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Balls!

balls!

Here, Uncle Badger holds out the traditional New Year’s Day Balls of…oh, screw it, I forgot to post something, didn’t I? Hope y’all had a splendid first day of 2008. We spent ours as we mean to go on: sleeping, eating and a-drinking of alcoholic beverages.

We slunk down to the Adolph and Eva Memorial Recycling Center with our empties after dark tonight, and it took both of us to lift the box. Hooray for the noble mustelids!

And tomorrow afternoon, if all goes according to plan, several elderly persons of the district are coming to help us exhume a fifty year old veteran from the back garden.

Sweet dreams!

Comments


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 1, 2008, 7:36 pm

Did the fifty-year old vet do something wrong, or was it a matter of a huge inheritance, or did you just not like the fucktard?

Classic burial place, though. The garden. Best to get the body out of there, though. First place they’ll look…

And remember, friends will help you move – but GOOD friends will help you move the body.


Comment from lizardbrain
Time: January 1, 2008, 9:24 pm

Do those balls have something to do with the 50 year old vet, or are they just gratuitous balls?


Comment from porknbean
Time: January 2, 2008, 12:16 am

Are those cookies, biscuits, or meatish, balls?
And is Uncle B. wearing plaid? I hope it’s a kilt.


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: January 2, 2008, 12:53 am

Ah, stuffing balls. Just like Grandad used to make. Why go to the effort of shoving them up the chicken’s cavity when you can just roast them separately? An Englishman’s home is his castle, and stuffing balls are his weapon. Guaranteed to give you abundant fartgas a few hours later.
Holy shit, it’s 4:48 – what the hell is wrong with me?


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 2, 2008, 7:58 am

Yes, indeed, guilty as charged – and on both counts: sausage meat balls and a lesbian flannel shirt in fetching red.

Hmm… there’s a connection between those two ideas that I don’t wish to pursue.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 8:17 am

Now I understand.

The 50-year old veterinarian in the back garden was your secret love-child – who hated meatballs. One year he choked on the huge meatball you insisted he sample, remarking to him, “Try it – you’ll like it!”

So each year you don his favorite red shirt and make some more of the meatballs – as penance for not learning the Heimlich maneuver.

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on me, Badger. Notice how all your machinations crumble – crumble, I say! – in the face of McGoo perceptiveness and insight?


Comment from Lokki
Time: January 2, 2008, 10:17 am

One year he choked on the huge [New Year’s] meatball…

Funny how the more different things are, the more they’re the same

At least four choke to death in Japan on New Year’s rice cakes


Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 2, 2008, 12:52 pm

The invention of the Heimlich maneuver is responsible for a noticeable drop in the collective IQ of humanity. Not as much as helmet laws, of course, but still, statistically significant.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 2, 2008, 12:58 pm

Oh, and on an entirely related note: ¡Viva Señor Caca!


Comment from porknbean
Time: January 2, 2008, 12:58 pm

So long as you’re a male lesbian, the flannel is fine with me. Not only makes a man appear rugged, but quite snuggly too.

And hey! Adolph and Eva Memorial recycling? Seriously?


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 1:05 pm

I actually Googled “Adolph and Eva Memorial recycling” – knowing it was a joke – but still not quite sure because (lets face it) strange things do occasionally happen to Stoaty.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 1:13 pm

Whoa. Now I understand the spanish comments.

That was very cunning, Weasel/jwp.

It only took one-two days to soak into my noggin. And that was with the help of solvents. I should start using DMSO.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 2, 2008, 1:21 pm

Hope you wear surgical gloves while handling that DMSO, Steamboat. Otherwise, you’ll taste garlic for hours.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 1:26 pm

That stuff is wicked, for sure jw. But if you want something introduced into your system quickly, it’ll carry it right through the skin.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 2, 2008, 1:32 pm

10-4. Too bad they can’t attach DMSO to rationality, and introduce it into the water supply.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 1:39 pm

I was thinking of soaking a library in it and then bathing in the resulting knowledge-stew.

Eu tu, Ishmael?


Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 2, 2008, 1:53 pm

Took my weekly bath last month. Besides, I already know everything.

Handy, that.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 2:00 pm

Rationality has to be overrated – else most really good jokes would involve smart people rather than stupid ones.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 4:15 pm

The more I stare at that photo of Badger and his sausage-balls, the more I want to caption it.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 2, 2008, 4:15 pm

Hi porknbean – her Ladyship was.. exaggerating for humorous effect.

The recycling dump isn’t actually named for Adolph and Eva.

The local praesidium of the Communist Party would never let them do that (*).

* (also an exaggeration for humorous effect – though worryingly less of one).


Comment from Dawn
Time: January 2, 2008, 7:12 pm

The caption should read Bollocks! instead of Balls!

You are in England afterall.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 2, 2008, 7:16 pm

“The red meatball keeps you here in reality – the blue meatball sends you back to Kansas…um…no, wait…that’s backwards…uh…”

“….these are uncola nuts. They’re larger – rather juicier, too. Hah! Hah!”


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Time: January 11, 2008, 8:33 pm

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