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What next, O Lord? Ye Acme Safe on ye Head?

all wet

Pissing and Moaning Week continues on sweasel.com.

Okay, sure…I’ve been upgraded from ‘tasteless’ to ‘personal’ on Websense (thank you, Websense — I wonder who dropped a dime on me in the first place)…my desktop machine booted up normally, first try. But it takes more than THAT to tickle an weasel.

The conference room across from us has been ceded to a large, loud, high-priced IT consultant from Atlanta. She’s got a sinus infection and every few minutes — shitting you I am not — she horks up a giant loogie.

This is followed by a series of quiet gasps, moans and little moos of horror running down Cubicle Row. (Relax, minions — that’s not how Stoaty got wet. That comes later).

So to get away from it at lunch, I went to visit the pussoes again. They were crating up some dogs to take to the vet, so they didn’t let us in at the usual time. Half a dozen people waited outside under the porch when another of those short, HELLACIOUSLY powerful thunderboomers rolled through. Soaked the lot of us before anyone could let us in. The staff was all apologetic when they finally hustled the steaming herd of animal fanciers into the building.

That’s when I saw the CAT ROOM CLOSED TODAY sign. Respiratory infection. They’re pretty good at stopping that now, before it runs through the whole room, but it means careful isolation for a few days. (Say, I wonder if that’s what the IT consultant has got…)

Still, the quickest way for six strangers to become temporary friends is to get soaking wet together. While I waited for the worst of it to pass over, we chatted about pets and pointed out our HAVE YOU SEEN ME? flyers to each other and had a grand time there on the Group W bench.

And tomorrow, now that I have my connect back, I might actually blog. About things.

But don’t count on it.


Comment from BGG
Time: July 24, 2008, 6:58 pm

I so feel your horror over the loogies. At work I sit next to two guys – one who slurps all day, and one who breathes all day. Loud enough to wake the dead, I mean. I wear earplugs at work, obviously.

Oh BTW today someone found my blog by searching for “weasel hole foot disease” whatever the hell that is!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 24, 2008, 7:03 pm

The guy two cubicles down falls asleep and snores. He also makes a lot of personal phone calls for his church and tacks “…and all like that…” onto every other sentence. The woman who sits next to me is alternately chatty and sulky. And the one across from me wears flip-flops that go f-slap f-slap f-slap.

I wear headphones, but I tend to get sucked in…and then, sure as shit, someone will touch my arm and ask a question and I’ll come completely unstrung.

Poor weasel foot. Or weasel hole. Whichever.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 24, 2008, 8:06 pm

Isn’t “wet weasel” one of those obscure sexual euphemisms that Mr Garrison told his students about on South Park?

Comment from Jill
Time: July 24, 2008, 9:39 pm

I thought ‘wet weasel’ was a prank that adolescent boys played…

Comment from Jill
Time: July 24, 2008, 9:45 pm

…and Marmoset there’d be days like this, Swease… ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from Lokki
Time: July 24, 2008, 10:05 pm


And I turned twenty-one in Websense doin’ life without parole,
No one could steer me right but Marmoset tried, Marmoset tried
Marmoset tried to raise me better but her pleading I denied
And that leaves only me to blame, cause Marmoset tried

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: July 24, 2008, 10:09 pm

That’s a “Wet Willie” Jill. Come here, I’ll demonstrate.

*Slurps finger*

Years ago we had an intern who would fall asleep at his desk quite frequently. One time he actually fell out of his chair while sleeping. Our interns used to be dangerously undersupervised.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: July 24, 2008, 11:38 pm

KID, have you rehabilitated yourself?

Sorry you got left out in the rain (to switch hippie songs), Stoaty. ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from gsebes
Time: July 25, 2008, 12:52 am

Group W bench with the Father rapers and Mother stabbers.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: July 25, 2008, 1:07 am

Should I be sad I’m not in the corporate world? There are only three of us in the entire company. That’s all who’re in the office: three people, each with his own office (well, I don’t have an office per se).

