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Wherein Weasel applies for the Mark of the Beast

weasel gets the mark of the beast

On 25 November 2008, certain foreign nationals who apply for further leave to remain (FLR) will be required to have an identity card. The identity cards will contain the following information:

■ a digital photograph of the holder
■ a unique identification number
■ the holder’s name
■ the card expiration date
■ the place and date of issue
■ the holder’s immigration category
■ the holder’s signature
■ a list of restrictions and entitlements for the holder’s immigration category
■ the holder’s fingerprints (on a biometric chip)
■ the holder’s date and place of birth
■ the holder’s gender
■ the holder’s nationality
■ a codification of all of the above into a machine readable format

Biometric appointments will be made using a call centre. Each call centre will use a pool of slots to allocate on a first-come, first-served basis. The appointment itself will require a maximum of 30 minutes. For those who have previously enrolled, an appointment is still required in order to re-check the fingerprints and facial image. A local-rate telephone number will be available for employers and universities to verify that a given ID card is valid. The ID card is not a valid travel document.

If you didn’t guess from the retarded spelling of “center” this does NOT mean that the Bush administration is cracking down on illegals (though, FYI, the US is famously hard on our LEGAL immigrants.). No, this is one more thing to look forward to in Jollye Olde.

In theory, I’m all in favor of countries keeping a close eye on their resident ferriners. But you know what? There is no longer ANY sort of immigration control or restriction of movement or settlement on anyone from within the EU.

So, say for example your daddy was in the Luftwaffe and dropped shit on London for a living. Why, it’s all Willkommen, Freund, enjoy your new life in England. But if Papa was a Yank, Canuck or Aussie snoozing in the poppy fields of Normandy, it’s vere are your papers?

Sucks, is what that right there does.

This is in addition the biometrics that I will have to supply with my Fiancée Visa application, by the way. And guess what? The computer in London that processes those biometrics just shit the bed, moving the average application approval back two weeks. Plus, my buyer needs another week for mortgage confirmation.

So I didn’t make a big deal of the dates. Did you notice that? The ID policy goes into effect on November 25, my ETA was November 26? Hahaha…very funny, Yer Worship. Still hatin’ on a weasel. But that November 26 date is looking increasingly unlikely now, anyway.

And yes…I really do wear a watch with a standing weasel on it.


Comment from Jill
Time: October 22, 2008, 12:10 pm

Uncle Badge’ better have loads of your favorite treats on hand when you finally do get in…’ats all I gotta say.

Comment from bad cat robot
Time: October 22, 2008, 12:12 pm

Are you *sure* you want to go to this England place? According to the AP (which never lies) a)supermarkets have chimneys and b)naked burglars get stuck in them. The chimneys, not the supermarkets. Akismet, I have a rolled-up newspaper and I know how to use it!


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 22, 2008, 12:21 pm

Oh, that’s oop North, BCR, where things are…different.

The England I’m going to is a magical land, without alarm clocks or cubicles. Where badgers actually like doing the cooking and the grocery shopping and weasels aren’t allowed to pay bills or do sums of any kind, because they’re bad at it and it hurts they little weasel heads anyway. Oh, it’s a wonderful place. A place where the real Teletubbies and really excellent copies of old black and white American musicals play on TV in the morning. A place everbody says bad words and drinks a lot, not just me. Where the cream is as thick as icecream, and the icecream could spackle plaster.

They put butter on bacon there.

Oh, it’s worth every sacrifice…

Comment from apotheosis
Time: October 22, 2008, 12:25 pm

I hear they have a chicken in every pot, and a CCTV camera in every chicken.

Oh, and hobbits.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: October 22, 2008, 1:00 pm

Vertical weasels make the best weasels! Or is it a stoat?

Comment from Liberty Girl
Time: October 22, 2008, 1:16 pm

Small mammals are prone to mildew, you know.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 22, 2008, 1:16 pm

I suspect it’s a weasel, on account of Uncle B got it for me and it came, he says, from California.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 22, 2008, 1:27 pm

weasel watch

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: October 22, 2008, 1:35 pm

Oh, that’s oop North, BCR, where things are…different.

