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Aiii! It’s a fiesta! Is everyone else getting a big ol’ extra helping of spam lately? I don’t get much email spam (much to the disgust of Uncle B, who gets LOTS), but I’ve seen a definite uptick lately. And my comment spams are working hard to read like comments. They fail:

terrific site this sweasel.com great to see you have what I am actually looking for here and this this post is exactly what I am interested in. I shall be pleased to become a regular visitor

Eh. No you shan’t. No link in the message; the email address linked to a YouTube video about cheap car insurance.

From Russia with luncheonmeat:

Hello, dear colleagues.
Sori what not absolutely on a site theme sweasel.com I write.
To me it is very strong the script a cursor the auction Internet as on [url=http://redacted.ru/]the Scandinavian auction[/url] http://redacted.ru/ is necessary but that the script was free and it was possible to download!
I wish to open similar the Internet auction with antiques. Give advice please: how to open such the Internet auction?
Yours faithfully, Lena Ilyin.

You can just feel meaning struggling to break through the gibberish, can’t you? “Hi, guys! Sorry to be off-topic, but…”

This guy next decides to hump our collective leg for a moment before he makes his pitch:

Hi Everbody

I just became a member of this forum

Great work by the admin, mods and seriously every member around.

Yesterday I read that there is a treatment for diabetes on http://www.redacted.org
Is this way of curing diabetes mentioned actually true, If so I should have found out earlier! The source looks like a reliable healthcare news website

Could you someone tell me if this healthcare information is for real?

The weird thing is, I think he’s selling ringtones. At least, that’s where his email address points. What’s the deal with ringtones, anyhow? I understand the lucrative potential of Viagra and replica watches — theoretically — but ringtones?

That’s what this guy is selling, too. I love this one. Which is good, because I’ve gotten it more than once:


I kno it has nothing to do with what you wrote, but have you ever heard of http://www.redacted.info/ringtones.php . They seems to promise free ringtones

PS. Dont be an ass, this is NOT spam πŸ˜‰

The postscript. It’s adorable. It’s not often I get called an ass with a winky-smiley.

Uncle B has a theory that you can tell your fortune from your spam. Unfortunately, I think his method involves splitting open spammers and examining their entrails.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2009, 7:25 pm

What’s that, you say? The recipe for SPAM fiesta peach cups? Why shore!

SAVORY AND SUCCULENT…this broiler-easy combination of pure-pork SPAM and golden cling peaches from California:

Combine…1 whole SPAM, ground, 1/2 cup uncooked rolled oats, 1/2 cup milk, 2 tbsp catsup, 1 tsp. prepared mustard.
Shape…into 6 balls.
Place…in hollows of 6 canned cling peach halves.
Broil…10-12 minutes, about 6 inches from flame.
Extra good eating because SPAM is the exclusive blend of sweet juicy pork shoulder and mild tender ham.

I didn’t know the contents of a can of spam was A SPAM. So, theoretically, you could have two spams. Or SIX. Did you notice the recurring sixes? Yeah, it’s the recipe of the beast!

God help me, this thing made me hungry.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2009, 7:33 pm

When I went looking for Spam graphics, ALL the goofy recipes made me hungry. I love Spam.

Ebay is an oft-overlooked resource for cool pictures. I was amazed at how many people are hawking old magazine ads for upwards of $6 each. It’s not hard to work out the math on THAT: one old magazine cut up into multiple six dollarses. I wonder if it’s working.

I got the peach fiesta shit from someplace else, though.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 22, 2009, 7:39 pm

That’s it. I will be taking no more sarcasm about British cuisine after this!

Oh, and by the way, I did I tell you about the look on her Ladyship’s face when I took her to a traditional village butcher’s shop yesterday and they started happily talking about how long they hang the meat…?


They’re all t’gay.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2009, 7:44 pm

Oh, god, it was HORRIBLE. I mean, it’s a charming little butcher shop that looks like it just stepped out of Queen Victoria’s knickers. But it stank of…meat. And the counter man bragged that they hang their beef for three to four weeks, until all the blood is resorbed. He showed us where he’d been cutting up steak all day long and pointed out that there was no juice at all to wipe up.

