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Barack Obama’s economic stimulus plan

door to door streisand concerts

Door to door Barbra Streisand concerts.


Knock-knock-knock. Good afternoon, madam. Peeeeepoooool…peeepoool who need peeeeepooool. And then $28,500 appears, as if by magic.

What does that even MEAN, anyway? It’s always bothered me. Who the hell doesn’t need people, and what’s so damned lucky about it?


Tomorrow afternoon, they’re dryrunning the PowerPoint presentation I’ve been working on this week. Problem is, I haven’t really been working on it. So please enjoy this small sample of gratuitous snark while I, you know, do my damn job for a day. 




Comment from QuasiModo
Time: September 17, 2008, 7:29 am

The last minute is the only way to do Powerpoint presentations cuz if you give it to them early, they tie you up for two weeks messing with it 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 7:47 am

It’s true. Frankly, last minute is the only way I do anything. This is because I am so butt-lazy, only sheer terror can motivate me. I keep thinking one of these days, I’ll cut it too fine and fall on my face, but…twenty five years and counting!

PowerPoint is a hateful, filthy program, isn’t it?

Comment from apotheosis
Time: September 17, 2008, 8:36 am

I do the same thing but I don’t think of it as sheer terror.

You know you could do the same thing any time of the week with plenty of leeway, where’s the challenge in THAT? Would James Bond be nearly as awesome if he disarmed a nuclear bomb with, like, a month left on the timer? Pfft.

But when the last seconds to oblivion are ticking down, and that mental orchestra is building to a crescendo…then you’re a HERO. You’re not creating yet another freaking powerpoint for yet another meeting with yet another pack of drab doughy middle managers, you’re FIGHTING A DESPERATE BATTLE against INCREDIBLE ODDS.

Really, some of us just think better that way.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: September 17, 2008, 9:28 am

Pardon my obnoxious enthusiasm the last couple of days.

It’s finally cool enough in the morning to start drinking coffee again, and it’s like like reuniting with a lost love. Or at least a long-neglected booty call. Hooray for giddiness and racing heart rates.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 9:38 am

Don’t apologize. I could use the enthusiasm. I’m kinda down, myself.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: September 17, 2008, 9:48 am

When I’m down I usually go with google image search as an alternative to Zoloft.


Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 9:57 am

I will tell your Weaselness something funny to lift you from your doldrums. Well, it’s funny by my standards, and those are pretty damn low. But I hope it helps.

I was reading Newsweek online yesterday, and there is an editorial by Daniel Gross. The title is “What, No Lehman Aid?” espousing why some banks are more likely to be helped than others.

I emailed Mister Gross and said, “Perhaps they should open a Lehman-aid stand.”

I’m still awaiting his email telling me that my comment made him roll on the floor with laughter.

I’m going to skip lunch and everything. I don’t want to miss it.


Comment from wendyworn
Time: September 17, 2008, 9:57 am

AWWW Cute Ferretus!

I have this thing I do called 15/15. Fifteen minutes of work, Fifteen minutes of fun. When I have to clean at home I set a timer and clean for 15 minutes and then I can play a video game or watch a movie for 15 minutes. That way I’ve gotten some things done but I dont feel like ALL I did was clean. At work I use a similar practice. Do one project from my In basket, read something online, repeat as necessary. Plus, If I just worked straight through, I run out of work by 10am on Tuesdays. Good luck with the powerpoint!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 10:27 am

Hee! Jill made a funny!

It’s a PowerPoint about how to fill out a particularly boring form. I feel like my brain is going to come dribbling out of my ears. This is the project where the client called for fabulousness. Sweet Jesus. And I procrastinated so long, it has to be nose-to-the-grindstone all day today and tomorrow.

Plus, I was planning to go see Uncle B in Jolly Olde this month, but we nixed it on account of I have to replace my boiler, which is going to take the very last of my financial reserves.

Plus, I dropped my house price another 20%, right into “break even” territory.

Plus, nobody is interested in it anyway.

Plus, the economy continues to melt down.

On the upside, sausage and egg on toast is the breakfast special today.

Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 10:35 am

From the Watchoo Talkin’ ‘Bout, Willis? file:


Comment from Princess Bernie
Time: September 17, 2008, 10:36 am

Over at GCP we have a thread with a link to a video of McCain singing Streisand. Some funny stuff.


Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 11:19 am

Jill, you both funny and a bad bad woman. 🙂

Awesome ferret with a species-identity disorder. Or is that now a “lifestyle choice”?

Sorry to hear about it, Weas. You got honest sympathy tho… We’ll keep looking for cheery stuff. Brains and fangs kind of stuff to make you laugh.

Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 11:30 am

Funny 404 #1 and #2



Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 11:43 am

Funny 404 #3 and #4



Comment from QuasiModo
Time: September 17, 2008, 11:46 am

‘PowerPoint is a hateful, filthy program, isn’t it?’

