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Michelle Obama’s unfortunate pluck

michelle obama's angry eyebrows

I get the impression Michelle Obama is, deep down, a pretty angry woman. But you know what really puts people off? That’s right: those scary Vampyra eyebrows. Michelle probably has a bit of a chip on her shoulder, but Michelle’s eyebrows are pissed. Michelle’s eyebrows have come to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and eyebrows can’t chew bubblegum.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Eyebrows are an artificial construct. The kinder, gentler Michelle on the right is only a pluck away (it’s just a pluck away, pluck away, pluck away). Generally, it’s not wise to take makeup advice from a weasel, but I know I’m right on this one. If Michelle came out for her big speech tonight with level, friendly, upturned suzy-housewife eyebrows, she’d bring down the house.

And that’s all the sense you’ll get out of me today. I played hooky. My cold isn’t very bad, but between that and the continued itches, I stuffed myself full of antihistamines. I’m barely connnnnnnnnnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………,,,,,,,,,,


Comment from Lemur King
Time: August 25, 2008, 2:36 pm

Oh man, I thought I was the only one to have seen that movie – “kick ass and chew bubblegum” is, in my humble opinion, a classic line.

I’m thinking that there needs to be a new line of beauty products and devices called “Photoshop Salon”. Airbrush your eyebrows out, brush in some new ones. You could add layers, burn and dodge, additive/subtractive, hide, you could do it all!

Comment from Jill
Time: August 25, 2008, 2:59 pm

Rowdy Roddy Piper: “I’m here to kick ass, and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of bubblegum.”

If Mrs. Obama decides on a kinder, gentler eyebrow arch, she’ll need to Oprah-size her eyeshadow. And maybe have a dentist file those canines down a bit…shew!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 25, 2008, 3:05 pm

In the Fifties, there used to be a sort of stencil thing for painting in your eyebrows. You’d shave your own eyebrows (always a bad idea; they don’t always grow back) and then use the stencil to draw them back in.

My great aunt Irma (a woman of unsober habits) once greeted my mother at the door with three eyebrows: one on the left and two on the right. I guess she had a little stutter doing her makeup.

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 25, 2008, 3:27 pm

Jill…heh, I was going to mention the fangs too.

My mom and her sisters, along with my older sister, have plucked their brows to one line of hairs. Then draw them back in if they have somewhere nice to go. Never did get that.
Me? I’m lazy or you could say a ‘thinker aheader to when the eyes/mind fail’ and just pluck enough out to have two. My grandmother, who is 86, will not leave the house without her hair or makeup firmly on, no matter how hit-or-miss those things may be applied.

Comment from Jill
Time: August 25, 2008, 3:36 pm

Aunt Irma: ‘Howdy doo…pleash come in.’

Mother Weasel: ‘You have two eyebrows on the right.’

Aunt Irma: ‘Nuh uh…I’m jusht expresshive.’

Check this out:


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 25, 2008, 3:41 pm

Lemur King: You wouldn’t happen to have a spare pair of those sunglasses, would you? πŸ™‚

Or are we going to have to rumble in the alley for the last pair? LOL

I don’t know though. Keep the eyebrows and put on a pair of Spock ears, and she’ll have the Comicon crowd sewn up in a heartbeat.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 25, 2008, 3:43 pm

Weasel. Those stencils are still around, but you’ll have to ask your local stripper or Porn star where to get them. They seem to be the in fashion with soiled doves……

Comment from Pupster
Time: August 25, 2008, 4:53 pm

That’s pretty awesome Wease.

Unibrows are part of my fambly heritage. I’ve got to weedwack them suckers about once a week or I look like a surprised Andy Rooney on a Rogain bender.

Comment from Allen
Time: August 25, 2008, 5:28 pm

I am so looking forward to her speech. They’ve been going over it with a fine toothed comb, looking for anything that might not play in Peoria. Tip to Obama Campaign: If your looking for stuff that might not go over so well with us rabble, get someone who isn’t tone deaf to take a look. That is if you actually have anyone like that hanging around.

