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Dead Pool Round 114: the Dead Pool that Almost Wasn’t

Oh, man…I thought I was going to have to post this one from my phone.

Whatever that last Windows update was, it’s got my computer randomly freezing and refusing to boot.

That last reboot? Included yet another Windows update. So they knew something waren’t right.

I’m’a pick Bill Gates in the Pool out of pure irritation.

Right. Phew. Where was I? MrsDurnedYankee, Burt Reynolds. Poor thing.

OkayGO!

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.

September 14, 2018 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 94

Important dick update…

Once you have absorbed the notion of Aunty’s dick, I’d like you to contemplate the delights of steamed puds in general. Yesss.

Thanks to McCain for joining the Choir Eternal (no, really…I’d sincerely like to thank John McCain for doing that), we will be starting up a new Dead Pool tomorrow.

This brings me to the fact that I am really super embarrassingly behind on my dick fulfillment. If you have waited a very long time for a dick from me, I can only say…you are one of the things I think of when I’m trying to fall asleep and cringe myself back to consciousness.

In fact, because some people have (quite sensibly) opted not to send me a mailing address, I don’t really have any idea exactly how far behind I am. If Rich Rostrom is reading this — he keeps a much more accurate dick list than I do. Could I trouble you for the latest, sir? I can post the list and we can work out the State of the Dicks.

Oh, and don’t forget to join us here. Tomorrow. Six WBT for Dead Pool Round 114!!!

p.s. “pud” is short for “pudding” — Brits use it more or less generically for any dessert, not just what we’d call a pudding.

September 13, 2018 — 9:21 pm
Comments: 11

This is what happens when I shut up for a week…

Last week, I declared an Open Thread for a whole week so I could deal with life stuff, and DurnedYankee and BJM very kindly wrote me a short story. I couldn’t read it on my shitty monitor with the tiny type, so I poured it through a desktop publishing program. Here it is as a pdf for your downloading pleasure: thekeyroom.

I think I got the formatting more or less okay, but I literally STILL haven’t read it, and it’s entirely possible I doubled up or left a chunk out or something. Copy-paste editing of a comment thread am hard. Do let me know if you spot any errors and I’ll fix ’em.

I’m going to send it to my Kindle now and go read it in my fancy new librrrreee.

You know you can do that, right? Every Kindle device has its own email address. Send stuff to that email address, and if the Kindle recognizes the format, it’ll appear in your reading list. Go to your Amazon account >> Manage My Content and Devices >> Devices. That’ll show you a list of your registered devices. Click on the … next to a Kindle, and it will tell you its email address (among other things).

Holy shit, I have sixteen Amazon-registered devices! I think I have a problem…

September 12, 2018 — 7:04 pm
Comments: 11

A moment’s pause

I don’t post on September 11. I’m still sore about it — I probably always will be — but I don’t have anything more to say. Still, it feels all kinds of wrong to ignore the occasion and silly-post.

I don’t care what you want to talk about in the comments, though.

September 11, 2018 — 8:14 pm
Comments: 9

Did somebody mention chickens?

Jenny chicken. Mille fleur bantams (like what she is) are big, blowsy birds. They look like galleons under full sail.

Well! The visitation happened and went well, though their time here was short. It was great to see fambly again. And now I have a library, at last! I insist on pronouncing it ‘librrrree’.

Yesterday was the first day in six weeks I haven’t had this thing hanging over my head.

But, holy shit, what you little scamps have been up to! I am blowed away by that short story, Durned Yankee and BJM. I haven’t finished it yet. I’m using a funky old monitor and my comment text is too small. I’m going to have to paste the whole shebang into Word to make it out.

And congratulations to MrsDurnedYankee! I’m afraid I didn’t log in again after, like, Tuesday and I’m terribly sorry if I caused you Dead Pool anxiety.

I just checked. Ruth Bader Ginsburg seems to be doing fine. I’m sure she’ll make it to Friday.

Right! Places everyone…

September 10, 2018 — 7:28 pm
Comments: 15

She’ll be comin’ ’round the mountain when she comes

Alright, you guys, this is it. A month ago, I mentioned I had a cousin coming to visit. I have spent essentially all my free time since then tidying up the problem areas.

You know. The Problem Areas.

That leaves our main living quarters still to go. I have about three days. Folks, I have vacuumed my guts out (which is every bit as horrible as it sounds). I can’t fail now.

Forgive me, I’m going to leave this as an open thread for the whole dang week. I’ll drop in from time to time and break up any brouhaha, fisticuffs or shenanigans but otherwise…knock yourselves out!

I’ll see you on the other side. Of the week. Not, like, the Other Side.

September 3, 2018 — 9:19 pm
Comments: 102