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Mee-maw, that you?

Capitalism, like oxygen, expands to fill all available space.

I was looking for a Kindle version of Carole King’s new autobiography, Natural Woman, and that particular word combination turned up this guy.

His deal is, he finds old nudie pictures — old enough to be way out of copyright — collects them, Kindles them and sells the collections for a couple of quid each. Genius.

Amazon e-books are giving the old publishing houses the vapors, but all the attention so far has been on authors self-publishing their own titles.

Grandma Buttnekkid McNuderson here gives us a glimpse of a whole ‘nother universe of opportunity.

Think of all the bzillions of works out of copyright and kicking around the ‘net. Formatting those properly for Kindle adds genuine value. Plus an interesting introduction, a good cover, maybe some illustrations. Hell yes I’d pay a couple of bucks for that rather than struggle with the unformatted Project Gutenberg version.

Out of nothing, opportunity. Behold the free market!


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2012, 8:44 pm

Vintage boobies! I predict this will be one of my more popular posts.

Those particular collections, by the way, the photographer was Flo Ziegfeld. I had no idea he took nudie pictures, did you?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2012, 8:45 pm

Also, how come when I go to Amazon.com, the first thing it offers me is a dead rabbit? (Be sure to click for the users pictures on this one).

Comment from orabidoo
Time: April 24, 2012, 9:03 pm

Good grief!!! so that’s what a naked lady looks like.
I was researching the med school admission process so I could finally see one.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 24, 2012, 9:15 pm

Oh yeah, and if a guy had used a similarly lame excuse for having such vile and depraved filth on his laptop, who would have believed him?

Comment from Clifford Skridlow
Time: April 24, 2012, 9:25 pm

The customer reviews on Amazon were particularly helpful in deciding whether to purchase a dead rabbit . . .

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2012, 9:28 pm

I am totally not making this up. At the bottom of the Amazon rabbit page, I’m getting this:

What do you get?

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: April 24, 2012, 9:32 pm

Hell yes I’d pay a couple of bucks for that rather than struggle with the unformatted Project Gutenberg version.

Um, Stoaty, most of the Gutenberg books these days are offered in multiple formats, including Kindle. With images in many cases (I just downloaded the Kindle-with-images Huckleberry Finn, which uses the original US edition, and has clickable links and all). Admittedly, Gutenberg doesn’t do a lot with barenekkidwomen picture books, or at least I don’t remember coming across any. . .

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2012, 9:38 pm

They’re still pretty rough around the edges, Can’t Hark. Some of the for-sale ones hotlink the table of contents and otherwise clean up some of the Gutenberg weirdnesses…like those long, meaningless pages at the beginning.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: April 24, 2012, 9:43 pm

May depend on which particular book–both the complete Shakespeare and the Huck Finn I just downloaded (to test) were quite excellent–and, I might add, I’ve encountered some newly-published ebooks for real-book prices that were godawful to navigate. Wouldn’t hurt to check the Gutenberg version before investing. . .in case you can get as good a product without having to pay.

And one thing that you CAN generally count on with Gutenberg is that they have been fairly rigorously proofread. . .again, I’ve bought some book-priced reprints of favorite books that were clearly the product of OCR and spell-check, entirely untouched by human eyes. It’s the wild west, out there. . .

Comment from Davem123
Time: April 24, 2012, 11:26 pm

I’m concerned about the grouping of the Testicle Self Exam Kit and the Steering Wheel Desk. And they say texting while driving is dangerous.

Comment from J Foster
Time: April 24, 2012, 11:36 pm

Just the other day I was telling my cats (they’re the only ones who listen… occasionally) of our desperate need for a decent duck carcass press. Why did I not think to turn to Amazon? Soon our cups shall runneth over with fresh squeezed duck juice (totally different than that evil Zionist juice). Bon appetit!

Comment from Nina
Time: April 24, 2012, 11:45 pm

Clearly a well-trimmed thatch is nothing new. 🙂

Comment from Ric Locke
Time: April 25, 2012, 1:52 am

My version of the Amazon “…also viewed…” also contains this. If the Real Thing® isn’t available, perhaps you could gift the Dead Pool winner.

Comment from beasn
Time: April 25, 2012, 2:29 am

You know what bugs me about vintage pictures of wimmens? The dark lipstick. Makes their faces hideous and bad teefs more prominent.

Comment from unkawill
Time: April 25, 2012, 3:40 am

Cliff Has it Right…. You gotta read the review on thr fresh rabbit.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 25, 2012, 4:04 am

I just wonder about the Pole Vault Landing System and it’s proximity to the Duck Carcass Press. And the Play Mobile Butcher Shop right next to the Testicle Self Exam Form. Some one has a really weird algorithm…

Comment from Ric Locke
Time: April 25, 2012, 4:19 am

beasn: We Shorpy fans know this, but it may not be general knowledge.

There were no panchromatic films — films that responded to all light colors — until just before WWII. Old pictures were taken with orthochromatic film, which responds to blue and a little bit to green, but not to red at all. A color we see as a medium red shows up as dark gray or black on orthochromatic film, and even a fairly dark blue will look light gray or white.

So there may have been lipstick, but it wasn’t nearly as dark as it looks in the pictures. It was red, and on orthochromatic film, red looks black.

Comment from beasn
Time: April 25, 2012, 5:12 am

Ric, I have no doubt that if it did pick up the red, they would still be hideous. Not everyone can pull off red lipstick.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 25, 2012, 7:23 am

To quote that marvelous spirit of knowledge, Bob the Skull:


What can I say? Bob is a bit of a perv….

