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Reality trumps Photoshop, again

Now, I know I keep telling you people that I will never, ever tire of dick jokes, but I honestly do not know what to say about Anthony Weiner. All the good puns are taken. All the bad puns are taken, too. It’s not that I’m not enjoying the whole scandal, it’s just so much of it doesn’t add up. So, no comments. Questions:

What the hell is it with Huma Abedin? Why do people treat her like a superstar? (Slate’s Dave Weigel doesn’t get it, either). Okay, okay…slender, big dark eyes. But also: horseface.

Michele Bachmann wasn’t crazy — Huma has all kinds of Islamic-supremacist cred. So how did she get a top State Department clearance? And why did John McCain go nuts on Bachmann for being concerned? (And, just generally, what the hell is it with our ruling classes loving on the Muslim Brotherhood?).

And how did she end up marrying a liberal leftist Jew? I mean, even as a cynical careerist ploy, it doesn’t make complete sense.

And why speak out on his behalf now? After the first betrayal…okay, I guess. Maybe. But knowing he continued to send snapshots of his pee pee to strange women, even after it lost him his Congressional gig? Shoot, he won’t even say if he’s still doing it. Now is the time to step forward and vouch for him?

By the way, if his chubby temptress is to be believed, dude has a seriously dedicated masturbation regime.

If the Clintons are worried about Huma, why not pick up a phone? Why play this out in the news media for us all to enjoy? Especially if the Clintons are mad that they’re being compared to the Weiners.

That’s the best bit, isn’t it? That Hillary’s second try for the presidency is being splattered by a cheesy, ugly, low-rent cheatin’ husband, stand-by-your man, trailer park dick scandal.

No, wait — the best bit is, I didn’t Photoshop that picture at all.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 30, 2013, 8:21 pm

Digging around, I discovered that Huma (apparently) has a sister Heba, who looks like Dexter Morgan’s little sister and has an occasionally bizarre fashion sense.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: July 30, 2013, 8:28 pm

Huma. I know SUCH a rude Farsi word. It’s on the tip of my ….

Comment from GIL
Time: July 30, 2013, 8:29 pm

That’s me being Anonymous on The Internet.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 30, 2013, 8:57 pm

Oh, wait, I forgot to include this tidbit from a former intern:

There was the time when he called his 20 interns into a cramped office, and boasted that if we told him our names and one fact about ourselves, he could correctly identify all of us. He went around the room, then went back to the first intern, and tried to remember her name.

“Monica,” he said. No, it was Stephanie.

Then he called me “Monica.” Wrong again.

He got the next three interns’ names wrong, and then called the whole thing off.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: July 30, 2013, 9:37 pm

I think Abedin looks like Olive Oyl. I’m waiting for Popeye to down some spinach and clobber Wiener

Comment from Deborah
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:00 pm

Hillary and Huma are hustlers. Not like Pete Rose either, who soiled his own nest. More like Anna Nicole, but without the charisma

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:06 pm

If you, as do I, try to find some rational basis for the decisions and actions of this quasi-human class of political beings, and fail, consider this. Remember the legendary J. Edgar files? The dirt he supposedly (believably!) had on all the major players? And the uses to which he supposedly (believably!) put that dirt to dictate behavior in accordance with his power-mad requirements?

Now, we have Snowden reporting on the sort of information-gathering and analytic capabilities of the NSA and, by extension, the rest of the “intelligence community.” Isn’t this J. Edgar raised to some large-ish power?

A fair amount of this bizarre behavior might, just might, be coerced…but by whom?

All this is very thought-provoking to me. Unfortunately, it isn’t conclusion-producing or understanding-providing.


Comment from Uncle Al
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:17 pm

I have an English language usage question to put before you all.

I grew up in a military family and so traveled a lot as a kid. As an adult, I’ve also moved quite a bit for career and family reasons.

I’ve always understood, and only recently have come to doubt that understanding, that “pee-pee” refers to piss, or urine if you’re prissy, and “wee-wee” refers to dick, or penis if you’re repressed.

So, what say you all? Have I been taken in by minority regionalisms and have it wrong? Show of hands, please. ONLY HANDS if you please!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:21 pm

I use pee-pee and wee-wee interchangeably, for both. Though the baby-talk word we used in my family for urine was “tee-tee” — don’t ask me why.

