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Brainwashing, it’s what’s for dinner. Nothing like Human Resources mind-f*ck exercises to make your day.

Ummm… I smell… mimeograph fluid. Can anyone else smell that? Purple prose and Times Roman font… what could be more elementary?

We had one of those team-bonding things. It was ghastly. Waste of a perfectly good Saturday. One of our IT people refused point-blank to go, even though it was a three-line whip. He suffered no ill consequences whatever. That was an eye-opener. Wish I could have done the same except I was management and had to show willing.

I kept making snarky remarks and getting the stink-eye. Sadly, I think I’m going to have to be a good sport about these things.

*spit*

These people should be shot.

I mean that.

No no no. When you’re at work, you have to take 1 of 2 mindsets. One is that you’re loving your job so its like spending time on your hobby. The other is that the work is important for others, so its like spending time on charity.

Don’t ever think you’re wasting your time! That kills your soul, makes you bitter, and can get you depressed. After all, our time here is short.

So far, I’ve spent almost all my working life for charity!

I am now cheerfully early retired, and slowly recovering my sanity. I was an HR type, but not your normal Kumbiya HR type. I was a Labor Negotiator, and later a Compensation Plan Designer. I likes me numbers and analyzing things. I will run an analysis on damn near anything if you let me.

I kept pushing the Training Division to let me at their statistics so I could do some analysis to help them. My promise to them was that I would show them which of their programs demonstrated any ROI – increased sales, reduction in disciplinary actions, improved work output, etc. Then I said, we could eliminate the expense of any training that showed no results.

Although I considered most of them stupid, and their programs even stupider, they were never dumb enough to let me do that.

Can you tell I hated that stuff?

Back in the days when I wore a badge, we had to take a course on the Sex Offender Treatment Program in the state correctional system. The goal of the program was/is to make it so that sex offenders could be released to the streets where their victims live and not locked up or lynched.

I was not welcome after I took their own figures and showed that all they were doing was training sex offenders to hide their offenses and their guilt so that they had more victims before they got eventually caught again.

All my meetings are like that. I hate it.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: August 27, 2014, 11:28 pm

These people should be shot.

I mean that.

A waste of good lead. You know all-natural, organic hemp fiber (or fibre, if you’re in the commonwealth (or perhaps “befir” if you’re in the EU)) is 100% recyclable, providing you make the loops sturdy enough to dangle a 30-stone desk-sitter.

The brainstorming and role playing were “team-building” exercises. It’s all about discovering and accepting other people’s “styles” of learning, breaking down hierarchical barriers to cross team structure synergies and forging bonds between people sharing in this “out of the box” and / or “out of your comfort zone” paradigm.

Get with the program Dame Stoat.

Oh man, that takes me back. Glad I am (mostly) shed of that team building exercise stuff. I’ve always wondered if those “Facilitators” really believe in the shit they are shoveling, or if they are just putting the mask on for a paycheck.

Next time bring scorpions. Facilitate chaos.

I’ve avoided team building exercises like a welfare recipient dodges gainful employment. I should be able to keep this up until my retirement in 3 years or so.

But if I can’t, I’ll unleash my inner Snark Monster(tm). That’ll larn ’em!

Some Vegetable @ August 28, 2014, 12:38 am:
Then I said, we could eliminate the expense of any training that showed no results.

Although I considered most of them stupid, and their programs even stupider, they were never dumb enough to let me do that.

Of course not. What you should have said was that your analysis would show the true value of their programs and lead to a proper (presumably increased) budget.

The analysis would indeed show the true value (none) and result in a proper (zero) budget.

But hey, you did what you promised…

If you’re going to role play they could at least give people dice and a table to create a few characters and run a game at.