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Hieronymous Bosch Action Figures!

hieronymous bosch action figures

Cough. Right. Apologies. I didn’t mean to leave that ‘weasel in a farty prock’ thing hanging at the top of the page all day, sucking up attention. First thing this morning, I’m staring blearily at the Drudge Report and it suddenly comes back to me: I was handed a rush job last Friday that absolutely had to be done by Monday afternoon. So I’ve been doing that.

It involved faking up stupid marketing slogans on billboards, so my first stop was a Google images search for highway photos. Don’t ask me what the connection is, but these neato action figures turned up on some French site a few pages in. These things are almost as creepy as Pokémon. I find some of the strangest things through image searches.

When I tried to right click and save the images right off the browser, a dialogue box popped up that said “ATTENTION ! Tout contenu de ce site est soumis aux directives concernant let droits d’auteurs. Reproduction interdite.” This is français for “I’m a socialist Eurotard who doesn’t understand the first thing about marketing or I would realize spreading pictures
of my crap would probably help me sell it.”

So I did a screen capture.

I love Bosch. Ship of Fools and Death of a Miser are in the National Gallery in Washington and they were part of my regular tour, back when I hit the Smithsonian once a year. There really is something deeply spooky about his stuff.

A friend of mine tried to ruin Bosch for me by pointing out that these weren’t just fever dreams; all of these objects were specific religious symbols. Maybe. But, outside Breughel the Elder (who was a conscious imitator), nobody has ever painted anything REMOTELY like this stuff. So how universal could these symbols have been?


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: September 17, 2007, 2:34 pm

Let me get this right.

Some damned Frenchman copies images from Hieronymous Bosch and then tries to prohibit reproductions of his theft?

I think I’m beginning to understand the gall in Gallic…

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: September 17, 2007, 3:44 pm

Pokémon isn’t creepy. What’s creepy about adults and large-headed, back-pack-wearing children going off into the woods together to trap fictional monsters, cram them into a tennis-ball-sized uh ball, and then bring them out on command and make them fight using their special, elemental abilities and magic powers until one of them loses conciousness? Nothing, that’s what. It’s an aquired taste, like stout or going on a killing spree.
By the way the phrase ‘socialist Eurotard’ made my redundancy meter go off the scale and then explode. Notwithstanding the fact that it’s something I jsut made up, I’m going to need a new one. And
Keynesian Theory being what it is, they’re mighty expensive these days.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 17, 2007, 5:42 pm

Another thing that’s really creepy is surgeons removing gallbladders via the…um…er…kid-canal.


You just know these surgeons are eurotards. It sounds so….french.

Now damnit! Some things shouldn’t be messed with! Why in hell do they have to go messin’ around where they oughtn’t. Gallbladders have been comin’ out jes’ fine for decades thru a nice big old-fashioned mile-long slash in the belly that takes months to heal.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

Besides, what about men? We got gallbladders too. What are they gonna do – fish it out thru our johnson? Dickheads.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2007, 5:48 pm

Man, those things are getting to be like Bullwinkle’s hat!

“Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a gallbladder out of my snootch!”
“Again? That thing never works!”
“This time for sure!”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:05 pm

Incidentally, June Foray did the voice for Rocket J. Squirrel, and pretty much all the female characters on the show. She was also Granny (the one who owned Sylvester and Tweety), Jokey Smurf and Cindy Lou Who. She was the voice for the Chatty Cathy doll — and also “Talky Tina” from the Twilight Zone episode where a spooky doll tries to off evil stepdad Telly Savalas. (“I’m Talky Tina, and I’m going to kill you.”).

Innumerable other voices, including some on Scooby Doo. Which is kinda sorta on topic, because the French company that makes these Bosch dealies also makes Scooby Doo figures, which they Frenchily call “Scoubidou.” I was looking for an excuse to post that.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:16 pm

As a kid, my favorite Bullwinkle line was: “Nothin’ up my sleeve!” as he tears off his shirt sleeve.

Next thing ya know they’ll be doing circumcisions thru the nasel passages.

