The incredible shrinking weasel
I’m not really an atheist. That’s just shorthand. It’s easier than explaining that inexplicable things happen to me, but they don’t seem to emanate from something grand and mighty like the God of Abraham. More like something small and relatively weak. With a rotten sense of humor.
Every turning point in my life bristles with weird coincidence. Like so: I’ve worked for the same company in the same location for almost 25 years. We moved office once in all that time — from one side of the parking lot to the other. So I could reasonably expect to serve out my last few months in a comfortable, familiar environment and stick the next poor bastard with clearing out my junk.
But no. Boss lady has decided we have to pick up stakes and move operations to the home office right now. Exactly one week before I fly to England to help Uncle B move the London house to the new place.
So everywhere I turn there are cardboard boxes and and bags of trash and huge hairy dust bunnies and the painful throwing away of things. I don’t throw away things good. I collect things real good, but every time I throw an object away it nibbles off a little piece of my happiness.
But a twenty year old computer graphics program is worth exactly nothing. Those barrels? Full of them. And the manuals that came with. Thousands and thousands of dollars worth of stuff…back in the day. Now, begone! Geroff! Vamoose!
Ow! Owowow! Boohoo. Shit. Woe is Weasel. Make it stop!
Posted: October 9th, 2007 under moving, personal, work.
Comments: 53
Comments
Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 9, 2007, 2:53 pm
Just to switch this tale of woe into stereo, today I threw away all my CP/M stuff – manuals, 5/14″ discs, the lot.
I maintain it hurts more, ‘cos I paid for it!
What’s the betting, in six months time I read something in the newspaper telling me that there’s a world shortage of old computer gear and it’s worth Rembrandt money?
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 9, 2007, 3:06 pm
Poor old badger. For god’s sake, don’t pitch the Osborne 1 or it’s all over between us.
Hey, would that thing boot or was that what the CP/M disks were for? I’ve still got half a dozen 5/14″ floppies in DOS format I want to see if I can rescue some data off of.
Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: October 9, 2007, 3:10 pm
Nah, that was the CP/M machine. Now you’ve just made me realise I’ve chucked all the s/w that thye Osborne (god bless its little diodes) used. So if it ever would have booted – um, it won’t now.
Got an MS-DOS machine that isn’t IBM compatible though. People always tell me there’s no such thing. And then I show it to them 🙂
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 3:35 pm
“I maintain it hurts more, ‘cos I paid for it!” -Uncle B-
I’ll (kinda) never forget my first CD drive. It was a Sony and was the “fast” one – that everyone wanted. I don’t remember the model but would if someone said it – it was special.
I paid $600 friggin’ dollars (happily!!) for the thing from a place called “Soft Warehouse” – now CompUSA.
A few years later my hands literally trembled as I dropped the worthless thing in the trash after replacing it with a $100 drive that was about 50x better.
God, did that sting!
Comment from Pupster
Time: October 9, 2007, 3:46 pm
I’ve moved a lot in the last 20 years, plus I used to own a pickup truck, so I’ve moved friends and family around a bit, too. I can’t identify with your stuff hoarding, it makes me happy to throw stuff out. Bonus points for extra loud crunchy breaking sounds when it hits the bottom of the dumpster.
Is your company searching feverishly for your replacement? My previous position was filled before I left so I could ‘train’ the new guy. Ugh. You really get a morale boost when management hires Corky Windowlicker to take over your duties.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 9, 2007, 4:39 pm
Naw, Pups. Upper management doesn’t know I’m going yet, and immediate management isn’t far off walking himself. The more conspiratorial among us believe they’re moving us hoping our whole group will quietly dissolve (this is going to make some people’s commute suck mightily, though it’ll actually improve mine).
We have been a pain unto various butts for many, many years…mostly by grossly overperforming and making certain people look bad. Again and again and again.
Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: October 9, 2007, 5:56 pm
The most fun in the world is a trip w/ “stuff” to the dump where you get to throw it into the pit!
