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Life goes on getting worse

No Twinkies, no problem. Can’t abide a Sno-Ball. I can take or leave your Ding Dongs and Ho Hos. Donettes — nice, but expendable. Without Wonder Bread, you’ll just have to insult middle Americans via some other pale, bland, popular food product.

But, ohhhh. Oh, no. Please. By all that is wholesome and sweet and good, not Suzy Qs!!

So moist. So creamy. So delightfully artificial. I haven’t eaten a Suzy Q in thirty years, but how vividly I recall those slabs of devil’s food and creme melting to the shape of my tongue. It was the surpassing stoner gustatory experience.

Oh, Suzy Q! <sobs, wads fists>

Comments


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 16, 2012, 10:47 pm

Those look disgusting!
Feed them to your rats!


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 16, 2012, 10:51 pm

Are they made from these:
http://enenews.com/insane-us-importing-food-from-japan-thats-considered-unfit-to-eat-there-video


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 16, 2012, 11:16 pm

Man, I can’t believe I got a Ding Dong stuck in a Ho Ho wrapper. Dag.


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 16, 2012, 11:34 pm

You could make them in China for 1/100th the cost and fly them to the states…


Comment from Deborah
Time: November 17, 2012, 12:36 am

It’s the Raspberry/Coconut Zingers for me. I never ate Hostess cakes as a child, but when I got pregnant I craved Raspberry Zingers like crazy. I still like them, but I only indulged myself on road trips. Sigh.

I do, however, have ever confidence that someone will buy the brand and keep on making them. (Maybe Frito/Lay. Just sayin’)


Comment from Armybrat
Time: November 17, 2012, 12:44 am

The Hostess orange cupcakes are my guilty pleasure. Orange coloring, fake orange flavor, loads of sugar, completely devoid of any nutritional content. Fucking unions…parasites that sucked too much blood and finally killed the host…..and will forever more deprive me of my orange cupcakes. Bastards…rot in hell


Comment from dissent555
Time: November 17, 2012, 12:44 am

Hostess Cupcakes ftw!!

Is Barry’s zombie republic to be without any pleasures at all?


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 17, 2012, 1:15 am

Someone has been feeding cows to cows in New Zealand!

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/7962582/Mad-cow-link-in-hunters-death

Mad fucking cows everywhere – its being hushed up.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 17, 2012, 1:19 am

Cheer up, cheer up! The chocolate ration is going up from 30 grams to 25 grams in January for all taxpayers making more than $100,000.

Note that those on Government Assistance will not be eligible for the increase.


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 17, 2012, 1:20 am

Are you seriously rationing chocolate?


Comment from Wiccapundit
Time: November 17, 2012, 2:32 am

Remember the Ding Dongs/Ring Dings/King Dons name kerfuffle?

Am I the only one?


Comment from EZnSF
Time: November 17, 2012, 2:39 am

Raspberry Zingers! Wait, What? For fucks sake. Who on God’s green earth can live without Raspberry Zingers!?

Fuck I hate liberals.
Die!


Comment from Nina
Time: November 17, 2012, 2:41 am

I hope all those laid off voted for O.


Comment from Wiccapundit
Time: November 17, 2012, 2:44 am

Zingers. Weren’t they Dolly Madison snacks?

Mmmm, raspberry.


Comment from beasn
Time: November 17, 2012, 2:56 am

My favorite was the Ding Dong. I used to peel them, as a kid, eat the cake part at lunch, snack on the peeled chocolate on my way home from school. Back when they were wrapped in foil.

*sigh*

Stupid commie bastard parasites like to squeeze all joy out of life.


Comment from Clydus
Time: November 17, 2012, 2:57 am

“It was the surpassing stoner gustatory experience.”

What makes this insidiously evil is the fact that states are starting to legalize recreational marijuana use.


Comment from EZnSF
Time: November 17, 2012, 3:14 am

I lost my junk food virginity to Suzy Q’s.
DIE liberal DIE!


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 17, 2012, 3:23 am

Oh look – no Amerikan copyrite violations!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWMLKT5uLNo


Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: November 17, 2012, 3:55 am

I don’t eat this type of stuff, now I’m craving one!!!


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 17, 2012, 5:21 am

Don’t you guys think it’s odd that Hostess went out of business the same month two states legalized pot? Isn’t that kinda counterintuitive?


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 17, 2012, 8:41 am

Canterbury Cock for Sale!

http://www.trademe.co.nz/a.aspx?id=532461136


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2012, 11:47 am

Dolly Madison was part of Hostess.

It’s funny; I plodded all around the web looking for a master list of products affected by the shutdown. No luck. Which is probably a good thing — if I’d found a list, I was gonna write a pome.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2012, 1:07 pm

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Comment from jwpaine
Time: November 17, 2012, 2:40 pm

I keep having to look up “FTW” in the urban dictionary, since back in the early 70s when I was in the Navy, the ubiquitous “FTW” graffiti had an entirely different meaning.