Comment from glenster
Time: August 25, 2008, 5:35 pm

Now, see, as a guy, I didn’t believe there was a market nowadays for eyebrow stencils, so I hied my bad self to Google and… well, I’ll be darned! Let me temp fate with this link:


Me, my family is from Wales, and we’ve got eyebrows that make Andy Rooney’s look fake – dense copious underbrush reaching out and grabbing at passing birds and planes and whatnot…

Comment from Lemur King
Time: August 25, 2008, 5:49 pm

Hey Scubafreak. No, sorry, I’ve only got my one pair. Haven’t had any bubblegum for weeks, either.

Auntie Irma sounds like a hoot.

Eyebrows, pluck away, I wish you luck. I’ve heard tell of eyelash plugging, though, which just creeps me out.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 25, 2008, 6:18 pm

Nah, Lemur, go with the Vulcan Ears. The sci-fi nuts will adopt her as one of their own……. πŸ™‚

We can have Klingons and romulans and Roswell Grey’s following her to every single event…..

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 25, 2008, 6:32 pm

I’m watching the Dem Convention streaming over C-SPAN. They’ve scheduled all the important speeches at 10pm EST, so I don’t imagine I’ll continue to watch it live.

C-SPAN has the color saturation cranked up high, so I’ll go blind if I keep watching it live, anyway.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 25, 2008, 6:59 pm

Good Lord, weasel, I’m IN denver, and the last thing I want to do is watch the convention…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 25, 2008, 7:12 pm

But Scubafreak! It’s craptastic! I know political conventions are never tasteful affairs, but this one is positively gameshows and disco!

Comment from Allen
Time: August 25, 2008, 7:12 pm

Why on earth would you do that to yourself Weasel? You can read all about in the book, “Let’s Party Like It’s 1917” by V.I. Lenin.

Hey, I just had a stunningly cynical idea. California is going for The One no matter how I vote. So, I vote for Obama which gets me that awesome “I am not a racist, I voted for O” button. I also receive a get out of racist free card if he loses. I can say, hey don’t look at me it’s all them other white dudes. Win-win.

Comment from Gnus
Time: August 25, 2008, 7:32 pm

Heh! A mile high and an inch deep.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 25, 2008, 7:43 pm

Interesting, gnus. Against expectations, somebody on the McCain team is using the viral interweb numedia stuff with deft skill. I wonder how that happened…

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 25, 2008, 7:47 pm

Weasel luv πŸ™‚ I’m waiting for the chairs to start flying on the floor of the convention center. My greatest dream was to see a knock-down, drag-out floor fight, but Queen B(yotch) Pelosi screwed us out of our entertainment.

Oh, and she stole my false teeth…. πŸ™‚

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 25, 2008, 7:49 pm

Oh, yes. Ooohhhh, yessss. If there isn’t bloodshed, I will be deeply disappointed.

Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 25, 2008, 8:20 pm

I’m out of touch lately – how did Queen Pelosi cheat us, Scubafreak? (really, I’m asking honestly, ’cause I may have missed something)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 25, 2008, 8:23 pm

Oof. That’s it. That’s all the class envy and disco I can stand for one night.

See y’all at the replays tomorrow…

Comment from scubafreak
Time: August 25, 2008, 11:59 pm

LM: She stepped on Hillary’s neck with the superdelegates, and ended the contest before the convention. It was Pelosi’s ultimatum to the Supers that forced the jilted one to bow out.

