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Oh, now I get it

circassian beauties

These here ladies are Circassian Beauties, which are a flavor of sideshow freak and not actual ladies from a place called Circassia.

Step back. People from Circassia were believed to be the most beautiful and whitest of all the white people. The reputation starts in the late Middle Ages, when the women were prized in the slave markets of Russia and Turkey. They were regarded as ideals of feminine beauty. A Circassian slave bore Cosimo de Medici (the founder of the Medici dynasty) a son. By the 18th C, “Circassian” was a marketing slogan for beauty products.

In the whimsical Victorian proto-science of race, Circassians were regarded as the white race at its purest. Circassia is in the Caucasus Mountains. Yes, dear readers, this is when white people were first called Caucasian — even though, probably, very few of our grannies were from Circassia — and it stuck.

That ‘fro thing, though? That’s pure PT Barnum. By which I mean the actual Phineas Taylor Barnum, who incorporated fuzzy-headed white ladies into his freakshows. God knows why he thought that worked as an explar of white people nonpareil. I guess his prototypes didn’t look exotic enough with regular white people hair.

Anyhow — funny old world! — about the time the Circassian Beauty became a standard sideshow attraction across the US of A, the Russians were busily genociding the actual Circassians. Ha! Ha!

More about Circassian Beauties. Wikipedia. The blog I stole the picture from. A post from this interesting blog.

You reckon this is what Rachel Dolezal was going for? Because she got a lot closer to this than that other thing.

p.s. To anyone who thinks our Rachel really, truly thinks she’s black? Straight blonde hair doesn’t like to do that thing. Once a month or so, Rachel has to go into a beauty salon and request a root darkening and the kinkiest perm in town. What we used to call a bad perm.

p.p.s. You know, for less than a hundred bucks at 23andme, we could nail what her parents are made of. Come to think of it — considering what’s at stake with hiring quotas — shouldn’t we insist candidates for race-based jobs be routinely DNA tested for ancestry?

p.p.p.s. Nah. A DNA test would show Bruce Jenner is a man, so that’s out.


Comment from Uncle Al
Time: June 17, 2015, 10:28 pm

I like that idea about getting candidates and pols DNA tested. I’d bet money that we would find that #Killary has lamprey ancestors, the Secy of State’s great-great-grandaddy was a Palomino pony who also is in Nigel Farage’s family tree.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 17, 2015, 10:39 pm

You know, that’s a splendid idea, Uncle Al! Like disclosure of their financial data, I think candidates for high office should have a DNA test. So we know what we’re getting.

Comment from MikeW
Time: June 17, 2015, 10:56 pm

Three guesses what testing Henry Waxman’s DNA would show…

Comment from .
Time: June 17, 2015, 11:01 pm

Love child of Golda Meir and a tapir?
It is a slippery slope.

I am all out for Rachel Dolezal claiming to be Nubian.
If we could get 150,000,000 ‘Murkans to apply for reparations, Pell grants, Section 8, WIC, sailfones, subsidized utilities, gibsmedats, I bet Congresscritters would fall in line, at least for a while.
If everyone’s so equal, let’s make ourselves equal-er.

Comment from dissent555
Time: June 17, 2015, 11:21 pm

I think I may be approaching being maxed out on R. Dolezal.

Comment from PatAZ
Time: June 17, 2015, 11:38 pm

Remember the pig man Kramer helped to escape from the hospital? Pretty sure that was one of Henry Waxman’s relatives. And I’m in favor of DNA testing. Fool me once, etc., etc..

Comment from Brother Cavil, by the Pale Moon light
Time: June 18, 2015, 12:11 am

Uncle Al, regarding your theory re: Shrillery? I hear that family had a tragedy recently:


Good luck sleeping…

Comment from dissent555
Time: June 18, 2015, 12:19 am

So, since we haven’t had a discussion related to race in America in a while, a thought occurs to me – Did Obama ever pay that woman’s mortgage or not? Hmm?

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: June 18, 2015, 1:15 am

We skipped the light fandango
turned cartwheels ‘cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
but the crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
as the ceiling flew away
When we called out for another drink
the waiter brought a tray

And so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face, at first just ghostly,
turned a whiter shade of pale

She said, ‘There is no reason
and the truth is plain to see.’
But I wandered through my playing cards
and would not let her be
one of sixteen vestal virgins
who were leaving for the coast
and although my eyes were open
they might have just as well’ve been closed

She said, ‘I’m home on shore leave,’
though in truth we were at sea
so I took her by the looking glass
and forced her to agree
saying, ‘You must be the mermaid
who took Neptune for a ride.’
But she smiled at me so sadly
that my anger straightway died

If music be the food of love
then laughter is its queen
and likewise if behind is in front
then dirt in truth is clean
My mouth by then like cardboard
seemed to slip straight through my head
So we crash-dived straightway quickly
and attacked the ocean bed

Comment from Timbo
Time: June 18, 2015, 9:04 am

Lampreys. They eat those suckers (see what I did there?) around here. Stewed in their own blood… with potatoes.

I haven’t tried them because I don’t like them.

Comment from caseyreno
Time: June 18, 2015, 10:34 am

This just in!
New $10 bill


1. Caitlyn Jenner
2. Rachel Dolezal
3. Hildebeast
4. ?

Comment from Stark Dickflüßiᵹ
Time: June 18, 2015, 12:40 pm

The portrait must also — by law — be of someone who is no longer living.

Definitely hope it’s hil’ry on the new sawbuck.

Comment from Statler & Waldorf
Time: June 18, 2015, 5:26 pm

Jacob Lew Himself announced addition to our magnificent currency?!

Why, will his sacrifices for us ever stop?

Sojourner Truth, or Beyonce.
Better yet, Ameena Ruffin and Korey Johnson holding up that 5 gallon bling.
Wut wun wimmun kin duh, too kin duh bettuh.
Oooh ooh ooh ooh.

Ten Treellyun Dollarz.

Comment from Bikeboy
Time: June 18, 2015, 9:55 pm

If Obama had a white daughter, she’d look like Rachel.

Comment from Mitchell
Time: June 18, 2015, 10:23 pm

“Three guesses what testing Henry Waxman’s DNA would show…”

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: June 18, 2015, 11:24 pm

I’m gonna start lobbying for Mae West on the new ten dollar bill. Now there was a fine white woman!

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