It burrrrnnnnssss usssssssss
You know who really showed me something? Hillary Clinton, that’s who. I’m serial.
Her whole life was a preparation for this race. Big Feminist on Campus weds fat-face smarmy hick from Arkansas — Arkansas! Arkansas, man. There’s not even no crack-heads in Arkansas. She stoically squeezes out a kid to fluff her ‘regular jill’ resume (do you doubt it?) and plays First Lady of Upper Possumnuts until the unbearable weight of that fucking smile nearly breaks her.
Life is one humiliating kick in the crotch after another. Perpetual campaigning (for Him). Perpetual scandal. Always on guard. Always running. Always catching the shit and cleaning up the messes. And then finally…at long last…after sixty years of baking the fucking cookies — IT’S! HER! TURN!!!!!
And here comes Hopichangelo who totally steals her shit. OMGWTF???? Dude is practically jailbait. And then that moose-humping beauty queen elbows in on her first-woman-ever cred, the only thing that makes a Hillary candidacy special. Bitch stole her woman card!!!
We’ve all asked ourselves whether we could take the five years of torture and captivity that McCain survived (‘tsha! No). Could you take this? To have yearned and labored and suffered humiliations and chased one single prize for sixty long years, and just as your fingers close around it, it is slapped away. Could you put on the pants suit and the happy face and go out there and be a good trouper about it?
Nuh uh. Not me. Hillary Clinton is a better man than I.
Posted: September 12th, 2008 under personal, politics.
Comments: 47
Comments
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 10:50 am
Click for largeness. This p’shop works better in color, for some reason; I guess because I did a better job matching her flesh color than I did the lighting.
Comment from Surly Ermine
Time: September 12, 2008, 11:31 am
and Hillum said two words, “Obama…..Denver”.
I liked the part where she was floppin’ round in the creek in her pantsuit trying to grab that slippery nomination.
Frodo Obama- “What do you know about change Sam? Nothing!”
Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 12, 2008, 11:44 am
“We CAN’tS do it. The poofy-haired one always watches us!”
“We could lets – ‘HER’ – do it.”
“But what abouts the poofy-haired one! She always watching us!!”
“Then we smashes her! We Beats her down and we kills HER!!”
“Yes, Yes!!”
“We Smashes her and we TAKES the precious in 2012!!”
“YES, YES, YES!!!!”
Comment from nbpundit
Time: September 12, 2008, 11:46 am
That’s some powerful shit yer got there Stoaty…can
I have some? Heh
Comment from Allen
Time: September 12, 2008, 11:57 am
Ouch, I mean just ouch. The good news is Joe thinks she would make a better VP pick then himself. Hey, I no longer think of him as Slow Joe. He’s now Sweet Spot Joe because he hits my funny bone just right.
The S.S. Joe, the ship that’s in search of an iceberg.
Weasel, this is one of your best P-shops.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 12:15 pm
Thanks, Allen. Speaking of ouch — yesterday, when I was blogbusted and unhappy, Allen sent me a picture of his trail horse and another picture of a Joshua tree. I got the captions confused and thought, dude’s trail horse is a CACTUS!!!!
Which, I have to admit, would be pretty hardcore.
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 12:21 pm
Oh, that’s good scubafreak.
Hillary kicked her own self in the crotch.
Comment from Allen
Time: September 12, 2008, 12:27 pm
🙂
You just have to combine the two. If I’m not paying attention me hoss tries to give me the old brusharoo. He knows they’re spiky and hurty, he’s run into one. So, every so often he’ll try to get close to one to brush me into it. Crafty bastard.
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:09 pm
So as the S.S. Joe tosses himself under the bus, what do you think is going to occur?
Hillary takes the V.P. slot or during this 2 hour lunch Obamalama had with the fat f*ck-face, he cried and cried and at the last minute will drop out himself and let the beast step in his place? Though, of course, Hillary purposefully went with the hick from Arkansas, because she knew her own likability factor is ‘0’.