The comment above mine makes no sense whatsoever to me.

Seems like I’m really dense.

Comment from gsebes
Time: July 25, 2008, 1:20 am

Arlo Gunthrie,in his song Alice’s Restaurant, was put on the Group W bench with said people because rather than bring the other pile of garbage up, he threw his down. Clear it up any?

Comment from scubafreak
Time: July 25, 2008, 1:41 am

Damn, stoatie…. That sounds worse than having to herd a bunch of pissed off alpacas.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: July 25, 2008, 1:44 am

Dunno about Musli, but now I’m MORE confused.

Poor Weas. But hey, it can’t get any worse, right?

(ominous crash of thunder)

Oops. Shouldn’t have said that.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: July 25, 2008, 2:01 am

You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant (‘ceptin’ Alice).

Album cover.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2008, 5:40 am

I had a terrible crush on Arlo Guthrie after Alice’s Restaurant. My dad wangled me an invite to a party he was supposed to be at in Nashville, but his wife had a baby that night and he didn’t show. Now he looks like a yeti. ‘Cute’ doesn’t age well.

Alice’s Restaurant. Speaking of things that don’t age well. I saw it again in the ’80s and thought, “there’s a bunch of smartmouth spoiled kids begging for an industrial-strength ass-slappin’.”

Comment from Jill
Time: July 25, 2008, 9:17 am

I remember a very cute little girl of about 3 or so who used to call her flip-flops ‘my slappies’. She’s probably about 16 now and a full-fledged pain in the arse.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: July 25, 2008, 9:38 am

Update: websense has unblockerered you at my workplace! Clearly, the shattering wrath of the Mustelid Hordes was too terrible a burden for them.

Also, I’d never heard Alice’s Restaurant, until I read Alice’s NNTP on usenet.


…too geeky?

Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: July 25, 2008, 9:55 am

Lightning. Pestilence. Floods.

Stoaty, I hate to judge before the facts are all in, but I’m sensing a trend here.

Comment from porknbean
Time: July 25, 2008, 10:41 am

More lightening and floods are on their way. Nasty storm blew through overnight here in the Midwest. Supposed to rain most of the day.

Comment from Pupster
Time: July 25, 2008, 10:47 am

Nice Merle ref Lokki, I hadn’t thought of that song in years and years.

Sorry for your troubles there Weazy. I suggest drinking heavily until things get rosier, or at least until you forget what all the ruckus was about. If you follow Lokki’s lead, Merle has some of the best music for sorrow drowning.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: July 25, 2008, 11:02 am

The name “Alice’s Restaurant” reminds me of the TV show Alice.

I miss the old sitcoms. The new shows, not as good. (Maybe that’s why I mainly watch the Cartoon Network and Comedy Central and GSN).

In fact…I can’t watch some of them. My sister was watching CSI: SVU and I nearly vomited.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: July 25, 2008, 11:12 am

Well, Stoatie could always to a series of art pics for Law and Order – Special Kitties Unit……

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: July 25, 2008, 11:19 am

Oh, maybe it’s L&O: SVU and not SI: SVU.

L&O, CSI, NCIS…they’re all the same to me.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: July 25, 2008, 11:50 am

My British friends…what does “Zanu-Labour” mean?

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: July 25, 2008, 11:54 am

Just think of it. Detective Schroedinger and the crack detectives of the Special Kitties Unit hot on the trail of Fluffy McMetro and his sidekick, Tom C. Bignuts, following the Tuna heist of the century…..

Throw in some Siameze twins and a dancer called Russian Blue, and you have a great story… ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2008, 1:22 pm

I’ll take a crack at it, Musli. It’s just guess, but I’m sure Uncle B or Gibby will correct me…

After losing too many elections in a row, the Labour Party rebranded itself as New Labour in the late ’90s. This bit of political hooey became “nulabour” to its detractors. Zanu, on the other hand, is the Zimbabwe African National Union — the radical political party that kicked over white rule and put Mugabe in power. So “Zanu Labour” is just pushing the comedy a little bit further.

