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Lost: adorable fluffy psychopath

adorable fluffy psychopath

What the heck. Might as well give the little knucklehead his own thread. I’m not panicked yet; it’s been about five days. It’s a record for him, but not for tomcats. Stupid testosterone.

I spent some time yesterday calling around various vets and rescue leagues. In fact, I screwed up my list-making activity and accidentally called Providence Animal Control twice in the space of about ten minutes. I didn’t realize it until the guy on the other end said, “call once a day, please.”

He must’ve thought I was the queen of all crazy cat ladies.

Anyhow, here’s the next great website idea: a lost and found pets registry. I know there’s Craig’s List, but that’s where civilians go to trade information about lost and found pets. Vets and rescue organizations don’t have any reporting mechanism. I know, because I asked them. I had to track down all the likely organizations in Damien’s territory and call them individually.

This could be big. I’m serial. You could entice vets and city organizations to participate by describing it as free advertising, and support it with paid advertising from, like, Petco. Write the occasional goopy cover article about people reunited with beloved mutts or the latest in chipping technology, and there you have it.

I’d do it myself, but I’m moving away. Also, I’m butt lazy.

Comments


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: May 6, 2008, 8:39 am

What’s going to happen to him and the other one (Charlotte, isn’t it?) when you come here?
Anyway, I’m sure he’ll turn up. Probably out sowing his wild oats or something.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 8:45 am

They’re coming in on the PETS scheme. They don’t have to do quarantine any more if you can essentially put them through quarantine at home. If he doesn’t show up by August and his booster shot, though, he’ll have to sit this one out.


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: May 6, 2008, 8:57 am

That’s nice. Oh, hey you can bring ferrets too. Say, uh, aren’t ferrets Mustelidae? Hmmm…
Still not bringing the gun/s? That’s a crying shame, it really is.

http://www.discourse.net/archives/pix/ferret.jpg


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 9:02 am

They are indeed. I’ve always wanted a ferret, but they do smell something fierce.


Comment from Jessica
Time: May 6, 2008, 9:58 am

O Noes!!! Come back, Damien!!!

Pablo used to disappear for days at a time in the spring – even though he was fixed. Don’t know what he was doing out there with no balls….


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 10:25 am

I didn’t know your kitties ever got to go outside, it being all trafficy in your neck of the woods and all.

Hey, congratulations on the job and the guy and everything! Things are really looking up in Jessicaland.


Comment from cranky
Time: May 6, 2008, 10:29 am

We had the meanest, baddest cat in the world when I was a kid. His name was Winky. He would disappear for months at a time. Since we were way out in the country there was plenty of game for him to catch. I saw him get pheasants and rabbits. No telling how many mice and rats he feasted on.

Bad ass cat. I hope Damien comes home soon.


Comment from pajama momma
Time: May 6, 2008, 11:06 am

We had a tomcat like that, creatively named, “Tom Cat’ and he would disappear I kid you not for MONTHS at a time. Always came back. Usually with some part of his body missing, but he came back. Tough ole cat.

oh the cat came back, the very next day oh the cat came back, thought he was a gone a but the cat came back, he just wouldn’t stay away.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 11:11 am

PJMomma, I’ve had that stupid song stuck in my head all day, for obvious reasons.

I had one like that, too. We got him because the previous owner got tired of patching him up after his frequent cat fights. He was my favorite cat EVER. He spent his last years as an inside cat, because I lived on Main Street. Literally. It was terrible for him, and I still feel shitty about doing that to him. But…what’re you gonna do?


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 11:34 am

Damn, Weas. Sorry to hear about Damien. Springtime is always a wild time in the gangster lives that cats lead outside the cat flap.

Don’t write the little shitbag off entirely just yet. My little cat Squirty had been gone for days and came back. She had gotten her paw/leg wedged in underneath her collar (which was kind of gross) but with a little TLC was good as new. She was my favorite, had been a starved stray when I first enticed her out from under a woodpile with a saucer of milk and never did get very big, but she was *tough*. Miss that kitty.

Ferrets come in two flavors, I’ve found – cute/rambunctious/loving (female) and nasty/bite-the-boyfriend’s-big-toe-to-the-bone/murderous/jealous psycho-assassins (male). Of course they can blur the lines at times.


Comment from Buffoon
Time: May 6, 2008, 11:59 am

I saw him at the bar drinking scotch, smoking pall malls and bitching about some crazed human….


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 12:08 pm

Can’t be him. He smokes Benson and Hedges.


Comment from Buffoon
Time: May 6, 2008, 12:18 pm

ah


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 12:53 pm

Wow, most all my cats (except Squirty, who was a Cat Saint) were closet Goths and smoked cloves. The “coughing up hairballs” was really just their lungs and rear claws.

Maybe not, but it sure looked like it.


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 12:55 pm

As mentioned in other posts, all men bow down before Lord Testosterone. Again, male cats, like men, are simple creatures, with a few basic needs, and are also prone to doing wildly stupid things to fulfill those needs. But you already knew that.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 1:01 pm

Charlotte is the first female cat I’ve had since I was, like, six. I was really struck by how different her personality is from the string of tomcats I’ve had over the years. Charlotte and Damien are caricature feminine/masculine in how they approach EVERYthing.