I don’t trust anyone who has sipped the Alinsky juice.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:22 pm
It’s really too late to change the players, PnB. He made a lousy pick and he’s stuck with it. Unless Biden has a massive coronary — confirmed by Republican doctors running separate EKG’s — taking him off the ticket would look awful.
I’m trying not to enjoy this too much, lest fate slap me across the muzzle with a rolled-up newspaper, but — PAHAHAHAHAHA!
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:33 pm
Oh, man. This is SUCH a mistake!
I’m in my late 40s. Nothing in this ad looks all that stupid to me; more like a warm nostalgia buzz. If Obama wants to cede all the voters 45 and up for the sake of a youth vote that never shows up, fine by me.
What say ye, fellow old farts?
Comment from Dawn
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:37 pm
My hubber brought home for me a “Stand Up Chuck” t-shirt last night.
That goof will never be as good as the 7-11 Dunkin Donuts one though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll_goH-aivU
Biden reminds me of the VP in My Fellow Americans.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmRXH7RkCZQ
Sorry weezy. I know you can’t watch these from work.
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:37 pm
Wasn’t Biden’s senate seat up for reelection anyways this year?
I don’t think it is too late to change the players because we are talking about democrats and their media buffer here. Hillary has been quiet, too quiet, these days. *tingly spider senses on high alert*
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:43 pm
That ad is stupid because ‘almost nothing for the middle class’ line. I am middle class and under Bush’s tax cuts, my taxes went down. If the dems let the tax cuts go away, the marriage penalty kicks back in, the child credit goes away, and them greedy F*CKERS will take more in capital gains as my husband dabbles in small-time real estate in preparation for our retirement.
That ad proves how much more of an ignoramous B.O. is regarding economics, which is a bigger deal than someone not knowing how to work the innertubes or admitting they don’t know as much as they should.
Comment from Allen
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:55 pm
I can’t see the ad. PnB, I don’t think they dare change out the S.S. Joe. It’s the most important first choice a Pres. candidate makes. They might try to sell it as something else but voters wont buy it.
It’s also why he’s in a kind of press blackout. The guy is a running gaffe machine. Hey, his new campaign slogan: “One gaffe away from the Presidency.”
I’m tellin’ ya, this is the best election, ever. We’ve got the Old Dude running circles around Mr. Hopeitude. The S.S. Joe at full steam ahead in treacherous waters. Then we have “Scanner” Palin making lefty heads explode.
Perfect…..
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 1:57 pm
This is interesting:
But Jonathan Haidt, an associate professor of moral psychology at the University of Virginia, argues in an essay this month, “What Makes People Vote Republican?”, that it’s liberals, in fact, who are dangerously blind.
Haidt has conducted research in which liberals and conservatives were asked to project themselves into the minds of their opponents and answer questions about their moral reasoning. Conservatives, he said, prove quite adept at thinking like liberals, but liberals are consistently incapable of understanding the conservative point of view. “Liberals feel contempt for the conservative moral view, and that is very, very angering. Republicans are good at exploiting that anger,” he told me in a phone interview.
It’s from a New York Times piece by Judith Warner. She went to a Republican rally to write a goof piece on Palinmania and found the phenomenon something less silly than she expected.
Comment from Dawn
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:00 pm
Joe Biden went to Washington in 1973. Biden’s campaign issues focused on withdrawal from Vietnam, the environment, civil rights, and “change”.
Let’s do the time warp again!
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:00 pm
Weasel, what think you and Uncle B and Gibby, of this..
ace.mu.nu/archives/273159.php
If I were the plant, I would get together with other plants and shut down for a month. In December. I wonder what the smelly nihilists and their fools in the courts will think then. This is reason number 18,743 why you Brits need guns and why ‘they’ don’t want you to.
Comment from Hound Of Doom
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:02 pm
Y’all should put up some sort of alert for this sort of thing.
I had to get a new shirt and keyboard after seeing that thing.
You’d think I’d know better before clicking on your site.
Excellent Job!
