but that’s a comPLETEly different intellectual proposition, I think.”

That’s nothing. You should have been there to see what my little brother did on family vacations when someone spotted a skunk. Many windows were cranked down.

Comment from Deborah
Time: August 21, 2012, 1:27 am

I have never said “Baa” to a sheep, but I confess: I did call out to a little lamb one day, on the road just south of the Machrihanish golf course. Said lamp was on the wrong side of the fence—in the road, with his anxious Mom on the other side. We stopped the car, and I rolled down the window and said, “Do you need some help?”

The little guy freaked out and frantically called “Mamaaaaaaaa!Mamaaaaaaa!” Mama nearly came through the fence.

They obviously did not understand Texan 🙂

Comment from p2
Time: August 21, 2012, 1:50 am

Is it of any intellectual proposition to say “Ni” to old women?

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: August 21, 2012, 2:07 am

I once spent the most delicious rainy afternoon in bed with a Japanese girl getting giggly drunk as we taught each other the sounds that animals make in our respective homelands.

Japanese dogs don’t woof, they say wan! Cats say niao, niao. Sheep would never say baaa or ahhh. No one would understand them. They say maeeeee, of course.

I also learned that my thumb is my “family finger” following by my people pointer finger, center finger, medicine finger, and child (chibi yubi) finger.

Good times, good times. Andrew Marvell was right. Rainy afternoons are the best.

Comment from Frit
Time: August 21, 2012, 2:34 am

Gromulin: Phyllis Diller said that about herself, when chatting with a talk show host one night. Unfortunately I can’t recall which talk show it was, or who was hosting, but I do recall seeing it and laughing my assets off!

Another of her quotes which I love – and probably applies to me – is “I never made it into ‘Who’s Who’, but I’m featured in ‘What’s That?'”! 🙂

RIP Phyllis, you were awesome!

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: August 21, 2012, 4:52 am

I used to have excellent mimicry skills when I was a youngin’, but age and lack of interaction has reduced my fluency to just the one language. Otherwise I could speak “critter” to anything with feathers, fur, or hair. I was also able to mimic accents, which freaked a lot of people out. That was actually kind of a cool skill.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: August 21, 2012, 5:00 am

Speaking of Sheep…has anyone seen the New Zealand horror flick Black Sheep? That’s some crazy shit.

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: August 21, 2012, 1:54 pm

Phyllis was truly funny, a mistress of the multiple punch line. She’d tell one . . . and then top it with another . . . and then cap it with a third, all on the same topic. I still recall her story of a flight on a cut-rate airline:

“Our stewardess, bless her, was so old —! You know how women get those little crow’s feet around their eyes? This broad had mastodon tracks.”

In the midst of a storm, the plane is bucking around, and she tells us the passenger behind her stuck his fork into her hair. “And then he had the nerve to complain about the spaghetti with the black roots!”

Comment from David Gillies
Time: August 21, 2012, 4:52 pm

It does seem like being on the Weasel Dead Pool is pretty hazardous to health. This is why I pick Gordon Brown with such zeal.

Comment from Crabby Old Bat
Time: August 21, 2012, 4:58 pm

It’s like they play Marco Polo all night and try to find each other in the dark.

Actually, I think that is pretty close to what is going on. Newly weaned lambs are looking for their mums, and vice versa – the little ones stray farther when they are no longer nursing.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: August 21, 2012, 5:30 pm

Yeah Diller always deliberately tried to look old, ridiculous, and ugly. IT was her whole act, and it worked brilliantly. She was performing up until a few years ago and the bits of her act I can find on Youtube was hilarious

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: August 21, 2012, 9:52 pm

Steamboat McGoo: Someone with more statistics skills & time than I care to expend needs to analyze Stoaty’s Dead Pool hit rate…

Well, I called this one as a short pool – the next one should run several weeks. (We’ve been alternating between one week/several weeks for the last eleven rounds.)

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: August 21, 2012, 11:01 pm

David Gillies: It does seem like being on the Weasel Dead Pool is pretty hazardous to health.

Not really. In the first 30 rounds (which I collated), 18 people were picked 20 times or more. Only two have exited (Dick Clark and Ernest Borgnine).

This is why I pick Gordon Brown with such zeal.

I wish you luck, but Castro and Carter survived 29 picks.

(So did Lady Thatcher. But if she is failing, as one hears, it would be a merciful release. And surely, as with Mr. Valiant-For-Truth, all the trumpets will sound for her on the other side.)

Comment from Redd
Time: August 21, 2012, 11:54 pm

Can’t you make some money off of this? Sell the people in the cars stuck in traffic Baaaa-sicles or sometin’? You know, something frozen & fluffy on the outside.

Comment from Nina
Time: August 22, 2012, 12:24 am

Wait…H isn’t a consonant?

My youngsters now live in a British seaside resort town, and yes, the traffic is bad on the warm weekends (even the chilly ones, Brits are hardy folk). Fortunately they live on a private lane that doesn’t end in the ocean, so they’re lucky there.

I’ll be in the middle of 2nd period at 6 PM WBT, so I can only hope that I can get in on time, especially since I’ll be coming from niece’s wedding ON THURSDAY AFTERNOON. Who gets married on a Thursday afternoon?!

Anyway, I’l be tired after leaving Berkeley at 5 AM to get back to work in time for FIRST period, no telling how wiped I’ll be during second. I might have to settle for a less than stellar choice by the time I get home from work around midnight WBT.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 22, 2012, 12:26 am

Eh. They’re mostly scum down from London. I was bitching about it with my neighbors. They tend to pull over and take a whiz or leave their cars and go for a walk or dump their garbage. You wouldn’t want to encourage them to hang about or notice you.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 22, 2012, 12:36 am

Okay, okay, Miz Smarty. H is a consonant. But it’s not a fricative consonant, which is what I obviously meant. ‘Tcha. <eyeroll>

Comment from Oceania
Time: August 22, 2012, 1:33 am

Hmmmmm talking of dead things … look at this English Garden!

Comment from Nina
Time: August 22, 2012, 1:51 am

Hee hee hee!

Comment from Nina
Time: August 22, 2012, 1:55 am

And I have to say that my daughter has been in that country for way too long, when she spells her last name she now says “haich” instead of “aich.” And Zed instead of Z, although she doesn’t personally have a Z in her name. I need to get that girl out of that place while she still talks American.

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: August 22, 2012, 2:40 am

This may earn me a trip to the spam filter….but these guys had the right idea about how to get rid of lingering trash outside one’s gate…..

Comment from Redd
Time: August 22, 2012, 1:44 pm

So, this can’t be the first time Prince Harry has been caught butt naked, can it? http://goo.gl/lUAV4

He looks pretty good, too. Up Twinkles!

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: August 22, 2012, 8:44 pm

That Black Sheep is without a doubt the funniest, least known horror movie. We roared through it. ‘Course we are still reticent to bring it up in polite conversation. Pretty tough to verbalize anyhoo…nice to see other NZ art connoisseurs out there.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: August 22, 2012, 11:12 pm

I wouldn’t describe myself as a connoisseur. I just have a fascination for flicks made by “furriners.”

Apologies for the alliteration…ah, hell.

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