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Behold, seven dumb guys and a lady with no chin

Ladies and gentlemen, fresh from a bust-up trailer somewhere in rural Michigan, I give you — the Hutaree!

If these guys were really fixing to start picking off the local constabulary, then I hope they get locked up for a nice, long stretch. But it’s hard not to imagine Janet Napolitano phoning up Central Casting and ordering up a violent Christian militia.

“Get me some angry white boys with guns and Bibles, stat!”

Militias are one of those seasonal political problems, like how there are only homeless people when Republicans are in power. There are only scary right-wing Christian militias when the Dems control the apparatus.

Oh, well. There really was a Tim McVeigh (thanks a lot, dude). From what I’ve seen so far, though, the only charge that’ll stick to these bozos is Felony Mouthy Redneck.


Comment from Gromulin
Time: March 31, 2010, 10:24 pm

I’m having a hard time deciding who’s dumberer looking – Mr. Pinhead McMullet or the Peter Lorre lovechild.

Comment from mongo
Time: March 31, 2010, 10:37 pm


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 31, 2010, 10:44 pm

Click the link to see the actual trailer.

Oh, yeah. We got us some Rhodes scholars here, boys.

Comment from Allen
Time: March 31, 2010, 10:45 pm

Militia types, I like screwing around with them. There’s a compound near me, they’ve got the fence, the underground storage tanks, radio antennas, the whole thing. I found their radio frequency they used to transmit on, and one night played a joke.

I set up a digital signal generator and used it to transmit on that frequency. It gave a static signal with a regular beat to it. Whew! Lights, dogs, trucks starting up, they thought the black helicopters were coming. Bwahahaha!

I did run into some of the Michigan variety, now some of them are a different breed. Those ones were the Aryan types if you know what I mean. Imagine the dude in the upper right corner with swastika tatoos all over.

The only types I worry about are the mobile meth cookers. They’re violent and usually on their own product, and way paranoid. In this part of the country you’ll find them out in the desert and in the back canyons.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 31, 2010, 10:55 pm

I saw a black helicopter once. I was on the phone to Uncle B, standing outside my mother’s house in deep rural Tennessee. Absolutely matte black with no markings of any kind, and flying low.

DEA is my guess. Or ATF. The one or the other are always out looking for marijuana patches or liquor stills.

Comment from Gromulin
Time: March 31, 2010, 11:12 pm

Not a whole lot of branches on those family trees, if you know what I mean…

Comment from hoodaticus
Time: March 31, 2010, 11:32 pm

It’s hard to convict these guys on conspiracy charges, for several reasons. First, you need an overt act that furthers the conspiracy. What are you gonna get for an overt act on a milita conspiracy, gun purchases? They buy guns all the time!

Second, you have to prove an agreement to commit some crime. But if you send a government agent in there, and they just agree with the leader to commit some crime, there was never really an agreement, because the government agent was never really going to go through with it. Plus, it may have been entrapment.

This is why militia and governments are usually smart enough to leave each other alone. It also lends credence to S. Weasel’s view that this was politically-motivated.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: March 31, 2010, 11:33 pm

The John Malkovich lookalike in the top right is interesting.

Actually, I’m AMAZED that the Feds were able to bust them without burning down at lease ONE major building….

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 31, 2010, 11:42 pm

Well, Scoob, we don’t know yet if the Feds started the raid by shooting everybody’s dogs.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: March 31, 2010, 11:56 pm

Not to mention the unarmed woman with the baby…..

Comment from Pavel
Time: April 1, 2010, 12:18 am

Is that Mr. Whipple in the upper left? Felony toilet paper squeezing will be added to the charges.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 1, 2010, 12:35 am

Yesterday in England, a pet shop owner was electronically tagged for… selling a goldfish to a 14 year old.

Crazy, paranoid loons, babbling about a police state, eh?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 1, 2010, 12:38 am

Wow! Spooky. In the last hour, I’ve gotten, like, 20 visitors via Google (and Bing!) asking the question, “does barney frank have any teeth?”

Is he on TV right now or something?

Oh, yeah…I’m the second result for that question. w00t!

Comment from Barney Frank
Time: April 1, 2010, 1:06 am

Hey! Anyone here seen my teeth?

Comment from Barney Frank’s Teeth
Time: April 1, 2010, 1:07 am

Hey! Anyone here seen Barney?

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 1, 2010, 1:12 am

Due to the risk of being accused of BLATANT homophobia, I ain’t touching that with a 10 meter cattle prod, even though I have it on good authority that he LIKES prods……

Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 1, 2010, 1:35 am

Uncle B sez:

Yesterday in England, a pet shop owner was electronically tagged for… selling a goldfish to a 14 year old.