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:04 pm
The Haidt essay she refers to is here. I give the man credit for trying to step outside his liberal mindset and understand conservatives, but he doesn’t actually manage it. For example, he says:
They want more prayer and spanking in schools, and less sex education and access to abortion? I didn’t think those steps would reduce AIDS and teen pregnancy, but I could see why the religious right wanted to “thicken up” the moral climate of schools and discourage the view that children should be as free as possible to act on their desires.
Can he not see that STD’s and teen pregnancy have GONE THROUGH THE ROOF since sex education and access to abortion and contraception were liberalized? It’s not just about imposing a traditional moral framework on society, it’s also about results. Real, bottom-line results. The return of shame — I’m a great fan of shame — wouldn’t eliminate teen sex and all its consequences, but it would cut it WAY the hell down. Remember? Result: less AIDS and teen pregnancy.
Duh.
Even when they try their best, lefties really are like alien scouts.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:14 pm
Oof! When I’m over there, PnB, I imagine I’ll write a lot more about British politics. Some of it is every bit as bad as it looks from over here. But it will take a deal of explaining to get at the flavor of it.
Brits, for example, seem a lot more comfortable hating their government and being at odds with it. They don’t take it quite as personally as we do. I mean, we have a tradition of moonshining and civil disobedience and government-bucking, too, but it seems a more normal part of British politics.
I guess because they unloaded a bunch of their most rebellious on our shores (and other far-flung lands) for a while.
It’s hard to describe. I figure, the day is coming when I’ll be immersed in it…I’ll talk about it then.
Comment from Pupster
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:15 pm
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,421602,00.html
Rat-scratch fever.
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:22 pm
Folks, this is your body strung out on liberalism if it were given a face. It eats your brain.
dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1054873/Ravaged-Amy-Winehouse-looks-worse-stumbles-Camden-pub-3-30am.html
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:31 pm
Gad, she looks terrifying, doesn’t she, PnB?
Comment from Allen
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:39 pm
Yikes! That’s 40 miles of some really bad road.
I found this one there too:
Michael Douglas as Liberace, Matt Damon as his lover.
I just can’t feature Douglas as Liberace.
Comment from wendyworn
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:48 pm
Weas,
Is it too late to get Uncle B to move here instead? They are getting pretty survaillancy over there in Britain. I think you can almost get life imprisonment if you put your trash out on the wrong day.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:52 pm
I’m afraid the part about the trash is very true, Wendy. We have rubbish collection every two weeks (the off week is recyclables only). To prevent our kitchen smelling like a boneyard, we carefully package up the chicken carcass from the night before in a shopping bag and slip it into the garbage in some public spot. It’s a daily ritual, and if we ever get busted for it…whoo! Look out!
I’m pretty sure I can convince Uncle B to move over here as soon as I find us a 16th Century farmhouse surrounded by sheep in the shadow of a Medieval church. Easy peasy!
Comment from wendyworn
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:54 pm
Aww! the farmhouse sounds wonderful! I understand now.
Comment from Jill
Time: September 12, 2008, 2:57 pm
View politics here: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/Satire/
Comment from Max Power
Time: September 12, 2008, 3:05 pm
Oh Noes!
Comment from Pupster
Time: September 12, 2008, 3:34 pm
If you run “16th Century farmhouse surrounded by sheep in the shadow of a Medieval church” through the Americanizer™, you get “1975 Cape Cod surrounded by liberals in the shadow of a Stuckey’s”.
Pfft. Badgers are sooo picky.
Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 12, 2008, 3:37 pm
“I’m pretty sure I can convince Uncle B to move over here as soon as I find us a 16th Century farmhouse surrounded by sheep in the shadow of a Medieval church. Easy peasy!”
Carefull what you wish for, Stoatie, you might get it.
http ://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gEDUDmZkyc
🙂
Comment from Allen
Time: September 12, 2008, 4:04 pm
I just got hold of a description of the new Obama ad. This guy is the #1 all-time political putz. Yeah, lets honk on them seniors, we all know they don’t vote, it’s the youngens who vote.
