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Happy half century, you anorexic slag!

barbieMonday was Barbie’s 50th birthday (counting from her introduction at the American International Toy Fair). I had a burger today at our favorite greasy spoon, Salmonella-on-Sea, and I didn’t grab a newspaper quick enough so I got stuck with the women’s rag. That’s where I read this.

Barbie was based on the postwar German doll Bild Lilli, who was a doll of easy virtue marketed to adults. Today, one Barbie is sold every three seconds. Or maybe it’s three Barbies a second. Shoot, I don’t know. I didn’t steal the magazine.

You know who loves her some Barbie? Me, that’s who. Not the doll — they stopped giving me dolls when I wouldn’t stop dissecting them — the playscale.

Playscale is the universal 1:6 toy scale that means GI Joe can wear Barbie’s panties and Midge can drive the tank. Oh. My. God. All those fabulous tiny Coke bottles and naugahyde cowboy boots and plastic fried eggs. I just love ickle things.

My best friend had every damn playscale playset in the world, because her parents actually loved her. The whole West family (remember them?), with horses. The whole Barbie family. The camping set. The dream home. Man. Poor people sure buy their kids lots of great stuff, don’t they?

Speaking of Barbie/Joe mashups, I remember this story from when it was reported. I never learned if it’s true, but I sure hope it is. I’d give a lot for a Barbie who yells, “eat lead, Cobra Commander!” Or, alternatively, a GI Joe who coos, “Let’s plan our dream wedding!”

Fun Barbie facts:

Barbie’s real name is Barbie Millicent Roberts
Barbie is from Willows, Wisconsin and went to Willows High School
Barbie has four sisters: Skipper (1964), Stacie (1992), Kelly (1995) and Krissy (1995)
Barbie’s first pet was a horse named Dancer
The first Barbie sold for $3.00 in 1959
Barbie’s signature color is PMS219 (that’s Pantone [color] Matching System, smartass)
Ken debuted two years after Barbie in 1961
Ken and Barbie broke up on Valentine’s Day, 2004

Okay, those facts weren’t really all that fun.

March 12, 2009 — 7:58 pm
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