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The hard work of being offended

The Smoking Gun put in a Freedom of Information request to the Department of Transportation of Wisconsin (and later of Florida) and got their hands on complaint letters people had sent about obscene personalized license plates. A surprising number were from cops; who knew cops were such tight asses?

I suppose the bureau shouldn’t, on balance, have issued MUFDYV, RUHRNY, COPUL8, FL8ME or HODAWG, but it’s the sheer puffed-up assholery of the complaint letters that astounds.

Like, the woman who wrote to complain about 4U HOES CC’ed two Senators, six State Representatives and demanded a followup letter. The IN2 XTC woman sniffed, “I know you shouldn’t ‘judge a book by its cover’ but his license number fit his appearance that day perfectly.” Like the DOT could do something about ragamuffin haircuts. Dear god, she probably wishes they could.

Can’t you just picture this lady?

While returning from an enjoyable evening out my husband noticed a license plate that absolutely amazed him. Being in the military he is, unfortunately, very often in situations where obscenity is at it’s [sic] very peak. for him to notice this and be disgusted that it actually got on the street proved to me that I am not just being overly prudish.

I will trust you to locate and replace this tag and whomever in your department allowed this on the street. I know that we cannot single-handedly clean up the whole world, but I would appreciate your assitance in at least keeping smut at bay.

The tag is a Florida tag, most probably Okaloosa County and reads: 4NIKATE.

And how about this pompous fuckwit? He’s given this one some thought, hasn’t he?

My family and I were recently driving in our local area and saw a small red sports car convertible with the personalized tag reading “RAIN SUX.” To an owner of a convertible who obviously likes to ride with the top down, I am sure that rainy weather is not what they like, but I found that phrase offensive, especially on behalf of my three children ages 4, 7 and 11.

I request that the Department revoke this license tag immediately and ask the owner that it be returned to a local tag office to be destroyed. Failure for the owner in doing this should result in the suspension of his driver’s license, similar to the action taken for failure to pay a traffic violation within a prescribed period of time.

I ask that I be notified in writing what action has been taken on this particular tag. Please respond within 30 days of the date on this letter.

The guys who complained about FAAHK and FOKEW (this last one wrote directly to the governer of the state) are seriously overthinking their plate interpretations. And, dude, IH8GOP too, and I vote for the bastards every four years.

If you’ve worked out that EMWOLB is BLOWME backwards, you probably should treat yourself to some books on tape. They have them free at the public library.

Okay, put on your thinking caps. This license plate has math. It’s 6Q 2Q and a little piece of tape is put between them as a minus sign. What’s 6Q minus 2Q? 4Q, of course. See, that’s what I’m talking about working real hard to get insulted.

Finally, my favorite:

To whom it may concern,

I am flabbergasted over the fact that I saw a Florida license plate, Brevard County, with the vanity plate of FUCT 24-7. You would think that there is some guidelines to a license plate. Obviously not! You cannot read that plate without saying a foul word. Please receive this letter as a written complaint.

The sweet part? All the i’s are dotted with little hearts.

sock it to me

April 18, 2007 — 5:43 pm
Comments: 12