Now maybe that’s because she was a three-month old feral kitten I’ve had to work real hard to befriend, whereas I got him at six weeks and spoiled the living shit out of him.

I asked my vet whether male and female cats showed different personality traits and she said no. But I think my vet is a maroon, so there.


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 1:06 pm

I agree with your vet, they probably don’t show different traits on Uranus, where he/she is from. That is hands down one of the stupidest things I’ve read all week, besides the drivel I post, that is.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 1:20 pm

Did you know that rabbit milk is extremely nutritious? Well, that’s what Wikipedia says.

The woman who sits in the next cubicle disturbed a rabbit’s nest in her back yard and she’s worried that mama won’t come back, so we were looking stuff up about it on the web. Turns out, rabbits are lousy mothers. They show up once a day for about five minutes, so their milk has to be powerful.

The phrase “rabbit’s milk is extremely nutritious” is going through my head in a loop.

Disturbing.


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 1:27 pm

Wonder how many wabbits you’d have to milk for a cup of hot cocoa.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: May 6, 2008, 1:42 pm

My dog loves rabbit droppings. He’s always sniffing away to find and eat them.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 1:44 pm

Well, perhaps that’s especially nutritious, too.

Just heard an ad for these people on the radio: the New York City Tourette’s Syndrome Association. Their slogan is, “find out what makes us tic.”

That’s pretty funny, actually. I suppose if you have Tourette’s, the first thing you learn is how to laugh at yourself…


Comment from pajama momma
Time: May 6, 2008, 1:52 pm

PJMomma, I’ve had that stupid song stuck in my head all day, for obvious reasons.

stupid me made that song stuck in my head….grrrrr


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 2:10 pm

Here is a sure-fire way to distract you from that annoying song – it helped me with The Wiggles. Get a hammer and give the first joint on your thumb a good solid whack. The song will disappear in no time at all.


Comment from Allen
Time: May 6, 2008, 2:14 pm

For some strange reason when I read the phrase “rabbit’s milk is extremely nutritious” it made me think of the phrase “bobcats make wonderful pets.” So I did a search on it and found some interesting sites.

I think I might have caught something visiting here.


Comment from pajama momma
Time: May 6, 2008, 2:28 pm

Get a hammer and give the first joint on your thumb a good solid whack.

I might have to go straight for my forehead.


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 2:33 pm

pjm – I imagine it is really really hard to blog with a fractured skull. You’ve got a number of house-monsters that would be unleashed and unrestrained. Use a dead-blow mallet instead. It’ll provide a concussion but no skull fractures if you don’t get too enthusiastic.


Comment from Machinist
Time: May 6, 2008, 2:43 pm

“Don’t know what he was doing out there with no balls….”

Running for office?


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 4:27 pm

rabbits milk

Why can’t you unlearn things? WHY?


Comment from LemurKing
Time: May 6, 2008, 4:34 pm

the scary Evil thing at the base of Weasel’s brain

Either your cerebral cortex, a pocket of liberalism (a very nasty kind of tumor), or a parasite, right? No matter which it is, you’re scaring me, Weas. Next thing you know they’ll be passing out cups of bunny milk like Soma to the masses.


Comment from Pupster
Time: May 6, 2008, 4:57 pm

Da-yam! Check out the teats on that rabbit!


Comment from iamfelix
Time: May 6, 2008, 5:00 pm

The phrase “rabbit’s milk is extremely nutritious” is going through my head in a loop.

Disturbing.

When the Aum Shinrikyo gang? cult? was in the news a while back, that phrase got stuck in my head for a looong time. Then it somehow morphed into Aum Shinradicchio (a group who terrorizes you with salad, apparently) and *that* got stuck … I nearly went mad.

I’m so sorry Damien is AWOL – will send kitty purrayers.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 6, 2008, 5:16 pm

Ohhhhh…that’s a good one, Felix. I’m not going to say it out loud; I could get stuck. I pick up other people’s neuroses REAL easily.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: May 6, 2008, 7:27 pm

Whoa. That graphic got me, Weaz.

Allen – liberal application of alcohol, inside and out on a regular basis, remedies the worst of the symptoms.


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: May 6, 2008, 9:17 pm

Still no Damien? Dang.

O Ceiling Cat! Please guide Damiens wayward paws back home where he will get yummy nummies and pettings! Yea verily with scratchings about the cheeks and ears and belly rubses!

kthnxbai


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: May 6, 2008, 10:10 pm

Rabbits eat rabbit droppings. That’s because their digestive system works in a two-pass fashion, very much like video conversion software. So I’m, you know, not too surprised that dogs go for them too.

Of course, dogs lick their own balls, so this is not necessarily a good thing…


Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: May 9, 2008, 9:42 am

A cat is a creature that is willing to enter into any relationship in order to abuse it.

(think that one was Oscar Wilde. Not 100% sure though)

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