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Oof. Sorry. Got jammed up dealing with Pa Stoat on his iPad tonight. I know he’s feeling better, because he was poking all the buttons and knobs to see what they would do. Mostly, they disconnect things.

As a bonus, Uncle B got to hear a man say “dadgum it” unironically.

Pa Stoat had a series of ear infections as a child, in the days before antibiotics. The treatment then was to puncture the eardrum to release pressure, else it was possible the infection would burst inwards — nearly always fatal. I promise you, I could describe this process in MUCH more cringeworthy clinical terms.

And so, when he was fourteen, his left eardrum exploded while he was practicing for the state cornet championship. I shittest thou not. He still thinks he coulda been a container.

In his thirties, he underwent an experimental surgery to replace the most damaged eardrum with a piece of vein from his arm, extracted and scraped thin. It didn’t work all that great, but I have an awesome childhood memory of him propped up in the hospital with his head wrapped in about a mile of bandage, looking like a spaceman. Or a swami.

So he’s always been deaf, and now he has an advanced case of ARG — age-related goofiness.

But, hey, he did offer to send me some porn. So. There’s that.


Comment from Nina
Time: September 17, 2013, 11:52 pm

Sounds like my mom, except that she’s no longer with us and her hearing is consequently not an issue any more.

Love ya, Mom!

What? Oh.


/still deaf as a post

Comment from scottthebadger
Time: September 17, 2013, 11:54 pm

That was thoughtful of you to do that for him, and thoughtful of him to offer to send you porn, I guess.

Comment from Paula Douglas
Time: September 17, 2013, 11:54 pm

Modern Soylent Green-style porn, or the 1950’s Playboy kind that in comparison to today’s looks like Walt Disney made it?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2013, 12:04 am

It’s complicated. From what I gather, a rich friend’s chauffeur had the night off, picked up a waitress and sent my father some nudie pics to prove it. That’s my dad, hobnobbing with the help.

He ran across the photos while he was trying to send me some pics of my nieces.

Comment from JeffS
Time: September 18, 2013, 12:14 am

Weasel porn? It exists?

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: September 18, 2013, 1:08 am

JeffS: Rule 34.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: September 18, 2013, 2:26 am

My friend said, don’t shout, he can’t hear you!

Comment from McGyver
Time: September 18, 2013, 4:58 am

Funny, that. In an odd and wonderful way. We forget what our ‘rents went thru, I suppose. My G’kid asked, Pa pa why do you walk like that? Had no idea what he was asking, until some crosstalk involving my Mom and all. See, Dad had rickets as a child during the depression. Weakened his legs, til he outgrew it, but… bowlegged. I grew up thinking, I guess, that’s the way a Man should walk, so I walk bowlegged. Got a couple sons who do the same… Imitation and all that

McGyver, out

Comment from Frit
Time: September 18, 2013, 5:45 am

Off topic: Stoaty, some of your relatives are featured in street art!

Comment from gromulin
Time: September 18, 2013, 2:21 pm

Hate to break it to you, but they still puncture eardrums for kids with chronic ear infections. Except now they put in a little gasket, to hold the hole open, then it falls out as the kid grows. Both my kids had them, there is a ‘drain’ tube inside the ear that gets kinked up with some kids until they grow past a certain age and it straightens out. My son had an eardrum burst before they put it in…it’s not a nice thing to witness.

Comment from GIL
Time: September 18, 2013, 4:22 pm

Yep. ARG. May I steal that, too, Sweasel? Lol. My dad has the same damn stuff. “Huh?” It’s heard 200 times a day, and every time the whole family bursts out laughing at how gormless he’s growing. When he gets the joke, during dessert, he joins in and then starts yelling at his grandkids. Best wishes to your dad! You’ve mentioned him several times. Cherish your visit.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: September 18, 2013, 8:37 pm

My mom was addicted to tympanoplasty. She’d have one every other year. Sometimes they’d work for a while, but usually not.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2013, 11:28 pm

Those’re some chubby stoats, Frit!

Comment from Frit
Time: September 19, 2013, 2:28 am

Hehehehehee! Well, living in the city like they seem to be doing, probably lots of food to stea….er… buy. 😉

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