I remember that Talky Tina episode. That was back far enough that Telly S coulda had hair.

I’m gonna wait a li’l while and then do a google on gallbladder & snooch.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:21 pm

Y’know, the li’l head underneath where the pitcher is sitting? It’s definitely looking at me.

Is it supposed to be there? I’ve seen that head before – probably on a H.B. painting, but memory fails.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:31 pm

Looks like Ace picked up on the gallbladder thing – and japanese rich folk having sex with their meal before its cooked.

This seems a bit strange to me.

But Portnoy did it – with some beef liver behind a billboard (I think), so its hardly original.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:35 pm

Yeah. He’s from Hell, if you’ll pardon the expression.

June Foray is still alive and doing voices at 90, btw. I thought she did Woody Woodpecker, too. I knew whoever did that was Walter Lantz’s wife, but it turns out that person was Gracie Lantz. Mel Blanc did the famous laugh, then sued (and lost) over it…

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:46 pm

I figured it might be from “Hell”, simply because its the only one I’ve studied in any detail.

That Woody Woodpecker laugh was in “Time Machine” also, as the background sound of an Eloi giggling.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:53 pm

Seriously? Because I was totally fixated on that film as a kid. Specifically, the Morlock’s eyeball stumbling down his face in that last timeshifting scene.

Also, Yvette Mimieux saying “Weena.” Because it sounded so very dirty.

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: September 17, 2007, 7:26 pm

Woody Woodpecker – whoa there’s a blast from the past. You NEVER see any of those cartoons any more – no Chilly Willy either. Or…um. Didn’t he do something with alligators? Anyway, none of Lantz’ stuff. I wonder if he fell down the the same PC hole that Speedy Gonzales did.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: September 17, 2007, 7:41 pm

There used to be a cartoon cinema at Victoria Station, in London. That’s all it showed, cartoons.

It was, actually, a good idea. If you had half an hour to waste before your train (or longer – it was the station you went to France from) you could catch however long you needed from the endless loop of cartoons. Walk in, watch 45 minutes, walk out, catch train. Miss nothing of consequence.

Anyway. One day I OD’d on Woody Woodpecker.

Roadrunner? I could still be there, now. Bugs? I’m your badger. Even Tom ‘n frigging Jerry! But Woody Woodpecker?

That laugh still haunts me. May he rot in wherever woodpeckers go when they are no more.

Inside cats, probably.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: September 17, 2007, 7:46 pm

Woody Woodpecker; Popeye; Tom & Jerry. None of them ever did it for me.

I don’t remember at what age I discovered Rocky & Bullwinkle, but they were a source of constant delight for me – so much so that I can never understand why they aren’t national icons like (well deserved!) Daffy Duck.

Didn’t every young boy want to be Sherman and have his own Mr. Peabody to teach him history?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2007, 7:52 pm

Anonymous. Dude. Lokki. The WordPress dingus has forgotten your name for some mysterious reason and you haven’t quite cottoned to it yet. Type your moniker one more time and we’ll all know…

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 17, 2007, 8:50 pm

I knew that anon. was Lokki!

No one – I repeat, no one – knows the in’s and out’s of The Filter like he does! He could write a book on the flora, fauna, and terrain of The Filter.

If you get stuck in The Filter, you can’t go wrong having Lokki at your side, so take heed to any advice given by him.

I, too, preferred Rocket J. Squirrel & Bullwinkle Moose over the other cartoon characters.

Yeah, Weasel, right after Weena near-drowns and is rescued, listen to the background voices of the Eloi playing and frolicking. You’ll hear the same unique WWP giggle repeat several times.

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2007, 9:25 pm

Does anyone remember the Littles? I loved that cartoon as a kid.
I also loved the Tom and Jerrry’s? when they would show the house of the future.

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2007, 10:28 pm

Whatever. I didn’t want to talk about it anyway.

Comment from porknbean
Time: September 17, 2007, 10:35 pm

Gallbladder through the ‘snootch? Sounds so Dr. Suess. And crazy. Seems to me a lot more guts they have to maneuver around.
They no longer cut you wide open, they insert a couple of small metal catheter type thingies in your abdomen – one has a camera, the other snips and sucks it right out. Recovery is a couple of days and other than adjusting your diet, not a big deal.

