And then I made a little puddle on the floor
I was going to publish the tracking numbers so everyone could follow the twist of the screw with me, but something in the back of my head said that was a bad idea. I can’t put my finger on why, but I don’t need to make unnecessary withdrawals from my stupid account. I’m going to need those credits.
Yep, they’re away. One is cat papers going to the USDA, the other is weasel papers going to the embassy. Pray god I didn’t get them the wrong way around. I don’t want to be wormed before I get on the plane.
The fingerprint place is a general immigration office of some kind. The people who worked in it were teh suck. The surly cow who took my prints refused to join me in a laugh about my full and legal name, a sure sign she was working at being a bitch. She thought I was insanely stupid because she had to tell me what to do. It particularly exasperated her when she pointed to a chair and I sat in it (I was supposed to put my stuff on it). This seems doubly unfair since she ordered me to sit in the chair later by pointing to it.
And just before she took my prints, somebody leaned over and said something that really pissed her off. She’d start to roll one of my fingers and then fling up her hands and shout “He’s lucky I wasn’t there — I’d’ve said something!” and then she’d start to roll a finger again and shout, “I wouldn’t have let that pass!” and gesture in the air. With my finger.
I had to fill out a customer response card on the way out. I gave her good marks for everything. You don’t fuck with civil servants if you want your papers to get there.
That machine is cool, anyhow. It’s a little plate of glass and a big monitor, and you get to see your fingerprints up huge in realtime. Then it grades the quality of the print. I guess I got passing grades.
Hartford wasn’t bad, but I couldn’t find the FedEx place. My GPS got the stupids and kept sending me in circles or directing me down roads that didn’t exist or weren’t named that. It particularly enjoyed sending me up and down Asylum Street (and Asylum Place and Asylum Ave). Ha ha. Yes. I gets it. Wants to go home now?
I hit a FedEx Kinko’s in Providence and got everything packaged up. Then my Visa card bounced. “!” I said. This was a pain because I’d used that card number for the return FedEx slips and had to throw those away and make new ones using a different card number and repackage everything.
Got home, called the credit card company, gave the robot my number…and immediately got to a human being. “!” I thought.
“Your account was frozen because of suspicious activity from overseas.”
“Hm?”
“November 4. Great Britain.”
“Oh. I do have somebody in Britain. I might have bought him something locally. How much was it?”
“$942.”
“Oh, dear. That is rather a lot of…OH HOLY FLAMING BATSHIT!!! YOU BOUNCED MY VISA APPLICATION FEE?!?!”
“Well, I can’t really tell if it bounced or if we froze the account after that, but I’ll unfreeze you now! And thanks for calling Huge Stupid Credit Card Company! click”
Jesus. They didn’t call me or anything. They waited until I tried to use the card and called them. So either they let a big suspicious charge float for eight days without saying anything or they’ve crushed my little weaselly dreams. Crushed them, I say!
Posted: November 12th, 2008 under personal, weaselimportlicense.
Comments: 25
Comments
Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: November 12, 2008, 7:34 pm
Oh dear. I’m sure it’s going to be ok though, you’ll see. Is there any way of checking the charges online to see if it went through?
Comment from Discoverer
Time: November 12, 2008, 7:53 pm
Oh, dear. That is rather a lot of…OH HOLY FLAMING BATSHIT!!! YOU BOUNCED MY VISA APPLICATION FEE?!?!”
Oh dear, indeed. You didn’t mistakenly use your Mastercard for your Visa application, did you?
Comment from Jill
Time: November 12, 2008, 8:10 pm
“You didn’t mistakenly use your Mastercard for your Visa application, did you?” said DISCOVERer.
Oh dear, oh dear. That would be a problem.
Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: November 12, 2008, 8:13 pm
This sounds like it would make a fantastic “British” (I guess that’s a slur now!)sitcom. I would like to claim the rights to propose this to BBC2. Good luck.
Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 12, 2008, 9:26 pm
Could have been worse. PayPal tried to screw me for An Awful Lot Of Money a few weeks ago. Then made me pay premium rate to speak to some moron in Luxembourg, who tried to blame me for them letting someone dip into my account.
PayPal is teh sucks – teh very evil.
