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Round 61: Equinox edition

Carl wins his third dick with Tony Benn, British politician. Here’s all you need to know about Tony Benn: 1) he was an egregious lefty twat-waffle and 2) his great uncle was murdered with a chamberpot by his own son, who later got out of the loony bin and fathered Margaret Rutherford.

End of.

Okay, here we go. Pity Fred Phelps couldn’t join us:

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I didn’t have any dinosaur shit particles.


Comment from AltBBrown
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:01 pm

Former Boston mayor, Thomas Menino.

Comment from Hutch
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:01 pm

Eli Wallach

Comment from StPatrick_TN
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:03 pm

Bob Schieffer

Comment from Fawn
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:05 pm

Leonard Nimoy

Comment from StPatrick_TN
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:05 pm

I used a very scientific process by which to choose ole Bob – I entered “nasty old leftist hack” into my search bar, his name was first in the results, I thought “fuck that guy in particular”, and the choice was made. Hopefully he has better timing than Fred Phelps.

Comment from Montenegro
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:08 pm

Muhammad ALI once more!!

Comment from RushBabe
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:09 pm

Olivia De Havilland FTW. She was born in ’16 for goodness’ sake.

Comment from Thursby
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:11 pm

Chuck Berry

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:13 pm

Getting in early, but with (as always) a completely new pick…

Princess Ashraf Pahlavi, twin sister of the late Shah of Iran.

(One of the very few actual cases of royal twins; I looked up the subject on hearing of young Mrs. Windsor’s expectancy.)

Comment from Nanny 1
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:18 pm

Nancy Reagan

Comment from Harry
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:24 pm

Whale, my other picks have enjoyed the great good fortune of not becoming a dick on my office wall, so I shall revert to Valerie Harper. Doctors gave her three months to live, but that was almost a year ago. Her meningeal cancer is supposedly “nearly in remission”, but that ain’t jack…”nearly” doesn’t count. And we all know the entertainment media lies like a cheap rug…

Comment from BJM
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:31 pm

I’m staying with Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Comment from stina
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:35 pm

Michael Moore. I don’t even care if he pulls a Fred Phelps and leaves me dickless.

Comment from JeffS
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:44 pm

Jimmy Carter.

Comment from Janna
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:47 pm

Sticking with Kirk Douglas til one of us goes tits up.

Comment from Stephen Falken
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:49 pm

John McCain

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: March 21, 2014, 6:53 pm

Time for the house favorite: Zsa Zsa Gabor

Comment from eirik
Time: March 21, 2014, 7:17 pm

Robert Mugabee

Comment from Ben
Time: March 21, 2014, 7:19 pm

Sticking with William Shatner.

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: March 21, 2014, 7:33 pm

Ramsey Clark has always pissed me off. I’d like my prize to be a Weasel carved urinal cake in his likeness.

Comment from p2
Time: March 21, 2014, 7:41 pm

Lee majors. For the bionic dick

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: March 21, 2014, 7:56 pm

While I admit that I would prefer that asteroid 2003 QQ47, which was possibly going to hit earth today, would instead have landed on top of Capitol City [having the same positive effect on the country as a massive dose of antibiotics has on a rake suffering with syphilus], it is going to miss. And on Capitol Hill alone that is too many ambulatory dicks to pay off.

So instead I will choose Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin [Влади́мир Влади́мирович Пу́тин], Tsar-of-All-the-Russias-He-Can-Steal. Unfortunately, he will likely die laughing his жопа off at our nutless wonder of a momjeans cluster-copulation of a Lightworker.

Comment from dustoffmom
Time: March 21, 2014, 8:22 pm

I lost track of the time and Nanny 1 slipped my forever pick of Nancy Reagan in there first…..grr if she goes now!! Soooo….don’t think anyone has grabbed Henry Kissenger yet have they? I ‘believe’ he is still among the living isn’t he?

Comment from LesterIII
Time: March 21, 2014, 8:22 pm

Sticking with Mickey Rooney.

Comment from Bigsmarthuman
Time: March 21, 2014, 8:28 pm

Nancy Pelosi

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: March 21, 2014, 8:37 pm

That over-the-hill black-hearted David S Rockefeller, Sr.

Comment from Owen Kellogg
Time: March 21, 2014, 8:37 pm

Bob Newhart, for as long as it takes.

