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A bleak day for journalism

hillaryufo.jpg

Weekly World News is calling it quits.

American Media Incorporated’s other titles include the Star, National Enquirer and Men’s Fitness — which, if you ask me, is putting way too many of our precious journalistic resources in one basket. If AMI went under, what would I read in the checkout line?

And I speak for all of us when I shriek uncontrollably, WHAT ABOUT BATBOY?!

According to Wikipedia the original Bat Boy edition of Weekly World News was the second-best selling issue of all time, and then infuriatingly doesn’t reveal which one was first best, so screw Wikipedia.

Bat Boy was rendered by editor-slash-cartoonist (or editor/cartoonist, if you prefer) Dick Kulpa. Dick’s other claims to fame include drawing Star Trek and Bruce Lee comics for the LA Times Syndicate and art direction for the Testor’s corporation (where he drew the instruction sheets for the Weird-Ohs line of models). Also, he was elected to the Loves Park Illinois City Council, where he regularly appeared wearing tights and a cape as Alder-man, crusader for justice. Weasel does not make this shit up.

batboy.jpg

But I digress. More Wiki.

Bat Boy has a chaotic sense of morality. He has been known to steal cars as well as come to the aid of the needy. According to the mythos, the only person who cares about the chiropteran child is Dr. Ron Dillon, who discovered him in a West Virginia cave. At the time of capture, he was two feet tall and weighed nineteen pounds. By February 2001, he was 2′ 6″. In 2004, he was five feet tall and his weight was unknown.

He sheds his wings every three years, and regenerates a new pair.

During the 1990s Bat Boy is rumored to have tried to escape society’s gaze by enrolling in a small liberal arts college in upstate New York under the assumed name of Guy Fledermaus (German for bat). He purportedly graduated with an art degree from the college’s “Music Program Zero”.

On 27 February 2001, he allegedly attacked a fifth-grader in an Orlando, Florida park. The girl was nearly ripped to shreds. The next day, he endorsed presidential candidate Al Gore.

Worth following the link just for the geneology of the Boy family. A sad day. A sad, sad day. Also, I goofed off too much yesterday and so I’ll have to make up for it today. A sad, sad, sad day.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2007, 11:30 am

I’ve just noticed the startling visual similarity between Bat Boy and Rage Boy. Hmmmm.

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: July 25, 2007, 12:04 pm

Someone wrote a musical – Awesome!
It’s sold out….

http://www.centrestagelondon.co.uk/

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: July 25, 2007, 1:42 pm

Batboy sold out?

That seems to happen to all these guys. One minute you’re an anti-establishment hero, and the next minute you’re in bed with the man.

Abby Hoffman, the famous “Steal This Book” Radical ended his days selling insurance

Even the Pygmy in “The Gods Must Be Crazy” ended up doing TV shows in Japan.

And now Batboy sells out. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, Dawn. Oh, where are the heros of yesteryear?

Thinks: Not like those happy pills MgGoo is eating like candy

Also thinks: Akismit I defy thee

Also also thinks: this ain’t so important it can’t wait for Weasel to get around to cleaning Akismit’s lint filter

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2007, 2:02 pm

I’ve always had a soft spot for Bat Boy. I remember the day he joined the Marines…

 


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: July 25, 2007, 2:40 pm

This is really sad news. One of my favorite headlines: “Einstein’s Brain Comes Alive and Goes On A Rampage”. 🙂 It had a picture of a brain with lightning bolts shooting out of it. We’re losing a national treasure here folks! 🙁

 


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 25, 2007, 4:35 pm

I really loved the Weekly World News, not enough to actually get a subscription but enough to read it every time at the store. I got lots of ideas for my former superhero RPG campaign from it, great stuff. It was so much fun to read, you could tell the people working at the paper had a blast writing and working on the thing, and nobody took it seriously.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2007, 4:50 pm

I remember seeing the Bat Boy cover in the supermarket in ’92 and thinking what a boon Photoshop was going to be for the tabloids. Photoshop was really brand new at that point; almost nobody knew what could be done with these programs (that’s undoubtedly why Bat Boy caused as much stir as he did).