Comment from Allen
Time: November 12, 2008, 10:46 pm
I have instituted a new music playlist in Dark Horse House.
Given the current Bank O’Hank “we ain’t buying no stinkin’ toxic assets, we’re givin’ moola to the folks that did.”
Dire Straits: “Money for Nothing.”
Ok, a few songs from Little Feat: Fat Man in the Bathtub (Ice cream) Dixie Chicken (“…my money flowed like wine…”)
Jimmy Buffet, most of “Livin’ and Dyin’ in 3/4 Time.”
Comment from porknbean
Time: November 13, 2008, 12:20 am
Awww crap, weasel. So sorry that you have to go through it.
I would doublecheck that card to make sure the payment went through.
I am so not looking forward to universal healthcare, where every person you deal with will have the attitude of fingerprint lady, the ambiance of the DMV, and the competence of…er…well….congress.
Going to cry now.
Comment from bad cat robot
Time: November 13, 2008, 12:52 am
I think they used the same fingerprint machine for me when I done got fingerprinted recently (I’m an official and credentialed VA Volunteer now — don’t mess with me, man!) Only my fingerprint guy was nice and when I wanted to know why my fingerprints were getting graded he very enthusiastically explained it all to me, *including* the little red arrows indicating where the machine wasn’t quite sure because my ridges were dry. I think there’s a cream for that ….
And a pox on your stupid credit card company. They could reach you in .9 femtoseconds if you didn’t pay your bill, but let you know they were denying a major purchase on a whim? Can’t be bothered …
Comment from blake
Time: November 13, 2008, 2:27 am
So, there are actual Vogons working in our government bureaus?
Neat. (As long as I don’t have to go there.)
Is it just thee and me or are other people noticing the credit card companies clamping down at the slightest thing?
Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: November 13, 2008, 9:10 am
So, there are actual Vogons working in our government bureaus?
Bureaus, nothin’. In a few months, we’ll have Vogon poetry being written at the Resolute desk!
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 13, 2008, 10:59 am
Hahaha…the cat’s papers got to the USDA, but my papers haven’t reached the Embassy yet. And I paid extra for that! Still, it’s not quite 10.
Comment from Old Krow
Time: November 13, 2008, 11:28 am
Jebus Stoatie
would it not be cheaper to locate your limeybean over to this side of the tub?
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 13, 2008, 11:41 am
Cheaper. But harder, believe it or not.
Meanwhile:
And wouldn’t you know I’m too busy dealing with some stupid PowerPoint presentation to be able to sit back and revel.
Comment from Farmer Joe
Time: November 13, 2008, 12:08 pm
Is it just me, or is it extremely silly that Federal Express changed its name to FedEx, and now has changed it again to FedEx Express? Federal Express Express?
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 13, 2008, 12:31 pm
And FedEx/Kinko’s is now…FedEx Business Centers, I think it was. There was a sign on the door.
Actually, those things are pretty cool. You mill around, make copies, play with the staplers. It’s just like a real office job, but YOU pay THEM!
Comment from porknbean
Time: November 13, 2008, 1:30 pm
You mill around, make copies, play with the staplers.
Heh. Did you pack your collection of staplers to take with, or did you toss them?
Comment from Alice H
Time: November 13, 2008, 2:09 pm
I hate it when that happens. Every time we go out of town, whatever credit card we decide to use for the trip gets shut down. I can’t imagine what would happen trying to move overseas.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 13, 2008, 2:11 pm
Of course I’m taking the staplers! I’m packing this office next week.
Comment from Jill
Time: November 13, 2008, 2:27 pm
I bet everybody knows that Paula Abdul’s stalker committed suicide, but nobody outside of Pennsylvania knows that our Lieutenant Governor died of cancer this morning.
F’ing media.
Comment from scubafreak
Time: November 13, 2008, 2:46 pm
Ms. Peel… Somehow I wouldn’t be a BIT suprised to see flyswatters pop up in the halls of government to smite anyone with a hint of an original thought……
Comment from Muslihoon
Time: November 13, 2008, 3:10 pm
“and then she’d start to roll a finger again and shout, “I wouldn’t have let that pass!” and gesture in the air. With my finger.”
Not to be making light of your misfortune, but that made me laugh indeed.
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