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Round 38: Fall back

Andy Williams is up Moon River without a paddle, so little, little takes the dick!

For all of you waiting for dick, I am a little behind — okay, a lot behind — in my dick dispensing duties. I have the dicks, I have the envelopes, it’s just a matter of putting the one into the other and getting them to the PO.

Not as easy as it sounds. I’m not allowed to use the pointy scissors, so I have to wait until nobody’s looking.

Right! Ready?

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

What do we want? Aunty’s dick! When do we want it? When it gets here!


Comment from Dustoffmom
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:01 pm

Nancy Reagan….still waiting for my dick. 🙂

Comment from bigsmarthuman
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:03 pm

Pete Seeger. (That dick is mine! I don’t care how “vital” Pete looks.)

Comment from Malcolm Kirkpatrick
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:05 pm

Ayman Zawahiri. Just in time for the US Presidential election.

Comment from Clifford Skridlow
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:10 pm

Mahmood Ahmadinnerjacket or whatever the hell his name is, seconds after Bibi pushes the red button. I can’t BELIEVE bigsmarthuman poached Pete Seeger from me after I worked so hard to poach him from Mrcraniac. Gads…

Comment from Bill the Butcher
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:11 pm

Olivia de Havilland!!!!

Comment from thefritz
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:11 pm

Arlen Specter

Comment from Janna
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:12 pm

Keith Richards…he’s more than halfway there.

Comment from RushBabe
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:15 pm

Rev. Billy Graham!

Comment from mojo
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:26 pm

Jimmy Carter.

STFU and get in the box, pops.

Comment from 16920502
Time: September 28, 2012, 6:46 pm


Comment from Yoda the Medic
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:17 pm

Sticking with my occasional Kirk Douglas.

Comment from cobrakai99
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:17 pm

Hugo Chavez for the dick.

Comment from StPatrick
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:20 pm

Fred Phelps. I’m going to be right eventually, and it’s gonna be great.

Comment from Eirik
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:26 pm

Robert Mugabe

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:27 pm

Self-proclaimed “proud-liberal Muslim” activist [and commentator on MSNBC and CNN] Mona Eltahawy who was arrested for vandalizing a pro-Israel poster on a NYC subway. While trying to cover it up with spray paint, and attacking a woman who was defending the poster, she was screaming that it was her First Amendment right to destroy anything she did not agree with.

Preferably dying from being stuffed in a Burqa and huffing paint.

Subotai Bahadur

Comment from sandman will resist
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:30 pm

Jesse JAckson, SR and Jr. For a well deserved dick(ing) and throw Ed Asner on the bon-fire if ya want. H8 that commie hairbag as well.

Comment from JeffS
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:40 pm

Fidel Castro

Comment from J Foster
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:44 pm

Nakoula Basseley. Unfortunately President Zero and the media have all but painted a target on him.

Comment from Hutch
Time: September 28, 2012, 7:57 pm

Eli Wallach, again. The old fart has to go sometime…

Comment from Stephen Falken
Time: September 28, 2012, 8:05 pm

Muhammad Ali

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: September 28, 2012, 8:07 pm

Holy licavoli (whatever that means!) – got here (more-or-less) on time, for once. Sorry, Some Veg – that means I’m takin’ Insaney Janey Fonda (maybe run over by a Honda?…) for the Weener!!

Congrats to little, little – even though I guess it means the bear finally gets his cookie (a li’l inside-humor for Andy Williams’ TeeVee fans of old, there…)

If I get the win this round, I’ll go for Mickey Moore-On, The Fat Fake From Flint (MI) hereafter, and try to score a double-elimination on The Fabulous Freaks Of Socialist/Communist Fraud In America – how ’bout that for a follow-up?

Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: September 28, 2012, 8:09 pm

I’ll take a flyer:

Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev

Comment from unkawill
Time: September 28, 2012, 8:22 pm

I was going to go with my usual pick of mickey rooney. But I think I’ll switch it up and go for Dick Van Dyke. At 86 he ain’t getting any younger.

Comment from Laughing Buddha
Time: September 28, 2012, 8:34 pm

Oscar Niemeyer!!!

Comment from Potato Bandit
Time: September 28, 2012, 8:35 pm

Chuck Berry.