At the moment, Hillary has two things going for her – JACK and SHIT. (And Jack left town)

Comment from scubafreak
Time: August 26, 2008, 12:13 am

OMG, I wish I had had a video camera a few minutes ago. I was preparing a shower and my Lab had laid down at the foot of the sink as she usually does (I think she believes she’s watching my back). I was steping into the shower, she was laying there wagging her tail, when suddenly, out of nowhere, comes SCHROEDINGER, the DOG TAIL HUNTER!!! He piles into her tail and starts biting and wrestling for all he’s worth, forgetting that controlling the tail does NOT mean controlling the dog. My Lab, not expecting this, popped her eye wide open, levetated about 3 feet in the air (with her tail still down in Schroedingers grasp), and came down nose to nose with him. By this time, Schroedinger, who appeared to be VERY impressed with this maneuver, had stopped his chewing, but still had ahold of her. She then started doing the GREATEST impression I have ever seen from a dog of cussing someone out, growling, snapping and gobbling in front of him. He, of course, levetated about 3 feet, came down facing the opposite direction, and was gone so fast that the only thing missing was the sound effect from when the roadrunner hit the gas.

I haven’t laughed that hard in weeks….. πŸ™‚

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 26, 2008, 2:38 am

That is too bad you didn’t have a camera scubafreak, I would have loved to have seen that. Animals can be so hilarious. After that verbal spanking, perhaps the cat will think twice about sneak attacking the poor dog’s tail…or maybe not….
Not as entertaining here, but while cleaning the soiled bedding out of the boar’s cage, on the floor, I heard a rather loud – for a cavy – ‘t00t!’ from the girl’s cage above. I peeked up at them and they both looked innocent enough as they munched their grass hay. At least when one of the boys fart, they tear out as if something goosed them.

Comment from Gnus
Time: August 26, 2008, 10:47 am

If there’s anything cuter than kittens I don’t know what it is. I used to know, I think. I must’ve forgotten. Hmmmmmmm…

The thought of piggies farting, silently or not, is a bit much this ay emm. Take me the rest of the day to get over it, probably.

Sweasel, deft skill or blind luck. Alla sameeee. I hope you’re right and it’s on purpose, but I have my doubts, based on past performance.

Comment from Lemur King
Time: August 26, 2008, 12:55 pm

scubafreak… damn, that’s too bad. Pelosi is even more of a fascist than I thought. I’m loving how the democrat’s tender side comes out in these events – what to eat or drink, where to protest, what people can say…

I’m trying to figure out where I was, that I missed Pelosi’s dictator thingy.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 26, 2008, 3:40 pm

Courtesy of MoulderX on http://www.thecornfieldonline.com πŸ™‚


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 26, 2008, 3:42 pm

Weasel, the spam filter caught me again.

Comment from Jill
Time: August 26, 2008, 3:44 pm

Nancy Pelosi needs to retire to a gated community in Florida and bake some cookies with her grandkids.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 26, 2008, 4:58 pm

Where’s Gibby Haynes? I miss Gibby. Where is he? Why hath he abandoned us?

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 26, 2008, 5:23 pm

Speaking of Nancy ‘cookie-dough-for-brains’ Pelosi, who is a major player in setting energy policy, has NO clue that natural gas is a fossil fuel.
(remove space after http)

http ://www.powerlineblog.com/archives2/2008/08/021317.php

Clueless. Though, of course she is invested in T. Boone. Keep gas price high, force the country towards windfarms and potentially lining her pockets.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 26, 2008, 5:55 pm

OK, Moulder has refined his creation. Behold T’Obama, the bobblehead Vulcan.

http: //i44.photobucket.com/albums/f26/moulderx1/poonannitime.jpg (remove space after http:)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 26, 2008, 6:13 pm

Pon Farr will never be the same for me.

Comment from turtle
Time: August 30, 2008, 1:47 pm

And I thought I was the only one who wondered if Count Chocula had a daughter.

Comment from you dont need to know
Time: November 26, 2009, 5:43 pm

You all are a bunch of idiots! Get a life, but the fact that you spend so much time thinking about our First Lady and President is great. Guess that’s why non of you are in the White House! Ha ha! Love her or hate her, they are in charge and your not! πŸ™‚

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 26, 2009, 6:02 pm

Check the date, you don’t need to know — if that is your real name. She wasn’t yet First Lady when I wrote that.

Now that she’s in the White House, I worship her as the fashion icon and beacon of elegance she truly is.

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