So I cannot seem to read it as “for the win”, but only as “fuck the world.”

And now, no Twinkies or Sno-Balls. FTW!


Comment from surly
Time: November 17, 2012, 3:07 pm

I always liked Little Debbies anyway. FUDGE ROUNDS FTW!


Comment from kilroy182
Time: November 17, 2012, 5:28 pm

My father always loved Suzy Q’s. They were one of his guilty pleasures. I personally will miss snowballs, though i hate coconut on its own. strange that.


Comment from Redd
Time: November 17, 2012, 6:07 pm

I enjoyed peeling the coconut frosting off the Snowballs. They came off in one piece and you could have fun inverting them. I wouldn’t eat the stuff. It was like white rubber.


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: November 17, 2012, 6:42 pm

What do Moon Pies taste like? I always had it in my head that they were like Wagon Wheels.

Wouldn’t mind trying a Twinkie and Cap’n Crunch at some point, but those places that import American foods are so expensive.

Eh, fuck it – you only live once. Unless you’re a Hindu. Greedy bastards.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 17, 2012, 9:30 pm

A Moon Pie is a large round graham cracker covered with a thin layer of marshmellow and then coated in chocolate. Just sort of good when eaten alone but just plain great when washed down with an RC cola.

I personally always enjoyed eating Little Debbie more…. ;-)


Comment from steve
Time: November 17, 2012, 10:41 pm

Good News On The Horizon!

The Wonder bakery was already in bankruptcy. An infusion of $130 million (or so), from private equity, intended to pull it out.

Which is where the dopey baker’s and piemakers union (or whatever it is called) stepped in poo, by being greedy.

Now the equity folks have petitioned to liquidate assets. (Right here is where the “good news” kicks in.)

The equity partners are confident that there are a number of brand names that will be attractive acquisition targets.

I believe that: Wonder Bread is gone for good (on more white bread bakery, more or less is not anything), Twinkies will find an “angel”, and if necessary, we can pick up the Suzy Q franchise off the deep discount rack, when the time comes.


Comment from surly
Time: November 17, 2012, 10:43 pm

Btw Gibby, Cap’n Crunch is ok but if you get hold of some Peanut Butter Crunch …. now that’s some good bad eatin’.


Comment from Armybrat
Time: November 18, 2012, 12:38 am

Oh, some veg! That’s a sweet memory from a few of my childhood years spent in the south…moonpies and RC cola. As close to the joys of sex as a child under 10 should come.
Oh, and FTW.


Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: November 18, 2012, 12:46 am

It’s the raspberry Zingers that I’ll miss.


Comment from Pablo
Time: November 18, 2012, 12:50 am

Drake’s was part of Hostess. I had a deep and abiding relationship with Devil Dogs as a kid, and an occasional fling with Funny Bones and Ho Hos. The Coffee Cakes were a staple as well. Haven’t eaten any of that crap in ages, but I will miss the occasional Hostess Fruit Pie.

Fecking commie bastards.


Comment from Davem123
Time: November 18, 2012, 3:50 am

I’ve always preferred Little Debbies Nutty Bars to Twinkies. It truly does seem that Instapundit is right. For O’Bama and his ilk, Atlas Shrugged isn’t a cautionary tale, it’s a how-to manual.


Comment from Nina
Time: November 18, 2012, 5:04 am

So’s 1984.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 18, 2012, 12:17 pm

There are a half a dozen posts of mine that somehow floated to the top of the Google search and get one or two hits a week, continuously. One of them is about RC Cola and Moon Pie.


Comment from Nina
Time: November 18, 2012, 3:32 pm

Strange the things that generate interest, isn’t it?

I’ve got loads of errands today–surgery on my wrist on Tuesday, so I need to get everything done that I can that requires two functioning hands. At least it’s my left hand this time; I can still post on my iPad with only my right. It’s gonna be a lot harder when I get the right hand done. Might have to read and enjoy chicken posts, not comment, and what a sad loss to posterity that would be.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 18, 2012, 4:00 pm

Just wipe your good hand across the keyboard a few times, Nina. When we see “tfyguhijokpkouyhfiohpjkujh” we’ll know it’s you.


Comment from RealMc
Time: November 18, 2012, 4:55 pm

Who needs hostess when there’s DICK?!?!??!!!?!?!?

Damn…..been a while since someone famous cooled to room temperature…….


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: November 18, 2012, 5:49 pm

I love donettes, but Mrs. Baird’s can pick up the slack. Wait…Hostess doesn’t own Mrs. Baird’s, does it? *checks* Nope, Mrs. Baird’s is owned by a conglomerate called, I shitteth thee not, Grupo Bimbo. Excellent.