Comment from mojo
Time: September 28, 2012, 8:51 pm

Gorbie? The man with the tattoo of Poland on his head?

There’s an old Soviet joke, the punchline of which involves the name “Yuri Shrivelup Andropov”

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:03 pm

Sean Connery. He’s looking awful these days

Comment from Montenegro
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:09 pm

OK this round I’ll take Joan Fontaine!!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:27 pm

Oh, shit, Oldcat — I’m sorry. I don’t know why Aksimet objected to your post, but it cheated you of Jimmah Carter by ten minutes.

Comment from Vince
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:35 pm

Bashar Assad bites into a shmear and gets a Mossad samich tween the eyes

Comment from Ripley
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:35 pm

Gene Wilder

Comment from Nanny 1
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:41 pm

Annette Funicello, sorry all you mickey mousers.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:52 pm

Phil Collins!

Comment from Davem123
Time: September 28, 2012, 9:57 pm

Harry Reid, self-appointed arbiter of Mormonhood.

Comment from gulliblepratt
Time: September 28, 2012, 10:15 pm

Zsa Zsa Gabor still unpicked
Or is that because everyone now realises shes the living dead. I’ii take her on

Comment from Spad 13
Time: September 28, 2012, 10:31 pm

Dan Rather.

Comment from m
Time: September 28, 2012, 10:42 pm

harry belafonte

Comment from Ben
Time: September 28, 2012, 11:02 pm

William Shatner

Comment from Armybrat
Time: September 28, 2012, 11:13 pm

Desmond Tutu

Comment from Pavel
Time: September 28, 2012, 11:18 pm

Jerry Lewis.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: September 28, 2012, 11:35 pm

Okaaaaaaaay Mr. Bridges… you have taken Jane Fonda…… this time. You put me in a difficult position. I don’t want you to be the one to have the glory of collecting on that “American, Traitor, Bitch” but I just can’t bring myself to wish for her continued good health – even for my personal self interest- nor for a period as long as, say, a week.

So, here’s hoping you win!

Forced to go to plan B, “It’s Larry King, Dead!”

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: September 28, 2012, 11:47 pm

Eric Holder, again. Someone off the bastard since the congress won’t hold him accountable for murder.

Comment from Gromulin
Time: September 28, 2012, 11:59 pm

B.B. King. That diabeetus gotta get him sooner or later.

Comment from weaselwannabe
Time: September 29, 2012, 12:20 am

Helen Thomas

Comment from Susan G.
Time: September 29, 2012, 2:06 am

Prince Phillip

Comment from PatAZ
Time: September 29, 2012, 2:10 am

Lindsay Lohan. With all these accidents she keeps having, one of them is bound to be serious.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: September 29, 2012, 2:33 am

I haven’t picked a first timer for a while.

How about Lee Kuan Yew, rule of Singapore for 49 years.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: September 29, 2012, 2:38 am

Die David Rockefeller, Die!

Comment from catnip
Time: September 29, 2012, 3:14 am

Dale Robertson

Comment from Acat
Time: September 29, 2012, 3:14 am

Going in a different direction…John Le Carré.

Dude is 80, and while writing ain’t physically hard, living an interesting enough life that you have stuff to say can be…


Comment from Elphaba
Time: September 29, 2012, 3:44 am

Nancy Pelosi, ppppppplease.

Comment from huerfano
Time: September 29, 2012, 4:46 am

I keep saying Rosalynn Carter. Eventually I’m going to be right.

Comment from P2
Time: September 29, 2012, 5:05 am

Ya know, old’ Iron Knickers herself, Maggie Thatcher, is getting along in years…..

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: September 29, 2012, 5:11 am

JS Bridges: I ate a cookie in memoriam when I heard the news.

Comment from gebrauchshund
Time: September 29, 2012, 7:28 am

Whoopie Goldberg, from choking on bile.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: September 29, 2012, 10:35 am

David Blaine for the dick. The dude is going to get hisself electrofried.

Comment from N.O’Really
Time: September 29, 2012, 11:13 am

Irwin Corey

Comment from Nieta de Bob
Time: September 29, 2012, 11:51 am

How about Sara Silverman? That cow has a big mouth and needs to shut it.

