web analytics

Ducks ate my Doritos

I suppose ducks’ll eat anything, but they seemed madly keen on Doritos.

We’re having a proper Indian Summer here, so we snuck out to Bodiam castle this afternoon to take advantage. We picked a nice spot on a bench with a view of the castle, unpacked our picnic lunch and the grounds crew parked a truck between us and the castle and began weed-whacking the bank. It’s been that kind of a day, really.

Still, I got to feed Doritos to a bunch of ducks, so not a total loss.

*picture courtesy Uncle B’s fancy new camera.


Comment from Anonymous
Time: September 16, 2014, 9:45 pm

When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England. We never managed to get rid of the ducks though.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: September 16, 2014, 9:57 pm

A birder friend lectured me once after spotting me feeding chips to ducks. Aside from lettuce or grape halves there’s little in a human-targeted picnic that’s good for ducks. But cooked rice is OK, and frozen peas or corn is especially good for ’em! (thawed, of course).

I’d very much like to know how to revenge-annoy groundskeepers who do that, but given that they are using YANG-YANG-YANGGG two-stroke weed whackers and leaf blowers I fear they are immune to anything I might do.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 16, 2014, 10:08 pm

I know, Uncle Al. I know. Carby snacks are lousy for birds. But, you know what? Maximizing the life span of park lake ducks is probably not so very desirable from anyone’s point of view, including the ducks. They were happy, I was happy, nobody’s an endangered species…

I treat my chickens the same way, and I wuv my chickens, yes I do!

Comment from thefritz
Time: September 16, 2014, 10:29 pm

That’s one damn fine castle…

Comment from Nina
Time: September 16, 2014, 10:57 pm

Yeah, they’re ducks. Let ’em enjoy some Doritos!

Comment from Le Taunteur Francais
Time: September 16, 2014, 10:59 pm

This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.
He already has one of these Holy Grails. It is very naahs.
Now, go and feed the ducks you silly English Kkkkkk-nighuts!

PS. * in certain circles, “feeding the ducks” was the term casually used to describe a furtive act of rubbing one off.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 16, 2014, 11:16 pm


You should have quacked in their general direction.

Comment from . ³²
Time: September 16, 2014, 11:29 pm

To the right of the footpath, it looks like a large carp.
The Brits treat the carp like the Hindus treat the temple rats.
The worldly and erudite ‘Murkans, if they need the best raccoon bait there is, will perforate a boatloadful with an arrow on a string.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: September 16, 2014, 11:30 pm

Everything ‘they’ say is BS…now they are saying full fat dairy helps diabetes:


Comment from Davem123
Time: September 17, 2014, 2:16 am

Lord love a duck, as they say.

Also a Stoaty post with an eclectic bunch of comments, particularly ones with Monty Python references. Truly, the best stuff IS in the comments.

That is one fine castle, as well.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: September 17, 2014, 11:35 am

I quite agree, QuasiModo. Almost every single piece of ‘scientific’ mumbo-jumbo I see is contradicted within seven days by another.

‘Global warming’ just about destroyed any respect I have for contemporary science and the stream of nutritional and medical quackery has finished it off.

I’d just as soon believe a witch doctor.

Comment from technochitlin
Time: September 17, 2014, 1:02 pm

A witch doctor at least has to keep his clientele happy, lest they cook him, eat him, and replace him with another. Or so experts tell me…

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: September 17, 2014, 1:35 pm

Nacho Cheese Doritos are basically a form of legal crack. They are just as bad for you (from a dietary sense at least), and just as addicting. I hate to love them so much. Uncle Badger… You should just try a few.. The first little bag is free 😉

However, Weasel, I think you may be creating a serious problem by feeding them to the ducks. Ducks can be evil little bastards at best, and the very idea of “Ducks on Crack” is pretty seriously frightening.

Right now I’m imaging that as a Punk Rock Band name. If I ever win the Dead Pool (Come On Fidel, just die already!) I’m going to ask for a poster for that band as my prize.

Comment from Deborah
Time: September 17, 2014, 4:01 pm

When I see something surrounded by a moat all I can think is: rising damp 🙁
Those poor servant girls.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: September 17, 2014, 4:38 pm

Deborah, your comment about poor servant girls and the rising damp reminded me of this program which I heard on BBC Radio 4 Extra the other day:


A Nasty Case Of The Vapours

Vivienne Parry explores the lives, deaths and immune systems of heroines of English literature through the eyes of modern medicine. She takes an unusual look at great British novels by distinguishing plot devices from real medicine, finding out much about Victorian depiction of illness in the process.

I found it fascinating. Well worth a listen.

Comment from Deborah
Time: September 17, 2014, 7:11 pm

Ack! Gangrene of the Throat! This was great Some Vegetable. Maybe they’ll (BBC4) do a show on sprained ankles and falls from horseback—those other useful literary devices. I’ve always thought Victorian heroines had ankles like thoroughbreds.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: September 17, 2014, 7:15 pm

How would we know, Deborah? No one ever saw their ankles! 🙂

Comment from Deborah
Time: September 17, 2014, 8:16 pm

True Uncle Badger! My weak joke was to imply that the young miss with a sprained ankle was a frequently used literary plot device in Victorian novels (along with the putrid sore throat). It’s my understanding that for all their magnificent strength, thoroughbreds as a breed are weakest in the fetlock—ankle.

Comment from mojo
Time: September 17, 2014, 10:06 pm

It’s just a model…

Write a comment

(as if I cared)

(yeah. I'm going to write)

(oooo! you have a website?)

Beware: more than one link in a comment is apt to earn you a trip to the spam filter, where you will remain -- cold, frightened and alone -- until I remember to clean the trap. But, hey, without Akismet, we'd be up to our asses in...well, ass porn, mostly.

<< carry me back to ol' virginny