There’s one in the town of Battle I can’t even set foot in. It smells so…meaty.

Hey, speaking of horrible — y’all remember the Weight Watcher recipe cards from 1974? An oldie, but a classic.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: April 22, 2009, 7:52 pm

Uncle B has a theory that you can tell your fortune from your spam.

Perhaps, but unlike fortune cookies you can’t get nearly as much mileage from appending “…IN BED” to the contents.

I shall be pleased to become a regular visitor…IN BED

Could you someone tell me if this healthcare information is for real…IN BED?

They seems to promise free ringtones…IN BED

Okay, maybe.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: April 22, 2009, 7:52 pm

OMG, smited by the spam filter. πŸ™

[edit: smited? Smote? Smitten doesn’t seem right…]

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2009, 7:59 pm

Wait, apotheosis! I’ll save you!

Comment from Liberty Girl
Time: April 22, 2009, 8:09 pm

>>Unfortunately, I think his method involves splitting open spammers and examining their entrails.

WTF is ‘unfortunate’ about that? Color me there, spork in hand.

Comment from Rodent
Time: April 22, 2009, 8:21 pm

I think his method involves splitting open spammers and examining their entrails.

I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. πŸ™‚

Comment from armybrat
Time: April 22, 2009, 11:47 pm

I dunno, Uncle B. Spam has only been around 60 or so years. I think you brits have CENTURIES of bad cuisine to beat that. I think I have only to mention “haggis” and I win the argument (sort of invoking the culinary equivilant of Godwin’s law.)

/e-mail me the address for that little butcher shop! Do you know if they ship to beantown?

Comment from scubafreak
Time: April 22, 2009, 11:59 pm

Frankly Stoatie, you haven’t seen NOTHIN’ until you go to the grocery store either in Hawaii or on an Indian reservation. SPAM for as far as the eye can see…..

Oh, and Badger, you may not want to hear anything about British food, but you ARE of the culture that gave us Bubble and Squeak, and Spotted Dick… πŸ˜‰

(not to mention Welsh Rabbit)

Comment from Roman Wolf
Time: April 22, 2009, 11:59 pm

…if this spam reading is true…

I should buy a Rolex(90% off!).

I should lose weight(Ha! Like that will ever happen).

I’m destined to own Pfizer Pharmaceuticals(and get a good deal on it).

I am destined to be a King(of Pleasure, wherever that is)!

It’s like being visited by the three witches in Macbeth.

Comment from MCPO Airdale
Time: April 23, 2009, 12:06 am

Spam is the epitome of canned meats. Uncle Badger is merely upset because “Bully Beef” is no longer the zenith of man’s attempt to feed gross animal by-products to soldiers and sailors.

Comment from Jill
Time: April 23, 2009, 12:51 am

I’m trying to figure out the ‘unfortunate’ part of Uncle B’s methodology…

Comment from Gnus
Time: April 23, 2009, 10:33 am

Aside from the unfortunate (to continue a theme) “Fish Tacos”, those recipe cards look pretty good. Maybe if I’d had my breakfast…

And I like me a Spam once in a while. Prepared properly, they can be quite tasty. Especially if they’re hung long enough, and sliced properly.

Comment from Gnus
Time: April 23, 2009, 10:36 am

I forgot… This will make you just feel good. Cool isn’t the word for it.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 23, 2009, 12:33 pm

The only person I know who’s even tried Spam, let alone eats it regularly, is Grandma. And that’s just because she built Spitfires and Lancasters during the day and cowered in an Anderson shelter and ate dirt at night waiting for The One (a bomb with her name on it, not Barry Soetoro), i.e. she was alive during The War.

I’ve got it into my cretinous head that it’s basically pink foam which smells of farts. Am I doing the folks at Spam and their mechanically-recovered meat machines a disservice? If so, I apologise most sincerely.

I’ve tried Bubble and Squeek. It’s basically a quick meal made out of leftovers. It’s okay. I haven’t tried Welsh Rabbit, Spotted Dick (the only time I’ve seen that on offer was at school, and it was best to eat as little of the shite they served up as possible) and certainly not haggis. I’m not eating anything made by those skirt-wearing drunkards!

