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How to tell you’re in an exotic foreign land…

whiskas

Whiskas comes in flavors like duck and rabbit, which makes annoying Warner Brothers cartoons play in my head whenever I feed the cat (DUCK season…WABBIT season…DUCK season…WABBIT season…). And the packet is in five languages.

Also, you have tea with the vicar. Tea with the vicar, I am so not kidding. Tonight was the second of our premarital counseling sessions (oooh! ‘Premarital’ makes it sound so naughty). She didn’t show us any more of Margaret Calvert’s industrial design work, but there was this graphic of a cup filling up with anger and resentment and spilling over with sarcasm, or some shit. I don’t know. I drew a picture of an weasel going “grrrr!” on it when she turned her back.

The vicar is a very nice lady, or I wouldn’t put up with a minute of this.

Then we came home, started a roaring coal fire and set the chimney on fire. No, no…we were able to starve it before it burned down Badger House, but that means no more fires until the sweeps come. And the sweeps can’t come until Thursday. And it’s going to be Really Very Cold this weekend.

But never mind. I’ve always said one of the great benefits of living in a multicultural society is that the airport ladies’ room teaches you how to say, “please put your tampon in the receptacle provided” in a variety of pointless, mouth-grinding, ugly languages. So here, courtesy of Whiskas, for your enlightenment and entertainment, is “complete pet food for adult cats” rendered in a bunch of stupid foreign tongues:

Alimento complete para gatos adultos.
Helfoder för vuxna katter.
Fuldfoder til voksne katte.
Täysravintoa aikuisille kissoille.

Ah, Croatian. The language of love.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from naleta
Time: January 8, 2009, 9:42 pm

Like the cat cares what language is written on it as long as you feed her! My cats only care that I feed them. If the label was in Spanish, or French, instead of English, they wouldn’t care. But I bet they’d like to try the duck flavour, lol.

 


Comment from Ken
Time: January 8, 2009, 10:01 pm

Sweeps? Insert appropriate William Blake poem here.

Weep! Weep! Weep!

 


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: January 8, 2009, 10:22 pm

Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Weas and Uncle B did appall the black’ning church.

(No offense meant, my beloved mustelids…just playing off Ken’s Blake reference.) (“how the chimney sweepers cry/the black’ning church appalls”)

My favorite foreign slogan: Haribo macht die Kinder froh, und Erwachsene ebenso! Which is rendered on the English packaging as “Haribo makes kids happy, and adults too.” Yeah, that’s…not the same.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: January 9, 2009, 1:16 am

Ah, Croatian. The language of love.

I thought Italian was the language of love…or was that Fwench? Nah, fwench has to be the language of smelly armpits and an itchy crotch.

 


Comment from scubafreak
Time: January 9, 2009, 1:46 am

OMG!! LOL… Did any of you catch the story about the Hamas TV idiot who got bored on the late shift, went channel surfing, and ended up placing Polish erotica on Gaza TV for around 6 minutes? ROFLMAO..

http ://www.liveleak.com/view?i=171_1231419007

Careful, the clip does have nudity, but the context is funny as hell…. 😉

 


Comment from scubafreak
Time: January 9, 2009, 1:47 am

Ya know stoatie, I might have to paypal you some cash so that you can ship me a bag of that RunnyBabbit kitteh chow. Ol’ Schroedinger is starting to get tired of his seafood diet…..

 


Comment from benning
Time: January 9, 2009, 11:00 am

“please put your tampon in the receptacle provided”

What a weird mental image I just got. Dim-witted, foreign women inserting said tampon into an ear.

Yeesh!

 


Comment from Sarah D.
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:08 pm

If it caught fire, then it should now be clean. Problem solved!

 


Comment from Nicholas the Slide
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:20 pm

Nick has excused himself from the room until his pyromaniacal tendencies are once again tightly under leash. We Apologize For The Inconvenience.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:35 pm

Alimento complete para gatos adultos.
Helfoder för vuxna katter.
Fuldfoder til voksne katte.
Täysravintoa aikuisille kissoille.

Spanish
Swedish
Danish
Finnish

They forgot:
Dutch
French
German
Hungarian
Italian
Portuguese
and at least one Slavic language

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:45 pm

Which is strange because on the package they have
With Duck
Con Pato
Com Pato

Which is:
English
Spanish
Portuguese

But no Portuguese for “this is complete nutrition for adult cats” or whatnot? Strange.