Comment from weaselwannabe
Time: March 21, 2014, 8:39 pm

Tony Bennett

Comment from gulliblepratt
Time: March 21, 2014, 9:10 pm

HRH Phil the greek

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: March 21, 2014, 9:14 pm

George Soros, who has FAR more to answer for than Fred Phelps did…

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: March 21, 2014, 9:20 pm

They HAVE to admit it someday: ‘F’ Castro. For all you kiddies who are playing the Death Pool, ‘F’ stands for Fidel, Bleeder, ahem Former Leader of Cuba. Or it could stand for a verb…. who knows?

Mr. Bridges, I am leaving Hanoi Jane to you this time, cause I hear her dog-pox treatments are working…..for now. I don’t think they’ll clear up the stuff she picked up from sleeping with the pig though…. so there’s still some hope.

Comment from East Asia
Time: March 21, 2014, 9:24 pm

Danny Glover

Comment from unkawill
Time: March 21, 2014, 9:49 pm

Abe Vigoda

Comment from Ripley
Time: March 21, 2014, 9:53 pm

Luise Rainer

Because 104.

Comment from Veeshir
Time: March 21, 2014, 10:18 pm

Ed Asner.

Just cuz.

Comment from jic
Time: March 21, 2014, 10:20 pm

Clive James

Comment from cobrakai99
Time: March 21, 2014, 10:44 pm

Arseniy Yatsenyuk from a unexplained case of Polonium poisoning after a visit by the FSB.

Comment from m
Time: March 21, 2014, 10:59 pm

harry belafonte

Comment from crank
Time: March 21, 2014, 11:14 pm

Noam Chomsky. Do something for the world,DIE.

Comment from Stark Dickflüßig
Time: March 21, 2014, 11:32 pm

John “Jhon Carey” Kerry from a terminal case of Putinitis. Or polonium, whichever.

Comment from Paula Douglas
Time: March 21, 2014, 11:55 pm

Stephen Hawking.

Comment from Pupster
Time: March 22, 2014, 12:06 am

Carol Burnett

Comment from Armybrat
Time: March 22, 2014, 1:05 am

Since I’ve had Mumbles Menino poached from me, I’ll go deep to my wish list and hope that the other mumbling fool Ed Markey beats Menino in a finish to death.

Comment from PatAZ
Time: March 22, 2014, 1:46 am

Larry King. I saw him on late night paid programming hawking something last night. He looked old when he was on the radio in Miami, back in the 60s and he looks about the same now.

Comment from EZnSF
Time: March 22, 2014, 1:56 am

Bob Barker

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: March 22, 2014, 2:13 am

Abe Vigoda is still alive?? WhoDaThunkIt?…Has anybody told him? I mean, lately?…

‘Kay, maybe me & SomeVeg have been approaching this Li’l Red Insaney Janey thing all wrong, doin’ a tag-team approach, here – tell you what, this time and this time ONLY…purely as a scienterrific* experimentation sorta-thingy, I’ll lay off the ol’ beeyatch, too, and take Larry King for this go-’round instead. I mean, Henry’s Biggest (Female) Mistake is such a perverse, ornery ol’ bat, maybe she’s forestalling the Long (and, in her case anyway, Richly-Deserved) Dirt Nap simply ’cause of all the continuing negative vibes being beamed at her, and if nobody’s watching or seems to care for awhile…well…mebbe she’ll “shuffle off this mortal coil”, just to get some (though only in her view, of course) “positive” attention for a “big finish”…

Worth a try, right?…So – this time: that Matrimonial Miracle Man, the most soft-headed, lovey-dovey, soft-pitch interviewer to ever foam at the mike, Larry “Galluses-R-Me” King.

(Although, truth to tell, if Insaney Janey doesn’t take the bait and bite the big one in this round, I’m rootin’ for SomeVeg’s pick – let’s face it, folks, like the old song says, Summer’s a-comin’ and they’ll be runnin’ outta ice, and ol’ Fee-dell’s gotta be gettin’ pretty “ripe for the planting” by now anyway. Gets kinda warmish down Cuba-way about this time of year, it does…)

(*That’s, of course, an inverse-contraction of “terrific science” – and what I’m trying, here, is at least as terrifically scienterrific as Mighty AlGore’s ol’ fave, Glowball Wormering/Coolering/Changering ‘Cause Of Peepull, right?)

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: March 22, 2014, 2:23 am

Whoopsy – that’s what happens when ya go blathering along like the only non-drunken Irishman at a late-night wake, and don’t read carefully enough: PatAZ beat me to ol’ Lar’…what to do, what to do?