Speaking of Bruegel and Bosch. Was always fascinated with their detail and odd looking characters. A bit on the creepy side.

Got this Bruegel in a 3000 piece puzzle some years back. That was a sumbitch to put together.

Comment from porknbean
Time: September 17, 2007, 10:39 pm

Hey Dawn, I remember the Littles as a storybook. I’m trying to remember it as a cartoon.

Does anyone remember this one –> Jot?

Comment from Lokki
Time: September 17, 2007, 10:44 pm

Essss Lokki. Boris and Natasha sent me. Where is squorrel?

I use two machines – one here at Valhalla West (Ltd), and the other at my company’s Supreme Headquarters In Texas, where the poisonous serpents spit venom at me all day. Bastards.

So WordPress may be confused as to how I can be two places at once, when I’m really nowhere at all. (Sort of the spatial equivalent of Weasel’s gender mystery).

Well, I have to sleep now – I’m going to need my rest to prepare for PorknBean’s:

“Dr Zeuss writes about Gallbladders & Snoochs challenge”
Hmmmm – I can taste the prize already…. oh wait, uhm skip that part.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: September 17, 2007, 11:01 pm

I am being the confused. I fail to see, considering my knowledge of human biology, how anything beyond and out of the female reproductive system can possibly be brought out the birth canal, as it were. I do not think even the bladder — is the gallbladder anywhere its namesake? — can be so retrieved. A child, yes; a bladder or gallbladder, no.

Seems to me just an excuse to poke around there, so to speak.

Useless trivia revealing sensitive information I will later regret revealing: when I was married to my ex-wife, who was brought over from Pakistan (we were distantly related; it was a typical arranged marriage: I had not met her until a few days before we got married), I knew more about her biological constitution and processes than she did. I would bore her with lectures on her menses. And other feminine issues.

Comment from porknbean
Time: September 17, 2007, 11:10 pm

I’m not comprehending why anyone would go through that part for a gallbladder myself. They would have to puncture something to get to it. Now, I know they do hysterectomies that way but can’t picture another organ (non-male you pervs) getting yanked out of it.

I would bore her with lectures on her menses. And other feminine issues.

Oh man. I’m not sure what to say about that. Not that you had to teach her about her body, but that a culture would keep women so ignorant about their parts.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 18, 2007, 12:38 am

Maybe global warming has opened the hitherto unknown…………………………………………………………..wait for it………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..NorthSnooch Passage.

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: September 18, 2007, 2:04 am

Ewww Steamboat, I just snorted muesli bar. That’s nasty!

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 18, 2007, 4:45 am

Don’t you hate it when that happens? I once laugh-snorted a mouthful of orange jello, after which I smelled orange for two days – Every time I inhaled thru my nose. Guess it’ll be peanuts or whatever for you. Coulda been worse.

Could been liver & onions. Or Habanaro sauce.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2007, 5:57 am

Until proven otherwise, I’m going to continue the belief that I’m solid material right through, like a potato. Cut me in half and count the rings, fellas.

I remember the Littles, Dawn. Most here are too old. I am likewise too old, but I watched Saturday morning cartoons religiously as long as there was such a thing. It was an eighties cartoon, IIRC. They were all drawn with disturbing buck teeth, in imitation of mice.

Jot. Now, THAT was disturbing. I didn’t specifically remember it, but I remember its kind. That’s back when hippies were still using their trippy hallucination powers for good.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2007, 6:06 am

Whoa! I don’t want to ruin it for anyone, but I was so totally not expecting a cartoon to end with “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord!” Especially not one that’s so saturated in LSD.

Oh, that explains it: Southern Baptists. My first illustration job was with the Southern Baptist Sunday School Convention. I illustrated the Sunday school pamphlet for old folks. It was condescending and icky. I also drew several posters of Jesus; I remember one of my Jesuses had hysterically huge feet. I hope I didn’t keep a copy.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: September 18, 2007, 8:30 am

I have always wondered why Jesus is depicted as having long hair.

