sweasel.com

Oh – I JUST replaced my dishwasher. The guy I gave the broken one to said the only thing wrong was a little calcium buildup in it and now it works fine. I handwashed my dishes for a whole stinkin year! There’s nothing worse except maybe folding laundry.

Dammit!

Symptoms? Or should I ask?

Meh. Clogged outlet pipe or busted pump. We’ll know in the morning.

For now, we dance!

D/W aren’t that complicated. Not at all. And usually they are fairly easy to work on and diagnose.

But calling the repair guy is easier yet.

But if he can’t get out before next Septober 43rd, then I’d dive into the li’l fuck.

Drink!

Wrap yourself around plenty of alcohol – remember, it likes to be snuggled!

Washing machines live longer with Calgon. Or so says some stupid TV jingle. What’s that you say, it’s dishwasher, not a washing machine? Hmmm. Well, have you tried getting angry with it?

Look at this heartwarming little story:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=505864&in_page_id=1770&in_page_id=1770&expand=true#StartComments
Fucking animals, man.

That story’s disgusting, Gibby. It needs to be spread far and wide. Have you tried Ace or Drudge or Dave in Texas (he posts here occasionally), or mesablue (likewise) or pupster (likewise)?

I thought getting angry only worked on electronics? For mechanics, you have to physically hit it, don’t you? Or do I have it backwards?

Morning McGoo. Well, I followed the link from LGF, so it’ll probably be on Ace sooner of later, if it’s not already.

By getting angry, I meant getting physical. It’s a great solution because it either starts working or you wreck it so much you have to get a new one entirely. Either way, the problem is fixed.

Morning, Gibby.

Ah-ha. I thought the “angry” meant – like – yelling at it. I always yell at electronics and beat machinery. Except for when I pronounce the death penalty: then I throw either one because I like to see the pieces-parts fly.

{When I worked, I’d take really egregious offenders into the engineering lab and slowly and patiently completely disassemble the thing – removing every screw, nut, bolt, pin, fastener, sub-assembly, etc – and then carry all the pieces back up to my office trash can and throw of them away. I did that to several hard drives and a printer or two from time to time. It was fascinating.}

If the story is on LGF, then it should spread.

My list of cold-blooded machine crimes include a mobile phone/cellphone which I dashed to pieces on a wall years ago (can’t remember why), and more recently a keyboard…which I dashed to pieces on a desk (I was getting ‘pwned’ at a computer game. By a German).
I rolled my first car too, but that was an accident. Or at least that’s what I told the big old cop who shoved his instrument into my my mouth and told me to blow. Luckily it came back amber which means I only had to pay a fine, and have some points put on my license (oh, Jesus, not points – you’re killing me here).
Machines are taking over, man.

Oh, I hear you, Gibby. They’re taking over.

I never rolled a car, although I did drive one with a bad oil pump until it seized up solid. That was fun. It smoked and steamed big-time, and bucked and banged like I’d fed it bad gas. It was neat.

For it’s Tommy this, an’ Tommy that, an’ “Tommy, wait outside”;
But it’s “Special train for Atkins” when the trooper’s on the tide,
The troopship’s on the tide, my boys, the troopship’s on the tide,
O it’s “Special train for Atkins” when the trooper’s on the tide.

Then it’s Tommy this, an’ Tommy that, an’ “Tommy how’s yer soul?”
But it’s “Thin red line of ‘eroes” when the drums begin to roll,
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it’s “Thin red line of ‘eroes” when the drums begin to roll.

Those Anglo-Indians sure could write.

Obviously, he was the better man….

Just for the record (and to break the ghastly silence) let it be known that the mighty power of Badger was brought to bear on the sulking dishwasher. And triumphed.

We have clean plates once again.

Her Ladyship, meanwhile, is busily preparing for her epic journey back to the colonies, tomorrow, and looks about as happy as a pickled gherkin.

Having seen her itinerary, I can’t say I blame her. So who invented this ‘hub’ thing, anyway?

Thank god, badger. No one has said diddly shit all day.