Uh, I don’t get it, Uncle B?

What does it mean to be “electronically tagged?” Is that like electronic house arrest, or something? And, for selling a goldfish out of a pet shop?

Oh, and Weasel’s Number ONE for “does barney frank have any teeth?”!!11! now!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 1, 2010, 1:44 am


My question is, “did his boyfreind knock them out so that he couldn’t bite down?”

I hear that it’s common for the new fish in prison…..

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: April 1, 2010, 1:50 am

Those people remind me of my brother’s kids.

Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 1, 2010, 1:50 am

Nevermind…I found the story, and that is exactly what it is.

“Greatgrandma sells fish to under 16 without instructions!”

“Investigation into illegal animal sales to children begun after rumor of retard suffocating gerbil surfaces!”

“Hardware store closed after electrical tape sold within 1 km of hamster!”

Admittedly, grammy and son could be long lost relatives of the Hutaree Libations Army, but still.

And I thought the local traffic cop with a tendency to perjure himself was a problem…

Comment from Allen
Time: April 1, 2010, 3:38 am

Uncle B, I saw that yesterday but I just couldn’t process it. That’s not a police state it’s an asylum. How do people live under this? It would seem walking along the sidewalk improperly might be a crime.

Jeebus, I liked it better when the Brits were feared not pitied.

Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 1, 2010, 4:07 am


Jeebus, I liked it better when the Brits were feared not pitied.

Me too, but there’s no respite on this side of the pond either.

Georgia Congressman sharply critical of Marine plan to capsize Guam. Rep Hank Johnson (apparently unrelated to C. Nancy “Tennessee is a Neo-Nazi State” Johnson) intently questioned a military representative on the ecological impact of moving 8,000 Marines from Okinawa to Guam, and having them stand on one side of the island. Citing concerns about the safety of naive and native goldfish, Johnson wondered aloud if “tipping over” the island was consistent with the foreign policy and environmental goals of the US. “Not to mention the innocence of the goldfish,” he said.

It is also not currently known if Rep Johnson has relatives in Hutaree, MI.

And no, I am not making this shit up.

Comment from JuliaM
Time: April 1, 2010, 7:47 am

Good grief! It’s like an Arkham Adult Education Centre Yearbook photo…

“What does it mean to be “electronically tagged?” Is that like electronic house arrest, or something?”

Yup, she’s under curfew from 7:00pm to 7:00am. Times when she wouldn’t even be at work where the heinous offence occurred. So, spectacularly useful, right?

It seems, from perusing some legal blogs, that this might have been imposed instead of ‘community restitution’ work, if she was found unable to perform those tasks.

Althiough since she ran a pet shop, you wouldn’t think that would be possible, would you?

Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 1, 2010, 8:43 am

As a fully paid-up member of the Aryan master race, I do despair at the calibre of recruits we tend to attract. How the hell are we meant to sustain a race war with these mouth-breathers on our side? I swear the Chicano Studies faculty at Brown University could give them a run for their money.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: April 1, 2010, 9:39 am

They just HAD to be from Michigan …. And only 30-some miles away. With Detroit imploding & 25% unemployment, haven’t we suffered enough?


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 1, 2010, 6:19 pm

Sorry I missed the tagging question earlier. And yes – under Labour, Britain is turning into an insane police state. Our judiciary are no barrier to this – in fact they are among the ringleaders.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: April 1, 2010, 7:27 pm

Just dropped by to whore my latest creation (artistes mustelidae, eat your hearts out!)

Comment from gebrauchshund
Time: April 1, 2010, 9:44 pm

OT, but does anybody have Dennis Hopper in the celebrity dead pool yet? ‘Cause if not I call dibs, he’s not lookin’ too good.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 1, 2010, 10:55 pm

Ha! Priceless, jw! Though I confess, I’ve missed Cynthia from the moment she got voted out. Solid gold entertainment.

Oh yeah, gesundheit — Hopper went *fast*.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 2, 2010, 10:32 am

jwpaine – suhwheat, brutha. I am still giggling.

Although you could just have the Ward Churchill photo front and centre and it would say it all.

(Churchill: well-known Comanche Indian. That’s what gave Winston of that ilk his moral stature during the Battle of Britain.)

Comment from tawny
Time: April 2, 2010, 8:06 pm

There’s a funny post script to this, a journalist went digging and found they were all regular voters and the only one whose party affiliation could be identified was a Democrat. http://toledoblade.com/article/20100401/NEWS16/4010369

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