And shouldn’t he look more Semitic (that is, more like a Jew – and specifically a Jew, not just a Hebrew, as He is said to have descended from the tribe of Judah, the tribe of King David)?

Did you know that some Jews claimed (and fewer continue to claim) that the Lubavitcher Rebbe was/is the Messiah (and, thus, King of the Jews, scion of King David)? (Those who continue to claim he is the Messiah say he will rise from the dead at the end of days. Now I wonder from where they got that idea. Hmmmmmm.) Maybe Jesus looked like a young Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: September 18, 2007, 8:42 am

Jesus was a slacker. That’s why he’s got long hair in all the photos.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 18, 2007, 8:46 am

When I was young(er) and more vocal about things religious, I often asserted that were Jesus to walk among the “faithful” – especially in certain areas of the South – he wouldn’t be allowed to pass the church door. Too “brown”.

Comment from Lokki
Time: September 18, 2007, 8:48 am

You all have gone on, but somehow, I can’t shake this Dr. Seuss meme….

Thing One and Thing Two keep running (sorry) through my head.


Comment from Lokki
Time: September 18, 2007, 8:51 am

Hey! It could have been worse!

If it wasn’t for PorknBean mentioning Dr Seuss, I have jumped straight to Starsky and Snooch references.

Comment from Lokki
Time: September 18, 2007, 9:01 am

As for pictures of Jesus – I’m shocked at the naive you all are.

Everybody knows those pictures are airbrushed – just like in Playboy.

Seriously, there used to be a joke in the 60’s that we told about the Baptist Minister who died, met God, and then was returned to earth to do good works.

The reporters asked him what God was like.
The answer?

She’s Black

Comment from porknbean
Time: September 18, 2007, 10:27 am

Thing One and Thing Two keep running (sorry) through my head.

Oh, yeah? Try pushing a couple of those through your snootch.

Comment from Gnus
Time: September 18, 2007, 11:48 am

I must be too old for The Littles. Neither them nor Jot are ringing any bells. I have fond memories of watching Rocky and Bullwinkle with the chirrens. Sigh. I’m a Tom and Jerry man meself, with assorted Roadrunner, Bugs Bunny et al flashbacks. Never did care much for Woody Woodpecker.

Production note: this on-the-fly spellchecker, from Firefox ?, wherever, flags “al” but not “et”. Must be a suthren speller.

Meanwhile, I’ll be busy adding snootch to my list of favorite words.

Comment from Lokki
Time: September 18, 2007, 12:05 pm

Favorite Words:

Mrs. Lokki is a Japanese girl with English as a second language.

The American taste for euphemisms and slang always amuses, puzzles, and pleases her. They’re a horse of a different color as she greatly likes to say.

She, after these many years of marriage and practice, is now pretty good at figuring them out from context. She can get most of the thousands of expressions for “Drunker than Cooter Brown” and so forth.

However, I stand firm on one iron rule:

If YOU tell a diry joke to her and she doesn’t get it, YOU have to explain it to her.

That’s usually more fun to watch than the original joke was.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: September 18, 2007, 3:44 pm

Those are sweet I love his work!

Comment from jwpaine
Time: September 18, 2007, 3:56 pm

I used to hang out with a bunch of writers, two of whom were an older married couple who wrote for The Smurfs cartoon.


Gee, I was sure I had a story there….

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2007, 4:28 pm

I knew the guy who wrote the jingle “K-Mart is Your Savings Place.” Who knew people actually write these things?

I also know (well, she’s a FOAF) a woman who makes a living writing (separately) pornography and books for kids under 5. When money runs short, she picks up a little extra writing the letters-to-the-editor in porn mags.

Yeah, sorry, guys. People get paid to write those. They’re even told what to write.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: September 18, 2007, 5:02 pm

She just better not mix them up. Or some parents would have a bit of a difficult time explaining things.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: September 18, 2007, 7:56 pm

See dick run.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: September 18, 2007, 7:58 pm

Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.

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