Ah-ha! So once again a seemingly insurmountable problem has crumbled in the face of Badger ingenuity, stubbornness, and plain olde English bash-the-fucker-til-it-works determination!

I knew you could do it, Badge!

Gherkin. Uh-oh.

Ya know – I forgot she was away. I kinda got used to her being at the badger Estate. Hmmm.

So did I, McGoo, so did I…

Incidentally, I meant to have joined the ‘let’s teach it to fly’ club the other day.

Among the many inanimate objects I have given a precious few seconds of intense acceleration was my old Siemens mobile phone. It had the worst battery life I have ever encountered and one day, having failed in the middle of an important call, flew many yards up a shingle beach, before impacting on a large rock.

Of course, being Churman, it refused to learn from the experience. So I gave it to an old lady who needed a phone.

Occasionally, the depth of my evil astonishes even me.

Can’t say I’ve ever smashed the shit out of a Siemans product before. But I’d like to someday…

For me, its usually Sears or Radio Shack items that get the brunt of my attention.

You’ll be cheered to know that they usually shatter with a truly gratifying proliferation of chunks and sub-parts and pieces-parts, all going to and fro, here and there, and ultimately tinkling down onto the ground. Why – its often hard to tell what it was originally, after a really good impact.

I’ll remember that teutonic stubbornness factor if I ever get the opportunity to get down with any of the Siemens products.

BTW: I saw a Nokia cell phone that was taught to fly by an irate teenager at the mall just before Christmas. It was awesome. Itty bitty parts went everywhere. They crunched when folks walked on ’em.

Say! Did the dishwasher effort result in any bad parts?

You know whats really, really fun? Take it to an office building somewhere and walk into someone’s office while they’re away. Put it on their desk, and leave.

They will be mystified about it for days. It can waste HOURS of their time as they try to find out what it is, where it came from, why its here, and what is supposed to be done with it.

I did this many, many times at (deleted) and (deleted) to pieces of “collectors junk” I had that I needed to get rid of. It beats tossing it into the trash every time. I’d just walk it over into accounting or tech pubs or somewhere they didn’t know me well and pick an office at random.

*Diarrhea mouth has hit*

– and, if you want to make true PRANKSTER HERO status, grab some fiddly little part or mechanical widget (just a small screw will do) and go find someone who has something disassembled. The office Xerox guy is perfect. While all the parts are laid out there on the floor, add your part to the collection. Then leave.

Can’t say I’ve ever smashed the shit out of a Siemans product before. But I’d like to someday…

Mr Porknbean works for Siemens. I’ve come close but have never had to smash the shit out of him.

– and, if you want to make true PRANKSTER HERO status, grab some fiddly little part or mechanical widget (just a small screw will do) and go find someone who has something disassembled. The office Xerox guy is perfect. While all the parts are laid out there on the floor, add your part to the collection. Then leave.

You are truly an evil man McGoo. I like it.

Safe travels weasel.
Start counting the weeks until your forever with your beast.

Thank you!

Yeah, Weaz. This trip back to the States- then its back to Jolly Olde for good in February!

What about the search for the machine gun? Inquiring minds want to know.

February…ah, McGoo, if only I believed. I’m afraid we’re going to drop back and punt on that one. What with the depressed housing market and the tight mortgage dealio and all…I’m afraid we’ve let our expectations slide for several months after THAT fact.

Six thirty in the morning! It DOES exist in England!

Umm… the machine gun (six thirty? In the morning ? I didn’t know they made those!).

We left it with the Old Dude who’d originally buried the thing, that he was going to see another Old Dude (hereafter OD 4, I suppose) who ‘knows about these things’ and who has a metal detector of truly outrageous power.

The suspicion is that when they built the extension they dumped the surplus earth on that part of the garden beneath which lurketh the beast. How far down? That’s what we need to find out.

I suspect her Ladyship is possibly right – it’ll be a pile of rust by now, but we’ll keep digging.

I mean… it’s what badgers do.

Six thirty? Sounds like airplane-catchin’ time. It is that obnoxious three thirty here right now.