I’ve always assumed there was an enormous dossier on McCain. That, or he is actually lockup-ably insane. Those are the only two plausible reasons for his bizarre position swings. And I still don’t understand why he went after Bachmann for her perfectly reasonable concern — Huma’s background is a giant waving red flag.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:23 pm

And just to prove I ain’t lying, here’s the original image.

Comment from Randy Rager
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:25 pm

The sad thing is, as much as Weiner would like to draw parallels with Bill Clinton, Monica was the better looking of the two temptresses.

Not that I would toss either of them out of bed. Or Huma. I’m just a slut like that.

But I draw the line at Hillary.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:27 pm

@Randy – Agreed on Hillary in bed. Unless your real name is Procrustes.

Comment from Deborah
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:33 pm

While this is not the usage my family used, my friends children said variously “pee pee” and “wee wee” … and it meant All the things you mentioned. So a child might wee wee with his pee pee, or pee pee with his wee wee. Also tee tee. Context rules.

In my family we call them the boy parts and the girl parts, or sometimes—girly bits.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:34 pm

You know, thinking about it, I’m quite sure my father invented “tee-tee.” My mother, despite her lack of qualifications, thought of herself as a Woman of Science, and taught us to use words like “urine”, “nystagmus” and “reactive hyperaemia.”

My dad was all, “does boo-boo have to tee-tee in the diddly-boom?”

Comment from marymary
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:34 pm

Have Hillary or Bill actually said a word about this? I mean, have they been asked a question by a reporter who then quoted their answer? Or have they issued any statements?

I confess I’m not following this story at all, but what I’ve seen seems entirely based on assertions untethered to any source whatsoever. “The Clintons are Livid!”. “Hillary throws Huma under the bus”. Really? I mean, I don’t necessarily doubt this – I’m just not seeing any direct corroboration, only packaged conclusions with no return address.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:40 pm

It’s one of those “their people are leaking to the press” stories, marymary. But I kind of doubt that, because it’s so unflattering. That’s kind of what I was getting at: if they’re sending Huma a message by broadcasting it to all of America, that’s dumber than I think the Clintons are.

Comment from The Neon Madman
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:56 pm

From what the media has constantly been dribbling about Human, I was beginning to think that I was the only one that could look at her picture.and see one really homely broad.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:11 am

I really would like to have been a fly on the wall when Weiner won the argument that he was politically viable again. I would LOVE to hear the list of Democrats to whom he compared himself in making the case that waiving your dick in front of the girls is just normal guy behavior. The fact that he is running again really makes me begin to doubt that Hillary had Vince Foster uhm, sucicided.

Oh, and I agree – you can wee with your pee pee or pee pee with your wee wee.

Comment from marymary
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:19 am

There was no wee wee or pee pee in our house growing up. One might need to go potty, but the mechanics were strictly unmentioned.

Comment from marymary
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:28 am

If I could write decently, I’d say exactly what Bookworm says here about visiting the British Isles. It’s like being “home” but….
via AoS Sidebar

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:46 am

“Urine” is a ridiculous Latinism coined by moronic anti-Saxonists. The correct English word (used in the King James no less) is “piss”.

I have the same opinion on the terms “defecate” & “shit”.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:48 am

Thank you all. I’ve gotta believe the commenters here are highly likely to be a random cross-section from all over the dang place. I gather that my internal definitions of wee-wee and pee-pee have been incorrectly over-specific for a very long time. Whew! At least the nature of my error did not lead me to inappropriate behavior!

Not that my behavior isn’t frequently inappropriate, but it isn’t because I’ve mistakenly said wee-wee instead of pee-pee. (-:

Comment from dissent555
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:49 am

“Comment from Uncle Al
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:17 pm

So, what say you all? Have I been taken in by minority regionalisms and have it wrong? Show of hands, please. ONLY HANDS if you please!”

In Peruvia this does not matter. All such references are equivalent.

Comment from Tibby
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:52 am

At this point, it’s almost off topic to say how much I love that you didn’t have to photoshop the photo of H&H looking so creepily alike.

Comment from dissent555
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:56 am

“Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 30, 2013, 10:23 pm

And just to prove I ain’t lying, here’s the original image.”