Sweasel when you travel to England do you take a ton of stuff as well? I’m getting this I need an outfit for every contingency, plus some of these, and a couple of those vibe.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 9, 2007, 6:15 pm
Most of my trips, the bulk of my luggage is gifts and “things that are so much cheaper in the States.” But, yes, I overpack. I’m basically a jeans-and-sneakers kind of gal, but somehow when I travel, the imaginary mother in my head tells me that won’t do. “What if you have to go to a funeral or an emergency wedding or something?” I always pack stuff I don’t wear.
Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: October 9, 2007, 7:22 pm
Sounds like my mom, my sister and my neighbor 🙂
Having to live out of basically two suitcases for a year cured any lingering tendencies I might have had to pack things I won’t use. The only exception is some of my scuba gear. There’s no way in hell I’m going to spend $ renting that stuff when I have a bunch of it.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 9:44 pm
Tattooed I –
Yes! For years (decades!) whenever I traveled on business I made room in my suitcase for the bare minimum diving eqpt.
Diving is where you find it.
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 9:50 pm
I am a diver, too. But I live in Arizona now, sigh!
My school website is down right now. Who here likes group projects?
And…I am having a flame war right now because the paper I had to peer review was completely plagiarized. My “peer” is upset because I pointed it out.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 9:53 pm
Swallow anything presently in your mouth and put down any food or drink before clicking:
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 9:57 pm
Dawn, try Apache Lake.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:00 pm
…and consider telling your “peer” he’s a thief and a doofus and ought to be ashamed of himself.
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:06 pm
Lake diving? That’s PADI talk.
Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:06 pm
The sad thing is I’ve only managed to go snorkeling, and only once!
Steamboat–that was awfully funny.
Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:07 pm
Dawn, I certified in a lake in NE at the end of May. Lakes in NE, even at the end of May, are FRICKIN’ cold!
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:08 pm
I was just kidding TI – PADI vs. NAUI flame war.
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:09 pm
McGoo, I wish that was on a t-shirt!
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:11 pm
the Che torture, not the peer doofus, I mean
Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:13 pm
I figured as much Dawn. One of the few, teeny-tiny problems w/ living in NE was the lack of “nice” diving 🙂
My goals include the Great Barrier Reef–which I’m not going to get to even tho I’m in Aus, Roatan, Thailand and the Maldives. I figure those should keep me busy for the next couple of decades 🙂
Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:15 pm
It’s letting go, trashing (sadly), part of what we are. What we were.
That sucks.
You know what I hold onto? That meeting in the bar, when you said “I’m S.Weasel!” and I was like “no SHIT? (cause I was bewildered and all, eff that)” and we hugged.
That’s life and love my friend.
I wish you the best. You had oughta keep up with me, cause I’m a dork and you like me that way ya goober.
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:18 pm
Not diving the Great Barrier even though you live there?
That’s like coming to Arizona for a vacation and not seeing the Grand Canyon. Well not quite. There’s really no other reason to come to Arizona.
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:21 pm
Dave! awwwwwwww.
Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:21 pm
Yeah, but I’m down in Sydney. To dive the reef would involve a flight to Cairns, accommodations, and the dives themselves. I’ve got approx $200 to last the next month. GBR is not gonna happen this go ’round. I will be back tho!
Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:25 pm
heh. she hugged my neck and gave me the biggest sweetest smile. I wanted to arm wrestle her.
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:26 pm
Isn’t there some kind of current you could just ride a turtle on?
That’s the extent of my knowledge of Australia summed up in one children’s movie.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:30 pm
Naui here.
I’m gonna say it again real quiet like, Dawn.
whisper whisper.
I will say nothing more.
Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:32 pm
That’s awesome, Dawn! Sydney is down on the SE coast, GBR is up on the N & NE coast. From my understanding the currents kinda mash all up before I could get where I needed to be.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:36 pm
…and, Dave, I will envy you forever! You got a hug and smile IN PERSON from S Weasel!
…and, Dawn, coochy-coo Che is now my desktop background, wiggly-toes and all. If ya want a giggle, do it on “tile”.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:38 pm
Crap.
Dawn, there’s supposed to be the words “Dive Apache Lake” between those whispers.
Damned greater/less than symbols.
