No. No, no, no.
I can’t possibly vote for Newt. His face is too small. That little pinched face all scrunched up in the middle of that big head. Oh, no.
Also, Newt Gingrich. When he was a thing, my shirts had shoulder pads. I am not going back to that place.
Also, “Newt.” Jesus. Dude’s name is Newton Leroy.
Newton Leroy. Willard Mitt. Barack Hussein. Criminy buckets, what’s gone screwy with American politics?
How about — Vote for Herman Cain. He doesn’t even have a middle name.