Who the hell is advising this guy? Smacking seniors around is like grabbing the third rail while shooting yourself in the face, and taking poison. GObama!
Comment from Jill
Time: September 12, 2008, 4:19 pm
Did anyone see the news vid of Obama and McCain at a memorial service yesterday for victims of 9/11? McCain, decrepit and aging as he is, bends down and gently and solemnly lays a flower at the memorial. Obama stands stick straight and tosses his flower like a used napkin.
Actions speak louder than words, good people.
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 4:20 pm
He is probably concentrating his cash right now on those 30 lawyers sent to Alaska to dig up dirt rather than think real hard about ads. There are already rumblings of making a bigger issue of that trooper story.
Remember how he won his senate seat to begin with. Typical Chicago thuggery by getting a judge to open sealed divorce papers of his ahead-in-the-polls rival. Why was that allowed to happen? Why was there no outcry? Why didn’t anyone go to jail over it?
As Alinsky’s son has said after the convention, papa would be proud.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 4:22 pm
Now is the time of day when I go back through every place I’ve been all day and watch the freaking YouTubes that are nothing but white space for me at work.
Thanks for that, Scubafreak! I saw the poster, but I’d never seen the trailer.
Yeah, Allen, it’s dumb on so MANY levels. It’s not even seniors…it’ll pretty much insult everyone over the age of 40. Smooooooth move!
Comment from Allen
Time: September 12, 2008, 4:40 pm
Oh, that gives me the most delightful visual. He thought she was dead, oh no.
Hillary in the rocking chair “Baaarrrrry!” Psycho 08.
Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 12, 2008, 4:50 pm
“Remember how he won his senate seat to begin with. Typical Chicago thuggery by getting a judge to open sealed divorce papers of his ahead-in-the-polls rival. Why was that allowed to happen? Why was there no outcry? Why didn’t anyone go to jail over it?
As Alinsky’s son has said after the convention, papa would be proud.”
And he did it to Jeri “7 of 9” Ryan, no less….. 🙁
Comment from Machinist
Time: September 12, 2008, 5:53 pm
When they first started claiming Palin was not vetted they threw around Eagleton’s name. I had to explain that to my wife. If they try to throw Slow Joe under the bus do you suppose they might regret resurrecting that word?
Is Obama behind him a thousand percent?
Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: September 12, 2008, 6:28 pm
Of course Obama is behind Biden. How else could he slip the knife in?
Comment from Cuffy Meigs
Time: September 12, 2008, 7:26 pm
“humiliating kick in the crotch” = my fave bubblegum Police tune, Synchronicity 2. Thanks for the earworm!
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 12, 2008, 8:09 pm
Thank you, Cuffy! I knew I stole it. I couldn’t remember from where.
Comment from Rodent
Time: September 12, 2008, 8:27 pm
Did Weasel and all the minions check out the second page at the Haidt essay link?
If not, scroll to the bottom, see the entry by Roger Schank.
Wow. Alien indeed.
Comment from Nortius Maximus
Time: September 12, 2008, 10:27 pm
Hmm. Any truth to the story that McCain can’t send an email because he can’t type, due to all the damage done to him in captivity? Interesting if true.
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 12, 2008, 11:56 pm
Well, he does have a gimp arm because of that time, so I would imagine he can’t do a whole lot with it besides being like most older folks and not computorizing.
*edited to note that I found an article that references Boston Globe 03/2000, because of his injuries, he cannot comb his hair, type on a keyboard, or tie his shoes. He cannot raise his arms above shoulder level.
I can’t link it now, so you gotta wait until tomorrow.
Comment from porknbean
Time: September 13, 2008, 12:26 am
Oh, but he is big on email, while it is too hard/painful for him to type, he does read them/send them using Cindy as his fingers.
Pingback from Moralia – Explaining satire
Time: September 15, 2008, 1:47 am
[…] another little gem from the creator of the “DNC War Room” video. This one’s just a blog post with an image, no video — and no Hitler either. Still funny though, and still likely to […]
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