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Literally two seconds

Still addicted to watching YouTubes of police body cam arrests. I’ve watched so many field sobriety tests, I catch myself rooting for the suspects. You go girl, you totally aced that heel-to-toe thing.

Honestly, some of those people did alright, from what I can see. Either the cops are looking at something special, or they’re just basing the bust on the smell of alcohol.

One thing I am as sure as sure can be – if I ever have to take the field sobriety test, I’m totally going to jail. I’ve always been badly uncoordinated and I’m losing my balance as I get older. Forget the heel-to-toe thing, I can’t last two seconds with my arms to my sides and one foot in the air. Literally two seconds. They’re looking for thirty.

Ironically, I do better after I have a couple of drinks.

p.s. Good thing I don’t have a driver’s license, huh?

p.p.s. That’s not me in the picture. It’s an Arizona judge after ‘a couple’ of glasses of wine.

p.p.p.s. Have a wunnerful weekend!


Comment from OldFert
Time: September 15, 2023, 8:19 pm

I’ve commented many times to Mrs Fert: Heck, I can’t do that sober.

She just commented to have Field Sobriety Test as a party game. Every half-hour or so, everyone stops everything and half the crowd administers a field sobriety test to the other half.

I’d fail no matter how much or little booze I’ve had.

Comment from steve
Time: September 15, 2023, 9:12 pm

Some years back I bought a BAC meter.

It was on the discount rack at Walmart, I think. Well under 10 bucks. I bought 2.

Press the button, wait for the beep, blow into the straw until the next beep, view the result.

Talk about party games!

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: September 15, 2023, 9:32 pm

This is fun! I like this one:


Comment from Mitchell
Time: September 15, 2023, 10:49 pm

Hey Stoatie, I’ve e-mailed you back a couple times. Check your spam filter!

Comment from Veeshir
Time: September 16, 2023, 3:18 am

Protip: Don’t say ‘I couldn’t do that if I was sober’.

I’ve been pulled over after not drinking and said, “Could I just blow a breathalyzer and be about my business?”
They sent me on my way both times without the breathalyzer.

Comment from Jon
Time: September 18, 2023, 5:00 pm

SSTs man. Great when they’re done right, terrible when they muff them up.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2023, 6:14 pm

I bought Uncle B a home breathalyzer for Christmas one time and we had a merry old evening drinking and taking readings.

Comment from Mike in Fairfax
Time: September 19, 2023, 5:42 am

Topical clip from an all time great ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ episode where Dr. Johnny Fever Proves He’s Immune to Alcohol During a Drunk Reflex Test:

Good times… good times.

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