Hey, we may be angry drunken racists who – after a hard day’s graft down the pit – like nothing more than to beat the shit out of each other, but even we don’t have chimneys on supermarkets. Anymore. They took them down because someone kept stealing them.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: October 22, 2008, 1:37 pm

even we don’t have chimneys on supermarkets. Anymore. They took them down because someone kept stealing them.

I blame radical Dick Van Dyke cultists.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: October 22, 2008, 2:30 pm

That sounds like the sort of cult I’d be interested in joining. I was watching Diagnosis Murder the other day and I though, ‘My God – this man’s a bloody genius!’

That’s a nice watch. Don’t tell me, its alarm is a farted ditty.

Comment from TimB52
Time: October 22, 2008, 2:31 pm

Why, it’s a Weasel Wist Watch!

Comment from scubafreak
Time: October 22, 2008, 2:36 pm

WOW.. Does the Weasel wist watch have a spring-loaded ferrett that you can shoot at bad guys that annoy you?

Bond. Stoatie Bond……..

(just be glad that they don’t include PIT tags in the biometric requirements…)


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 22, 2008, 3:10 pm

The irony is the country is stuffed full of bloody illegals and those who damned well ought to be illegal.

I guess an American is going to feel it’s just like home…

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: October 22, 2008, 3:25 pm

“They put butter on bacon there.”

Not that they know what proper bacon is though. Seriously, what is that stuff?

Oh, and cute watch you got there! When you go with a theme you really go all the way. 🙂

Comment from Lemur King
Time: October 22, 2008, 3:26 pm

biometrics… yeeeechhh.

Signs in the immigrant questionnaire that they are gunning for you (shit, another list):

1) Immediately after “gender: F” they ask for a sperm sample -OR- “gender: M” for results of last pap smear
2) Q: Have you ever been within 50′ of a real gun?
3) Voting Preference: Obama or McCain?
4) Which hand holds the fork when eating?
5) If American, can you ride a unicycle blindfolded -OR- can you juggle a bowling ball, running-chainsaw, and a rabid skunk simultaneously?

You don’t make this seem very palatable Weas. It says volumes about Uncle B.

Comment from porknbean
Time: October 22, 2008, 4:02 pm

Back to the previous thread’s theme….here it comes…the fairness doctrine…and the most wonderful ‘one’ isn’t even in office yet. Videos at link.


…”If enacted, the Fairness Doctrine (which is anything but) would create logistical nightmares for radio programmers, leading quickly to shuttered stations. The need to “balance” every viewpoint presented would also destroy the entertainment value of talk radio, driving away the audience.

With most major operators currently in deep financial trouble for unrelated reasons, these new restrictions on free speech could represent the final blow for the commercial broadcasting industry.

Even when confronted with the fact that Albuquerque is home to conservative and liberal commerical outlets, as well as public and satellite radio offerings, Bingaman still indicated he would support the move to silence talk radio.”….

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 22, 2008, 4:06 pm

I’m not playing tit-for-tat here, LK, but have you any idea how hard it is going the other way?

I’ve got several friends who’ve fallen victim to errrr… I think I mean ‘are enjoying’ mixed marriages between Brits and Yanks and they all say the same thing. If you think this part is difficult…

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: October 22, 2008, 4:43 pm

Look! A quintessential British man (at the end):

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: October 22, 2008, 4:44 pm

Let me see if I can get this to work:
http ://networdblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/sizzling.html

Comment from scubafreak
Time: October 22, 2008, 5:06 pm

Badger. Our resident Limey in my Motorcycle Riding club seems to get on just fine. He and his wife are even planning a Guy Fawkes day party for the club, complete with the effigy in the firepit.

Of course, he does have this unholy fascination for Kentuky Whiskey…..

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: October 22, 2008, 7:17 pm

Yes, legal immigration to the US is quite difficult. Which is part of why the look-the-other-way attitude toward illegals irritates me. I don’t think it’s fair that someone in Great Britain might be trying to immigrate here and is patiently waiting for the paperwork, while someone in Mexico just swims across the Rio Grande and gets basically no penalty.