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 25, 2012, 1:40 pm

I have a feeling the common thread uniting all those “customers who viewed this item also viewed” is really funny customer comments. I haven’t checked, but I’ll bet that’s it.

And Ric is right about ortho film and reds. It’s also why the eyes of blue-eyed people look spooky pale – the film not reading blue properly. My mother said there was a black lipstick craze for a while, as a result of red lipstick looking so incredibly dark on movie stars.

Comment from Becca
Time: April 25, 2012, 1:45 pm

Ah, community rabbit roasts were a particular childhood favorite of mine. Men dressed in their canvas hunting jackets, rows of half-barrels covered in chicken wire for grills, long tables filled with side dishes and fixin’s. Mmm-MMM!

(And spitting out the occasional piece of buckshot that was missed during dressing.)

Excuse me? Oh, you were talking about boobies? So sorry.


Comment from Pablo
Time: April 25, 2012, 5:15 pm

I have a feeling the common thread uniting all those “customers who viewed this item also viewed” is really funny customer comments. I haven’t checked, but I’ll bet that’s it.

Yeah. The Tuscan Whole Milk comments are classic and plentiful.

Comment from bad cat robot
Time: April 25, 2012, 7:28 pm

Stoaty! Only *slightly* OT — I have found a place of pilgrimage for you, and it’s in my own city! The Official Bad Art Museum of Art (spell out the acronym for more fun…) It has large-eyed puppies and a Jeebus picture made out of peeps and a painting of a woman being menaced by a lobster and the creepiest Elvis I’ve ever seen. PLUS purple metallic Naugahyde booths (it is also a bar).

Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 25, 2012, 8:02 pm

Awesome, BCR. We have one on the East Coast, too (though the acronym isn’t quite as good).

Comment from BigBluBug
Time: April 25, 2012, 8:42 pm


This is in the tuscan milk also viewed section as is the horse head mask. The SJP comments on the horse head mask are funny but I think she’s kind of cute.

However I have made a drawing of a zombie Justin Wilson (the cajun chef guy) which I find quite handsome.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: April 25, 2012, 8:58 pm


There is a app called “Calibre” that does a pretty decent job of reformatting e-books for various platforms. I have a nook, but it does not like pdf files with images (one of the main reasons that I got it, phoooie!) so I re-format them to .epub which usually does the trick. It’s free, but I liked it so much that I donated.

Actually, I’ve grown bored with the Nook Color, and have returned to buying the dead-tree version, because I prefer to hold a dead tree.

Comment from Noelegy
Time: April 25, 2012, 9:19 pm

I’m puzzled as to why some of those are considered “bad” art, and I wonder how much they’d take for them! I was particular enchanted by the painting of the two black cats, as well as the blue woman with buildings growing out of her head.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 25, 2012, 9:38 pm

I have Calibre! I played around with it a while, seeing what the possibilities were for doing illustrations specifically aimed at the Kindle. It’s a bit complicated — Kindles don’t want to be formatted.

Comment from Mike James
Time: April 25, 2012, 10:59 pm


Sooo….what’s up?

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: April 26, 2012, 1:28 am

I think I speak for most men when I say I like vintage boobies. People’s definition of vintage is odd though, stuff from the 80s is being called vintage and that’s just… not vintage to me.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: April 26, 2012, 1:30 am

Hm I should clarify, I’m not a big porn guy, vintage or otherwise, but clothing stores… I better stop while I’m ahead.

Comment from orabidoo
Time: April 26, 2012, 2:09 am

Christopher Taylor, there are some pills you could buy that will give you a chance.

Acealanche last night and the mammary gland post yielded 33 responses?? chook pictures were more enticing.

Comment from Nina
Time: April 26, 2012, 3:03 am

I’m a girl, but if I’m gonna look at boobies I prefer vintage boobies because they’re real, not grossly inflated mockeries of boobies.

Comment from Frit
Time: April 26, 2012, 5:14 am

I’m with you, Nina. Those vintage pics show adult females as healthy and apparently without plastic or silicon enhancements. (Yes, I’m a female too.)

Wish today’s ‘fashion’ media presented females that way, instead of the scarecrow sticks with added flotation devices that seem to be the current rage. (No wonder so many females are having self image issues!)

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: April 26, 2012, 6:00 am


One has to wonder what implements were available, at the time, to…ahem, maintain said thatch. The idea of a straight razor gives me the vapors, interferes with my humours, and has my intestinal fortitude hiding under the bed.

Comment from Comment
Time: April 26, 2012, 4:40 pm

“The Mysteries of Edwardian VaJayJay Monologues” coming soon to the intrawebs near you.

Comment from Prudie
Time: April 26, 2012, 11:20 pm

At the bottom of the Amazon rabbit page I get Uranium Ore. For $39.99. For real?

The reviews are funny.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: April 27, 2012, 9:26 pm

What do you get?

Whole Rabbit Farm Raised

Tuscan Whole Milk

Uranium Ore

The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats…

AMSCAN Face Paint, 1-Ounce, White

The uranium ore is a small can; it is from the same company as the “UFO Detector”. They sell various science-novelty junk.

Prudie: Yes, for real. Uranium ore is nothing special. Mildly radioactive, slightly toxic. The ore is refined to extract the uranium, which is held as uranium oxide, since the pure metal is pyrophoric. Refined uranium oxide is only about $50/lb.

As to Flo Ziegfled, I’m not in the least surprised he took nudie pictures, though a bit surprised he was his own photographer.

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