Playing tree
When the cats want to come in, they jump up on the windowsill outside the livingroom and importune. When it’s the big cat, there’s an extra step: you open the door and go out and he runs up this elder tree here and puts on a little show. When he’s ready, he steps off this fence post into your arms.
We call this ‘playing tree’.
I’m convinced he’s reliving that awful 18 hours he was stuck high up in a tree as a kitten. I sat under the tree most of the night with him. If I stepped away for a moment, the horrible local brute of a farm cat came and circled the tree trying to get up to him.
It wasn’t the only time that cat came after my boy. He clearly had some kind of grudge. We think maybe they both came out of the same feral cat colony.
Anyway, early the next morning, a plumber turned up at the neighbors and, in the face of great personal danger, managed to crawl up high enough to grab kitty by the scruff and hand him down to me. And I think that’s the origin of playing tree.
Sorry for blurry. This is the only known image of a game of tree.
Good weekend, everyone!
July 16, 2021 — 7:25 pm
Comments: 6
Well, that’s a first
A shopkeeper I know chased me down the street to give me this. Yes, it’s a roll of toilet paper. No, that’s never happened before.
She explained that she buys her personal loo roll in bulk from these people, once a quarter, for a very good price. Her shipment just arrived and she wanted to share. She said it’s super soft and it’s made of 100% bamboo.
The company is one of these virtuous eco-conscious twee affairs, but that is a good price for TP. The stuff is expensive here.
They also make a 100% recycled toilet paper. I sincerely hope it isn’t recycled from other toilet paper.
July 15, 2021 — 7:42 pm
Comments: 6
Katzkenspielzeug-set
Balls and mice. This amuses me, because I’m just that low and immature. Yes, of course I bought it – with my accumulated points as a frequent shopper.
That’s one of the few things we’ll willingly embrace from the new normal: ordering cat food in bulk online. It’s cheaper, we only have to think about it once a month, and these guys are superb – I ordered £50 worth of stuff yesterday afternoon and I had it by this afternoon.
We’ll probably continue our basic grocery shopping by weekly order, too – if supermarkets continue the service (they always swore they lost money on delivery). Having someone else haul multiple 2-liter bottles of fizzy water to the door is a no brainer. Then we can swan around like Lord and Lady Whositz and buy the fun stuff in person.
Out of curiosity – to work out how they got my stuff here so fast – I looked the company up. They do have an in-country depot (though it’s like 200 miles away), but I was surprised to see they’re headquartered in Germany!
That explains why all their stuff is labelled in German before English. I bought a Katzenspielzeug-set, y’all! (Sadly, that means “cat play set” and not “balls and mice”).
July 14, 2021 — 6:12 pm
Comments: 11
Muh new gooseberry stool
The gooseberries are ripe and I need a new gooseberry stool. Gooseberries, if you’ve never picked them, have wicked sharp thorns. And, to add insult to injury, they have to be topped and tailed before they can be frozen. They’re an all-around pain in the ass.
I mean, a gooseberry crumble on a cold Winter’s afternoon is a lovely thing, but a gooseberry bush in July not so much.
I have a really nice wood and leather artist’s field stool, but it lost a round-headed nut. One of these:
.
I brought it from the States so it’s almost certainly imperial and my chances of correctly replacing it – even if I drag the whole stool around with me – are slim.
That, incidentally is called an acorn nut. And I know this because in my travels, I stumbled across the very informative Boltscience Glossary.
See? This post isn’t as lame as you thought.
Or is it???
July 13, 2021 — 8:54 pm
Comments: 10
RDBM to his friends
Near as I can figure it, columnist Janice Turner of the Times coined the expression “rainbow dildo butt monkey” and I’m happy to say it stuck. You can click to see this extremely stupid story if you like. I just want to point out that in less than 24 hours, the phrase “rainbow dildo butt monkey” has percolated through the language.
Not just Twitter. A Google Images search of “rainbow dildo butt monkey” will show you exactly these pictures.
I’m confident by tomorrow, if you type “rain…” into Google it will offer you “rainbow dildo butt monkey” as the first suggestion.
Truly, we live in an age of wonders.
July 12, 2021 — 6:03 pm
Comments: 11
Wasted on me
I bought a pair of these for £1 off a junk table in the market (fingers for scale). It’s a British Navy thing. The pages of these two are completely blank – not ruled or anything – but also not written upon.
I don’t know what sort of notes the navigating officer was supposed to take, but I found references to detailed notes of WWII naval engagements.
This one on Ebay had fourteen sketches from on board various ships. In the end, it sold for £6.50, which made me sad. What people value, eh?
Anyway, I bought them thinking I’d use them as sketch books, but I can’t bring myself to sully them. So they’ll probably go in a box somewhere and ultimately end up back on the junk table of a market. Best case.
Have a good weekend, folks! Wait…you mean…I don’t have to go to work tomorrow?
July 9, 2021 — 6:55 pm
Comments: 13
Lookit the fuzzy distraction
Sam as a newly-hatched chick. I’d like to call your attention to the tiny fuzzy claw hooked over my little finger. Even at this age, pekin chickens have feathery feet.
I’m having some trouble adjusting to my regular working schedule after all this time. You mean, I have to go in to work tomorrow? But I went in to work today!
July 8, 2021 — 8:11 pm
Comments: 8
I don’t mean to insult your trombone, but…
Here’s an article about removing dents from your trombone with a magnet and a ball bearing.
Those folks sell really good magnets. They also write a mean newsletter, but I can’t find where you sign up for it. It’s just a link to their latest blog post sent out periodically. There are interesting articles there.
I played trombone in the middle school band. Mostly because I inherited my big brother’s trombone, but I soon discovered I got to sit with the boys and poke cellists in the butt with my slide. Winning!
July 7, 2021 — 8:11 pm
Comments: 4
Tractor porn
Listening to you guys debate the finer points of tractor ownership reminded Uncle B that pictures of these machines were quite popular on the blog back in the day. Before we could move into Badger House in 2008, we had (by law) to put in a fancy computer-controlled septic system. Oh, it’s been a joy, that has.
The septic system saga is here and in the three posts prior. Nobody was much interested in our fancy shit-tank, though, but these here adorable miniature construction vehicles.
You can say what you want about gender being a spectrum, the machinery thing is male, male, male. My little brother went nuts when he saw a lawnmower before he said his first word. Which I think might have been “lawnmower”.
July 6, 2021 — 7:54 pm
Comments: 4
Happy hatchday, boys!
My two pekin cockerels. The one on the right was hatched on the Fourth of July, which is why he’s named Sam. The one on the left is named Mo because he was originally named Molly and he let me down. He hatched a few days earlier than Sam. My first ever home grown chick, in fact.
I asked our good old country vet if he would neuter them for me. He refused. The one time he tried it, he said, the bird died on the operating table. Apparently, chicken kidneys are very close to chicken gonads. Makes you wonder how French farmer’s wives have managed to grow capons all these generations.
This picture was taken, obviously, before these two became blood enemies. That happened suddenly one day when they were about 18 months old. One afternoon Mo, number two cockerel, decided he was number one cockerel and kicked the shit out of poor Sam. I didn’t know what had happened until Sam turned up missing at roll call. Eventually, he came out of the bushes the muddiest, bloodiest chicken you ever saw. No real harm done, but he was it was a sorry sight.
If you can’t see what’s going on here, Mo is having a happy dust bath in a pot of soil – one of the many, many things my chickens do to annoy Uncle B.
Hope you had a great Fourth. I went back to work today – officially off furlough – so I has a sad, as the meme cats say.
July 5, 2021 — 5:31 pm
Comments: 12