(Not that I don’t agree that there is a humanitarian aspect to the illegal immigration issue. I’ve watched too many episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger not to know that. But I do think that legality and fairness are aspects of the issue as well.)

Comment from wendyworn
Time: October 22, 2008, 7:28 pm

Do. Not. Take. The. Mark.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 22, 2008, 7:37 pm

Oh, sure scubafreak – I work with a namerican who has managed to break in to the UK and he gets on fine. The problem isn’t once we’re there or you’re here – it’s the stupid, bloody socialist governments, who insist that what you need is anyone who A/ doesn’t speak the language B/ hates everything your culture stands for and C/ regards you as vile-capitalists-but-a-handy-meal-ticket.

And the same over here.

In the past decade, an already over-populated UK has been further flooded by waves of Somalis, Nigerians, Kenyans, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis – people from anywhere but cultures that are compatible with our own.

I wince with embarrassment as Americans, New Zealanders, Canadians, Australians and others who would (despite all the usual inter-family piss-taking that goes on) fit in just fine, but who are forced to the back of the queue, or treated like vermin, just so that we can let in wannabe suicide bombers and social security scroungers instead.

Umm… I did mention that I regard Augusto Pinochet as a dangerous, Left-wing subversive, didn’t I?

Brits trying even to visit the USA on holiday are treated like cattle (it is a real bone of contention here) and woe betide any of us who try to move to the USA to live and work. Like the UK, the USA operates a policy which acively discriminates against family.

Sorry, but I consider that an auto-immune disease.

I’ll go and dig for worms now.

Comment from Allen
Time: October 22, 2008, 7:58 pm

Given the intersection of Brits, and pie… Shepherds pie for dinner. Yes, I ground a lamb for dinner, my screenplay (Grinding of the Lambs) is not gaining much traction. 🙂

Worschestshire sauce.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 22, 2008, 8:08 pm

You know, that’s really strange, Allen. Her Ladyship is forever telling me you don’t eat many sheep in the colonies.

On the grounds that it’s bad form to eat the neighbours, I’m not too fond of lamb, but I promise you, the site of a weasel attacking a lamb kebab is not one for the squeamish!

Its beady little eyes light-up like Satan’s very own LEDs 😉

Comment from porknbean
Time: October 22, 2008, 8:16 pm

Er…what’s up with McGoo’s site?

McGoo, have you been a bad boy?

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: October 22, 2008, 8:32 pm


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 22, 2008, 8:55 pm

Just saw it. I haven’t got a clue. Probably the porn?

How exciting…

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 22, 2008, 9:01 pm

I found this on my WP dashboard:

This blog has been deactivated because we believe it does not comply with the WordPress.com Terms of Service or advertising policy.

If your blog is designed to promote affiliate links, get rich quick programs, banner ads, consists solely or mostly of duplicate or automatically generated material, or is part of a search engine marketing campaign, WordPress.com is not the place for you. Please use the Export feature to move your content to a more appropriate hosting service.

Occasionally we make mistakes. If you believe we have misclassified your blog, please click here to contact us as soon as possible so we can fix the problem.

I highlighted that phrase above.

Maybe it’s because the majority of photos are usually just copied from other (referenced) sites. Who knows.

Comment from porknbean
Time: October 22, 2008, 9:25 pm

Maybe they mistake your thread titles as ‘get rich quick programs’? They do read kinda like your promoting something or trying to catch trolls. Not that I see that as a problem.

When I click on it and get the wordpress spanking, this is hi-lighted..

..”the Content is not spam, is not machine- or randomly-generated, and does not contain unethical or unwanted commercial content designed to drive traffic to third party sites or boost the search engine rankings of third party sites, or to further unlawful acts (such as phishing) or mislead recipients as to the source of the material (such as spoofing); “..

Is your porn from spam sites? Or they see it as such. And maybe they see your titles as ‘misleading’? Write ’em and tell ’em you’re a spoofer of sorts.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 22, 2008, 9:35 pm

Could be, PnB.

I’m betting on either the fact that most of my photo content is not original, although its almost always referenced to the source. Either that or the smut photos. In my own mind that has been a ticking timebomb.