I had been working with a different but similar photo manipulation program for five years by then. I did a lot of work altering photos (embossing logos on things, setting fire to a customer’s corporate offices…stuff like that). People were just blown away by it.

We’ve forgotten the almost total faith we had in photos prior to P’shop. Altering images convincingly was hard — at the upper end, you made large internegatives and airbrushed directly on them. At the low end, you cut pictures into pieces and glued the pieces together and hoped the edges didn’t show too badly. It was almost impossible to do a convincing fake; the only way to do something like Bat Boy was pure illustration.

When we used to say, “pictures don’t lie” we weren’t being ironic.

 


Comment from BGG
Time: July 25, 2007, 5:50 pm

Wow, this is really a drag. I’ve bought several issues, especially when the covers had something about aliens taking over political leaders and such. It was always worth the buck-fifty or whatever it was.

At least there was some good news today, Ward Churchill was finally fired for plagiarism & falsification. They had to get him for something.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2007, 6:08 pm

The Aliens series was great. Second only to Bat Boy. I remember the Alien switched allegiances a couple of times. Like, I remember him shaking hands with George HW Bush. But then he was sucking up to Clinton.

Prolly because the Clintons adopted that alien baby, huh? Talk about pandering…

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2007, 6:16 pm

I wonder if they’re going to keep the website going. There’s no mention of a shutdown there. I love the way the banner bills itself as “the world’s only reliable newspaper.” Damn right!

Two Ann Coulter ads on the front page. I don’t know whether to laugh or laugh harder.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: July 25, 2007, 6:34 pm

BGG – I remember that one where politicians were really aliens in disguise. Didn’t a legit reporter ask someone – Dole or whomever – if the report was true, only to have the politician snap back, “Yes it is – I’ve been an alien for about 5 years now. I’m due to go home next year.”

 


Comment from BGG
Time: July 25, 2007, 7:10 pm

LOL yeah it was “Twelve Members of Congress are Space Aliens!”
There are a bunch of old covers & headlines here.

 


Comment from BGG
Time: July 25, 2007, 7:13 pm

BTW I did buy that one and had it on display in my office in the Pentagon at the time. Good times.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 25, 2007, 7:14 pm

Oh, man. Those are great.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: July 25, 2007, 7:55 pm

BGG – Yep – that was it. I loved it. Especially the Pol’s immediate and humorous response.

 


Comment from BONGO MIRROR
Time: July 25, 2007, 9:52 pm

I’m highly suspicious of any claims that WWN will shut down. Have they said why? Hah! Lies. They’ll keep operating. In fact, there will now be two versions. One will have fnords in it and the other won’t.

 


Comment from Paul Sunstone
Time: July 26, 2007, 4:19 am

Some guy I spoke with in a supermarket check out line swore to me WWN was often first to publish stories he’d later find in the mainstream press. I never could confirm that.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 26, 2007, 8:16 am

Yep, Lokki. That bought you a night in the filter along with a ball of red towel lint and 35¢ in change.

You also shared a bunk with this peculiar spam:

Have you ever lain awake in your bed at night imagining tennis ace Serena Williams naked and clutching an artfully placed bouquet of flowers? No? Well, uh, what about Mike Tyson, then? A minotaur? Asiatic black bear? Michael Clark Duncan? Oh, come off it already. So maybe it’s not flowers covering her asscrack in your fantasy. Maybe it’s a tennis racquet and a feather boa. Or a tranquilizer gun and a strap-on. Whatever. The little details aren’t important. What’s important here is that I’m about to make all your dreams come true, baby, and I’m not even asking for your credit card number.

The entire probably LSFW shot from the last issue of Jane magazine after the jump. Remember, it’s still a naked lady with flowers over her crack, in case you work in a church office or something.

