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No. No, I don’t see any problem


Okay, so there’s this skinny white woman dressed all in yellow — even her little sneakers are yellow — walking alone through an abandoned warehouse.

All of a sudden — kee-YIII — out hops this Oriental dude doing all these Kung Fu moves. Okay?

Okay, then this Asian-looking guy with the beard and the turban and the robes and the the curved sword comes in. Only he’s barefoot and he’s levitating. And he’s all waving the sword and zooming around six inches off the floor.

–when this big, scary black guy with dreads busts the door down and starts doing all this kickboxing shit.

So the yellow lady does this yoga breathing thing and splits into twelve yellow ladies, who sit down in the lotus position. This makes the scary men disappear, and the yellow ladies turn into the yellow stars on the EU flag.


Ummmm…yeah. The EU really made that movie. And were shocked that people thought it was racist. And sexist. And generally gob-smackingly idiotic.

It’s like that nice Mr bin Laden used to say: when you have a weak horse and a strong horse, they both come together to laugh at the retarded horse.




Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 7, 2012, 6:14 pm

I’m thinking, this was just TOO honest. Europe as a bunch of women who expect to defeat powerful forces with Yoga exercises.

Slogan: it takes a LOT of pussies to fight evil.

Oh, I think I spotted this first at The Corner.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 7, 2012, 6:15 pm

Alternative slogan: colored men are scary.

Comment from That nice Mr. Redshield
Time: March 7, 2012, 6:15 pm

That nice Sheikh bin Al-Laden replaced that nice Mr. Emmanuel Goldstein who outlived his usefulness according to Minitrue.

The EU movie is perfect. Let’s not talk about insolvency. Let’s not talk about defenselessness. 12 stars. Whoooo. That’s all anyone needs to see and know. Pay no attention to that nice tapir-man behind the curtain.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 7, 2012, 6:22 pm

Let me know if this copy gets scrubbed. I was chasing a higher resolution version, but it was pulled before I could grab it. I’ve saved this version locally, anyhow.

Comment from Mitchell TAFKAEY
Time: March 7, 2012, 6:30 pm

I thought it was cute. I particularly liked the tribute to Bruce Lee’s “Enter the Dragon” outfit she was wearing.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: March 7, 2012, 6:38 pm

That was the most precious bit of condescension that I have ever seen. Well done EU!

Comment from redd
Time: March 7, 2012, 7:48 pm

I liked it. lol!

Comment from nightfly
Time: March 7, 2012, 7:52 pm

Spectacularly hilarious. The black dude’s expression when the lady multiplies (which you captured so perfectly above, the look on the left side of the collage) kills me. Like, “what is this trippy bullshit movie I got myself into?”

In real life, the three of them would have looked at each other and said, “OK – eleven more asses to kick.”

OH – there’s an interesting subtext here. Notice how Yellow Chick turns into the stars on the EU Flag – and the other three simply cease to exist? So very wrong.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: March 7, 2012, 8:33 pm

I can imagine what they were thinking when they made this: “oh those people who don’t trust the EU are such racist pigs, this will fit right into their hateful thinking.” Its so wrong and idiotic on so many levels its difficult to even express in human language.

Pingback from And they think we’re the simple-minded jingoists « Blog of the Nightfly
Time: March 7, 2012, 8:35 pm

[…] Stoaty found this.  It is spectacularly awful.  Click through to witness it, before it gets memory-holed. […]

Comment from mojo
Time: March 7, 2012, 8:38 pm

I like it. It shows that if you’re under attack by barbarian hordes, a good yoga session will straighten things right out. Be calm, Breathe.

Pay no attention to that man with the gun. It’s for YOUR protection, citizen…

Comment from Allen
Time: March 7, 2012, 8:43 pm

I had to watch it twice, just to be sure about whether I was seeing something that stupid. I never quite imagined such idiocy existed. Absolutely breathtaking.

Comment from Can\’t hark my cry
Time: March 7, 2012, 9:46 pm

No, no, you don’t understand! At the end “all characters [were] showing their mutual respect, concluding in a position of peace and harmony.” If you understood “the plots and themes of martial arts films and video games,” like the target audience of 16 to 24 year olds. . .

Oh. Wait a minute. Well, but you know, 16 to 24 year olds understand those themes. . .differently. Or something.

