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Pin a rose on my nose


When I designed publications for a living, every year there’d be a whole crop of flyers for contests like the Technical Publication Badge of Excellence Awards and the House Organ Annual Seal of Approval and Magazines That Aren’t Entirely Awful Dot Com. Deal was, you paid a small fee for each publication submitted and I don’t know how bad you had to suck not to get Honorable Mention at least, but I’m guessing it didn’t happen. It was a racket, pure and simple.

The result was a certificate or a little pyramidal slab of lucite or some shit to put in the lobby. Lookit! Valve and Stopper Report got an Excellence in Techdoc Sixth Place from the New England Review of Training Manuals! This company rocks!

Wait, I thought of a better one. In High School, I won a city-wide poster design competition. “Stop pollution” was my theme, I think. I had lunch with the mayor and everything. The city was Nashville, so…you can imagine. He presented me with my…trophy. I shit you not, it was a bowling trophy, with a Winged Victory and everything. It’s in the basement somewhere. I kept it because it was the most tragically tacky blow that had yet struck my young life.

In that spirit, mesablue has very kindly nominated me for a Blogger’s Choice Award in the category of design. Combining my vote with his, I have now zoomed up to Page 18 in the listings. I thought about adding myself to other categories. Freakiest Blogger. Hottest Mommy Blogger. Best Weasel in a Supporting Role. But, I figured, the people have spoken. Person has spoken. Whatever.

He also nominated himself for Most Obnoxious Blogger [this is the title he apparently covets. No, really. He said so], Best Political Blog and Worst Blog of All Time.

Don’t let the heartbreak of self-nomination happen to you. Let me know if you’d like to be nominated for anything, and I’ll gladly take on that karmic burden for you. I actually read all you doofuses. Doofices. Doofi. Stupid people. The site has an irritating registration requirement, so I’m not encouraging anyone to sign up and vote, but we could probably form a pretty nifty voting cabal and push each other to the fifth or sixth page of listings.

Dammit. I just revealed my master plan on the front page of my blog.

See, this is probably why the Joos keep rejecting my membership application.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: April 17, 2007, 8:12 pm

You absolutely deserve the best design, you have done wonderful work on here, the template is as fun to read as your posts. Or maybe your posts just suck and the template is just mediocre.

No, they’re both great, and beat the pants off my generic Blogger template!

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: April 17, 2007, 8:23 pm

Yeah – you rock. And you mineral, too!

I tried to vote but it wouldn’t take my ID, god dammit!

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: April 17, 2007, 9:57 pm

Voted! You’ve got four now. It should move you up a couple spots. You need a description for your blog on your nomination.

Comment from mesablue
Time: April 18, 2007, 1:49 am

Hey, I really only care about most obnoxious.

I looked through the rest of the blogs in best design and none come close to you.

We need to get the word out somehow.

I tried link whoring at Ace’s earlier, but people are afraid of the registration process.

We need to find out where the Bloggers Choice Awards offices are and break in and get their user list.

Woo hoo!

Comment from mesablue
Time: April 18, 2007, 2:10 am

I bet if you got that drunk guy in Japan involved with this, we’d get a gaijillion votes.

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: April 18, 2007, 2:21 am

The registration process is a pain in the ass. W/ that being said I’ll try to vote as soon as I can. Stupid registration crap…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 18, 2007, 5:16 am

Woohoo! Page ten!

Yes, the registration IS a pain in the ass, so I’m not twisting arms. But if you get in, spare a moment to help Wil Wheaton triumph over Rosie O’Donnel in the Celebrity Blogger slot. Sure, Wesley Crusher was a maggot, but we’re all grown up now and we have bigger fish to fry.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: April 18, 2007, 3:57 pm

I’d vote but I’m not particularly interested in registering for yet, another website to send me spam and to forget the password over.

And yeah, Wil Wheaton’s blog is actually not bad, he’s more thoughtful than you’d expect. Compared to Rosie he looks like Seneca.

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: April 18, 2007, 5:13 pm

K, duty’s done. Registration is a pain in the ass, doubly so b/c they’re having issues w/ the confirmation email and yahoo accounts.

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: April 18, 2007, 5:31 pm

TI, really? I signed up with a yahoo account and had no problem.

Come on people! Vote Stoat!

Comment from mesablue
Time: April 18, 2007, 5:40 pm

Page three, baby!

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: April 18, 2007, 8:17 pm

Enas, yeah. I had to email them and ask them to confirm my acct. It might have something to do w/ the fact that I’m on New Zealand time and registered during the middle of the night in the US 🙂

Comment from jwpaine
Time: April 19, 2007, 1:04 am

I voted for you before I voted against you.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 19, 2007, 7:06 am

Awww…shucks. Thanks, y’all. I’ve drifted up to page 6!

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: April 19, 2007, 9:03 am

I felt guilty about not voting – so I registered. No problemo, so I must have done something wrong.

But it took my vote! Yea!

Make that a whopping 9 votes for the Weasel!

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: April 19, 2007, 9:09 am

C’mon folks.
If Weas’ gets one more vote he leaps to PAGE 5!

But then the competition gets fierce. The top blog on p5 has 13 HUGE FRIGGIN’ VOTES. This could be an insurmountable obstacle to lesser folk, but I have faith.

Comment from mesablue
Time: April 19, 2007, 12:52 pm

See, I knew nominating Weasel would be a good idea. At least half of my votes come from you guys.

Page two, baby!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 19, 2007, 12:55 pm

Whoa! I’ve got minions! I always wanted minions!

I’ll take care of you guys, I swear! I’ll feed you and clean up after you and tell you bedtime stories and everything. This won’t be like the hamster, cross my heart.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: April 19, 2007, 3:29 pm

When I was a kid we had hampsters, we used to spin them at arms length and put them on the ground to watch them stagger around all dizzy. It was hilarious to four little boys, but then they died after a while. Poor little creatures.

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: April 19, 2007, 4:26 pm

I’ve always wanted to be a minion. They get to fleece tourists, don’t they?

Mesablue – Good deal! Of course, I saw through your ploy immediately after you described it in its’ entirety and I had the leisure time to review and comprehend it.

And….BTW…don’t worry…I’m holding my vote back until the very last – so you can surge ahead to…uh…(N-1)th place. Hmmm.

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