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Santa’s coming…

…and he looks hungry.

Ta da! After a couple of years of Zombie Santa Christmas cards, I decided to go with feral Santa this year. Obviously, it works better in color.

I’m not trying to sell you stuff. I’m just putting this link up here to get it into the search engines in plenty of time for Christmas.

I’d rather have you guys as readers and commenters than customers.


Comment from tinman
Time: November 12, 2012, 6:05 pm

Please stop destroying my fond childhood memories. They’re the only thing that the Left hasn’t yet taxed, nationalized, or redistributed.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 12, 2012, 6:13 pm

Oooo…wait’ll I get to the Easter Bunny!

Comment from Becca
Time: November 12, 2012, 7:01 pm

Holy shite!

Reminds me of a childhood friend who’s parents told her if she wasn’t asleep when Santa came, he’d scratch out her eyes.

No kidding. Scratch. Out. Her. Eyes.

Can you even begin to imagine the terrors Christmas held for that kid? The laying fitfully, horrifyingly awake, pleading with God to grant you sleep, all the while knowing that SANTA IS COMING TO TOWN.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: November 12, 2012, 8:24 pm

When I told people Santa was a monster, nobody believed me. Now who’s ‘insane’?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 12, 2012, 8:51 pm

Holy crap, Becca! And you wonder why some people are the way they are…

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 12, 2012, 10:29 pm

My mommy always told me there were no monsters… No REAL monsters, but there are… Aren’t there?


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 12, 2012, 10:48 pm

Pfft. Santa drives a van, plays drums in a metal band, & rapes children.

Comment from Armybrat
Time: November 12, 2012, 11:11 pm

Ummmmmm…..I think some of y’all might need professional help

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 12, 2012, 11:12 pm

Oh, btw, her Maj is now OFFICIALLY a Bond girl! http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4639694/Queen-vounteered-for-Bond-role.html

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 12, 2012, 11:17 pm

Personally, I think dressing Cupid up like he’s from ASSASSINS CREED would be good to…

Comment from Becca
Time: November 12, 2012, 11:23 pm

Nice Aliens reference, Scuba. 🙂

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 13, 2012, 1:02 am


Comment from bad cat robot
Time: November 13, 2012, 1:28 am

If you like feral Santas, I heartily recommend “Rare Exports”, a darkly funny Finnish film. Sample safety video here: http://vimeo.com/16878867

Comment from surly
Time: November 13, 2012, 1:56 am

Showed this to my six year old….he LOVES it!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 13, 2012, 2:30 am

One question. Did Santa go Vampire, or Loup Garou?

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: November 13, 2012, 3:09 am

One gets the feeling that Will Ferrell didn’t quite explore the full implications of being a human raised by Christmas elves.

Sweas, you could probably write a creepy kids’ book. “My Mama Says” is actually kind of scary but still one of my favorites. “Where the Wild Things Are” is also kind of scary, as is “Outside Over There”. There’s definitely room for WTFery in the kids’ book genre.

EDIT: Also, I’m not sure I want to know what search terms will lead someone to a feral Santa Christmas card…

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: November 13, 2012, 3:33 am

Mrs. Peel–Where the Wild Things Are scary? Mm. Take a VERY CLOSE LOOK at the skin on the wild things. Just not scary–but very subtle on Sendak’s part.

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: November 13, 2012, 5:28 am

My word, it IS much creepier in color!

Scuba: Trust me, there ARE monsters out there. One Christmas morning, my Field Training Officer, who taught me how to be a Badger, found Santa beaten to death in a park shelter. He had gone to the Christmas party where he worked dressed as Santa, and made the mistake of flashing the cash in his Christmas Bonus in the wrong bar afterwards. So, yes, there ARE monsters out there.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 13, 2012, 7:25 am

“Oooo…wait’ll I get to the Easter Bunny!”


Tim: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it… and lived! BONES of full fifty men lie *strewn* about its lair! So! Brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth…
[Makes fangs with his fingers and holds them in front of his mouth]
King Arthur: What an eccentric performance.

Comment from Redd
Time: November 13, 2012, 7:35 am

Christmas has come early for me. All these obama supporting generals have been caught with their pants down. 🙂

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 13, 2012, 11:34 am

You better not cry
You better not shout
You better say hid
Santa Claus is prowling about!

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 13, 2012, 5:02 pm

Ladies and gentlemen et al – I need your assistance please. As I imagine is the case with many of you l am currently not reading any news or political sites. This leaves me somewhat a loss for reading material and thus on a whim I went to The Gutenburg Project and pulled up a Sherlock Holmes story, “A Scandal In Bohemia”.

Herein lies my problem. In one scene in the story Holmes wishes for Watson to create a distraction for him at a critical moment. He gives Watson ” an ordinary Plumber’s smoke rocket with a cap on each end” which Watson is to throw through an open window and then shout “fire!”.

I have logic’d out (Gangham, er Sherlock, style) , that this thing must be some sort of smoke bomb and that the “caps” must be rifle percussion caps which upon srtiking a hard surface will spark and trigger the ‘rocket’

However the phrase “ordinary Plumber’s smoke rocket” has wormed its way into my brain. ‘Ordinary’ suggests ‘common’, but WTF does a plumber need a ‘smoke rocket’ for, what does he do with one often enough to make it ‘ordinary’?

I realized that to find an answer, I need a group which contains people who know British Culture, Sherlock Holmes, and explosives. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone old enough to remember the Victorian age either, and for that matter people with experience throwing things through windows…

So collective brain, I implore ye: why on earth did (does?) an English plumber need “an ordinary smoke rocket”?

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: November 13, 2012, 5:54 pm

This looks probable: http://www.wordnik.com/words/smoke-rocket

Comment from Redd
Time: November 13, 2012, 5:57 pm

ordinary = common

Definitions Century Dictionary and Cyclopedia
n. In plumbing, a device for testing the tightness of house-drains by generating smoke within them.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 14, 2012, 1:31 pm

Amazing… thanks!

Comment from Anonymous
Time: November 14, 2012, 4:21 pm

Scuba – true fact – I play on a hockey team called the Killer Rabbits.

Anyone else thinking of Futurama with this card?

You’d better not breathe
You’d better not move
You’re better off dead
I’m tellin’ you dude
Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 16, 2012, 5:07 pm

Heh. Reader LesterIII sent me this pic of him ‘n’ Vampire Santa.

Santa is Sal Lizard, an actor who does the Santa gig a lot. Doesn’t really show in this pic, but apparently his costume includes black whole-eye contacts. Spooky!

Pingback from I knew there was a reason he only works nights. | Daily Pundit
Time: November 22, 2012, 12:37 am

[…] was a reason he only works nights. Posted on November 21, 2012 4:37 pm by genes Stolen from Stoaty. Her colour(she’s in the UK now) Christmas card. And for the Zombie lovers […]

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