Comment from unkawill
Time: November 18, 2012, 6:49 pm

Just wipe your good hand across the keyboard a few times, Nina. When we see “tfyguhijokpkouyhfiohpjkujh” we’ll know it’s you.

Sweas, for some strange reason, the above quote struck me as hilarious.

Never much cared for sweets, I prefer salty snacks.


Comment from m
Time: November 18, 2012, 9:45 pm

grupo bimbo (Mexican company) almost bought Hostess once before. will probably pick it up at a better price now.


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 18, 2012, 10:32 pm

Rumour has it that there is a chocolate factory that might start making them here …. they’ll certainly taste better …


Comment from Pavel
Time: November 19, 2012, 2:57 am

There is something vaguely sexual about the entire Hostess line.

Here’s what’s going to happen: the only Hostess asset worth having is the good will associated with the product names. These will be gobbled up by some Chinese-based manufacturer. There will be a new birth of Twinkies and other assorted delicious cream-filled snacks coming to American shores aboard container ships from Shanghai within a year.


Comment from Tibby
Time: November 19, 2012, 3:53 am

Little Debbies are better anyway. But I will miss the ding dongs.


Comment from Nina
Time: November 19, 2012, 4:24 am

I’d heard all about how Little Debbie’s was so much better than Hostess, but they weren’t available in these parts. When I went to grad school I tried them and was disappointed. I guess it’s what you’re used to.


Comment from Paula Douglas
Time: November 19, 2012, 5:31 am

Hey, Deborah: ever try the Tiger Tail Twinkies? Twinkies with raspberry and coconut stripes, like the bastard offspring of a Twinkie and raspberry Zinger. Mmmmm… I think Hostess did them as a limited edition thing once in a while, like the McRib.


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 19, 2012, 6:11 am

Hmmm a new movie has arrived by sailing ship here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEL_BT_Z6Yg


Comment from Deborah
Time: November 19, 2012, 1:24 pm

Paula! Tiger Tail Twinkies! I can’t believe I missed them, and now it’s too late :(

But I spent some time this weekend looking at recipes for making a Raspberry Zinger cake. Maybe a new family tradition is in the future :)


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 19, 2012, 1:48 pm

By the way, all these are not just going, but GONE

On Saturday, I went to our grocery to get a final ‘tribute twinkie’ – I intended to light a candle, religiously intone “sic transit twinkies mundi”, and gobble the last twinkie of my lifetime.

However the store clerk told me that not only were they all gone but that they had been required to pull all Hostess brand products off the shelves.

I know that there are a few twinkie hoarders and scalpers out there but I’ve read somewhere that contrary to legend, twinkies have a shelf life of about a week.


Comment from mojo
Time: November 19, 2012, 3:45 pm

Sorry, but Twinkies are disgustingly over-sweet.

Moonpies, OTOH, are the very food of the Gods.


Comment from Nina
Time: November 19, 2012, 7:14 pm

Moon pies, mmmmmmm. Thems good, too.


Comment from Deborah
Time: November 19, 2012, 7:35 pm

And every Moon Pie I ever bought was stale—so I gave up on Moon Pies by age 10. But I thought marshmallows were over-rated anyway, unless they were melted with butter, and mixed with Rice Crispies!


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 19, 2012, 9:45 pm

I baked a pie for my wife’s birthday, which is something I’ll wager 90% of the Hostess “bakers” couldn’t manage without a Pie-Tron 2000. Seriously, though: they’re a bunch of overpaid jackasses who suddenly discovered that their job skills consist of punching a button when the cake robot goes “Honk!” & whimsically wearing hair nets over their (respective) groins whilst drunk at the corporate holiday party. Good luck, guys.

Also, uh, pretty much everything I’ve ever eaten from them was wretched. Good riddance.


Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: November 19, 2012, 10:22 pm

Just saw this:

http://www.therightscoop.com/awesome-hostess-agrees-to-mediation-with-bakers-union-to-prevent-shut-down/

The judge agreed to postpone the final settlement till Wednesday to give the Baker’s Union and Hostess a mediation hearing Tuesday. I don’t know if the Bakers will show some sense, or will take the outcry over the demise of Twinkies, etc. as grounds to dig in their heels again. The head of the Union released a statement today that he believes someone will be buying the company and reopening it and calling his workers back. I think he is on crack.

Subotai Bahadur


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 19, 2012, 11:54 pm

I hate moon pies. There, I said it.


Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: November 20, 2012, 2:47 pm

Pavel (Chekov, no doubt?) said: These will be gobbled up by some Chinese-based manufacturer. There will be a new birth of Twinkies and other assorted delicious cream-filled snacks coming to American shores aboard container ships from Shanghai within a year.

Watch out for the antifreeze in ‘em.

Every now and then I see a Grupo Bimbo delivery truck, with its cute white panda-like creature in a chef hat lovingly embracing a load of GB bread, parked not far from my house. They’re already here.

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