And I gotta agree with nightfly–the disappearance of the three scary guys was downright bizarre. I guess that’s how they show mutual respect?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 7, 2012, 10:08 pm

Meant to link this in the text: the EU statement on the video.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 7, 2012, 10:11 pm

I love the way Scimitar Man looks at the twelve women and dejectedly sheaths his sword.

When you just KNOW he’d be turning to Dreadlock Guy and saying, “hold mah beer and watch this!”

Comment from XBradTC
Time: March 7, 2012, 10:23 pm

On the plus side, the chick is kinda cute, and more women should wear skin-tight outfits like that.

Comment from Mitchell TAFKAEY
Time: March 7, 2012, 10:44 pm

A more accurate version of the film would have one big blonde woman working hard and a bunch of smaller, uglier women hitting her up for money.

Comment from Nina
Time: March 7, 2012, 11:27 pm

This simply must be shared on facebook.


Comment from Veeshir
Time: March 8, 2012, 12:01 am

Slogan: it takes a LOT of pussies to fight evil.

I guess they never watched Team America.

Pretty soon they’ll be all covered in you know what.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: March 8, 2012, 12:19 am

What these Euromaroons don’t realise is that we Brits regard them as hysterical, unpredictable, dangerous, untrustworthy furrin scum.

Given the recent political histories of Portugal, Spain, Greece and, come to that, France, why wouldn’t we?

They’re really in no position to be casting aspersions on their fellow foreign devils.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: March 8, 2012, 12:29 am

Alternative slogan: colored men are scary.

Cue Oceania post in 5….4….3….2…..

Comment from Oldcat
Time: March 8, 2012, 12:40 am

I read the EU statement.

I’m not sure how you can square their statement of each culture showing its martial arts skill. By that the lady in yellow doing meditation (Indian) and lotus posture (Asian) would have nothing to do with the EU flag.

I’m also not sure how being made to vanish by the yaller star girl is a kind of ‘mutual respect and harmony’.

Now if the lady had whipped up some croissants or something and passed them around with beer or wine, that might have been something.

Comment from Lemur King
Time: March 8, 2012, 12:44 am

I think I just got stupider without even seeing the movie. No, I’m sure I did. No, wait… (drools and keels over)

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: March 8, 2012, 1:41 am

Um. Can anyone translate “It was a viral clip targeting, through social networks and new media, a young audience”? Because it seems to me that if something goes viral, it isn’t targeted. Not that I quite grasp how targeting would work in this case–Only 16-24-year-olds can watch it? I mean. . .I do more or less grasp the concept of targeting when it involves goods for sale, or even TV shows that appear at a certain time of day (so one has to choose to set aside the time to watch them). But how can one target something in a medium which is inherently fluid, so that anyone can watch anything anytime?

Sigh. But thanks, Stoaty, for posting the motherlode from which my slender gleanings were gained. I’d say something like “What in the name of god were they thinking of?” but it more or less pales. . .

Comment from Nina
Time: March 8, 2012, 2:57 am

Donch’y’all feel much smarter knowing that sucked when the EU PTBs apparently didn’t?

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: March 8, 2012, 4:05 am

Nina–sadly, no; I’ll agree that Stoaty’s minions are smart enough to figure out how dumb that video was, but I don’t think that proves a damned thing about the intelligence of the minions. Not that I think the minions are anything other than a choir of geniuses, of course. But. . .only the willfully blind and tone-deaf could have missed the disconnects between the message in that video and the realities of European history (and only the purblind could have ignored European art of the last 5 centuries or so to the extent of ignoring altogether the iconography implicit is using people from Asia, the Indian subcontinent, and Africa/South America to challenge someone representing Europe.) Geez. . .OK, I’ll admit I know damn all about martial arts movies and video games but, um. Well, OK. Maybe those whose /only/ awareness of history consists of martial arts movies and video games would buy that. But that’s got to be a pretty TINY demographic!

Comment from JeffS
Time: March 8, 2012, 4:17 am

Nightfly has the right of it — any self-respecting, highly trained, villainous cutthroat willing to attack a single, unarmed woman without provocation would rejoice at the extra target practice. Any member of the EU target audience would know that by heart, just by surviving the walk to school every day.

