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Never try to con people in a language you don’t speak


“Hello. Nice sites! I also looking for free porns?: <URL here>” — that spammer guy in my filter

“A leader that God has blessed us with at this time.” — Nancy Pelosi, testifyin’ for the messiah

Oof! It hurts to watch the left flail around trying to communicate with us mouth-breathing redneck ‘wingers, doesn’t it? You can hear the little hamster wheels in their craniums squeaking: “These morons voted for Dubya. Twice. How hard can it be to put one over on them?”

A little beer, a little jesus, some eagles and flags and shit and eh voilà, those poor red state boobs’ll never know what hit ’em. Some lefty site I was cruising this morning had a comment congratulating the team for the great job they were doing with branding.

No. No you’re not. The faux ‘presidential seal’, the upside down flag badge, the weird retro-dustbowl iconography of the Buy American logo: pure iconographic gibberish. You’re speaking political Engrish.

It’s like…remember when your hipster mom tried to jive talk you in your own groovy lingo? Even if she got all the words right, she never got the music, because it wasn’t hers to get. When you try to talk ‘winger to ‘wingers, you embarrass yourselves and you embarrass us and you never even know it. Just like mom.

Now, Bill Clinton could speak fluent redneck. He grew up in the tents of the enemy. He was an oily, flatulent huckster, but he had the language of right-wing flag-humping populism down flat. You Obama people? You don’t. Stop trying.

August 20, 2008 — 10:39 am
Comments: 77