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Meet Ann Dally of Fairview Close, Walthamstow. She suffers from mobility problems, depression and Third Degree Bitchface.

I call this expression Daily Mail face. This wasn’t in the Mail, it was in a local London paper, but y’all know the phenomenon: some tragic looking bugger holding up a crumpled object in a pokey room. The Union Jack afghan tossed over the sofa is a nice touch. Cue Emmett Kelly with sad trombone.

Anyway, her toilet needed work and she waited sixteen days before she got it. She put in a formal complaint was compensated £70. That’s not the story.

The story is, when she got the paperwork back (why her toilet needed a gas safety certificate, I cannot imagine) her name thereon had been changed to “@@@@ U Mrs A Dally.”

“It felt horrible. To know that someone had done that to me, someone who has access to my home. I suffer from depression and it just made me feel awful, like I am a joke.”

Now from the breathlessness of the article you could be forgiven for assuming, as I did, that the certificate had actually been changed to say “fuck U Mrs A Dally”. But no. There’s a picture. It is literally four ‘at’ symbols followed by a U.

So it’s like an interpretive hate crime.

It’s Friday. I’m tuckered. You know what? I’m going to let you build your own right-wing rant based on this story. Good weekend, everyone!


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 21, 2014, 9:22 pm

You know, if you’ve got the juice to take your minor grievances to the papers, I don’t think clinical depression is really what you’ve got. I’ve seen the real thing. It’s a different animal.

The handicap worship in this country is terrifying.

Comment from Davem123
Time: November 21, 2014, 9:43 pm

It’s the waters that she was raised in.

Sooner expect a fish to whistle than the average public housing resident (which “Ascham Homes” appears to be) NOT to whine, on either side of the Atlantic.

Comment from Davem123
Time: November 21, 2014, 9:45 pm

She does kind of resemble a Grouper, upon looking again. That may be why I unconsciously went for the fish metaphor.

Comment from mojo
Time: November 21, 2014, 10:31 pm

I think that’s a line of Union Jack pillows. Possibly she collects them, and they’re all over the house. You never know with third degree bitchface sufferers.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: November 21, 2014, 11:03 pm

Maybe they’re piping her gas to those buses via her loo? Hence the inspection?

Guess it really got her nose out of joint.

I think that’s the first time I’ve actually used the word “loo” in a sentence.


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 22, 2014, 12:48 am

In lieu of what?

Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: November 22, 2014, 12:49 am

Just had the furnace repair man out here after hours on a friday night. He replaced the thermocouple and cleared the orifice on the pilot. It will probably cost $150-$200 bucks, and it will have a serious impact on my winter budget.

I also suffer from bouts of relatively mild, but debilitating depression. You may ask yourself, ‘what is the point’?

Hot chocolate, sugar, and a working furnace seems to have improved my attitude. Don’t know why that is. One of life’s mysteries.

Comment from Bufalone
Time: November 22, 2014, 1:33 am

That’s a man, baby.

Comment from embycil
Time: November 22, 2014, 1:50 am

You had me at “third degree bitchface”…

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: November 22, 2014, 2:22 am

As a sufferer of chronic bitchface, I cannot tell you how depressing it is to have people think that you are angry when in actuality you are only mildly annoyed or possibly holding in a SBD fart.

The pain is real.

Comment from Nina
Time: November 22, 2014, 3:20 am

If this was the worst that ever happened to me in my life I’d count myself blessed.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: November 22, 2014, 4:33 am

Third degree bitchface? To my eye, and I’m an expert at spotting them, she is a congenital Mrs. Potato Head.

The key is that her potato is bent: her forehead leans to her left and her nose points right. Classic field marks for identifying Potato Heads in their natural habitat.

I do concede, though, that whoever assembled her used the “Bitchface” set of push-in facial features.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: November 22, 2014, 5:46 am

I thought she might literally have been dropped on her head a couple of times when she was young, or is “Mr/Mrs Potato Head” the British equivalent?

Comment from JuliaM
Time: November 22, 2014, 6:18 am

“…(why her toilet needed a gas safety certificate, I cannot imagine)…”

*considers comment*

*thinks better of it*

Actually, there’s a whole website devoted to this sort of thing: http://apiln.blogspot.co.uk/

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 22, 2014, 1:48 pm

That’s awesome, Julia! What a great idea. I’ve never seen so many Daily Mail faces together in one place…

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 22, 2014, 5:17 pm

She was definitely dropped on her head as a child.

She looks kinda melted…must’ve been left in the car with the windows rolled up during the summer.

Comment from Jonathan Gruber
Time: November 23, 2014, 3:39 am

I tried to warn you.
The world is full of daily mail faces equipped with matching brains.
But they all want something, and they all think they owe nothing.
Our job is just providing an assurance how wisely they chose us to care for them.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: November 23, 2014, 6:59 am

I think we will all live in interesting times. Lawd help us!

Comment from LesterIII
Time: November 23, 2014, 3:10 pm

In her case it seems her facial expression is lacking due to lack of creativity: she has used her right-brain too much in the past. Most likely for for plausible-deniability schemes to hide her terrorist cell, like posing for pictures strewn with Union Jack pillows. That always throws MI5 off the trail.

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: November 23, 2014, 11:25 pm

(why her toilet needed a gas safety certificate, I cannot imagine)

Pee-You… and I mean stankeeeeey

Comment from BrendaK
Time: November 24, 2014, 4:28 pm

Why would she be upset?! It’s clearly a tribute to that fine British institution, Monty Python.

Have @@@@ U!

Comment from calla lily origin
Time: November 30, 2014, 3:25 am

With Easter just across the corner and spring making its appearance soon after, pet owners will be looking for Easter and spring flowers and
plants which are safe for pets. For brides about to wed during March, there really are
a wide variety of floral choices to consider.
) One great approach to think about planting bulbs would be to do it by holiday – Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day (it is
possible to sneak a couple of in on Valentine’s Day, too.

There are types of calla lilies that would
be perfect for a fall wedding bouquet including miniature calla lilies.
If you imagine pink and desire a pink wedding then you’ll
be able to make a DIY pink arrangement that matches you perfectly.

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