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Round 45: so many, many dicks…


So, Christopher Dorner is a crispy critter. Probably. I’m going to call it for Davem123, and in the unlikely event the DNA indicates otherwise…well, we’ll have our first ever Rescindment of Dick. Won’t that be fun?

But until such time as mayhap such a miracle doth come to pass…

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The prize? Still a fabulous two-pack of Aunty’s Spotted Dick…!

sock it to me

February 15, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 92

Milestones

I passed a million views a little while ago. I didn’t notice when. Drudge gets that many hits in the time it takes him to sneeze, but I’m chuffed to make it after six years. Just thought I’d mention it, as today is my Sixth Blogaversary! Woo woo!

Lessee…Wikipedia sez the sixth anniversary is Iron (traditional US), Sugar (traditional UK) or Wood objects (modern US). Iron, sugar and wood. I’m not sure what I can do with that.

Oh, it’s also Uncle B and my fourth wedding anniversary. So that’s…Linen and silk or fruit and flowers or electrical appliances. Okay, NOW you’re talking. I think we can build a pretty acceptable orgy out of those things.

We couldn’t think of anything we really wanted to do to celebrate, so we’ve got a bottle of champagne, a goose for dinner and we’re going to watch the High Def version of The Birds. Smooooooth.

Oh, we’re also thinking of buying ourselves a couple more chooks to celebrate, rounding out our little flock to six. If we can find a local supplier who’s got what we want when we want it. Stay tuned.

Anyway, thanks so much for coming here. I love my commenters. And yes, I love you guys who read and don’t comment, too. Here’s to another year of chickens, silly Photoshops and fart jokes!

p.s. And don’t forget — tomorrow, 6WBT sharp. Dead Pool Round 45!

sock it to me

February 14, 2013 — 9:56 pm
Comments: 31

Flickaburger

Say, I haven’t posted about our little food scandal, have I? A month ago, somebody tested some supermarket hamburgers (who does this?) and found they were up to 35% horse meat. It was Tesco’s, one of our more downmarket chains, so everyone pretty much yukked it up.

Then they started testing more stuff. Horse turned up in a LOT more places, anywhere there was beef. Or, rather, “beef” — some products were 100% horse.

And then pork turned up where it shouldn’t oughta, and the Muslims and Jews turned green.

It’s touched Waitrose, our most upmarket chain. It caught Burger King out, and they had to run an apology ad in the paper. Oh, this one has legs (yeah, that’s been the best part — the jokes).

The problem isn’t horsemeat, of course, which is eaten on purpose in many places on the continent. The problem is they didn’t know what the hell was in our food.

Me, I eat a lot of dodgy cafe burgers and value-priced chili, so I’ve undoubtedly consumed my share. Luckily for me, I’m not a bit squeamish about what I eat — unless I see it being made. If you want to know more — and why would you? — Richard North is your man.

p.s. Speaking of DNA and dodgy burgers…yes, I’m calling the Dead Pool for Davem123. I’ll be astonished if that perpburger tests as somebody else. See you here Friday 6 WBT.

sock it to me

February 13, 2013 — 11:49 pm
Comments: 32

Huh.

So. Looks like this nutty butterball set off another nuke, huh? Sorry. Still not feeling all hand-wavy about it.

I think it’s the hair. What is it about the Kim Jungs and those loopy haircuts? I understand nobody wants to tell the boss he looks like an idiot — particularly when the boss is a megalomaniac psycho — but c’mon. Really.

p.s. Chances are Davem123 is going to win hisself some dick.

sock it to me

February 12, 2013 — 11:01 pm
Comments: 50

Job opening!

Zo, the Pope is retiring, eh? That’s something that happens, like…never.

Yeah, I don’t know where I was going with this. I think I had that old game Mystery Date stuck in my head. Remember that?

Oh, hey, Kung Hei Fat Choi, y’all! Happy Year of the Snake (that sounds auspicious, don’t it?) Yesterday was Chinese New Year, so we drove to our favorite Chinese restaurant for takeaway. Which is a long, long, STUPID long drive, and the weather was lousy. High winds and raining sideways. The ground is saturated, so it was all slopping over the road in a bad way. We plowed through a few puddles of an almost-stall-the-car depth.

Though seeing the FaceBook pictures of what fell on my buds back in Rho d’Island this weekend, perhaps I shouldn’t complain.

So, hey, you going to apply for that pope thing?

sock it to me

February 11, 2013 — 11:18 pm
Comments: 42

Round 44: Springtime is just around the corner


Farewell to Hizzoner! Drew458 takes it with Ed Koch. A well-timed last-minute winning pick — well played, Mister 458! You deserve dick.

And now, for all you dick hopefuls out there…

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The prize? Still a fabulous two-pack of Aunty’s Spotted Dick…!

sock it to me

February 8, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 115

Gosh, is that the time?

Sorry, sorry…I’ve had my nose in tutorials all evening and I lost track of the time. Blender again — the free, Open Source 3D modeling and animation package.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions, but I have promised myself I’ll slog through some tutorials this year and brush up on some of the tools I’ve used since forever. Sometimes, you learn one little trick and it opens whole worlds of possibilities.

Alas, I’m a long way from giving Mister Disney a run for his money.

Remember – here, tomorrow, six sharp Weasel Blog Time. NEW DEAD POOL!

sock it to me

— 12:05 am
Comments: 16

Imagine

John Lennons on the rampage in Belo Horizonte, Brazil.

Convicted drug trafficker John Lenon Camargos Gomes, 22, suspected of five murders and two attempts. John Lennon Ribeiro Siqueira, 19, was busted for robbing a lottery shop. Armed and dangerous. John Lennon Fonseca Ferreira, 22, was nicked for attempted robbery. John Lennon Sebastiao da Silva, 18, was found dead in a car, victim of a suspected revenge killing.

The name John Lennon became very popular in Brazil after the Beatlecide. For decades, apparently.

sock it to me

February 6, 2013 — 10:36 pm
Comments: 42

I’m trying to be all shocked and outraged

I’m trying really, really hard to feel menaced. I really am. But. I dunno.

If you haven’t seen the North Korean propaganda YouTube everyone’s talking about, go see it now. No, I mean it — if you want to see it, go now. Copies are being taken down as quickly as they’re uploaded, on account of it violates Activision’s copyright.

Yeah. The games company. That scary bomb-America footage was stolen from the computer game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. And the soundtrack is a tinkly piano version of We Are the World.

Are you askeert yet? Because there’s also a sleeping Korean, dreaming his dreamy dreams of world domination, and smiling in his sleep. And an occasional swoosh of sparkly stars, like the one that wafted out of Tinkerbell’s wand in the introduction to Disney’s Wonderful World of Color. B-r-r-r-ing.

If this were any scarier, it could be an episode of My Little Pony.

sock it to me

February 5, 2013 — 11:15 pm
Comments: 28

I’m pretty sure Hillary wears flats

New Secretary of State John Kerry reported for duty Monday, acknowledging that as Hillary Rodham Clinton’s successor he has “big heels to fill“…

Could somebody just…I dunno…come up behind me and smack me upside the head with a shovel until the ouch goes away? Thenk yew.

sock it to me

February 4, 2013 — 10:19 pm
Comments: 24