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Field trip!

Well, the good news is, field trips for work are to much cooler places than they used to be. The bad news is, they’re as full of stupid bullshit as ever.

Today, I had an all-day class about collecting and storing certain kinds of specimens. Instead of just, you know, telling us important shit we need to know, we started the class by brainstorming. (“You don’t know shit about this subject, so why don’t we write down several flipchart pages of ignorant shit off the top of your head”). And then we had to role-play (“break into groups of two and one of you pretend you’re a brontosaurus and one of you pretend you’re the kind of stupid shit a brontosaurus might eat.”)

Role play. I swear to god we did.

Also, most of it was about applying for grants and handicap access and…oh, I have a bad feeling this is a hotbed of lefty nonsense. Pff! Academics.


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: August 27, 2014, 10:33 pm

Brainwashing, it’s what’s for dinner. Nothing like Human Resources mind-f*ck exercises to make your day.

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: August 27, 2014, 10:59 pm

Ummm… I smell… mimeograph fluid. Can anyone else smell that? Purple prose and Times Roman font… what could be more elementary?

Comment from David Gillies
Time: August 27, 2014, 11:15 pm

We had one of those team-bonding things. It was ghastly. Waste of a perfectly good Saturday. One of our IT people refused point-blank to go, even though it was a three-line whip. He suffered no ill consequences whatever. That was an eye-opener. Wish I could have done the same except I was management and had to show willing.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 27, 2014, 11:19 pm

I kept making snarky remarks and getting the stink-eye. Sadly, I think I’m going to have to be a good sport about these things.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: August 27, 2014, 11:28 pm

These people should be shot.

I mean that.

Comment from tomfrompv
Time: August 28, 2014, 12:07 am

No no no. When you’re at work, you have to take 1 of 2 mindsets. One is that you’re loving your job so its like spending time on your hobby. The other is that the work is important for others, so its like spending time on charity.

Don’t ever think you’re wasting your time! That kills your soul, makes you bitter, and can get you depressed. After all, our time here is short.

So far, I’ve spent almost all my working life for charity!

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: August 28, 2014, 12:38 am

I am now cheerfully early retired, and slowly recovering my sanity. I was an HR type, but not your normal Kumbiya HR type. I was a Labor Negotiator, and later a Compensation Plan Designer. I likes me numbers and analyzing things. I will run an analysis on damn near anything if you let me.

I kept pushing the Training Division to let me at their statistics so I could do some analysis to help them. My promise to them was that I would show them which of their programs demonstrated any ROI – increased sales, reduction in disciplinary actions, improved work output, etc. Then I said, we could eliminate the expense of any training that showed no results.

Although I considered most of them stupid, and their programs even stupider, they were never dumb enough to let me do that.

Can you tell I hated that stuff?

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: August 28, 2014, 1:49 am

Back in the days when I wore a badge, we had to take a course on the Sex Offender Treatment Program in the state correctional system. The goal of the program was/is to make it so that sex offenders could be released to the streets where their victims live and not locked up or lynched.

I was not welcome after I took their own figures and showed that all they were doing was training sex offenders to hide their offenses and their guilt so that they had more victims before they got eventually caught again.

Comment from Nina
Time: August 28, 2014, 3:02 am

All my meetings are like that. I hate it.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: August 28, 2014, 3:41 am

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: August 27, 2014, 11:28 pm

These people should be shot.

I mean that.

A waste of good lead. You know all-natural, organic hemp fiber (or fibre, if you’re in the commonwealth (or perhaps “befir” if you’re in the EU)) is 100% recyclable, providing you make the loops sturdy enough to dangle a 30-stone desk-sitter.

Comment from Mitchell
Time: August 28, 2014, 4:40 am

The brainstorming and role playing were “team-building” exercises. It’s all about discovering and accepting other people’s “styles” of learning, breaking down hierarchical barriers to cross team structure synergies and forging bonds between people sharing in this “out of the box” and / or “out of your comfort zone” paradigm.

Get with the program Dame Stoat.

Comment from Pupster
Time: August 28, 2014, 2:53 pm

Oh man, that takes me back. Glad I am (mostly) shed of that team building exercise stuff. I’ve always wondered if those “Facilitators” really believe in the shit they are shoveling, or if they are just putting the mask on for a paycheck.

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: August 28, 2014, 4:44 pm

Next time bring scorpions. Facilitate chaos.

Comment from JeffS
Time: August 28, 2014, 7:21 pm

I’ve avoided team building exercises like a welfare recipient dodges gainful employment. I should be able to keep this up until my retirement in 3 years or so.

But if I can’t, I’ll unleash my inner Snark Monster(tm). That’ll larn ’em!

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: August 28, 2014, 8:51 pm

Some Vegetable @ August 28, 2014, 12:38 am:
Then I said, we could eliminate the expense of any training that showed no results.

Although I considered most of them stupid, and their programs even stupider, they were never dumb enough to let me do that.

Of course not. What you should have said was that your analysis would show the true value of their programs and lead to a proper (presumably increased) budget.

The analysis would indeed show the true value (none) and result in a proper (zero) budget.

But hey, you did what you promised…

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: August 28, 2014, 9:09 pm

If you’re going to role play they could at least give people dice and a table to create a few characters and run a game at.

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