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Mmmm-mmmm…! Pudendalicious!

I love Parkerhouse rolls. You know, the cheap brown ‘n’ serve ones you buy in the supermarket. My mother called them “gluey rolls” because duh…but me, I could never get enough of them. It isn’t a holiday without rolls.

So one day, I got the most awful craving for gluey rolls. Out of the blue. I was about fifteen. We lived in the ass-end of nowhere and the nearest store was miles away, so I got my mother to help me make a batch of standard white dinner rolls.

I did the work while she kept a supervisory eye on me. Then, right at the end, before the last rise, she took a pastry scraper and made an indentation in the middle of each one, so they wouldn’t be too thick and bready.

But after she shaped them, she looked at the rolls, and she looked at me, and I looked at her, and I looked at the rolls, and we looked at each other looking at the rolls, and the rolls looked like…eh, well you can see what the rolls looked like.

And forever after, homemade gluey rolls were known as pussy rolls in my family.

So, I have just made the most hellacious batch of pussy rolls for tomorrow (make them up a day ahead, leave them on the counter overnight wrapped in aluminum foil, then heat them in the foil for about twenty minutes. Good as new, and one less job on the day). It is officially Thanksgiving eve!

I’m going to have a slightly odd Turkey Day this year. I’ll blog about it tomorrow, if I’m spared — between hot buttered pussy rolls.

Comments


Comment from Gromulin
Time: November 21, 2012, 10:32 pm

Nice muff..ins.


Comment from Paula Douglas
Time: November 21, 2012, 11:12 pm

Awesome instant holiday classic tale.


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 21, 2012, 11:25 pm

They kinda look like patatas….oh, that was last post :)


Pingback from An Unfortunate Attempt at Parkerhouse Rolls « A Series of Unfortunate Recipes
Time: November 21, 2012, 11:36 pm

[...] November 21, 2012 by gettimothy But after she shaped them, she looked at the rolls, and she looked at me, and I looked at her, and I looked at the rolls, and we looked at each other looking at the rolls, and the rolls looked like…eh, well you can see what the rolls looked like. [...]


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 21, 2012, 11:57 pm

Well, hey. Everyone I’ve ever partied with has eaten pussy in one way or another.

On the other hand, that might just be the kind of thing that got me sent to the twitter gulag. You just CAN’T do a Jeff Dunham quote to oversensitive Pro-Holocaust muslims anymore…


Comment from Montenegro
Time: November 21, 2012, 11:57 pm

I have never heard of pussy rolls. This is the first time in years I’m not cooking. Too bad I coulda made at least half of my family happy with warm pussy rolls!!!!


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 22, 2012, 12:32 am

Actually Stoatie, I think you need to invent the logical follow on, the Po-Ta-Ta roll…


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 22, 2012, 12:41 am

Happy Thanksgiving ex-colonials!

I’m away on business for much of tomorrow so I had to get my greeting in early :)


Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: November 22, 2012, 1:54 am

You weren’t the first with that thought. The following is at least 50 years old:

A corpulent lady named Groll
Had an notion exceedingly droll.
To a masquerade ball,
Wearing nothing at all,
She backed in, as a Parker House Roll.

(emphasis added)


Comment from Fleece
Time: November 22, 2012, 2:44 am

Hmmmm, pussy rolls…bow-chicka-bow-wow-wow-waaa!


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 22, 2012, 2:49 am

GOTTA throw in some PoTaTas somewhere….


Comment from Armybrat
Time: November 22, 2012, 3:19 am

Pussy rolls….somewhat fitting for a holiday that has a turkey with stuff stuffed up its ass as a symbol.
Sooooo….God’s blessings upon our houses and may we all have much to be thankfull for!


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 22, 2012, 6:33 am

Hmmmm I think I might have to insist on the death sentence for Somalis

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10849230


Comment from Oceania
Time: November 22, 2012, 11:16 am

Talking of life.
We’ve altered the cnRNA contained within the proximal centriole, and increased the life span of human cells in vivo …. all I need is an adenoviral vector construct – and a human volunteer.

Hmmm Scube … lets experiment on Cascade!


Comment from AltBBrown
Time: November 22, 2012, 11:31 am

Happy T-Day to all!


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 22, 2012, 1:02 pm

Happy Thanksgiving, ‘merkins…have a good day.

XCOM: Enemy Unknown…33% off! :)


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 22, 2012, 1:41 pm

Well, this revelation puts a new spin on the old joke:

What’s the difference between eating parsley and pussy?

Well, if you don’t know you’re not getting invited to Thanksgiving dinner at my house!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!


Comment from platypuss
Time: November 22, 2012, 3:19 pm

Spotted dick & pussy rolls…sensing a theme here


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 22, 2012, 5:53 pm

Best day ever.

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