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A nasty, wasty weasel


We make a big deal out of Christmas. I insist. I love festivals of self-indulgence.

Maybe being childless does that. Or maybe I’m naturally a selfish piece of shit.

But it finally happened this year: we have run out of ideas for gifts. Anything either of us could possibly want we either already have or can’t afford. We had decided on a frugal Christmas for sheer lack of any great desire, and we’re still coming up short.

I know a little weasel who’s going to spend the next couple of days paging through amazon.com.

p.s. I made Uncle B sit through The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. It doesn’t travel well.


Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: December 9, 2019, 10:47 pm


Find a bookie (or whatever it is called in Old Blighty) and place a 10£ wager on the Clemson Tigers to win the National Football Championship in January, 2020.
I think you will be glad you did, especially at this early stage of the process.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: December 9, 2019, 11:40 pm

There’s always “It’s a Wonderful Life”.

Comment from RD
Time: December 10, 2019, 12:20 am

Bought “Mickey’s Christmas Carol” on dvd because I couldn’t remember ever seeing it. Watched it with the wife last night. What a disappointment! What ever you do don’t bother with that one!

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: December 10, 2019, 12:56 am

Here’s a flexible cost idea: A gift certificate for some sessions with a professional massage therapist. Number of sessions to be determined by how much you want to spend.

Comment from dissent555
Time: December 10, 2019, 1:02 am

Do you each have a favorite beverage? (Doesn’t have to be alcoholic, but …)

Buy them!!

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: December 10, 2019, 1:39 am

A trip to London staying a in a nice hotel, a stage show, a most excellent dinner. Take the train so no one gets cranky driving, and there’s no parking hassle. Yes, American…. you -can- afford to take a damn taxi or two. One day in the British Museum even if you’ve been there before..

Now that’s a Christmas present I would like to have…..

Comment from CantHarkMyCry
Time: December 10, 2019, 1:41 am

Tickets to performances (plays/musicals/pantomimes/concerts/whatevers) at a distance (e.g. London) during the winter season when you don’t ordinarily travel about to see stuff? Visit to snobbishly high-falutin’ dining establishment?

Comment from CantHarkMyCry
Time: December 10, 2019, 1:56 am

Some Veg & I seem to have the same idea–treat ourselves to an outing. I HEARTILY endorse his better organized suggestion!

Comment from catnip
Time: December 10, 2019, 4:26 am

A cord of firewood.

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: December 10, 2019, 11:53 am

JavaMan and I are at the stage where we are trying to lighten our belongings, but last year for Christmas I gave him a Little Giant folding ladder, plus the magnetic work tray. He loves it the way a boy loves his first car.

Speaking of cars: his present car has over 300,000 miles on it—and still looks beautiful—but he’s started reading car ads. He wants a nice old pickup, but dang. Even nice old pickups are like buying gold.

Comment from peacelovewoodstock
Time: December 10, 2019, 12:28 pm

Charitable contributions are always an option.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: December 10, 2019, 1:57 pm

Deborah – CarMax has been pretty good to us – last 5 cars (sons and so on) and I’ll probably buy the next “new” used car from them when the time comes.

I picked up a nice 2011 F150 Crew Cab there a couple years back to replace my 10 year old Saturn Vue.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: December 10, 2019, 2:12 pm

Sweasy – for Crimbo you could have mince pies made with minced meat.


Apparently we here in ‘Merica have found yet another way to offend our best buds and former owners by confusing ‘mince’ with mincemeat.

Once again separated by our common language!

Comment from Can’t Hark My Cry
Time: December 10, 2019, 5:23 pm

Wow, Durned Yankee!
The Spruce (the food website that posted the offensive recipe) has since revised that post to omit actual meat.

And I am dumbfounded by this line from the Daily Mail article: “As there is no US equivalent to the sweet mince used in the British treat, it appears the chef has mistaken the spicy preserve, traditionally made from a combination of dried fruit, suet, apple and spices steeped in either rum or brandy, for mincemeat – or ground beef, as it’s known in America.”
Because, yeah, there is not only a US equivalent to that sweet mince–it is in fact marketed as mincemeat, and is what the vast majority of USians are referring to when they say “mincemeat.” The Spruce seems (as far as I can tell without being able to view the original post) to have been making a point about the origins of mincemeat pies, which some centuries ago probably did contain actual animal meat. But it all got lost in the indignation …

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 10, 2019, 8:01 pm

Can’t Hark is quite right about mincemeat. No one in the UK has used meat in their Christmas mince pies for 100 years or more.

That said, I saw a complaint from an exiled Brit only today, saying how much he misses mince pies in the USA. If he can buy mincemeat then surely he can make a bit of pastry? Curiouser and curiouser…

As for the DM, nothing about it now surprises me. I gave up on it a when they handed the editorship to the cretinous establishment stooge Geordie Greig. It always needed handling with the sort of tongs you’d find in a steel foundry but when he took over it finally achieved the toxic status Lefties always claimed for it.

Comment from OldFert
Time: December 10, 2019, 8:56 pm

Catnip — firewood is a good idea.
The utility of your idea reminded me of my folks when we lived in New Jersey many years ago.
We had a cesspool for our house, rather than a septic tank or being hooked up to the city sewage system
Concurrently we were normally low on funds.
So, as her birthday present, my dad got the cesspool emptied.
She was thrilled.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 10, 2019, 9:22 pm

Yeah, I got electrical wire one year. I lived in a trailer and it was to hook me up to the electricity.

Real class, me.

Comment from AliceH
Time: December 11, 2019, 12:50 am

I think you each need another cat.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: December 11, 2019, 3:06 am

But Uncle B! The Daily Flail follows the Kharcrashians every
move! And Bruce Jenner’s totally awesome figure on whatever island thingie hshe is on!

And who doesn’t want like a million pictures of Demi Rose and her peachy posterior thrown in between stories of Boris, Prince Andrew, Jeffery Epsteins ONLY friend in the world, and of course the latest London Bridge Mennonite Stabber?

But, it has this going for it, it’s not Non-Stop Orangeman treason obstructing impeach BAD!

Comment from Pupster
Time: December 11, 2019, 11:16 am

Anything either of us could possibly want we either already have or can’t afford.

Yay! Every gift can now be completely frivolous! May I recommend nerf guns? So fun.

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: December 11, 2019, 1:03 pm

Pupster is right. One year for Christmas, my darling nephew sent me (not us) a set of radio-controlled airplanes. We had a blast, but only played with them at Christmas so they lasted for years. Our Christmas guests learned to ask about the little planes every year.

Comment from BJM
Time: December 11, 2019, 5:45 pm

@Durned…I may be wrong, but I think Deborah’s hubby is thinking more along these lines…a classic The early 70’s GMC step-side short beds are nice looking trucks, but pretty rare now as they have been sought after by modders for a couple of decades…but you can find a nicely restored C10 for under $50k. Go to parkplaceltd dot com and search for Stock Number:C1062 for an example of what’s in the market.

In the 50’s Ford dominated the market with the F100, but by the late 60’s Chevy took over with the C10 and the Jimmy C’s. Now the shift is back to Fords and Rams.

Unfortunately, early Ford pickups are highly sought after by Boomers and modders alike and even rust buckets are not cheap and restored 1950’s F100’s run to 6 figures.

Yeah, we’re nuts…we’re restoring a ’56 Caddie Coupe De Ville.

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