I’ve done quite a bit of Powerpointing…it’s not nearly as hateful at version 2003/07 as it was during Powerpoint ’95…that was a hateful program. The slightest little thing made the files huge and the poor little disk drives in the laptops were burning out…impossible to email them, etc etc.

I don’t do much Powerpointing anymore, so it’s more like a nostalgia trip now 🙂

Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 1:34 pm

I have a queer affection for PowerPoint. Not sure what it is, really. The only thing I hate about it is trying to print the slides. I grow old and weary waiting for them to print. Our machine at work prints probably 2 sheets per second in color, and PowerPoint slides print about 1 every 45 seconds.

It’s madness, I tell you – madness!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 2:06 pm

Before PowerPoint, people like me made all the slides (remember slides?). I estimated once that I had personally created upwards of 40,000 35mm slides, mostly computer graphics. So you can understand if I had gotten kind of accustomed to my own tools (Autographix, a company that doesn’t exist any more).

I was delighted when PowerPoint came out, because I thought I wouldn’t have to do any more of this shit. And I don’t, much. Only when they want to poof it up.

Believe me, these forms need considerable poofing. Christ, this stuff is boring.

Y’all realize you’re just teasing a poor weasel — I can’t reach much of that content from work.

Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 2:53 pm

Relax… let state-ism take over, sort of like our banking system, and … well, I’ll let you figure it out. It can be easier.

http ://www.zod2008.com/ <— note the space-ey-ish thingy

Comment from Allen
Time: September 17, 2008, 2:53 pm

“teasing a poor weasel”

That’s kind of interesting when you really think about it. A weasel is being, well, weaseled. 🙂

I hate presentations, giving them, listening to them, even being near them. What’s even worse are the dry runs. I mean really, who gives a crap about the font? When the information being presented is useless who cares what it looks like.

I need to retire, my attitude is improving.

Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 3:08 pm

What, Allen…? You mean, standing up in front of a bunch of salivating engineers looking at you like your project is a big piece of steak doesn’t tickle your fancy?

Nothing I love more than having my design raped in a critical review. It beats failure as an alternative but nobody walks out of a colonoscopy smiling from ear to ear either.

Comment from Allen
Time: September 17, 2008, 3:29 pm

LK, purely scientific presentations I don’t mind. Besides I’m like the senior dude so I get to do the ravening. I remember the vu-graph days, post slides, but you had to make them up.

First time I was in Russia (1991) I knew things were bad when they had a shortage of plastic vugraph material. As a side note never fly Aeroflot, that sucking, whistling sound is not a good sign. Somebody gets on the intercom and says, “we are descending due to a cabin pressure leak.” You mean you’re going to keep flying? Hail Mary…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 3:32 pm

In some ways, overhead transparencies were the best medium of all. Nice and big and clear, and you could write right on them in real time, in front of your audience. Some of our trainers hung on to those suckers until the bitter end…

Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 3:36 pm

Allen – Actually I always picture not ravening, but Reavers, like in Firefly…

They’ll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skin to their clothes . And if we’re very, very lucky, they’ll do it in that order. – Zoe in Firefly

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2008, 3:40 pm

Do you guys want to read something pathetic? I have been working from home for the last few weeks for fambly reasons. It is SO hard to stay motivated and on-task. My husband offered to help by setting me up with an audio feed of the office. So now it will be just like I was there.

Instead of here. Alone. Talking to the computer and a 3-year-old.

Pathetic. Whatever you do, don’t retire!

Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 3:47 pm

Dawn, Cruel Wife feels your pain… from where I stand, it looks like it is about as painful as having your finger joints pulled out instead of your fingernails. The 5 and 2-1/2 year old are great but not exactly intellekshual conversation.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:00 pm

I *hate* working from home, Dawn. I’ve done it a time or two and I HATE it. I want to draw a nice, bright line between work and home, thanks very much.

While I’m here, can somebody esplain to me why there’s a $2,300 contribution limit on political campaigns, but it’s okay to fork over $28,500 to have dinner with a candidate? What the heck?

Comment from Allen
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:06 pm

I have no idea weas. I wonder if we will get any more Barack pearls tossed before us swine out of that confab. This one by S.S. Joe has me wholly confused.

“All this stuff about how different Barack Obama is, they’re not just used to somebody really smart. They’re just not used to somebody who’s really well educated. They just don’t know quite how to handle it. Cause if he’s as smart as Barack is he must not be from my neighborhood.”

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:10 pm

A B C D little star! Ow I wonder what you are.
My boy is a genius.

Here’s why…..
The following limits apply to contributions from individuals to candidates for all Federal offices.
$28,500 per calendar year to a national party committee — applies separately to a party’s national committee, and House and Senate campaign committee.

It’s the most you can give. They probably wanted to charge $50,000 but couldn’t.


Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:11 pm

I’m gonna get rid of my sassy one. K thx bye.

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:15 pm

ok – get me out of the clink! I went straight to the filter…I got sassy and tried to outsmart it, too!

Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:17 pm

I received a PowerPoint presentation today about vascular issue I have and in the middle of one of the slides was a picture of G.W. Bush scratching his head and generally looking like a chimp.


Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:18 pm

Weas, one is a political contribution. The other is buying a whore.

Granted, sometimes you could starve on the difference, but there you are. One is tax deductible, the other is… well, hell, can you tax whoring around?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:36 pm

Oh, thanks for that, Dawn.

Ummm…procedural question. I mean, not that it’s a big deal, but I always feel bad when I kick somebody out of the filter and the comment lands back in the thread before the complaint and generally looks all retarded. Should I change the timestamp to fall AFTER the complaint, and put a header on it like RESCUED FROM THE FILTER or something?

Being able to edit other people’s comments gives me the heebie jeebies; it just feels so wrong. But I like rescuing comments — even duplicates — because Akismet supposedly learns from its mistakes (ha ha. Tell that to Lokki and Enas Yorl).

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:37 pm

Brrr….Streisand whoring.
Oh Lemur – bad tax advice!
Whoring is most definately taxable as income. Remember what Heidi Fleiss went to jail for ~ tax evasion.
And contributions to political candidates and committees are not tax-deductible.

Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:45 pm

Didn’t Al Capone get nicked for tax evasion also?

Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:55 pm

Shows you how much I actually donate to political campaigns, doesn’t it? Off my radar. Am I a commie for not donating? I don’t feel like a commie and I still stand and cover my heart during the anthem…

Whoring – reminds me of something Johnny Carson said about a hooker’s union motto: We love America, One at a Time.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:55 pm

I don’t know why this cracks me up so much:

Well, actually, I do. It’s because my cats have played this game with me.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:57 pm

I’ve only ever donated to a political campaign once, LK, and it was the day after McCain nominated Palin.

Something about giving a politician money sets my teeth on edge. I do give to causes, though.

Comment from Allen
Time: September 17, 2008, 4:58 pm

Oooo, edit them, big time. Then you can put a header on them saying, THIS COMMENT HAS BEEN WEASELED.

Can I go first?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 5:02 pm

You’re an unwell person, Allen.

Comment from Lemur King
Time: September 17, 2008, 5:28 pm

But he ain’t sick, Weas.

Comment from Allen
Time: September 17, 2008, 5:30 pm

That’s true enough Weasel 🙂

Hey, I get to do a barbecue again today. Sixty people, that’s a whole lotta tri-tip. I’m the designated grill dude.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 5:56 pm

Yay! I got Flash audio going on Firefox in my Linux machine! That means I can watch streaming web stuff — w00t!

What’d I tell you? Every little step forward in this damned OS is a triumph of the will…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 17, 2008, 8:49 pm

His name is Mudd:

Not as fun as ninja kitty, but more instructive. Via Ace.

Comment from Jill
Time: September 17, 2008, 10:16 pm

Allen…did you ever chat at Epi? Your tri-tip remark makes me think I’ve ‘met’ you before.

But it could just be all of that crack that I smoke…

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 17, 2008, 11:45 pm

The CBC is the “consience of Fannie Mae.” Oh that’s rich.

Comment from Carl
Time: September 18, 2008, 12:25 am

Dems would probably raise more money if Babs would just take a big steamin’ mug of shut the hell up.

Comment from scubafreak
Time: September 18, 2008, 12:29 am

Here ya all go. Penis envy, AlGore style.


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: September 18, 2008, 4:21 am

‘(Autographix, a company that doesn’t exist any more). ‘

I worked at this slide place for a week and they had that…it was like $100,000.00 for a system and it had this kind of tablet thing for mouse that I couldn’t get used to. The screen was this weird hooded kind of thing. I was glad to get out of there, it was a bit of a sweat shop.

That was right at the beginning of the PC desktopping boom and I was doing Aldus Pagemaker stuff on a 386 after that.

Comment from Allen
Time: September 18, 2008, 4:29 am

Jill, I don’t think so on the epi thing, I’m not really aware of it.

The best barbecue ever: it was an ALS fundraiser at our place. So, it was about 7 years ago, and we deep pit cooked two pigs. And, then the Poker Ride on horseback.

Oooo, that’s a little hostile… who promised you playing cards? As opposed to Tarot cards, and my Karnak hat? 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 18, 2008, 5:55 am

QuasiModo — that’s the one! You’re describing our very first AGX system. A hundred grand, ran on a 286-12 (STUFFED with custom boards), and that hooded monitor…like a giant version of one of those data displays on the USS Enterprise. Sinister-looking thing. Later models had regular-looking, albeit giant, monitors.

That first generation had a really beautiful bug: if you drew a curved line and the plot of the curve went outside the screen at any point, the software would go psychotic and draw a spiderweb of thousands of tiny, multicolored lines.

Comment from DefendUSA
Time: September 20, 2008, 8:32 am

I followed a link from “this ain’t hell” and I have been laughing so hard. I like your stuff…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 20, 2008, 9:40 am

Eeeeexcellent. Stick around, Defend. The real fun is in the comments…

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