But she’s young and healthy so… hmm.. someone took HRH Prince Phillip so I’ll take HM QEII

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: September 29, 2012, 1:13 pm

Stan Lee

Comment from chainsaw
Time: September 29, 2012, 1:14 pm

May Sandman beat me to the dick twice over……

Clint Eastwood (me picking him should guarantee he lives MUCH longer).

Comment from Chooom Chooom
Time: September 29, 2012, 1:16 pm

Larry King whilst on viagra…….

Comment from RealMc
Time: September 29, 2012, 1:20 pm

Damn, this late in the game all the good ones are taken…..

whom shall I attempt to doom…….

Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend…..For those that may not be familiar with him, that’d be hilarry rodham’s ahem “faithful” husband……..Slick Willly.

no particular reason and I’d also look to him being thrown promptly under the bus on 7 Nov as the reason that Oblahblah loses in an avalanche of a landslide…….

Comment from zimmermanfan
Time: September 29, 2012, 1:21 pm

Joe “Stand Up Chuck” on a “hard wood floor” Biden…..

Comment from Tibby
Time: September 29, 2012, 2:14 pm

Mary Tyler Moore – just because.

Comment from LesterIII
Time: September 29, 2012, 3:11 pm

Time for a change of pick for the dick. My whimsical picks are temporarily suspended.

I am redirecting the cane-rattling threats and bravado that I received this week and channeling it into purified vitriol directed at my pick, their leader: Calypso Louie / Louis Wolcott, AKA Louis Farrakhan.

May you (and all of your thug followers) be hung by your own entrails from your Mother Wheel . May your ‘faith’ cause you to take a very long time to die, fuckers.

Comment from little, little
Time: September 29, 2012, 3:23 pm

Tom Lehrer, of pigeon karma. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY

Comment from platypuss
Time: September 29, 2012, 3:24 pm

Art Sulzberger…oh…nevermind,
Back to Abe Vigoda

Comment from currently
Time: September 29, 2012, 4:04 pm

Betty White

Comment from az if I cared
Time: September 29, 2012, 5:29 pm

Ramsay Clark who never met a war criminal he didn’t like.

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: September 29, 2012, 5:30 pm

Ramsey Clark

Comment from BJM
Time: September 29, 2012, 7:05 pm

Sheet…forgot and HRH Phil the Greek has been taken so I’ll go with Salman Rushdie who released a new book about his life on the lam dodging Islamic assassins just as the SCOMF in
the WH capitulated to Islamofacists and painted a fresh target on his back.

Comment from Redd
Time: September 29, 2012, 7:41 pm

Wow, two Ramsey Clarks separated by a minute…

I always wondered who picks up the tab for old Ramsey. He stays in 5 star hotels and churns out worthless boiler plate briefs.

Comment from JC
Time: September 29, 2012, 8:06 pm

Stickin’ with teh Man, Jacques Barzun.

Comment from MrCaniac
Time: September 29, 2012, 9:31 pm

Luise Rainer. 102 years young!!!!

Comment from Fawn
Time: September 30, 2012, 12:05 pm

Bonnie Franklin

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: September 30, 2012, 12:08 pm

Waay late, but Van Cliburn.

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: September 30, 2012, 6:44 pm

Damnit, was running a 5K this weekend and spaced out and lost my beloved Maggie. Let’s see who should die?…… Annette Funicello, she’s been rambling about a very long time.

Shoot, that’s taken…. Michael J. Fox?

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: October 1, 2012, 1:22 pm

Michael O’Hare, the actor who played Commander Jeffrey Sinclair on the TV series Babylon 5, passed away on Friday, Sep 28, 2012. He took a heart attack on Monday the 23rd, and slipped away in a coma on Friday.

Comment from Bill
Time: October 1, 2012, 4:40 pm

Haskell Wexler.

Dude can’t live forever.

(I mean … can he?!?)

Comment from David Gillies
Time: October 1, 2012, 4:57 pm

Gordon Brown. This is a low probability/high payoff situation.

Comment from Princess Bernie
Time: October 1, 2012, 4:59 pm

Bob Barker

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: October 1, 2012, 5:31 pm

I can’t help but think of the guy who was supposedly 115 years old, and when some government guys visited to give him some award, they discovered he’d been dead 20 years and the family was just collecting his pension.

