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Oh, Amsterdam

Amsterdam’s oldest prostitutes. They’re seventy. They’re twins. And their name is Fokkens. Of course it is.

After fifty years, seven children and and 355,000 men between them, they’re retiring. Of course they are.

Arthritis comes to us all.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 15, 2013, 12:03 am

Lame post, but I’ve had a shitty day. It started with a fox bearing down on my chickens and just continued sucking from there.

They all got away, I’m happy to report. I heard the commotion while I was standing at the kitchen window, so I threw it open and made what I am coming to regard as my “fox sound” — an incoherent menacing shriek. It does the job.

Took half an hour to find Lucia. Wise chicken had scooted all the way down the drive and into the neighbor’s garden.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: March 15, 2013, 12:15 am

That’s almost 10 “clients” a day, 365 days a year for 50 years – each!

That’s a butt-load of Whoopee.

Glad the chickens aren’t being digested…

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: March 15, 2013, 12:36 am

Ahhh, the dangers of extrapolation by reporters who were bad at math in school and thus had to settle for work as reporters. My favorite example of extrapolation gone wild is the old “I gained 10 lbs during the month of December; if this keeps up in 5 years I’ll weigh 800 lbs!”.

Still, the phrase, “Pssst! Blonde Dutch Twin Sisters does have a ring to it, so they may have had some very good years indeed. However, they would have had to have had some very, very good years early to compensate for the later years, when ‘men-don’t-pause’ set in.

The above analysis presumes that there isn’t a big kinky-grandma fetish demand that even I am not perverted enough to be aware of.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: March 15, 2013, 12:37 am

Dang! Those babes are pretty good-looking for being so fucking old.

Glad the hens are OK.

Comment from Redd
Time: March 15, 2013, 1:44 am

They probably did it in those store front windows the prostitutes use in Amsterdam.

What you see is what you get!

Comment from mojo
Time: March 15, 2013, 2:34 am

Just now retiring?


Comment from tomfrompv
Time: March 15, 2013, 3:30 am

But…..the money! Thats the important part. Even at $10/tryst these two women made over 3.5 million. Probably more, but there are expenses. You must follow up with the money part. Wow, wait til Obama hears.

That fox stuff sounds bad. Maybe its time for a fox-hunting dog? Good luck on exterminating it.

Comment from beasn
Time: March 15, 2013, 3:34 am

Question to oceania’s hysterics from two threads down.

Oceania, what proof does anyone have that those two people – Kirk and the other – were assassinated? It is only a claim.
Maybe you did it while screwing around in a research facility. Maybe you could blame the CIA for your own flesh eating mishap.

Comment from tomfrompv
Time: March 15, 2013, 4:26 am

I spent some time tracking down the David Lange claim. Nonsense. First off, Dan Quayle ordered the hit? Quayle? Second, it took 16 years for the hit to happen! Lange was out of power for 15 years already.

Its clear that Lange was obese, got diabetes in his 50s, had more problems including kidney failure, and spent lots of time in the hospital. He died of a blood virus.

But, if your hatred of something is sooooo strong, you don’t look at things rationally.

Comment from Deborah
Time: March 15, 2013, 4:40 am

So how can Badger House get the fox? Guns are out, I suppose. My second father favored the sling shot, with steel shot. He was quite accurate with it, to about 50 ft, but I don’t know if that’s good or not.

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: March 15, 2013, 6:50 am

Are bows kosher in England? One would certainly think that the longbow would be!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 15, 2013, 12:15 pm

We could actually get a gun, if we were willing to jump through enough hoops. A .22 or a shotgun. The hoops, though. Not worth it.

We have a few decent airguns. By the time we grab them and run into the garden, foxy is gone.

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: March 15, 2013, 2:29 pm

Honey Badger in a chicken costume!
He don’t give a shit!