One hundred links removed, of course (die, filthy spammer! Die!). Why would I lay awake at night clutching an artfully placed bouquet of flowers?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 26, 2007, 8:20 am

Ugh. Two more from the same Amsterdam IP:

Who is Vanessa Minnillo, how does she look fucking Nick Lachey, why is Linsay Lohan holding a knife to her throat and what do her tits look like? For answers to these and other important questions have a look.

BONUS! Vanessa Minnillo top 100 HOT LINKS!!!

And

Bai Ling has been on People Magazine’s most beautiful woman list, been in dozens of Chinese and American movies including 6 in 2006 alone, but what is really interesting is her T & A. Great tits, amazing ass. We have photos and videos of Bai from every angle, don’t miss this one!

BONUS! Bai Ling top 100 HOT LINKS!!!

They’re trying to write coherent come-ons now. That makes it a little harder. Lately, most of the spam we get isn’t even actual words, just links attached to random letter gibberish.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: July 26, 2007, 10:08 am

Oh mighty Akismet…. I humbly prostrate myself before thee and swear I shall defy thee never again.

Please… I swear I have learned my lesson and will not sin again! I pray thee:

Don’t lock me up all night in there again!

I could handle Serena, but Mike Tyson and the black bear had me a little nervous and Lindsey Lohan was just freakin’ freaked out. She kept waving that knife around and asking me if I wanted her to hold my stash for me. Hey –you bet I gave to her.

And, of course, I don’t even want to talk about the tranquilizer gun and the strap-on thingy.

In the old days, I could have counted on Bat-boy to come in the middle of the night and spring me… but his agent said he had some Letterman appearance or something…. anyhow he was all “who are you again, and good luck to ya, buddy”.

It’s a pretty rough crowd in there, Weasel. Excuse me now, I have to go make a little sacrifice to Akismet now. Do you think a goat is appropriate, or a fatted calf? I don’t want to get this wrong….

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: July 26, 2007, 10:09 am

“Yep, Lokki. That bought you a night in the filter along with a ball of red towel lint and 35¢ in change.”

Lokki: fyi –

“Them links got link numbers on them. You remember your number and always post the ones that has Number One only. Any man forgets his number spends a night in the Filter. These here rhymes you keep with you. Any man loses his rhymes spends a night in the Filter. There’s no playing ass-pat or fighting on Weasel’s site. You got a grudge against another man, you fight him Saturday afternoon over at Daily Koss. Any man playing grab-ass or fighting on the site spends a night in the Filter. All poetry is fair game. Any man protecting his personal favorites spends the night in the Filter. There is no Iambic Pentameter at Weasels. To do Iambic Pentameter you must have both oars in the water. Any man caught with both oars in the water spends a night in the Filter. You get two haiku Every Saturday, you put the clean haiku on the top… the bawdy haiku on the bottom… and the old haiku from last week you turn in to jwp for incineration. Any man turns in the wrong haiku spends a night in the Filter. No one’ll sit in the trenches with dirty limericks. Any man with dirty limericks sitting in the trenches spends a night in the Filter. Any man don’t eat his pancakes spends a night in the Filter. Any man loud talking ’bout Liberals spends a night in the Filter. You got questions, you come to me. I’m McGoo, the Shit-Fo’-Brains. I’m responsible for nothin’ in particular in here. Any man pays attention to me will probably spends a night in the Filter.”

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 26, 2007, 10:10 am

A bouquet of flowers ought to do it.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: July 26, 2007, 10:14 am

Yas Sir, Boss!

 


Comment from Gnus
Time: July 26, 2007, 11:25 am

Lokki, if the bouquet doesn’t do it, try a tennis racket and an asscrack. Always works fer me.

 

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Beware: more than one link in a comment is apt to earn you a trip to the spam filter, where you will remain -- cold, frightened and alone -- until I remember to clean the trap. But, hey, without Akismet, we'd be up to our asses in...well, ass porn, mostly.


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