O.k., it seems like Fate or something – I surrender, I’ll go quietly, Insaney Red-Pants Jane Fonda it will be – maybe she’s not paying close attention, ‘way out there on the Left Coast.

Yet another Fine Theory that will perhaps remain forever un-tested…

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: March 22, 2014, 2:32 am

Carol Channing.

Comment from catnip
Time: March 22, 2014, 2:49 am

Authoress, Bel Kaufman

Comment from scantily clad scandis
Time: March 22, 2014, 3:07 am

I’ll take Sidney Poitier. I don’t wish him ill but he didn’t look or sound good at the Academy Awards.

Comment from Davem123
Time: March 22, 2014, 3:11 am

I am NOT picking Harry Reid this time. I’d rather he live long enough to lose a race for Senate Minority Leader.

I’m going for Elijah Cummings, D-MD. Because it’s the right thing to do.

Comment from Nina
Time: March 22, 2014, 3:59 am

Ah, crap. Once again I’m late to the party and all of the good picks are picked. Dang day job!

At this rate I’ll be tits up myself long before I win a dick of my own, more’s the pity. I’ll have to will it to my grandchildren (assuming I ever get any).

If Dave’s not picking the senior senator from the great State of Nevada, I will. In the nature of wish fulfillment, since he won’t just go away.

Please, Harry, just go away. Far away.

Comment from jam2
Time: March 22, 2014, 4:18 am

henry Heimlich

Comment from currently
Time: March 22, 2014, 4:24 am

Sheila Jackson Lee

She’s so dumb I don’t know how she can survive much longer.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: March 22, 2014, 6:03 am

Does it have to be a person? Or can I pick the US Constitution?

Okay, okay – for the deeeeck:

Oleksandr Turchynov (Олександр Турчинов), acting president of the Ukraine. Not a job I would want right now, considering the current circumstances AND the fact that a former president was poisoned.

Comment from RealMc
Time: March 22, 2014, 12:16 pm

Clint East wood made it this far…..further please. Don’t make this punk lucky.

Comment from ocareha8er
Time: March 22, 2014, 12:17 pm


Comment from ocareha8er
Time: March 22, 2014, 12:21 pm

Harry Reid since Davem123 skipped him over.

Comment from ocareha8er
Time: March 22, 2014, 12:21 pm

dang it, I didn’t think the first one posted so I will stick with sebilius.

Comment from Zimmermanfan
Time: March 22, 2014, 12:25 pm

Zimmermanfan swoops in for Reid, Harry dick that he is.

Thanks to dave123 and to ocareha8ter.

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: March 22, 2014, 12:39 pm

I nominate that old drunk, Dick Van Dyke, currently suffering from an undisclosed “neurological disorder.” Disorder. Yeah. Scrambled, more like it.

Comment from rimrockR
Time: March 22, 2014, 1:32 pm

Richard Attenborough

Comment from platypuss
Time: March 22, 2014, 2:25 pm

back to billy graham

Comment from Zooom Zooom
Time: March 22, 2014, 3:27 pm

Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend.

William “slick willie” Jefferson “cigar stuffer” Clinton

Comment from BJM
Time: March 22, 2014, 6:51 pm


Good call…Insaney Janey isn’t looking so hawt nowadays.


[Warning: excessive fawning may make you retch]

“She may be 76-years-old but Jane Fonda looks years younger, with her trim figure, flawless complexion and perfectly highlighted blonde hair.”

Snert. Riiight.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: March 23, 2014, 2:55 am

With luck the croaking of the vile Commie-humping shitsack Benn will start a trend of Lefties going for a dirt nap. With that in mind, may Gordon Brown aspirate his porridge and die a lingering death.

Comment from twolaneflash
Time: March 23, 2014, 6:36 am

President Putt-Putt Obama, by lightning strike on the 8th green. God has to be saving up for a hole in The One one of these days, or golf is just not holy. I’d settle for his mother-in-law parting his skull with Lincoln’s bust or with a two iron.

Comment from As If I Cared (now with caps!)
Time: March 23, 2014, 10:19 am

Hugh Hefner, in his jammies, with the Viagra-induced stroke

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: March 23, 2014, 3:00 pm

Zimmermanfan @ March 22, 2014, 12:25 pm:

Zimmermanfan swoops in for Reid, Harry dick that he is.