Its amazing to me that we haven’t had any major presidential candidate die in a plane crash yet. Wellstone is the only candidate of any significance period I can recall having died that way. They fly all over the place for more than a year straight.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: October 1, 2012, 6:19 pm

Seth Macfarlane.

I just don’t like him.

Comment from Sockless Joe
Time: October 1, 2012, 7:18 pm

Rob Reiner.

Comment from rustbucket
Time: October 1, 2012, 8:15 pm

Mickey Rooney

Comment from Veeshir
Time: October 2, 2012, 10:53 pm

Yay, I get Ed Asner back!

I won once and felt bad because it was someone I didn’t want to die. Asner? I don’t want him to die, but I will care less about him dying than about the million other people who will die on the same day.

Why do I have a feeling I’ll be explaining S. Weasel’s Dead Pool to someone with a long beard and halo after I die? Steve Sabol died last week and the first thing I thought when I saw it was, “Bastids, why didn’t they tell me he was dying so I could win the Dead Pool!”

Comment from Montenegro
Time: October 3, 2012, 10:56 pm

Veeshir, you are close on your pick old Ed got killed on Hawaii 5-0 Monday night!!!!

Comment from CheshireLion
Time: October 4, 2012, 4:19 pm

almost a week late. lots going on.

Pat Summerall.

Comment from cube
Time: October 5, 2012, 5:29 pm

Is Abe Vigoda still alive?

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: October 6, 2012, 3:50 am

What? This iteration of the deadpool has been going on since last week? Wow… flies and time and all… ennywaay…
I’m pickin’ Chris Mathews who nearly had a stoke after Øbama’s masterful debate performance on Wednesday. If Ø has another night like that I hope Chrissy pops a vein on national cable transmission and expires after moaning something about a leg and a tinkle. Good luck, Chrissie! My Dick is counting on YOU!

Comment from Nina
Time: October 6, 2012, 6:17 am

I’m picking BO, da prez, because if he has another night like the other night, he may just implode. Cuz when you done lost the New Yorker, you done lost.

I hope.

Comment from mandel bread
Time: October 6, 2012, 6:38 pm

Al Molinaro

Comment from smedleythebarbarian
Time: October 7, 2012, 8:39 am

Free Nelson Mandela
With every purchase over $9.99

Comment from Cindermutha
Time: October 8, 2012, 12:26 am

George Soros. Still hoping

Comment from Tarfu
Time: October 8, 2012, 6:17 pm

Peter Sallis

Comment from joey bag-o-donuts
Time: October 9, 2012, 3:45 am

Hi all,

Long time listener. First time caller.

Pat Robertson – and may the Lord have mercy on both our souls.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: October 9, 2012, 12:03 pm

Alex Karras

Comment from steve (not anonymous)
Time: October 9, 2012, 12:04 pm

Alex Karras

Comment from dissent555
Time: October 10, 2012, 1:20 am

Argentina. Just because.

Comment from CheshireLion
Time: October 10, 2012, 2:42 pm

Alex Karras has passed.

Comment from CheshireLion
Time: October 10, 2012, 2:45 pm

RIP Mongo.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 10, 2012, 3:51 pm

Oh, for crying out loud, that’s not STEVE, steve, is it? The one whose third dick I just put in the mail?!

Comment from steve (not anonymous)
Time: October 10, 2012, 5:08 pm

I cannot tell a lie (well, in this case I don’t have to)….

Yes….. T’was(t’is?)I.

Comment from CheshireLion
Time: October 10, 2012, 5:12 pm

Stoaty, you paint an eloquent verbal picture that my mind cannot undo.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: October 10, 2012, 6:19 pm

Pinky swear you didn’t break Steve’s Rule on that one?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 10, 2012, 6:47 pm

That was me. Why does my blog refuse to remember who I am?

Comment from steve
Time: October 10, 2012, 9:05 pm


I think I might have picked him as much as 24 hours before he passed on….

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: October 11, 2012, 4:05 pm

I’ll vouch for Steve! My wife came home and told me AK had no more than 3 days to live around the time of Steve’s pick!
Good timing, Steve (or Mr. Dick?).

Comment from Mija Cat
Time: October 11, 2012, 7:47 pm

Just remember, Steve .. you too are just a pawn in the game of life.


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