 


Comment from Andrea Harris
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:54 pm

I’ve always liked the look of Finnish. I even bought a Finnish language book and tried to teach it to myself. They have something like 11 cases. (If you don’t know what cases are when it comes to linguistics don’t bother looking it up — it will just make your head hurt. It made my head hurt when I had to deal with German’s four.)

Anyway, I like the way Finnish looks all printed out on a page or website. All those double vowels. It’s like Hawaiian for Vikings. Did you know that Tolkien based one of his Elven languages on Finnish? Didja huh? Well now you have that useless bit of knowledge in your head. Thanks to me!

Weasel in Finnish is apparently kärpät. According to the internets as translated by Wikipedia’s language sidebar.

 


Comment from Andrea Harris
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:57 pm

Oh by the way my cats are completely jealous that cats overseas get cat food in duck and rabbit flavor.

 


Comment from Jill
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:57 pm

They forgot Ukrainian.

:)

 


Comment from Nicholas the Slide
Time: January 9, 2009, 12:59 pm

Being a fan of Norse mythology, I’ve always kind of been fascinated with everything up in that part of the world. I do admit it looks very cool and I wish I could type it without having to use the complicated ALT-NUMCODE combinations.

I did not know the tidbit about Tolkien Elvish though. Yay random trivia!

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 9, 2009, 1:48 pm

Helfoder? Isn’t that what they feed helcats?

 


Comment from JuliaM
Time: January 9, 2009, 2:00 pm

And another cherished assumption dies screaming…

Given the amazing variety of human foods in US supermarkets, I guess I just assumed that catfood in the US also came in 1001 flavours.

Hearing that people are amazed at plain ‘ol duck flavour, now I don’t know what to think…

 


Comment from Nicholas the Slide
Time: January 9, 2009, 2:59 pm

Most cat foods I’ve bought were either chicken, turkey, beef, fish, assorted combinations of the above, or simply “dry cat food” without any listed flavor. This goes for the times I’ve lived in Texas, Arizona, AND Tennessee, so I think it would probably duck and rabbit are not any more common elsewhere in the country except in certain specific locales, or the more expensive pet shops… I usually don’t bother getting anything more extravagant than whatever Wal-Mart (or the closest, cheapest equivalent is at the moment) has.

Also I think there’s a stigma regarding certain animals here, thanks to the “eco-friendly” mentality that’s pervaded our society. It’s bad enough we’ve got PETA telling us that we’re all evil for even daring to think of eating meat, but on lesser measures certain creatures are kind of “only for special occasions” – like I almost never hear of people eating duck except around the holidays, and more often than not it’s turkey instead – and even then “not for pets” much less something you’d give your pet on a regular basis unless you have money flowing out of your ears in regular intervals. (Then you don’t have time to worry about the “friends of animals” crowd getting on your case because you’re already getting beaten with the class warfare stick).

Yeah, I know it makes absolutely no sense, but that’s our society….

 


Comment from Andrea Harris
Time: January 9, 2009, 3:41 pm

Americans don’t eat a lot of duck or rabbit. You can still get it here and there, but it’s not popular. I don’t blame PETA and their ilk — I blame all those cartoons we’ve been feeding to children for fifty-odd years that anthropomorphized rabbits so that you ask the average child if he’d like some rabbit for dinner and you’ll get the response “Oh no! We can’t eat thumper!” Also parents these days tend to indulge in the food squeamishness of their young rather than tell them “you’ll eat what you’re given or you won’t eat.”

Also duck is considered to be more difficult to prepare, because it’s greasier than chicken or turkey, and everyone wants no-fuss food that they can just throw in the oven for a while. That being said, when I was a kid my parents got tired of making a huge turkey every Thanksgiving and having leftovers forever, so they started making duck instead. It was delicious, and just enough food for our small family of four. And now I want some Thai crispy duck…

 


Comment from Jill
Time: January 9, 2009, 3:56 pm

I’m trying to remember exactly what the GWC said about dog and cat food in the United States having to meet certain levels of nutritional requirements by the FDA, but it’s basically that the FDA doesn’t require the same levels of adherence for people food.

