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2 br, 1.5 ba, 1 wzl


Somebody was scheduled to come by and look at the house tonight, but my real estate agent just called to say he canceled.

“I don’t know why,” she said, “he drove by the house yesterday morning and liked it, but he drove by again later and there was something he didn’t like.”

I’m guessing that thing was…me. In my new Wal*Mart lawn chair. With a book and a drink and a cat draped across me (no, the other one) like I’d just won the Miss Big Fat Housecat pageant and they gave me one for a sash.

Maybe it’s the change of seasons, or maybe I pushed so hard getting the house ready and looking for Damien that I have somehow exhausted my ordinarily inexhaustible reserves of gloom, anxiety and crank, but I’ve felt all float-y and peaceful this week. Like opiates, but without depleting my stash. All I want to do is sit in my chair and snooze in the sun.

Not to worry. I’ll have a shiny new hair across my ass before you can say, “fuck off and die in a fire!”


Comment from Lemur King
Time: May 28, 2008, 5:40 pm

The body only takes a set limit of input before it shuts down. I think it’s a safety check valve but for the nervous system. Moving and losing pets rank up there in terms of stress.

Soak up a few rays for me.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: May 28, 2008, 6:11 pm

I’m guessing that the thing was *not* you. Having gone through this selling “experience” last year, under the worst possible (personal) circumstances, I can attest to the fact that e-a-s-i-l-y 75% of the people out “looking at houses” are flat-ass NUTS. So you & Charlotte just sit right there’n chill.


Comment from kishnevi
Time: May 28, 2008, 8:05 pm

Having been through the other end with numerous places escorting my mother as she attempted to find a suitable place, I can tell you it wasn’t you. Certain people–my mother is one of them–think that they can find the perfect place for the perfect price if they only look long enough.
But because they’re looking for perfection, there’s always something wrong–the view, the size of the rooms, the tree in the backyard, the neighbors–anything. And it’s pure random what they pick on as the fatal flaw.
[Mind you, some of the places deserved to be rejected. Like the one with roach traps all over the floor. Or the one which hadn’t been renovated since the building was constructed in 1957.]
If that “buyer” was like my mother, you can be assured he/she will end up with what they deserve–not buying anything at all. Just like my mother.
It’s also possible that they were planning to make a lowball offer, and the second view made them realize that a lowball offer had no chance of being accepted.

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: May 28, 2008, 8:11 pm

Sometimes I really think turtles have it set. Buying/selling houses sucks!

Comment from BGG
Time: May 28, 2008, 8:33 pm

Float-y feeling huh…while you’re sitting in the sun, maybe you should look up and check the sky for chemtrails.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: May 29, 2008, 12:58 am

…Float-y feeling huh…while you’re sitting in the sun, maybe you should look up and check the sky for chemtrails.

Or check your blood sugar.

Having nearly closed on two separate properties without success in the last year, I can attest to the frustration of being a bit “picky”.

But in both instances I have been vindicated in my decision. The first property I wanted got flooded about 6 weeks ago, and the one I just backed off of had a second buyer back off for the same reason in less than 24 hours.

I’ll be glad when its over.

Comment from Gabriel
Time: May 29, 2008, 1:23 am

All I want to do is sit in my chair and snooze in the sun.

At least the weather’s good?

Comment from porknbean
Time: May 29, 2008, 2:09 am

I wish the weather would get good here in the Midwest. It got down to 47 last nite. End of May. In St. Louis. WTF?

Comment from iamfelix
Time: May 29, 2008, 3:06 am

PnB — 38 in SE Lower Michigan. It’s a new Ice Age!

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: May 29, 2008, 7:26 am

What was the book? Maybe that was it. Was it something by Mark Steyn, or John Bolton or Jonah Goldberg or something? You know how liberals can and do act so irrationally when they encounter someone whose political ideology differs from their own.
‘Hello Mr. Soandso, I’m Mr. Cohen, your surgeon and I’ve just popped in to take five minutes to explain the procedure to you and to hopefully allay any fears you–‘
‘Mr. Cohen? That sounds Jewish. And isn’t there a famous surgeon who’s a member of a big right-wing think-tank who goes by the name of Cohen?’
‘Well I don’t really see what that’s got to do with–‘
‘Fuck it, I’d rather have this massive, fast-metastasising brain tumour kill me than be treated by you!’

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 29, 2008, 7:48 am

Heh. It was Watching the English, actually.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: May 29, 2008, 8:42 am

Yeah, you have to watch out for those.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: May 29, 2008, 9:30 am

Watching the English

What do they do? Or – as Gibby implies – do they just bear watching in general?

Comment from eddiebear
Time: May 29, 2008, 9:36 am

“fuck off and die in a fire!”
Sounds like an awesome new slogan for a real estate company.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: May 29, 2008, 9:56 am

…or “May you forever be in escrow!”

Comment from Lokki
Time: May 29, 2008, 10:20 am

May your Homeowners Insurance cancel you during Hurricane Season!

Comment from Allen
Time: May 29, 2008, 10:23 am

McGoo, you’ve never heard the phrase Perfidious Albion? But then again the French came up with it so maybe it doesn’t count for much.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: May 29, 2008, 10:47 am

No – never heard of it. Is it something I’d need a willing girlfriend for?

If it’s one of those Nebula Boy things, I’m not interested.

Credits and points for the source of “Nebula Boy”.

Comment from Allen
Time: May 29, 2008, 11:04 am

McGoo, it boils down to, don’t trust the English. Nebula Boy? I’ve never heard of it.

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