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Because there’s so gosh darned much demand for the Segway

Michael at IB posted this gem. It’s a more portable take on the Segway idea — and if you think these trim young ladies look ridiculous on it, imagine how your scraggy ass would look.

The doohickey is clever: it’s a wheel made of cylinders. The wheel takes you forward and back, the cylinders side to side, and combinations of the two move you diagonally. “Clever” being an engineering term for “unreliable pain in the ass.”

Incidentally, mobility scooters are street legal here. And man are there a lot of them about. The scooter vendors turn up at local fairs and markets and have shiny showrooms on the high street. I get the impression the NHS gives them out like candy.

And why not? Stop moving around on your own, and there goes your life expectancy. When you pass your contributing to the system years and reach your consuming resources at an alarming clip years, a socialist healthcare system can’t get you off the planet fast enough.

Comments


Comment from Tesla
Time: June 18, 2010, 10:49 pm

Perhaps they could incorporate a scale into the device. At some predetermined weight , the gizmo would automatically take the rider to the Soylent Green plant.

Sorry, just got back from walmart which is overrun with grossly fat ferks motoring around on those stupid little carts.


Comment from embycil
Time: June 18, 2010, 11:27 pm

Haven’t there been at least a couple of science fiction stories wherein the human populace of some planet or another turn into gelatinous blobs because they let machines do more and more for them?


Comment from Elphaba
Time: June 18, 2010, 11:31 pm

Can you imagine Michael Moore on one of those things? Gah!


Comment from Randy Rager
Time: June 18, 2010, 11:33 pm

My heart weeps for humanity.


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: June 18, 2010, 11:46 pm

I think that Gabriel Iglacias is going to have to add on to his “6 levels of fat” scale.

the levels he already has are”
BIG
HEALTH
HEFTY
FLUFFY
DAMN!
and
OH, HELL NO!

Exactly what would come after OH, HELL NO!?


Comment from Steve I n Tulsa
Time: June 18, 2010, 11:55 pm

Butt you don’t see many fat people on these little models, only skinny young models.


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: June 19, 2010, 12:00 am

Steve – Thats just the advertising. Reality is FAR MORE DISTURBING…… 😉


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: June 19, 2010, 12:01 am

http://crazymotion.net/six-levels-of-fatness-according-to-gabriel-iglesias/wfrRkM0MPuTojAy.html

A little explanation of my post above


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: June 19, 2010, 12:26 am

Seems to me the sort of people who would want would pretty soon be wearing it. Internally.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…


Comment from Pupster
Time: June 19, 2010, 12:57 am

Pfft.

Honda should concentrate on perfecting a combination beer-fetching sandwich-making machine, then I wouldn’t HAVE to move about the house.


Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: June 19, 2010, 2:20 am

It looks fun to play around on, but for every day walking I’d rather…walk. If I ever get to the point where I can’t walk for myself I’ll be in a very sorry state indeed.

But if it goes fast? Ooooooohhhhhh!


Comment from Monotone (The Elderish)
Time: June 19, 2010, 3:26 am

hmm….. interesting….. but since i’m fond of moving under my own power and being able to see my toes i think i’ll pass


Comment from Allen
Time: June 19, 2010, 3:49 am

I’ll be soon offering the Alto 1X locomotion machine. With the Alto 1 you can move forwards, backwards, sideways, amd even go up stairs.

Of course your legs and feet are free of charge. But with the Alto 1 you’re GREEN! There is no external power source, no carbon footprint, and especially no foreign oil worries.

If you send in your money now we will have you moving around in no time. Walk to your local Alto 1 store today to become FREE!

🙂

Shoes


Comment from Pavel
Time: June 19, 2010, 5:03 am

sweasel.com: come for the hot lesbian pron; stay for the silly gizmos with hot lesbian pron background music.

Bonus comment: Q: What did the honda gizmo say when it saw Pavel approaching? A: How the hell am I supposed to balance THAT ass?


Comment from JuliaM
Time: June 19, 2010, 7:16 am

“When you pass your contributing to the system years and reach your consuming resources at an alarming clip years, a socialist healthcare system can’t get you off the planet fast enough.”

Yup! And those scooters are not just good at killing their owners.


Comment from Michael
Time: June 19, 2010, 11:22 am

Honda, forget about this machine. Not interested.

I want the phone number of that blond chick


Comment from Bill (still the .00358% of your traffic that’s from Iraq) T
Time: June 19, 2010, 12:07 pm

Okay, I could see a use for that, if we all lived on the surface of a billiard ball 25,000 miles in circumference.

Personally, I distrust any electrical mechanism that requires you to perch on it…


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 19, 2010, 12:56 pm

That thing’s got to have SERIOUS power issues, too. Think how much juice it would take to sling 150 pounds of meat around on carpet. I don’t see much room for the walloping great battery it must have to do that for more than five minutes.


Comment from JeffS
Time: June 19, 2010, 4:14 pm

But if it goes fast? Ooooooohhhhhh!

Speed isn’t good enough for to buy one.

But speed and machine guns? Whoa, baby!


Comment from Jeff Gauch
Time: June 19, 2010, 4:23 pm

There might be a way to use this to improve health. Hook up a strain gauge on the seat then rig the device to make straining sounds proportional to the weight on it.

In all seriousness the thing might be useful for moving…stuff. Instead of sitting on the thing while carrying a box, put a heavier box on it and move it around with one finger.


Comment from Sarah
Time: June 19, 2010, 5:18 pm

Oh, sure, it was designed to act as a cattle prod for those not politely and quietly dying soon enough for the government’s liking, but imagine all the drunken antics that the college kids could get up to with this.

