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Other brands that will never, ever make it in the States

retardex

retarDEX.

The one on the left is a mouthwash and the one on the right is a toothpaste. Clinically proven to eliminate bad breath and make weasels spray milk out their little pink noses.

I am so TOTALLY adopting this as my insult-de-jour. You know, like when I catch Uncle B jigging around the bedroom with his underpants on his head, I’ll be like “dude! DUUUUDE! Did you brush with RETARDEX this morning?!

As opposed to RETARDex, which is clinically proven to eliminate retards.

Sorry for the fuzziness of this. I have to employ great stealth. Lord Sainsbury doesn’t like weasels taking pictures of his retarDEX.

Happy Friday!

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 30, 2009, 8:42 pm

I wish it to be known that badgers do not jiggle around bedrooms with their underpants on their heads.

Ever.

OK?

Hmph!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 30, 2009, 9:23 pm

Whatever, dude.

underpants

 


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 30, 2009, 9:48 pm

That wasn’t my bedroom.

 


Comment from armybrat
Time: January 30, 2009, 10:20 pm

you can get your man to jiggle around with underpants on his head? I’ve been married 25 years now and my man won’t do that for me! I am not doing something right!

 


Comment from Michael
Time: January 30, 2009, 10:36 pm

jiggle, smiggle. What I need to know is can you score me a 55 gallon drum of RETARDex that I can deploy in the Upper Level Executive Suite of my Stoopid Business™ employer?

On further thought, I’ll probably need two 55 gallon drums…

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: January 31, 2009, 1:25 am

Badgers wear purple underpants? I don’t know what I expected but not that. Wearing them on the head is fine, whatever. But purple?

Anyway, Weas… am I reading that right? My monetary conversion might be off but 5.37 pounds for toothpaste might be around $7-$8. Is that right? Eight freakin’ bucks for toothpaste? Better be some damn fine toothpaste. It better jump on my brush and taste like truffles for that kind of money.

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: January 31, 2009, 1:33 am

Oh yes, weas… I’m usually the last one to see these things but a friend sent me the link… had you ever run across this before? [‘ware the space…]

http ://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7376/2321/1600/636063/hand_painting_12.jpg

 


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 31, 2009, 8:41 am

Those were not my underpants (snurfle).

Never underestimate her Ladyship’s proclivity for outright theft (item one for the prosecution, M’Lud – the matter of the chip-stealing stoat).

Everyone knows badgers don’t wear underpants at all. Why, the very idea!

 


Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: January 31, 2009, 8:59 am

In the States we would have to change the name to Mentally Challenge-Dex or face the political correct police. But at least our septic tanks don’t need CPU’s.

 


Comment from Gnus
Time: January 31, 2009, 11:10 am

Nothing like a Pentium for the potty, eh.

Lovely shade of purple, milord.

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: January 31, 2009, 11:43 am

I would like to point out that jigging around the bedroom is a very different thing than jiggling around the bedroom.

Badgers do not wear underpants.

 


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: January 31, 2009, 11:57 am

I wonder how Brits (and others) react to American stuff. I would love to read a blog by a British expatriate in America (provided, of course, that the writer was as clever as our gracious hostess).

 


Comment from Mrs. Hill
Time: January 31, 2009, 12:50 pm

That wasn’t my bedroom.
Those were not my underpants (snurfle).

mkay.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: January 31, 2009, 2:49 pm

What is the percentage of Brits using that brand of mouth cleansers?

Perhaps commie/jihadi agents manufacture the stuff with sooper sekret mindwashing ingredients? It would explain a lot.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 31, 2009, 4:43 pm

Well, I’ve always cringed at the idea of explaining Ben Gay to Uncle B.

 


Comment from Mrs. Hill
Time: January 31, 2009, 5:23 pm

How about Zim’s Crack Cream?

 


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: January 31, 2009, 6:53 pm

Man I could use some of that.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: January 31, 2009, 8:27 pm

Yeah but you can’t beat Zog’s Sex Wax

Yes I used to be a surfer.

 


Comment from lauraw
Time: February 1, 2009, 10:38 am

Big Pecker’s Surf Wax.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: February 1, 2009, 1:29 pm

Lilac underpants? It was cute when Michael J. Fox wore them in Back to the Future because he’s a man trapped inside a boy’s body, but on a grown badger? Please.

I’ve never heard of retarDEX, but I don’t think I’ll be trying it any time soon. On the website it says ‘gently whitens’. I like my whitening to be more of a ‘shock and awe’ type. Whitening that isn’t afraid to use napalm or white phosphorous or cluster bombs or depleted uranium or Agent Orange to get the job done. I suspect ‘Gentle whitening’ employs tactics like listening to people’s feelings, group hugs and moral equivalence. And that just doesn’t sit right with me.

Also it’s approved by the Vegetarian Society which means it must be bad to some degree. I mean people like them have an uncanny knack of always coming down on the wrong side of any argument.

 


Comment from harbqll
Time: February 1, 2009, 5:16 pm

I never leave home without it!

http://www.buttpaste.com/BLButtPaste.php

 


Comment from Nicholas the Slide
Time: February 2, 2009, 12:14 pm

I like my whitening to be more of a ’shock and awe’ type. Whitening that isn’t afraid to use napalm or white phosphorous or cluster bombs or depleted uranium or Agent Orange to get the job done. I suspect ‘Gentle whitening’ employs tactics like listening to people’s feelings, group hugs and moral equivalence. And that just doesn’t sit right with me.

*SNORT*

Soda through the nose!! AAAAAAAAUGHH!!!

 


Comment from Brigette Russell
Time: February 2, 2009, 2:32 pm

When I said “retard” in a blog post I got a comment calling me ignorant, immoral, and and unfit mother. Hope that pious creep doesn’t find your blog.

 


Comment from CaptainFreddy
Time: December 28, 2009, 10:44 pm

Hi everyone,

My name is Freddy and I’ve wasted nearly a month of my life on this place 😉 I found it after being recommended by a few friends who have been hanging out here for quite some time.

I am a writer, graphics artist, photographer and just about anything else that comes up around the office. Aside from the above interests i’m really into scifi as I know that is so much more out there to be discovered, and a feeling that the universe is just teaming with life.

Well, I hope that I get to know more people here, share some experience and start learning. Have a greay day!

 

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