Too late!

Nina @ March 22, 2014, 3:59 am:
If Dave’s not picking the senior senator from the great State of Nevada, I will.

Which was a little hinky, as she didn’t include his name, making the pick obscure (i.e. a search won’t find it).

Perhaps a new rule is needed.

So go with Irwin Corey, Hosni Mubarak, Bill Ayres, Jacques Chirac, Keith Richards, Louis Farrakhan, Silvio Berlusconi, John Dingell, ex-Pope Benedict, GHW Bush, the Queen, Ayman Zawahiri, Joseph Kony…

Comment from Nina
Time: March 23, 2014, 4:28 pm

I’m always too late, curses!

Comment from LesterIII
Time: March 23, 2014, 7:12 pm

I choose to believe Rule3 comes before Rule4.

Therefore, I choose to interpret this as the “Senior Shitprick from Nevada” is Nina’s pick.

Comment from Teresa
Time: March 24, 2014, 12:09 am

Mary Tyler Moore

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: March 24, 2014, 12:26 am

I would like a ruling from Her Regal Stoatliness about rule 0. It says, “your pick has to be living when picked.” Does this mean actually living, or officially living? I’ve already got my pick in, and he’s definitely both actually and officially alive, so the answer does not affect me this round. But what if somebody picked either Zaharie Ahmad Shah or Fariq Abdul Hamid, the pilot and copilot of MH370? It seems a pretty good bet that both are feeding the fishes but that isn’t absolutely known and certainly no one has issued death certs yet for them.

Comment from spunkus
Time: March 24, 2014, 6:25 am

George HW Bush

Comment from biztecka
Time: March 24, 2014, 10:56 am

Don “Hockey Puck” Rickles

Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: March 25, 2014, 1:21 am

Jim Kelly

Comment from Hutch
Time: March 25, 2014, 2:56 am

Scott will probably take the late Dick.

Comment from xul
Time: March 25, 2014, 3:16 am

Christopher Lee

Comment from Some Muldoon
Time: March 25, 2014, 10:54 am

Lynne Stewart, the hirsute leftist lawyer who was convicted of assisting Omar Abdel-Rahman.

Comment from thefritz
Time: March 25, 2014, 4:19 pm

John, boy I sure fucked up Michigan, Dingell

Comment from sandman cheerfully says screw you…
Time: March 26, 2014, 1:50 am

Douchebag and all around human hemmorhoid, Keith Abu Stupido Ellison. Salami lickin, Keith… you lugnut.

Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: March 26, 2014, 9:58 pm

Hamid Karzai

Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: March 27, 2014, 5:22 pm

Looks like nobody had James Schlesinger


Carry on…

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: March 28, 2014, 3:10 am

John “let’s help trash the country” Beohner…..in a compromising position with a Democrat gerbil.

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: March 29, 2014, 5:06 pm

Another surprising demise… Noel Sheppard of Newsbusters:


Comment from dissent555
Time: March 31, 2014, 4:14 am

More that a week late. I was out of town. So my throw away pick is Michio Kaku. Smart guy but seems like a cloying media hog to me. I could be wrong, of course.

Comment from steve
Time: April 7, 2014, 2:35 am

RIP John Pinette….

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: April 7, 2014, 3:28 am

Anyone have Micky Rooney – I heard he bought the farm…..

Comment from Nina
Time: April 7, 2014, 3:33 am

Someone usually does, but it’s been a long weekend and I’m too tired to check.


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: April 7, 2014, 3:47 am

LesterIII(?) had the Roonster. RIP.

Comment from RushBabe
Time: April 7, 2014, 3:05 pm

Congrats, Lester III. (Although it is kind of weird to congratulate someone for someone else dying…)

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: April 7, 2014, 3:51 pm

Yes, LesterIII is a wiener.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: April 7, 2014, 4:43 pm


Comment from LesterIII
Time: April 7, 2014, 5:08 pm

I guess I picked the right horse!

“I lost $2 at Santa Anita and I’ve spent $3 million trying to get it back.”

RIP Mickey, you delivered one last dick, and not to an ungrateful ex-wife!

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: April 7, 2014, 7:28 pm

Yaay for Lester III on his/her Dicking!

Comment from jelqing for how to gain girth video
Time: August 4, 2014, 3:52 pm

When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time
a comment is added I get several e-mails with the same comment.
Is there any way you can remove me from that service?
Bless you!

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