Which goes against the theme of the video, which implies that a little razzle dazzle goes a long way with the barbarian hordes. History sez that the barbarians generally see the truth of the matter fairly quickly, often to the dismay of the razzler dazzlers.

Condescending, arrogant, stupid, and, yup, quite raaaaacist!!!!

Comment from Keith
Time: March 8, 2012, 6:10 am

Why does the EU need a commercial anyhow?

Comment from Oceania
Time: March 8, 2012, 8:01 am

Earlier this week UK Intelligence services shut down our London Office where we were measuring radiation in the UK. It turns out that 6 reactors in the UK are venting noxious gases at night … including a small problem in Slovenia, and of course, bigger problems in Russia, and lastly – Fukushima. We’ve been told that ‘its just not on Old Boy! We can’t have Kiwis informing the Brootish public of radiological emissions! It just won’t do!’
But, rest assure, we have our remote networks still. Meanwhile, in the Land of Apple Pie and Welfare … something has Mutated!


I see dead children …

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 8, 2012, 12:47 pm

They’re hot into expansion, Keith. That’s the whole message of the atrocious clip — the more of us there are, the better we can intimidate the scary brown men.

Meanwhile, the countries already in the EU aren’t happy about it, and are becoming less happy by the day.

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: March 8, 2012, 1:18 pm

Not enough ‘splody. I like my movies to have guns, explosions and a point…..

Comment from jwpaine
Time: March 8, 2012, 3:36 pm

It was as good as most movie trailers, so I’d watch the feature-length film, sure. Hey, I watched Shadows & Lies..

Comment from Rish Lumbar
Time: March 8, 2012, 4:05 pm

In the original, she split into 12 ostriches (yellow of course), who then plunged their heads into 12 magically appearing buckets of sand. Then everything went dark.

Comment from Davem123
Time: March 8, 2012, 5:03 pm

“The more we are, the stronger we are.”

Right up there with “No matter where you go, there you are.” Definitely the product of a committee.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: March 8, 2012, 6:00 pm

That girl’s kind’a cute.

Comment from Oldcat
Time: March 8, 2012, 6:16 pm

Isn’t the problem with EU expansion from the actual populaces’ point of view is that it lets in the scary brown men?

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: March 8, 2012, 7:34 pm

That black fellow is almost as cut as me. Almost.

Comment from derfel cadarn
Time: March 8, 2012, 8:55 pm

S.Weasel all I can say is if my enemies attack me with lots of pussy I will willingly go down to defeat. If you must die in battle then surely that is the way to go.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: March 8, 2012, 11:49 pm

Is it just me, or are they trying to kype the look of The Bride in Kil Bill, Vol. 1?


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: March 9, 2012, 1:42 am

Yeah, that’s the concept behind the girl. They wanted a hip, cool, Kill Bill feel, although those movies weren’t all that cool.

When enemies come, we’ll peace them to death! They’ll just surrender when they see how placid we are!

Comment from Goober
Time: March 9, 2012, 8:46 pm

EU: My peace circle, girl power, and strong meditation will make all the scary brown people go away!

Real Brown people: WTF? You guys are racist dicks!

Hypothetical Scary Brown People (in a real world situation): Uhhh… okay… Well, she multiplied into more helpless damsels, and then they all sat down in a circle… MOAR CHICKS TO RAPE!!!! LET TEH PILLAGES BEGIN! Yaaay!

The rest of the world: Seriously, EU? You can’t possibly be naiive enough to think that growing a state full of proverbial helpless damsels into a state full of MORE helpless damsels is really going to stop the barbarians at the gate?

barbarians at the gate: We think it is a really good policy!

Rest of the world: *facepalm*

EU: haters gonna hate….

Barbarians at the gate: And rape. And pilliage. and Burn. and Rape.

EU: You said rape twice!

Barbarians at the gate: We LIKE rape!

Rest of world: Goddamn it, Europe, we are getting sick of bailing your stupid asses out of these things. You’re on your own this time.

Barnarians at the gate: Yaaay!

EU: Girl powers, engage! Shape of a: totally helpless chick wearing a jumsuit! Form of a: easy target that shows it’s underbelly to the barbarians in the hopes that they will like us and not be threatened by us so they will be nice!

Barbarians at the gate: Niiiiice! Did we mention that we like rape?

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