Actually…that ultimately acts as that cattle prod I just mentioned, now that I think about it.


Comment from bad cat robot
Time: June 20, 2010, 12:51 am

Personally, I distrust any electrical mechanism that requires you to perch on it…

Sez the man who not only flies helicopters (aka a bucket of bolts in close formation) but *teaches excitable newbies* how to fly helicopters.

Apropos of nothing, Weaz, I wore my Zombie Reagan sweatshirt today and had FOUR people grin and say how much they liked it. In the rabidly liberal Pacific Northwest, no less. Surely it is a sign of the Apocalypse.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 20, 2010, 1:04 am

I hope you earnestly pressed my religious tract into their sweaty palms, BCR 😛


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: June 20, 2010, 6:07 pm

“Hello! We would like to talk to you about the Church of Stoaty Weasel and Latter Day Minions!”


Comment from bad cat robot
Time: June 20, 2010, 7:01 pm

Zazzle somehow neglected to include copies of the Tao Te Mustilidae *or* Silliness and Art with a Key to the Liquor Cabinet with my order, so, no.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 20, 2010, 7:15 pm

Aw, man. I didn’t get around to that “making my own religion” thing?

See, that’ was my BEST money making idea.


Comment from David Gillies
Time: June 20, 2010, 7:22 pm

The NHS does not give mobility scooters out ‘like candy’, unless by that you mean ‘insists you pay full retail price of £8000.’ Well, that’s what my Dad’s unsubsidised scooter cost him.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 20, 2010, 8:33 pm

I’m pretty sure the majority of the people I see scooting around on them didn’t pony up any £8000 for the honor.


Comment from steve
Time: June 20, 2010, 9:56 pm

Aw, man. I didn’t get around to that “making my own religion” thing?

See, that’ was my BEST money making idea.

L Ron Hubbard didn’t start his religion till he was 41 or thereabouts.

I don’t think there is a hard limit on precisely when in your life you have to have already started your religion….

I think you probably still have time to cobble together your canons, sacred texts, mystical crockery, etc.

As a template, you may want to take a look over here


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 20, 2010, 11:34 pm

The first URL I ever registered was a homemade religion site. Never did much with it, though. And then I think I let it lapse.


Comment from Bill (still the .00358% of your traffic that’s from Iraq) T
Time: June 21, 2010, 4:07 pm

I wore my Zombie Reagan sweatshirt today and had FOUR people grin and say how much they liked it.

I don’t believe you were lucky enough to find the only four people in the PNW who aren’t barking mad *and* find them all in the same location.

Were Barb and the Hubster in town?


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 21, 2010, 4:48 pm

Scubafreak: I think the next step is–
“ZOMG!!1!! RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!1”

In any case, I note with interest that even tho the women’s lips are moving, the dialog is omitted. Being an inveterate lip-reader and prognosticationist, I offer the following subtitles:

Shirley: “Say, Madge, I somehow got this new dustbuster lodged in my–oh, I see you have experienced the same bizarre accident! What a co-inky-dink!”
Madge [grunts]: “Yeah!. What are the odds?”
Shirley [wobbling]: “Uh… um… Does yours go to–ooooooh!–eleven, too?”
Madge [examining control panel]: “I believe it does, Shirley!”
[…later…]
Madge [lighting a cigarette]: I’m gonna get one for my sister!
Shirley: Yeah. They really make great stocking stuffers, if you know what I mean.”

–Honda, Because you’re not man enough®


Comment from Hotrodelectric
Time: June 21, 2010, 5:18 pm

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: June 19, 2010, 12:26 am

Seems to me the sort of people who would want would pretty soon be wearing it. Internally.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

With someone the size of Michael Moore, it would look like he’s on a lowrider. Imagine him scooting around on the carpet, he looks a bit like a dog trying to scratch his ass, all the while you hear this muffled hum from the motor, straining to move all that cargo. Hope that’s not a laptop battery they’re using in that thing- the resultant fire would make an old pile of tires on fire look environmentally sane.


Comment from Schlip of Endor
Time: June 21, 2010, 6:29 pm

I’ll have to echo a few of you and the 2nd most updinged comment on the youtube video… another un-needed invention for already lazy humans.

Perhaps the technology can be used for something actually useful though, like some type of droid.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: June 21, 2010, 8:32 pm

All of these new gadgets are so over-engineered its ridiculous. I mean they’re cool from a “how on earth does it work, ooh look at that” point of view, but nobody in the world would want to actually use one. That’s the problem with the Segway and all these new “super fuel-efficient cars” and such: they look freaking idiotic.


Comment from Bill (still the .00358% of your traffic that’s from Iraq) T
Time: June 22, 2010, 9:10 am

That’s the problem with the Segway…

“I bought a Segway!”

“What’s a Segway?”

“About a hundred pounds…”


Comment from steve
Time: June 22, 2010, 11:50 am

Weasel has left this at the top of her page a little too long….

So, after having viewed the video and posted a few stupid comments….this morning I started wondering what improvements need to be made to the video….

And, as luck would have it…I got right to the most needed improvement, almost immediately…

Those two young ladies need pancakes on their heads!


Comment from Wiccapundit
Time: June 23, 2010, 3:10 am

The only way this thing sells is if it has a snappy nickname, like Lard-O-Cycle or AssBlasterMaster. Can you visualize a street full of these things being ridden by herds of people who look like Mr. Creosote?


Comment from Mike C.
Time: June 24, 2010, 9:05 am

The Segway – a solution looking for a problem.


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: June 26, 2010, 4:04 pm

I have a Honda personal mobility thingie.

Outweighs me by quite a bit, and does over a hundred miles and hour to boot.

I’m rather fond of it.

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