Have faith in the house sale. Remember, I’ve been in the buying mode for a year now, and I have seen houses go on the market and sell in three days. It just depends on whether there’s someone out there that is dying to have YOUR special house. It is special, right? Otherwise Weaz wouldn’t have it.

I fear the Olde Vet is indeed a pile of rust by now, unless the soil composition and drainage is really special there.

I’m going outside to bark at the neighbors dog for a while.

Hey, my thing didn’t auto-post yet. Wonder what time I set it for…

Hola, Uncle B. I tried phoning from Gatwick, but the stupid payphone kept saying, “the number you dialed was blah-blah-blah…” without actually, you know, DIALING the number. Yes, I remembered to tack on the zero for in-country.

Anyhoo, I made it. Pretty uneventful drive (pretty, though…he goes all the back roads rather than get on the motorway. He says it takes about the same time but it’s pleasant to drive).

They haven’t announced my gate yet, so…meh.

The book I got was “The Rise and Fall of Modern Medicine” by your mate le Fanu. And let me take this moment to mention YOUR QUOTATION MARKS ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE on this stupid keyboard.

Call you from Charlotte (if my battery’s good and ‘Mo don’t get me).

Holly shit. Weaz is on the road. With a British keyboard laptop, too!

That’s gonna drive her batshit in about 1 hours 35 minutes.

I think its funny that they put that GB “pound-money” script-L thingy up there where the octothorpe usually goes above the 3 (the # thingy, also called the pound thingy in ‘Merica).

Is that book any good, Badger? Its getting time for a Borders/B&N run – and I have gift cards!

I read some Amazon reviews – no “quack” screams, so it can’t be too bad.

I think she must have been using a terminal at the airport, McGoo. Her Thinkpad is an all-American one.

And.. umm.. not sure about le Fanu’s book, you’ll have to wait for her Ladyship’s verdict, I’m afraid, as I haven’t read it. I like his column in the Sunday Telegraph, though – he cuts a lot of the bullshit out of modern medicine. It should be a good read.

Ah-ha. I didn’t think about pc terminals in the airport. My bad.

Anyone who cuts through bullshit is a national treasure.

Badger, I sympathize with you on the British health care system – but I’m also grateful. Forgive me, but it’s providing us here with a perfect example of what happens when medicine is socialized. Between y’all and Canada’s wonderful system, I’m hoping we can nip this shit in the bud here.

Personally, I’ll croak before I let some asshole tell me to quit smoking or exercise or lose weight or give up sweets in order to get health care.

We’re all gonna die anyway. The best you can do is choose where.

Right with you, McGoo. The really hateful thing in the UK is that people still waffle on about our ‘free’ NHS system

FREE!?! What schizoid definition of ‘free’ includes the astronomical levels of both direct and indirect taxation we pay towards this piss-poor, third world system?

My beef with modern healthcare is that it is too damned intrusive – too damned busy ordering tests for this, that and the other and mandating ‘treatments’ which are often far worse than the diseases they purport to cure.

THIS is very interesting. Perhaps not totally off topic since our Weasel (as do the rest of us) carries her laptop through customs.

I have the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe on mine and I’ll be damned if I’m giving THAT to some Customs Agent for free.

I wonder what they would do if you suddenly took your laptop and smashed it onto the floor in a cascading shower of Chinese plastic splinters, as we discussed above?

Weasel, buy a small St. Joseph statue and plant him in your yard.

Oh McGoo, I just read the best book and I will recommend it even though your reading tastes are probably more sophisticated than mine.
The book is Hood by Stephen Lawhead. It is the retelling of the Robin Hood story. I loved it.

AH-HA!

You just saved my life, Dawn. I called Borders and they said they didn’t have the Weasel book (not that I believe them).

NOW I have two good reasons to go book huntin’ on this gorgeous faux spring day!

Bless you, Dawn! I’m outa here.

Bought. Owned. Initialed and dated and put on the very top of the “To Read” pile – which is really small right now.

I’ve been reading a lot of history recently. I needed a good beefy fiction book to gnaw on. And it’s a thicky!

*rubs hands together in anticipation*