Goodnight.
Comment from Dawn
Time: October 9, 2007, 10:50 pm
Nighty Night all.
Comment from jwpaine
Time: October 9, 2007, 11:59 pm
PADI? What ever happened to NAUI? Guess it makes no diff, personally; my card is PADI. The pic on it is vaguely familiar, but I’ve forgotten his name. Looks rather loutish, anyway.
Comment from jwpaine
Time: October 10, 2007, 12:06 am
Oops, didn’t catch yer mention of NAUI, Steamboat. Where’d you get certified? Me and a bunch of guys off my ship got ours while sitting in Guam. Nothing else to do but get drunk and get in fights (which of course we also did; I picked up a nifty scar), and the reef diving off Guam is gorgeous.
After that, it was diving off La Jolla, which is the equivalent of snorkeling your bathtub (although I–perennial idiot that I am–did manage to learn exactly how much O2 you have left on a J-valve at 105 feet).
Comment from YN2 Dawn
Time: October 10, 2007, 12:20 am
jw – I did my entire duty on a ship (floating submarine drydock) tied to a pier in Point Loma. We were awesome! I got three battle Es on my ribbon bar and one for freeing Kuwait.
Comment from jwpaine
Time: October 10, 2007, 12:25 am
STG2 Paine, at your service, Yeoman! I singlehandedly won the war (don’t believe reports to the contrary; see my purdy ribbon?) 20 miles off the coast of Vietnam, plane-guarding for the Big E.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 10, 2007, 7:16 am
Good morning.
jwp – I got certified in…..wait for it…..Dallas, 30-35 years ago. And my old NAUI c-card doesn’t even have a photo. My checkout dives were in (believe it or not) Possum Kingdom Lake west of Ft Worth.
Maybe that’s the reason that – although I love the sea – I can’t look at a lake or pond without wanting to dive it. That’s probably why I carried a li’l ponytank all the way up (and down) a mountain in CA to dive a lake way up there. Damn near froze my plumb bobs off, but it was worth it. In case anyone is interested, dive tables are different for altitude.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 10, 2007, 8:40 am
My ex-stepfather was a diver for the Corps of Engineers. In Tennessee, so I doubt the poor bastard ever saw the ocean, let alone dived in it. He used to pull some rough, rough dives…like doing a structural inspection along the base of the Percy Priest Dam in Winter with 3″ visibility. My brother used to catch enormous shovel-mouth cats in that spot. I just spent a happy hour looking for a picture and all I learned is that “shovel mouth cat” is a Nashvillian colloquial term. Big fucking fish.
Heya, Dave in Texas. You’re a sweetie. And a not-entirely-sober sweetie when you hit this thread, unless I miss my guess. Remember, Ibuprofen!
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 10, 2007, 8:55 am
I’ve heard the stories about “the big cats at the dam” since before I got certified (diving, that is). I think every diver has.
But. I. Have. Never. Seen. A. Photo.
(Not pickin’ on you, Weasel. Not at all.)
Now correct me if I’m wrong, but with all the macho idiot divers in the world don’t you think ONE of ’em woulda taken a camera with flash down there and gotten ONE SINGLE PHOTO of these purported catfish-that-eat-Denny’s-Restaurants-for-lunch???
Now I’d love to be proven wrong since it would be consistent with my life so far, but I’m not sure I believe in these catfish.
Opinions?
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 10, 2007, 9:16 am
Lo, I have seen them! With my own eyes! Which is pretty much the best way to see stuff. My brother brought two of them home and put them in the chest freezer in the basement. Why, I do not know. Wait, I found it! I remembered he also called them “spoonbill” and that turned it up. The picture is very like one I remember, size and all. Doesn’t appear from the text that it is a catfish, technically.
Maybe the shovel mouth and the spoonbill were two different fish he caught. It was a long time ago and my memory is hazy. I remember one with that big spoony thing, for sure.
