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The road we live on ultimately ends up at the beach. On any given Summer weekend, if the weather is fine (and it was as fine as it gets this weekend), it means the traffic is blocked solid for miles. Hundreds of cars full of hot, bored touristas inching along the road desperate to reach the water. And you know what that means…!

Yup. Hundreds of people screaming “BAAA!” at the sheep. We’re surrounded by sheep on all sides, which is apparently an irresistible BAAA-screaming temptation. That’s the sound of Summer to me now; people screaming “BAAA!”

Sheep, by the way, do not go “BAAA.” I don’t care what you’ve heard; there’s isn’t a consonant of any kind involved. They go “AHHHHHHH!!!!” And they do it all day and all night. Particularly night. It’s like they play Marco Polo all night and try to find each other in the dark.

“AHHHHHH!” “AHHHHHH!” “AHHHHHH!” Like the sound of an amusement park ride full of teenage boys. “AHHHHHH!” Like living in a Budweiser commercial. “AHHHHHH!” Yeah, you do actually really notice the silence of the lambs when it happens.

Now, I can never pass a herd of cows without cranking down the window and going “moo!” but that’s a comPLETEly different intellectual proposition, I think.

16920502 takes the dick with poor old Phyllis Diller. Geez, her whole schtick was aging and facelifts way back in the Sixties. I thought she was soooo old then. She must have been all of…errr…my age now. See y’all back here next Friday for Round Ohmygodthey’redying so fast of the new Dead Pool.

sock it to me

August 20, 2012 — 10:27 pm
Comments: 28