sweasel.com

Hey, I just thought of something! I can threaten to move to another country if Obama wins! Because that’s just so effective. Did y’all see this?

The time line of toilet paper:

http://www.toiletpaperworld.com/encyclopedia/navigation/funfacts.htm

Huh. That’s actually very interesting, Jill. Hey, speaking of asswipes, I got a letter from Lincoln Chafee.

No, not today. I’m going through old papers, sorting them into Keep, Throw away and Shred piles (why do so goddamn many companies print the whole credit card number or my SSN on their communications? Maroons!).

Anyhow, I apparently wrote Linc Chafee when he was my Senator. I got a typically confused and non-commital reply in return, but it doesn’t look like a form letter. And it’s got a real live signature!

It was when John Bolton was up for confirmation and I don’t know what I said to Chafee, but I’m guessing it was along the lines of “Hey, you squish RINO ass-clown, vote to confirm or the mighty ‘stache will crack you in half like a a steamed crableg!”

*channeling my mother’s kind of speak*

Them f*ckers did that man (Bolton) something dirty.

Hey Weas – am I correct in thinking that you have some knowledge of home brewing? Beer to be specific. If so, do you know how one goes about using hops and barley i.e. how to get the malt out of barley and how to process the hops? Those beer kits you can get come with a can of factory made goop, but I’m interested starting with the basic ingredients: water, barley, hops and yeast. Or is it complicated for a newcomer (the only home brew I’ve ever seen is the bucket of…concoction my Grandad used to keep in his airing cupboard) like myself, and so better to start off with a beer kit?

Nope, I’ve never made beer (or wine), Gibby. I’ve known people who’ve done it, but my expertise — such as it is — is entirely with -=cough=- white spirits.

Alright, thanks. I’ll search the intertubes.

Gibby, if I might. I’ve been making my own beer for 20 years, I also have a small vineyard and produce 500 bottles per year. My friends and neighbors stay happy and mellow.

You can purchase the malted grains, hops, and then concoct from there. There are any number of homebrew suppliers on the internet. I would suggest you start with a kit and then go the grain route after you gain some experience.

Making beer. is also a precursor to learning to make wine. There are some fine suppliers out there. You just eliminate the need to grow the grapes. I prefer to grow mine, because it gives you that variability, sometimes mediocre, sometimes spectacular.

Thanks Allen. So making a wort from fresh hops and grains isn’t a beginner thing to do?

Gibster, my friend Tom used to do home brews all the time. He and his brew-buddy used to start with worts.

If you get good, you could write a book about it:

The Story of Home Brewing: Worts and All

Wort the Fork Am I Doing? the beginner’s guide to home brewing.

Actually some of the beginners kits will contain both malt extract and grain adjuncts, that’s a good start. When I think about it, if you follow a good recipe there is no reason you couldn’t start with malted grains, hops, and yeast.

You still have to purchase the malted grains, that is something I don’t recommend doing yourself. Malted grains are sprouted grains that are subsequently dried. The sprouting part provides for the available sugar.

Also the yeast can’t be just any old yeast. It needs to be bred specifically for the type of beer. It really does make a difference you can taste. There are any number of good books out there on homebrewing.

Yeah, I’ve just downloaded a copy of ‘The Complete Joy of Home Brewing.’ It’s very good. And funny. Of course, I do intend to buy a copy, I just wanted to see if my queries were addressed in it. I may be a Yorkshireman, but I’m not that tight-fisted.

Gibby, that’s one of the best books on the subject. There are some great Stouts in there. Hmmm, maybe I’ll make a new stout, “Stoat Stout” or is that name taken?

Fursty Ferret is taken. I know that much. Yes, Allen, this book seems just what I need. Thanks for your advice. How did you get into home brewing anyway?

My wife and I decided to plant a vineyard years ago. I knew I had no earthly idea what to do once I started getting a crop; I thought making beer would be a good start.

It was, plus I fell in love with the idea of making beer the way I wanted it, not some PR department. I mean really, “light” beer WTF is that all about?

Allen, how many acres of grapes do you need for 500 bottles a year?

You can make beer from grapes?

How about Flatulent Ferret Framboise? A wheat ale with a hint of raspberry. Obsequious, yet succinct.

Gnus, is this a great idea, or what?

I’m spellbound.

I homebrew kool-aid.

It’s a pretty simple recipe, you just start from raw ingredients. I like pixie stix, and coincidentally this most important ingredient is nearing harvest time (oct 31st).

Is it a commercial enterprise, Allen?

I think ‘light’ beer is a North American phenomenon. Though two of the most popular beers here are Foster’s and Carling, both of which are watery, tasteless, all-round nasty shite. I think they’d fall into the ‘light’ category if they were North American products.