Comment from David Gillies
Time: March 15, 2013, 3:21 pm

tomfrompv: you have to understand the mentality of conspiracy theorists. To them, any counter-evidence to their lunacy is simply proof that the cover-up is even more effective than they’d feared. Rational explanations are waved away with “that’s just what they want you to think” (‘they’ is a revolving cast of the CIA, the Yids, the Federal Reserve, the Bilderberg Group, Halliburton, Monsanto etc..) I think it satisfies a quasi-religious impulse in them and is in some way comforting – it’s more pleasant to believe that dark and mysterious forces control your fate than to believe the universe is randomly directed and either hostile or indifferent. Adherents tend to be of mid-level intellect: smart enough to be able to read but with very poor discriminatory faculties. It’s all rather sad, really.

Comment from Deborah
Time: March 15, 2013, 3:25 pm

Your bantams must look like appetizers to Reynard. All those lambs in the pasture, and he wants chicken. Can you borrow a sheep dog for awhile?

Comment from Redd
Time: March 15, 2013, 3:44 pm

I like foxes. They make great coats.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: March 15, 2013, 4:20 pm

Yes but imagine 50 years ago when they were dutch twins…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 15, 2013, 4:30 pm

The most gorgeous fur coat I ever saw was coyote. I thought there’s a win-win. Everyone likes fur and who likes coyotes?

I actually ran up to the woman wearing it to ask her about it.

Comment from Chuck S
Time: March 15, 2013, 4:33 pm

RE: the Dutch twins. How will they *ahem* fill the time? Do they revert to amateur status, or are they considered pros from now on? Not even going to speculate about ‘side jobs’…

Comment from Deborah
Time: March 15, 2013, 6:04 pm

Musta been one of them northern coyotes what got peltified into a coat. Texas coyotes are (mostly) awful scrawny and their pelts wouldn’t make a good door mat. But I inherited a mouton jacket (ca. 1958) that was the warmest thing I every put on. I was going to take it apart and restyle it, but never did, and finally sent it off to Goodwill. Some bag lady is probably still wearing that mouton. I wish mouton “fur” would come back in style—I’d buy a new mouton coat in a heartbeat. It was wonderfully soft and warm.

Comment from tomfrompv
Time: March 15, 2013, 8:12 pm

Thanks to David for the best explanation I’ve heard of the conspiracy mentality. To be honest, I’m fascinated by it all since it seems so damn hard to live with! How do such people cope with the ordinary problems of life?

Given David’s explanation, these folks probably don’t even see a problem. In fact, they probably think I’m the doofus here. After all Quayle WAS VP. And Lange did die 16 years after Quayle told some Aussies in a private meeting that Lange needed to be “liquidated”.

Isn’t that proof enough for youTom? Jeez, are you so dim you can’t connect the obvious dots?

Thanks David. Excellent explanation. It does imply that NOTHING can change the view of the conspiricist. As you say, its quasi-religious.

Comment from Veeshir
Time: March 15, 2013, 9:21 pm

And that’s why the Red Light District in Amsterdam is so awesome, there is everything you could want.

Of course, that’s why Amsterdam can be so creepy too.

Comment from Nina
Time: March 15, 2013, 10:39 pm

I come down on the creepy side…if you want to have sex with an old lady you can bang your own wife. 🙂

Hey, it’s the weekend. 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 15, 2013, 11:37 pm

Maybe it’s a woman thing. Prostitution makes me think ewwwwwwwww!

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: March 16, 2013, 2:21 am

I have a lovely arctic fox stole, tell that ol nasty fox I’ll be over to make a nice little hand muff out of him iffin he doesn’t skeeeeedaddle.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: March 16, 2013, 6:48 am

I recall posting a comment to this.

Did it go in the spam-trap?

S. Weasel @ March 15, 2013, 11:37 pm:

Maybe it’s a woman thing. Prostitution makes me think ewwwwwwwww!

No, it’s a human thing. Note this: many people are described as “prostituting” their talents or abilities who work in fields where selling one’s work for money is normal.

What then does “prostituting” mean? It means, I think, voluntarily degrading oneself for money. That’s not the literal definition, but it’s clearly how it is understood.

With sex, it is the literal definition – and clearly carries that figurative connotation as well.

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