I love photography. So many images. So little time.

Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2013, 2:41 am

Has anyone asked anything about that Smoogly lady that hangs around with Hilllllary?

You should … I talked to a lady who works for the KGB the other day about her …. most informative.

Disturbing was the word.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 31, 2013, 4:19 am

I’m pretty sure McCain cracked in Vietnam, although he might have been in trouble before that. Its sad, really, he has a dad and grand dad who were amazing men, and he turned out to be such a schmuck.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: July 31, 2013, 4:40 am

And how did she end up marrying a liberal leftist Jew?

And why was there not one word of reaction from any of her militant Moslem associates?

Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2013, 5:49 am

Hilllary is generous though.
She allowed her long time muff diving personal aide, Huma Abedin, to leave HER bedroom to go of on a honeymoon with Anthony Weiner.
Huma is a Muslim Brotherhood spy and is sleeping with your former Sec of State!!!

Hmmmm – Lesbians!

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: July 31, 2013, 6:31 am

Looks pretty hot from where I’m standing (by the door in case I have to make a fast exit).

I’d nail Hillary too. But only if she wore The Outfit.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: July 31, 2013, 6:56 am

Ya, na, this is the Obama machine destroying the remnants of the Clinton machine. Why now? Who knows?

I have never understood what that wide eyed expression on a liberal woman’s face is intended to convey. I’ve seen’m all do it. It’s some kinda secret code.

Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2013, 7:58 am

Anonymous : Lesbian code talk 101

Hilary to Huma – Pillowtalk: “You need to get a man to be accepted in Washington, that’s what I did marrying Bill. But the bastard was sterile from the Mumps.
I know a little Weiner …”

And so was born the saga …

Meanwhile, Obama still frequents the gay mans Boy Love Club, and the Republican party are the biggest bunch of kiddy fiddlers in Washington …

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 31, 2013, 9:58 am

Well, there was one Imam who declared her marriage invalid, Rich. I’ve forgotten where I ran across that item, though.

Comment from Oceania
Time: July 31, 2013, 10:57 am

Developmental expression and biochemical characterisation of Emu family

Comment from Deborah
Time: July 31, 2013, 1:45 pm

Re: Fun with FotoShoppe
Stoaty—I do hope you’ll have some fun with Hillary by hitchhiking on that pix of her in the tight striped pants and her “who give a shit” hands in the air.

If I had any photo-manipulation skills at all, I’d always depict her in leitmotif tight stripes and her hands up.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 31, 2013, 4:23 pm

I suspect that the reason these women stick by their men is that they know if you stonewall long enough, it goes away. Especially for Democrats. That’s their standard response to scandal and corruption: deny it ever happened and stand your ground until people get distracted by the next squirrel.

Comment from JeffS
Time: July 31, 2013, 4:24 pm

Growing up, we weren’t allowed to use “pee-pee” or “wee-wee”. No references to people parts in the nether regions were allowed, in fact. Instead, we used “Number 1” for taking a piss, and “Number 2” for taking a dump. I have no idea where the numbering system came from — It Simply Was The Way We Spoke. That or the banal “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Although us kids still tweaked the system by inventing “Number 3”, doing both at the same time. This bugged the hell out of our Parental Units.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: August 1, 2013, 6:18 am

Jeff S.: Bill Cosby did a routine about that. In school, students had to hold up one or two fingers, depending on what they needed to do. Cos said that it bothered him to have everyone know “whether I was oneing it or twoing it, so I’d hold up the wrong number of fingers.” Then he’d feel guilty about the deception, and confess to the teacher: “That 1? It was a 2.”

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: August 1, 2013, 4:42 pm

I occasionally answer a friend in the affirmative by saying, “Oui, oui,” and immediately reply to myself, “Not in my car, you don’t.”


I cannot believe this, but I’m considering writing on the internetz for all to see the words my father used for urination and defecation. Somehow I can’t bring myself to. At least in part because there was no standard spelling for them, and I’d have to make it up. . . .

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: August 1, 2013, 5:28 pm

Making water & disburthening?

Comment from MauserMedic
Time: August 3, 2013, 11:40 am

Looking at Heba on the link gave me a feeling I’d seen that posture before. Then I remembered Nosferatu. Same posture, same sense of style in big-shouldered jackets…….

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