Comment from mommer
Time: April 23, 2009, 12:54 pm

Battle?? Did you say Battle? I love that little town. My oldest went to school there at Battle Abbey.

So I guess I’m no longer a lurker in the shadows….

Ps got a great recipe for spam tacos. Been shocking and horrifying the kids with it for years.

Comment from Allen
Time: April 23, 2009, 1:30 pm

That recipe mystifies me. A product made up of ground up hog parts is reground to add other stuff to it. Then again, let’s trade SPAM! recipes.

Let’s see, there’s:
Deep fried SPAM,
Barbecue SPAM,
SPAM skewers,
SPAM and eggs,

Stop Bubba, just stop. πŸ™

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2009, 2:55 pm

Feel good, Gnus? That thing make my knees and ankles throb, just watching it.

Spam is basically salty ham bits, Gibby. I’ve always told myself it was the bits leftover when they trim it into that ham shape to fit into the can. But probably not. Sliced thin and fried until it’s crispy, it is truly food of the gods.

The dump is in Battle, mommer. How they heck did you miss that?! The Abbey is totally cool. I mean the original one…they just let you walk around it on your own.

It was called Senlac Hill before there was a battle there.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: April 23, 2009, 3:51 pm

The Spam Haiku Archive — I even have an entry there, my first evah appearance on teh innernets.

Since, as of this morning, I have been kicked to the curb by my job, I may WILL have endless free hours at my disposal, perhaps I shall be cyberically everywhere. Or perhaps I shall just sit in a crumpled heap, suck my thumb and cry.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2009, 4:18 pm

Oh, DAMMIT, Felix. I did wonder about you when GM was so much in the news, but you don’t like to ask.

If you start a thread about it, we’ll all go over and keep you company!

Wait! Didn’t you have ‘net access only through work? You’re not going to be cut off now, are you?

Comment from Gnus
Time: April 23, 2009, 4:25 pm

Oh no, Felix. That sucks. Sorry to hear it.

Comment from porknbean
Time: April 23, 2009, 5:21 pm

I’m so sorry Felix! According to Obama, you must make the sacrifice, so that union workers don’t have to.


Comment from mommer
Time: April 23, 2009, 5:31 pm

I guess I didn’t look around too much…

Went there to see the abbey/historical/battle of Hastings sites and was totally taken with the area. That was in the mid 80’s. Scenic thatched cottages, old church with mideval paintings on the walls, and real honest to God windmills. Never seen one of them before. Stayed at a little place called the Checkers and rode the train to Oxford, etc. All in all to my silly so. Cal self it was uber cool.

I prolly would’ve liked the dump too……..for some strange reason I find dumps facinating places. Maybe because I’m only there for a few minutes every few months. I don’t have to deal with the nasty smelly insecty stuff.

Comment from naleta
Time: April 23, 2009, 6:23 pm

My ex used to eat Spam sandwiches. He’d open the can and cut it into slices. Then he’d spread Miracle Whip on bread and add the sliced Spam. I’d rather just have baloney, myself.

Felix, I’m sorry to hear about that. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. (And I won’t send you any Spam, unless you want it!)

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 23, 2009, 6:44 pm

Ugh! Sorry, Felix. Keep us in touch won’t you?

Comment from Schlippy
Time: April 24, 2009, 5:34 pm

Least you don’t get ads for lace wigs like Ace does. Actually, they just seem so out of place people have started posting comments to look like lace wig spam on occasion.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2009, 7:25 pm

Do you know, I haven’t seen any of the originals? Just the spoofs.

What the fuck is a lace wig, anyhow?

Comment from NancyB
Time: April 26, 2009, 3:07 pm

There is a book, A Plain Cookery Book for the Working Classes by Charles Francatelli, who was Queen Victoria’s chef, containing various British dishes including Toad in the Hole: you buy bits and pieces of any kind of meat, at the end of the day when business is over. Look it all over and pare away any tainted parts and remove fly-blow “as this, if left on…would tend to impart…a bad taste.” Then you flour, pepper & salt it, fry it, then bake it with Yorkshire or suet pudding batter on top, for 1-1/2 hours. This recipe should be included in the tips newspapers are running in the U.S. these days for getting through the recession.

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