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Well, shoot; I might have to buy this one


I’m kind of Iffy on the Assassin’s Creed series of games. That’s the one where you crawl all over historic cities wearing a cool cape and hood and stab people to death. It’s not that I object to stabbing people, I just found the gameplay and vestigial plots somewhat boring after a while.

On the other hand — the cities! The cities are incredibly cool and, I presume, reasonably accurate. I absolutely loved parkour’ing my way around Jerusalem and Acre. Having to stab someone to death occasionally was a small price to pay. I forgot how far into the series I got before I finally lost interest.

Also, my machine is now under-spec’ed. To keep up with the current generation of games, I’m going to have to upgrade my graphics card, at the least. And maybe the whole shootin’ match.

So I wasn’t planning on buying the latest iteration, Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, even though it’s set in Victorian London and I lumme some Victorian London. And then I read an article titled Just how British is Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate? and changed my mind. I think it was this bit:

It might seem like an inconsequential addition at first, because it’s difficult to fully comprehend the Britishness of a fruit stall without a man bellowing things about discount pears. Stall-dwelling Fruit & Veg Men are a mystery. They come from London’s hidden underplaces, and speak in a lost language known as “Cabbage Speech”, or “Appletongue.” No British person can explain the compulsion to buy plastic bags full of greengages from shouting men in hats, but it’s as relevant to our cultural heritage as chicken tikka, disappointment, and avoiding smalltalk. You might not know it, Assassin’s Creed tomato artist, but your work is a crucial piece of set dressing.

This might not be London, but we by-God have a fruit stand in the market that could have slouched straight out of Dickens’ metropolis. I have never in my life been so drawn to buying a giant bowl of grapefruit for £1. That’s my long-term retirement plan — turning up at the market once a week, buying a big-ass load of vegetables and living on soup.

I just have to work out how to get Uncle B to eat vegetable soup.


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: October 27, 2015, 10:36 pm

Yeah, I’m looking to build a new box too…the current one was build in 2009…it still works great but it’s gotten hard 24/7/365 use and the specs are getting a bit antiquated for the new stuff. Gonna install Linux on it when I get my new box going :+)

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 27, 2015, 11:14 pm

Vegetable soup?!?

You might want to start by getting me to eat vegetables at all.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 27, 2015, 11:15 pm

Mine was built in 2010, Quasi. It’s been a fantastic machine, but it’s finally falling behind.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: October 27, 2015, 11:26 pm

Have you ever done one of those Dutch auctions where they flog you great heaving chunks of animal carcase out the back of a big lorry? Usually turn up on market day next to the stalls of people selling polyester clothing and ninth-hand LPs. Keep dropping the price until you think, “that’s a bargain,” fork over your money and then think, “how am I going to eat half a pig?”

Comment from BJM
Time: October 27, 2015, 11:29 pm

I absolutely loved parkour’ing my way around Jerusalem and Acre.

Yes! Absolutely thrilling it was too..however as you say the plot & gameplay rapidly grew stale…I don’t recall finishing Brotherhood. They pulled me back in with Black Flag because pirates! But then I was over it…until they released Syndicate’s search engine. A steampunk AC? Oh my, yes.

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: October 27, 2015, 11:35 pm

Badgers is carnavores, (as are Weasels).

Comment from Ric Fan
Time: October 28, 2015, 12:04 am

Pottage always sounded good to me. Thick, tasty, filling –throwing in any vegetables in season.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: October 28, 2015, 1:16 am

I bought all the most expensive stuff for my computer in 2009 and never regretted it.

Looking at a Core i7-6700 4 Ghz, 32 GIGS ram (amazing, that), 1 Terabyte SSD drive…just the motherboard and graphics I haven’t decided on…onboard graphics on motherboards have gotten pretty good the last few years and the new processors do some of the graphics work.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: October 28, 2015, 1:16 am

Hell, I’m still trying to find a PC copy of The Amazing Deadpool….

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: October 28, 2015, 9:33 pm

Note to S. Weasel re: Uncle B. vs. vegetables.

One word: bacon bits

Comment from mojo
Time: October 28, 2015, 11:15 pm

No vegetables, eh> What, just the green thingies? How about roots and tubers? Potatoes, turnips, that sort of thing. A nice carrot.

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