There’s a serious fishing gene on my mother’s side of the family. My grandmother used to paddle out on the Amite River and set her catfish lines well into her seventies. Mother got the gene, too. Bigtime. I quit fishing when I realized I loved drifting along on the water, but I hated it when I caught something. Threading wiggly worms onto hooks and then extricating hooks from fish eyeballs seriously got me down. I think I’m becoming a Jain. Except for the vegetarianism part. Maybe I’m just a big squeamish slopbag.
Comment from Gnus
Time: October 10, 2007, 11:27 am
Hey, Sweasel, I’ve always heard the stories about the big catfish too. Not only about the ones at the dams, but supposedly there are some maneaters under the bridges across the Tennessee River (Fort Loudon Lake) at Knoxville. Piqued my interest you did, so I went googling.
Wikipedia has more about catfish than I ever wanted to know.
All About Fishing Says
(Writing about Channel Catfish:)
“Boating anglers often fish fairly close to the dam, holding the boat in a pocket where no strong currents are running but close to water that is running. Cats will stack up just outside of the strong currents.”
How big do they get? From the same article:
“Blue Catfish – World record 121 lbs. Tenn. record 112 lbs
Channel Cats – World record 58 lbs. Tenn. record 41 lbs.
Flathead Cats – World record 123 lbs. Tenn record 85 lbs”
Sadly, no mention of Spoonbills here, but they do get really really big.
Tennessee Sportsman Magazine has a bunch of good articles on catfish fishing in TN.
http://www.tennesseesportsmanmag.com/fishing/catfish-fishing/tn_aa074904a/
Also found a good Tenn general reference, just for fun and games:
Tennessee Encyclopedia of History and Culture
http://tennesseeencyclopedia.net/
As to liking to fishee but not liking the catchee, cut the barb off the hook. That way, when ya get tired of fishy on the line just slack off. Fishy will spit out the bait. Works a treat, it does. On popping bugs anyways.
Comment from Gnus
Time: October 10, 2007, 11:31 am
Ooops! It looks like I screwed up that first link. Sorry…I’m not sure how to fix it.
[insert appropriate emoticon here]
My bad.
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 10, 2007, 11:41 am
You’re lucky I was sitting right here, Gnus…that totally sent you to the spam bucket.
Mmmm…catfish. There was a restaurant in Nashville famous for its fried catfish and hushpuppies. The Gerscht House! That was it. Google doesn’t think it’s there any more.
The catfish in my mother’s pond went albino. I’m guessing there was one sport, and his line came to dominate for some reason. They tasted awful.
Comment from Gnus
Time: October 10, 2007, 2:50 pm
Thanks for fishing me out of Akismet, Sweasel. It was stuffy in there.
You need a drooling idiot smiley for me to use. And why is HTML so picky anyhow?
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 10, 2007, 2:53 pm
I’m back. I was gone before but am not elsewhere anymore.
I was wondering how Gnus slipped so many links by Lokki’s Friend.
When I mentioned dam catfish, I was talking about the stories of truck-sized ones with mouths big as garage doors. Ones that can eat a diver.
Comment from Gnus
Time: October 11, 2007, 9:13 am
They’re there, McGoo. It’s just that they send the little ones to do their evil work. Dam their evil eyes anyways.
And given enough time, the ones in Sweasel’s chest freezer could’ve eaten a diver. It’s a question of bite size.
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 11, 2007, 12:09 pm
So all these decades eveyone’s been playing a semantics joke on me? I am depressed….
I think I’ll meander my way down down to the pond and shotgun some catfish. That is how you hunt them, isn’t it?
Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 11, 2007, 1:59 pm
Old fashioned crank phone in the water. Stuns ’em.
That, or dynamite. What do you think ‘scallops’ are below the Mason-Dixon line?
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 11, 2007, 3:18 pm
I thought Southern “scallops” were actually Rocky Mt. oysters?
One has to ask onesself: does the world really need so many alto and tenor bivalve mollusks?
Comment from mesablue
Time: October 11, 2007, 6:35 pm
Big catfish — http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/06/photogalleries/giantcatfish/index.html
Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 11, 2007, 7:22 pm
Now that’s a friggin’ catfish!
Comment from Les Bright
Time: November 13, 2008, 12:04 am
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