Heh. I was just thinking earlier today, “I wonder what would happen if I just quit.” The thrill is gone – especially the risque/juvenile act of publishing porn. That got really old really fast. Believe it or not, I never was much of a porn looker. I just did it to see if the hit stats improved. Boy! did they!

Ya know – the 2 1/2 months I was offline the stats stayed substantially the same!?! 300-900 hits a day on no posts whatsoever. That is not normal.

We shall see – I have not gotten a response from WP yet.

Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: October 22, 2008, 9:45 pm

McGoo sez:

Either that or the smut photos.

Personally, I’m betting that somewhere you were indiscreet and let slip that you might lean a bit, ah, conservative, which of course makes your blog HATE SPEECH!

Comment from Jill
Time: October 22, 2008, 9:46 pm

I say you pull down your pants and tell WP to lick you where the sun does not shine.

But, that’s just me, and that’s my answer to just about everything.


Comment from porknbean
Time: October 22, 2008, 9:47 pm

Yeah, might be the porn. I don’t see how the rest of your site is any different than anyone elses.

Do you think someone ratted on you or just some kind of search they use to weed out spam stuffs?

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 22, 2008, 9:55 pm

Mooning WP would qualify as a crime against humanity, Jill. You ain’t seen my booty.

PnB – a long time ago I got one (only one) note from one of the “models” asking me to take her photos down. I did so promptly. It is probably the porn, as you say.

If someone “ratted me out”, I’ll never know. I’m not going to waste energy worrying about it.

Ah, well! This too shall pass, as they say…

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 22, 2008, 10:23 pm

Sorry, EW1 – I didn’t see your comment up there.

If A&A was shitcanned because I’m a conservative, then so much the better!

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 22, 2008, 10:26 pm

Oh, wow! I just realized that I have to change all my log-ons so they don’t reference A&A.


Well – this is one down – many to go.

Comment from LemurKing
Time: October 22, 2008, 11:41 pm

I’m not playing tit-for-tat here, LK, but have you any idea how hard it is going the other way?

Actually Uncle B, I have some german friends who had to go back to Germany because of the hassle. So yeah, I do have an idea of how hard it is.

I was trying to be lighthearted, not make a statement… but do take it for the compliment it was.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: October 23, 2008, 12:08 am

I dropped a dime on you, Steam. Jesus hates smut, but he’s a little slow in the smiting department, so I had to smite you for Him.

Comment from JuliaM
Time: October 23, 2008, 3:44 am

OT, but I remembered you posted a while ago on black-footed ferrets, and wondered if you’d seen this good news:


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 23, 2008, 5:26 am

S’ok Lemur King, I wasn’t getting arsey. It’s just, as I was saying to her Ladyship earlier, surprising how may Americans and Brits that I meet seem absolutely surprised (not to say almost disbelieving) when you tell them how hard it is to move from one country to the other.

What the Weasel and I are having to do makes me very angry indeed, not least because I know how easy it would be if I were some Somalian Islamist fuckwit and she was my fourth wife!

Damnit, they’d even pay me extra ‘benefits’ so that I could keep her in the misery to which she was accustomed!

So yes, thanks for the compliment which was very welcome. Now forgive me if I find a politician to bite.

Comment from porknbean
Time: October 23, 2008, 8:41 am

Uncle B, just tell them you have ‘reverted’ and plan on making her the first of your four wives escaping the evil Bushitler. Or tell them you are a man-lesbian and demand in a poofy way that you have rights or needs or something. Libs love them some pet gheys and musslemens.

Comment from Cuffy Meigs
Time: October 23, 2008, 10:20 am

Oooo, UK immigration! I just happened to re-watch “Children of Men” on HBO last night. As far as future dystopias go, it has really grown on me. Much, much better than “Solyent Green” which is MADE OF PEEEEEOPLE! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! AH, DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

um, hi.

Comment from surly ermine
Time: October 23, 2008, 10:46 am

(licks pencil and amends Christmas wish-list to include weasel wrist watch)

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: October 23, 2008, 5:53 pm

Well I thought it was a cool picture at least, Mulsi 😉

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