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PICTURED: Rudely shaped carrot grown in allotment in Lower Belvedere

Actual headline. For the blind, this helpful description is provided:

It bears a resemblance to two human legs, with a growth between them that leaves little to the imagination.

It leaves everything to the imagination. It’s a flipping carrot.

Also discussed, a strawberry shaped like a penis and a carrot shaped like a foot that “caused a social media sensation.”

This isn’t the Sheep Testicle Gazette out here in the ass-end of nowhere. That’s a London paper that somehow found room for this snuggled between the muggings and burglaries.

A hard people to understand, at times.

Anyway, I broke my good camera this Summer, so Uncle B loaned me his one and I’ve now broken that too. Down-twinkles. I’m cameraless. That leaves me at the mercy of any old rude vegetable I can dig up until I buy a new one.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: March 16, 2015, 10:40 pm

Your new camera is going to be a 3’x2′ sheet of masonite & some dry erase markers, young lady.

And you’d best not break those.

 


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: March 16, 2015, 10:40 pm

Sorry to hear about your camera woes…I have a Nikon I barely use cuz I’m afraid I’ll break it.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: March 16, 2015, 11:19 pm

I say we all chip in and get her a new one – contained within an unbreakable Lexan(c) case and mass-deflecting rubber bumpers all around.

I said the same thing last time – or something almost but not quite completely different – and was ignored with impunity. Harrumph.

 


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: March 16, 2015, 11:26 pm

“We all chipped in & bought you a new camera. But this isn’t any ordinary camera. It has the one thing no other camera on Earth has: the power of imagination! & it takes pictures that only your heart can see!”

Ten years later…

“& to think that this camera was really just an old bum-wipe tube with glitter glued on. The camera was inside of me all along!”

 


Comment from Jeff Gauch
Time: March 16, 2015, 11:36 pm

Come for the pictures of rude root vegetables, stay for the elevator pitch of an after-school special that I’m pretty sure violates the Geneva Conventions.

 


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: March 16, 2015, 11:44 pm

If someone wants to put up a PayPal, I’d contribute to the Sweezy Camera Fund.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 16, 2015, 11:50 pm

No, no…money isn’t the issue. But thank you for the suggestion.

They were a pair of His and Hers Nikon D-40s that we bought maybe ten years ago. We surely got our money’s worth out of them. I think I gave his lens a crack, so just replacing the lens is an option.

Love those cameras to bits 🙁

 


Comment from mojo
Time: March 17, 2015, 12:59 am

Oh, those wild and crazy Belvederians…

 


Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: March 17, 2015, 3:21 am

I’ve got the same camera and really love it. I’ve taken it on almost every field activity and rock-hunting expedition. Of course, the silicon cover is likely the reason that it has survived all these years. Who says cameras can’t bounce?

 


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: March 17, 2015, 4:32 am

It leaves everything to the imagination. It’s a flipping carrot.

Guy goes to a head shrinker. Says, “Doc, my wife thinks I’ve got some kinda sex obsession.”

Doc says, “Hrm,” gets out his inkblot cards & shows one to the fellow.

Guy looks at the card, “It’s a fat chick sucking a guy’s dick!”

Doc says, “Hrm.” again. Shows the next card to the guy.

“A guy with a corn cob up his ass suckin’ on some giant titties!”

Doc says, “Hrm. and pull out a third card.

“Two homos suckin’ each others dicks while a goat rams the top one in the ass.”

Doc says, “You definitely seem to have an obsession with perverted sex.”

“Hey, fuck you doc. You’re the one showin’ me all your filthy pictures.”

 


Comment from iamfelix
Time: March 17, 2015, 4:54 am

Rush was going on about carrots today, to wit: “Do you realize that everyone who has ever eaten carrots has died or will die?”

😉

 


Comment from Nina
Time: March 17, 2015, 5:40 am

I really need someone to buy his and hers gifts. 🙂

I have an old film Canon whose only lens was dropped and something inside is broken. I’ll probably never use it again, but I sure took a lot of photos with it back in the day!

 


Comment from mojo
Time: March 17, 2015, 4:52 pm

I have my old Praktica (E. Ger) SLR, but I told the nephew he could have it. He’s hot to get into B&W film (“Film?” “Yes, godammit, film!”) use and development, printing etc.

Lost tech.

 


Comment from Anonymous
Time: March 17, 2015, 7:08 pm

Come on now, SWeas, surely you understand that is as close to a penis as most “journalists” are likely to get these days. Cut them some slack, fer Chrissakes! After all, they are the classic strapon and turkey baster crowd. REGARDLESS of their “gender”…

 


Comment from feynmangroupie
Time: March 17, 2015, 8:23 pm

I wonder if Net Nanny would filter this.

 


Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: March 17, 2015, 11:31 pm

“Do you realize that everyone who has ever eaten carrots has died or will die?”

P’raps just a personal viewpoint, but – I really doubt one could find a more exemplary version of the “correlation does not equal (or even, generally-speaking, necessarily imply) causation” thingy…

As that ol’ philosophizer, Bugs Von Bunny, was wont to sing, “…of all the rabbit haaabits, my favorite’s chewin’ carrots!”

 


Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: March 18, 2015, 1:57 am

I’m cameraless. That leaves me at the mercy of any old rude vegetable I can dig up until I buy a new one.

.
Wait! You broke two cameras, one not your own and you are going to buy just one? What’s wrong with this picture?

Love those cameras to bits

Understatement if I’ve ever seen it….

 


Comment from iamfelix
Time: March 18, 2015, 4:02 am

J.S. I think that was the point he was goin’ for.

🙂

 


Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: March 18, 2015, 7:55 am

I’d ‘spect you’re correct on that, iamfelix…Rush, it can readily be discerned, does often display a tendency towards a rather ironic humor.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 18, 2015, 8:22 am

Oh, Uncle B has long since replaced his D40 with a newer model (though he’s not entirely happy with it). And he takes such good care of his gear, the Nikon he had *before* the D40 is still in perfect working order, too.

 


Comment from Anonymous
Time: March 18, 2015, 1:40 pm

So now maybe it’s time for you to “borrow” that one, eh, SWeas?
}:-]

 


Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: March 18, 2015, 6:50 pm

We grew a very swan-like yam once, but it didn’t have any naughty bits.

 


Comment from Kat
Time: March 18, 2015, 11:08 pm

Didn’t Terry Prachett have several pages in one of his books dedicated to this particular interest of people? LOL

 

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