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Oh, Japan!

japan

I honestly do not know what I was doing when I found myself in this place today. I only know it scared me. Japan Trend Shop is superficially one of those silly gadget shops, like Brookstone, but being Japanese…somewhat more horrifying.

Like, in the cosmetics section, you can buy horse oil. Which, if you read the description, is clearly made from actual horses (“Son Bahyu also breeds only quality horses, so its creams do not contain oil from former racing horses or other steads that are no longer healthy.”).

You can spend $24 on a cardboard box for your cat to sleep in. An ordinary cardboard box, though I suppose it is “designed to look just like the boxes used to send and transport large bottles of soy sauce in Japan.” So there’s that.

Earplugs in the shape of tiny colorful dachshunds ($42). A plastic vase you can scream into to muffle your angsty cries $52 (reduced from $80). A machine that makes perfectly spherical balls of ice in seconds, $1,281 (I won’t lie, I really want one of these). Cotton Wife and Husband Hug Pillows (“We’ve seen plenty of hug pillows in Japan before but these have the most attractive and, well, huggable designs so far.”). $180.

None of those objects brought me to the site, though. I decided I just couldn’t bear to post a picture of the thing that caught my eye: the Bigan Beauty Face Expander. It’s supposed to be for exercising your cheek muscles. And there are other horrifying-looking beauty apparatuses in that section, but I just. No. No, I don’t believe it.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Veeshir
Time: August 17, 2016, 8:50 pm

Steven Den Beste used to say (maybe he still does) that we weren’t afraid enough of the Japanese.

Ain’t that the truth.

 


Comment from Bruno
Time: August 17, 2016, 10:05 pm

Well…. it kinda looks like one of those items used in JAV torture videos

 


Comment from feynmangroupie
Time: August 17, 2016, 11:26 pm

I’ve seen those things before but I guess it just goes to show what a dirty mind that I have, because I thought they had ummm….a different purpose.

 


Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: August 17, 2016, 11:57 pm

You made me look. … they are totally serious about that youthful-looking face thing. TOTALLY..!! “Bigan” in the description is kind of a “give-away” I think. …kind of.

“other steads” … I know I’ll get flack for typing this but I’d like to hear the copy writer actually speak “Engrish.”

 


Comment from dissent555
Time: August 18, 2016, 1:00 am

Remember … back in the late 80’s and early 90’s … when Japan was going to take over the world …

Good times. Good times.

 


Comment from Uncle Al
Time: August 18, 2016, 1:12 am

I have a sinking feeling that the phrase “Houreisen Iron Nasolabial Fold Booster” will pop unbidden into my consciousness at untoward moments.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: August 18, 2016, 1:38 am

Oh dear God. There are landmines at that site. Off to the left of the Bigan thingy was a Partners linker. “Kanojo Toys.” Go ahead and try it and tell me what you find. I don’t have a stick long enough to touch that one.

 


Comment from gromulin
Time: August 18, 2016, 2:32 am

The ‘Jacko’ nose shaper!

http://www.japantrendshop.com/bihana-nose-adjuster-clip-p-3563.html

 


Comment from tinman
Time: August 18, 2016, 11:20 am

The horse oil is no surprise. You can get horse sashimi at many Japanese restaurants. But after living here almost six years, few things surprise me anymore.

 


Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: August 18, 2016, 2:13 pm

This might actually be useful: http://www.japantrendshop.com/bonbi-arkon-cat-scratching-bowl-pad-p-3514.html The Cat Scratching Bowl. Your beast can sit in it and work his claws at the same time. But . . . $84? And $658 for the Kamakura Pet House, made of “paulownia wood”? My gosh, things must be expensive there to start with, and then there’s shipping to the US —

The ad copy on the first pet page, at least, is good English. “Steads” for “steeds” might just be a typo.

Look for the “Quack Face Dog Muzzle.” Unreal.

 


Comment from Deborah HH
Time: August 18, 2016, 3:11 pm

I used to give my cat a “log” of firewood, and he loved it. I did have to sweep up bits of bark, but a happy cat is worth it. I ought to sell “all natural cat scratching device” on the internet and make a lot of money.

 


Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: August 18, 2016, 4:52 pm

Deborah,

Last year, when my cats had shredded the rope winding on their scratching post, I priced replacements at the pet store and Walmart. After the EMTs revived me, I went to Ace hardware and bought some rope and the little black staples you hammer into the wood. Once I unwound the old shreds of rope and rewound it with the new, then sprinkled catnip on it, the beasts took to it immediately.

Cost was something like $10 — and I still have the staples ready to refresh the post the next time!

 


Comment from tomfrompv
Time: August 18, 2016, 5:19 pm

I kind of like the “Eyelid Trainer” – http://www.japantrendshop.com/eyelid-trainer-p-1776.html.

This beauty aid is unique in that it hooks underneath the eyelid, so when you blink your eyelid muscle gets some exercise. Oh sure, its also a torture device, but you only wear it for 5 minutes per day. Gets rid of that “typical Asian look” which is what you want in a place like Japan.

Oh, notice the model is a round-eye woman who looks very european, although we know she used to have that Asian look bsfore training her eyelids.

 

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