 


Comment from Sockless Joe
Time: January 9, 2009, 4:12 pm

Never had rabbit, and can’t say I’ve seen it served anywhere. Duck is soooo yummy, but I don’t get it often.

Pet food in the US sometimes has lamb, but not the super cheap stuff.

 


Comment from nbpundit
Time: January 9, 2009, 4:42 pm

The main ingredient in pet foods is corn…the demon
of creating endless veterinarian visits.
As to food, PETA wants all fish renamed as sea kittens,
in order to discourage us two legged critters from eating
them. Mweh…

There there’s this…
http://www.anenglishmanscastle.com/archives/006872.html

Git yer long sleeved ‘blouses’ out!

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 9, 2009, 4:45 pm

When I helped my parents move to the ranch they bought in southern Colorado (a billion years ago), the house had a wood-burning stove and no electricity. The outbuildings and old haystacks were rife with rabbits, though, so for two weeks we ate rabbit (fried, roasted, etc on/in that wood-burning stove) that had been wearing its skin a few minutes earlier.

Tip: A rabbit can be easily skinned and gutted with nothing more than your fingernails.

 


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: January 9, 2009, 4:46 pm

My Mom had a pet rabbit when she was a kid. Then one day she came home from school and was told that the rabbit had “escaped and run off”. Then they had some funny tasting chicken that night. :-(

 


Comment from scubafreak
Time: January 9, 2009, 4:46 pm

Hell, right now, Brits can get Cajun Squirrel flavored Walkers Crisps in the market. As well as chili chocolate, onion bhaji and several others…… LOL

 


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 9, 2009, 4:57 pm

We do eat quite a bit of duck here – more so in recent years as the taste has caught-on and producers have found fiendish ways of increasing the production (don’t ask).

Runny babbit consumption (weasels excepted, of course) has gone in the opposite direction and I think Andrea Harris has it right – we’re too damned squeamish to eat it. You do see it but it’s a minority taste and kids won’t touch it.

When the movie of of Watership Down came out over here, an enterprising butcher in South London had a sign in his window that read: ‘You seen the film, you’ve bought the album, now eat the cast’.

The man was a poet.

 


Comment from Jill
Time: January 9, 2009, 5:01 pm

Uncle B, that’s fabulous!

 


Comment from Nicholas the Slide
Time: January 9, 2009, 5:02 pm

When the movie of of Watership Down came out over here, an enterprising butcher in South London had a sign in his window that read: ‘You seen the film, you’ve bought the album, now eat the cast’.

The man was a poet.

GENIUS!

 


Comment from scubafreak
Time: January 9, 2009, 6:27 pm

When the movie of of Watership Down came out over here, an enterprising butcher in South London had a sign in his window that read: ‘You seen the film, you’ve bought the album, now eat the cast’.

I LIKE IT!!! :-)

 


Comment from memomachine
Time: January 10, 2009, 12:08 am

Hmmm.

Don’t know about duck but I used to make an egg over easy, cut up small and with the hot yolk covering all the white pieces, for my cat.

Probably not good for him but he loved it.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 10, 2009, 9:26 am

Yeah, I used to feed scrambled eggs to my raccoon. Man, was he angry when we weaned him onto dry dogfood.

 


Comment from JuliaM
Time: January 10, 2009, 2:14 pm

For anyone planning a trip to Blighty, you could do worse than read Giles Coren’s ‘Times’ piece today:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/giles_coren/article5484660.ece

Pretty funny :)

 


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: January 10, 2009, 10:08 pm

I have to be honest, duck and rabbit makes a hell of a lot more sense in cat food than Tuna and Beef. You don’t see packs of wild cats taking down a cow in the field or swatting a tuna out of the water.

 


Comment from Fa Cube Itches
Time: January 13, 2009, 3:49 am

Duck, rabbit, chicken, beef, tuna….I never understood this. Why aren’t cat foods made in flavors that cats like: sparrow, mouse, cockroach, lizard, etc.?

 


Comment from Nicholas the Slide
Time: January 13, 2009, 12:17 pm

Do not confound the issue with logic!

😛

 


Pingback from S. Weasel
Time: March 26, 2009, 9:02 pm

[…] the chimney really shouldn’t have sooted up this fast (our last chimney fire was on January 8). So, we probably need a bigger-diameter chimney lining (>£1K) and/or a new stove (>£1K). […]

 

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