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Hey, morons!


I was going to post something triumphalist about today’s elections, but it occurs to me that the counts won’t be final for a while. And New Jersey is currently looking like a squeaker.

So why not another attempt to pick the pockets of my pretend internet friends? Yes, that’s right — new crap in my store! I got around to embiggening the Moronosphere News Network logo.

But, wait! There’s a twist! These designs are customizable to include the URL of your very own Moronblog! Just hit the “customize” button in the product information and type in your thang.

That’s right — I’m targeting you at your weakest point: your overweening vanity! WIN!

So whether you regard Ace as your blog’s baby daddy or not, I don’t care. Shit, I don’t care if you never heard of blogging. I’m just trying to con you out of a little scratch here.

But for chrissakes, morons — don’t forget to re-size and re-center the text after you change it, m’kay? I won’t have you getting moron all over my nice designs.

ADDENDUM: Uncle B is getting itchy about the Dead Pool. The prizes, I mean. We promptly mailed out all three and haven’t heard if any of them got there. Enas? Mongo? Princess B? If canned goods aren’t getting past Customs, we’ll have to re-think. (But a magazine surely would be okay).


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 3, 2009, 9:10 pm

Currently, I’ve got two different t-shirt designs and a ceramic mug. As always, happy to add other products as desired. Business cards? Diaper bag? Tea cozy?

God. I feel so…soiled.

Comment from Pupster
Time: November 3, 2009, 9:38 pm

Iโ€™m targeting you at your weakest point: your overweening vanity!

Not even close.  My weakest points are my ankles and my unshakable belief in the power of Grayskull. 

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 3, 2009, 9:45 pm

That last one is only a weakness if you’re wrong.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: November 3, 2009, 11:17 pm

McDonnell’s won in VA, and it’s looking hopeful for Christie in NJ. Hoffman in NY is the sole disappointment so far but polls closed the latest and it’s still too early to tell. Right now it’s 21:xx here (GMT-6) so I will probably be up till too late. FNC are doing yeoman’s work (we’re in the middle of Hannity). Hey, who knew Karl Rove could do a pretty good Bill Clinton accent?

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: November 3, 2009, 11:36 pm

Alas! No Bangerz ‘n Beanz so far Stoaty. ๐Ÿ™ I really thought it would have showed up by now. Have Uncle B go down there and give them A Stern Talking To. He’ll get it all sorted out in short order I’m sure.

Comment from BuckNutty
Time: November 3, 2009, 11:44 pm

I like the new look of the storefront and it’s nice to see they let you put the Nobel stuff back up.

Now slow down with the new stuff. My penny jar can’t keep up ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from mongo
Time: November 4, 2009, 12:18 am

Unfortunately, I have to ditto Enas on the haggis. I’ve checked the doorstop daily with no luck. I did find a Kindle…but I ordered that from Amazon.

Comment from mongo
Time: November 4, 2009, 12:20 am

Oh, and Corzine just bowed out in NJ.

Comment from Beyond Bibb’s Store
Time: November 4, 2009, 12:39 am

I must say, I never figgered round four would last this long. C’mon Fidel, croak already!

Comment from weirdsister
Time: November 4, 2009, 12:57 am

I suspect that Fidel has been Tango Uniform for a while now, and that it is a State Secret.

That’s some good shit ya got there, Stoaty! I have to hold out until I get some dineros in my pocketses, but plan to have a Zombie Reagan of my very own one day soon. Is your cut better than just pennies now?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 4, 2009, 6:20 am

Rats. I suspect if the stuff hasn’t gotten through by now, it isn’t going to (not counting Princess B — and I still don’t see why a magazine would ever get stopped).

I’m going to have to rethink prizes. I *suspect* it’s the tin that’s the problem.

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: November 4, 2009, 10:44 am

Even if they did get stopped at customs wouldn’t they send the stuff back to you? Or a note telling you to come pick it up?

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 4, 2009, 10:50 am

It’s very puzzling. I bet US Customs treats furrin food with suspicion (can’t imagine why!) and just dumps it in a big hole in the desert.

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: November 4, 2009, 11:18 am

I doubt the haggis would make it. When we lived in DC we went to the Pentagon Burn’s Night every year and every year he would tell the story of how he tried to get the haggis cross our border and had to declare that it wasn’t edible and all that kinda stuff to get it and he would always end up having it local made. Still tasted like sheep guts. ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: November 4, 2009, 11:58 am

I checked The Big Hole Uncle B and they said they hadn’t seen my Bangerz ‘n Beanz.

Comment from doubleplusundead
Time: November 4, 2009, 12:51 pm

That is awesome, I’m definitely going to get at least the mug.

Comment from Princess Bernie
Time: November 4, 2009, 2:12 pm

Never got the magazine.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 4, 2009, 2:18 pm

Now, that is just bizarre, Princess B. I can understand food not getting through…but a magazine?!

And if food definitely won’t make it…hoo, boy! Have I got a lot of spotted dick to eat!

Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: November 4, 2009, 2:27 pm

So Suze is still amongst the living then?

Comment from Allen
Time: November 4, 2009, 2:27 pm

You could tell Uncle B. to try Aloe on the itchy spots. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t let the swag through. I mailed some solid state laser rods to someone in the UK not so long ago. Not a spot of trouble.

I’m getting an idea for something Weasel. I have to check a few things out to scope out it’s viability.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: November 4, 2009, 3:30 pm

Just send some Marmalite Yeast or Lamb and Mint crisps instead!

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: November 4, 2009, 9:46 pm

I didn’t get mine either.

Wait…I didn’t win anything, did I?

Oh, well then…never mind. ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from Princess Bernie
Time: November 5, 2009, 6:50 pm

ZOMG! The NUTS has arrived. So excited. All the way from Darkest England.

Thank you Stoaty and Uncle B~

And love the artwork. I shall love it forever. And the cool SWeasel cancellation stamp.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 5, 2009, 6:57 pm

HOORAY! Okay…so we know it’s really, really slow. Though that’s the one I posted last, so I’m still not hopeful about the haggis and beanz.

The question is…is the can a problem, or is it any food? Weasels who bought a shitload of spotted dick in plastic containers want to know…

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 5, 2009, 7:40 pm

Yes, just think. Every plastic pot of spotted dick is worth a human life.

Seems a fair swap to me.

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