It’s that thing the Brits do, with the words and the talking and shit.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: July 25, 2008, 1:45 pm

Thanks for the explanation! It makes sense now.

Itโ€™s that thing the Brits do, with the words and the talking and shit.

Oh, they’re clever with feces too? What can’t the Brits do?

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 25, 2008, 3:47 pm

You could have Alice, if you were a girl, according to Elton John:

All the young girls love Alice
Tender young Alice they say
Come over and see me
Come over and please me
Alice it’s my turn today

Comment from Lokki
Time: July 25, 2008, 11:51 pm

Muslihoon –
The story behind the (very long ballad) called Alice’s Restaurant
(which you can and should read here:

is pretty interesting,or at least I think it is.

1. The Singer of the Song is named Arlo Guthrie – He was a popular folk singer during the Vietnam War. The song is a comedy ballad about an innocent hippy who goes to a friends tiny hippy restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. After the dinner they throw away the trash in the woods because the city trash dump is closed for Thanksgiving. Arlo is arrested by overzealous police and is convicted of littering. Later he is called for the draft and must report to the army. He is asked if he has ever been convicted of a crime, and his honest answer is “Yes”. He is then sent to the place where all the convicts must wait until they are examined to see if they are suitable for military service. The place where he is sent to wait is the “Group W bench with the Father rapers and Mother stabbers.” IN the end, because of his crime Alice escapes serving in the army and isn’t sent to Vietnam.

The story is a nice piece of absurdity and advice on how to avoid being sent to the army….by getting convicted of something minor, like littering.

2. Arlo’s father (Woody Guthrie) was a very famous Labor protestor and folk singer in the 1930’s. He was very good at what he did, and was very important for the poor people and the unions during the terrible days of the Depression in the 1930’s. Here is an example of one of his songs
(remove two spaces before the //)
http: //www.woodyguthrie.org/Lyrics/Nineteen_Thirteen_Massacre.htm

If you read these lyrics after reading Alice’s restaurant, you’ll see the similarity between the two.

3. The father, of course, never approved of his hippy son – and died before Arlo had success with is anti-war protest song Alice’s Restaurant.

Oh, and Christopher scores!

Comment from Lokki
Time: July 25, 2008, 11:52 pm

!@%!%^!^!^ Akismet scores~! Lokki is sent to the pen for the weekend!

Comment from porknbean
Time: July 26, 2008, 3:51 am

Elton John is a bloated pustule on Ted Kennedy’s ass.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 26, 2008, 6:20 am

It’s the links, Lokki. The liiiiinks.

Cheer up — Pete Seeger is still alive. We aren’t running out of dessicated old communists yet!

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: July 26, 2008, 6:23 am

Yes, Muslihoon – her Ladyship is quite correct about ZaNuLabour.

So you have two despised political parties: one an autocratic fascistic regime with no popular mandate, systematically destroying the economy and re-writing history.

The other’s based somewhere in Africa…

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: July 26, 2008, 2:32 pm

Thanks, Uncle B!

And nice joke. Make me chuckle.

Comment from GHG automatic curlers
Time: October 11, 2014, 6:59 pm

GHG automatic curlers
I drop a comment each time I appreciate a article on a blog
or if I have something to add to the conversation.
It is caused by the passion displayed in the article I browsed.

And on this post S. Weasel. I was moved enough to drop a leave a responsea response ๐Ÿ˜‰ I do have a couple of questions for you if you usually do not mind.
Is it simply me or does it give the impression like
some of the remarks look like they are left by brain dead visitors?
๐Ÿ˜› And, if you are writing on other sites, I would like to follow you.
Would you list all of your social sites like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

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