Literally two seconds
Still addicted to watching YouTubes of police body cam arrests. I’ve watched so many field sobriety tests, I catch myself rooting for the suspects. You go girl, you totally aced that heel-to-toe thing.
Honestly, some of those people did alright, from what I can see. Either the cops are looking at something special, or they’re just basing the bust on the smell of alcohol.
One thing I am as sure as sure can be – if I ever have to take the field sobriety test, I’m totally going to jail. I’ve always been badly uncoordinated and I’m losing my balance as I get older. Forget the heel-to-toe thing, I can’t last two seconds with my arms to my sides and one foot in the air. Literally two seconds. They’re looking for thirty.
Ironically, I do better after I have a couple of drinks.
p.s. Good thing I don’t have a driver’s license, huh?
p.p.s. That’s not me in the picture. It’s an Arizona judge after ‘a couple’ of glasses of wine.
p.p.p.s. Have a wunnerful weekend!
Posted: September 15th, 2023 under personal.
Comments: 9
Comments
Comment from OldFert
Time: September 15, 2023, 8:19 pm
I’ve commented many times to Mrs Fert: Heck, I can’t do that sober.
She just commented to have Field Sobriety Test as a party game. Every half-hour or so, everyone stops everything and half the crowd administers a field sobriety test to the other half.
I’d fail no matter how much or little booze I’ve had.
Comment from steve
Time: September 15, 2023, 9:12 pm
Some years back I bought a BAC meter.
It was on the discount rack at Walmart, I think. Well under 10 bucks. I bought 2.
Press the button, wait for the beep, blow into the straw until the next beep, view the result.
Talk about party games!
Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: September 15, 2023, 9:32 pm
This is fun! I like this one:
Comment from Mitchell
Time: September 15, 2023, 10:49 pm
Hey Stoatie, I’ve e-mailed you back a couple times. Check your spam filter!
Comment from Veeshir
Time: September 16, 2023, 3:18 am
Protip: Don’t say ‘I couldn’t do that if I was sober’.
I’ve been pulled over after not drinking and said, “Could I just blow a breathalyzer and be about my business?”
They sent me on my way both times without the breathalyzer.
Comment from Anonymous
Time: September 16, 2023, 5:30 pm
Another fun one:
Woman turns $80 ticket into a felony
Comment from Jon
Time: September 18, 2023, 5:00 pm
SSTs man. Great when they’re done right, terrible when they muff them up.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2023, 6:14 pm
I bought Uncle B a home breathalyzer for Christmas one time and we had a merry old evening drinking and taking readings.
Comment from Mike in Fairfax
Time: September 19, 2023, 5:42 am
Topical clip from an all time great ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ episode where Dr. Johnny Fever Proves He’s Immune to Alcohol During a Drunk Reflex Test:
https://laughingsquid.com/dr-johnny-fever-drunk-reflex-test/
Good times… good times.
Write a comment
Beware: more than one link in a comment is apt to earn you a trip to the spam filter, where you will remain -- cold, frightened and alone -- until I remember to clean the trap. But, hey, without Akismet, we'd be up to our asses in...well, ass porn, mostly.<< carry me back to ol' virginny